


Darkness On The Edge Of Town

by SunriseRose1023



Series: OTH: The Next Generation [1]
Category: One Tree Hill
Genre: Depression, F/M, Gen, Past Character Death, References to Drugs, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 102,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3263489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunriseRose1023/pseuds/SunriseRose1023
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Season 9 hadn't ended so happily? What if Nathan hadn't come home? What if Haley just couldn't cope? What if, fifteen years later, their daughter found herself in the same condition as her mother? Would the boy who's always loved her be able to help, or would she succumb to the darkness as well?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is unlike any other I have ever written. This is DARK, and quite frankly, was a challenge for me to write. Please read the tags! This is my take on an idea I had about a show I absolutely loved. Anything recognizable belongs to the creators/writers of One Tree Hill. 
> 
> *This was first published to my FanFiction, Sunrise-Rose1023.

So this is what it felt like.

Haley James Scott, like every single person in the world before her, had once or twice entertained the idea of what life would be like if she lost everything. The reality was definitely not what she had expected.

She thought it might be like it was in the movies. You know, the women, falling to the ground, screaming out their broken hearts, weeping until they couldn't anymore.

Haley had screamed. She had cried. She didn't bother anymore.

Or maybe it was that shining moment, where someone stood back up and dusted themselves off. Yes, their life was forever, drastically altered, but something good would come from it. It had to.

There was nothing good about this. Not a damn thing.

Haley couldn't feel anything anymore. Yes, she had cried when they told her the news. She had fallen to her knees, crying out, screaming, begging God to let it not be true.

God must have been busy that day.

Haley had sobbed, yelling to anyone who would listen that it just couldn't be. There was no possible way this had happened to her. She was dreaming; soon, she'd wake up.

She was still waiting to do that, by the way.

It wasn't true. It couldn't be. There was no way that Nathan Scott, former NBA star, Haley's high school sweetheart, her one true love, her husband, the father of her children, could be gone.

But he was.

His life had been brutally cut short. With one single bullet, a Russian madman had taken her Nathan away, and Haley was left behind, left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life, to find some way to move on. She couldn't even find all the pieces anymore. She'd seen them at first, but as the light had grown dim, she'd stopped looking.

Nathan had been gone for three months. Haley could barely remember what had happened in that time. Somehow, her friends had heard the news. And they'd all come to her. Brooke and Julian, with their boys. Quinn and Clay, with little Logan. Lucas and Peyton, who had been taking care of Haley's children, had flown in with their daughter Sawyer, and Jamie and Lydia.

Haley's children. The son who acted exactly like his father. The daughter with her father's intense blue eyes. Honestly, Haley couldn't remember the last time she'd seen them. They lived in the same house, down the same hallway, but Haley just couldn't bear to get out of bed anymore. The kids reminded her too much of Nathan. And the thought that he wouldn't be around to see them grow up was too much for Haley to bear.

At least, it used to be. When she was still able to feel. She was numb now.

Her sister Quinn had moved back in, bringing her fiance Clay, and Clay's son Logan with her. Her sister Taylor had even stopped by, once a long time ago, to check on her. And Haley had forced a smile, saying she was fine. She didn't even bother with that anymore.

What was the point?

* * *

 

Quinn James gave the pot of pasta one last stir, then turned to yell up the stairs.

"Jamie! Logan! Lunch is ready!"

A smile crossed her face as she heard the thunder of little footsteps coming down the stairs. The boys slid into the kitchen, big smiles on their faces. Jamie hopped up on his stool.

"Aunt Quinn, I think this is it."

She reached to grab two bowls from the cabinet, then glanced back.

"What, Jimmy-Jam?"

Jamie's smile seemed to light up the room.

"I think Mama's going to get up today."

Oh, Quinn's heart ached at the hopefulness of her nephew. She put on a smile for him, dishing the macaroni and cheese onto his plate. She gave Logan some, too, his dark brown gaze watching her every move. She leaned over the counter to run a finger down his nose, and he smiled. They were still getting used to each other, she and Logan. But it was working. Clay came walking into the kitchen, with Lydia in his arms. Quinn smiled.

"How's my sweet baby?"

"Oh, I'm fine, honey. Thanks for asking."

Jamie laughed from the bar, and Quinn gave Clay a quick kiss before taking the baby from him.

"I meant the girl, Evans. But I guess you, too."

He winked at the boys at the bar, snagging a bite of mac and cheese from Logan's plate. Logan giggled, and Clay ruffled his short hair. Quinn settled Lydia in her high chair, and began to feed her. She tossed her hair back over her shoulders and flashed a smile at the boys.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?"

Jamie exchanged a look with Clay.

"Rivercourt! Uncle Clay, you promised!"

"Yeah, Daddy. You promised."

Clay nodded, letting out a sigh with a smile.

"I did promise."

Quinn smiled at him.

"Could you drop Lydia with Brooke on your way? She wanted to get Lydia and the twins together again. Something about a photo shoot?"

Clay shrugged his shoulders, then nodded to Quinn.

"We could do that. What are you going to do?"

Quinn looked back at Clay, and simply raised her eyes. He sighed and nodded, then walked over to her. He bent down to her ear.

"Today, Q."

"That's what Jamie said. Maybe she'll get up today."

"I hope so."

Quinn smiled as Clay kissed her cheek.

"Me, too."

They finished up their lunch, and Clay corralled the kids into the car. They waved at Quinn until they couldn't see her anymore, and she turned to go back into the house. She walked into the kitchen, stopping short with a gasp.

"Hales?"

Haley looked up from the bowl Jamie had left behind. Quinn smiled.

"You're up."

Haley didn't say anything, and Quinn tried not to let shock color her expression. Haley was so thin. Dangerously so, if she would tell the truth. Her hair was messy, from not being dealt with in so long. That wasn't the problem, though. The problem was Haley's eyes. The once-beautiful, nearly dark chocolate-colored eyes of her little sister were now empty. They had grown dull and dim, nearly lifeless. Quinn sighed.

Once before, when their mother had died, Haley just couldn't shake off the sadness. Depression had set in, and Nathan had just barely been able to pull her out of it. Nathan wasn't around this time, and Quinn had worried for months. But this was a turnaround. A step in the right direction.

Quinn coaxed Haley to the couch, and they sat together, watching daytime television while Quinn gently brushed the tangles from Haley's hair. Quinn gently braided Haley's hair as she talked, about the kids, how Lucas and Peyton were seriously talking about going back to L.A., Brooke's brilliant new children's clothing line, and how she was in talks to get Clothes Over Bros back.

Haley never said a word.

Quinn told Haley about the day the boys had planned, playing basketball at the Rivercourt. She left out the little detail of the name change, though. The Nathan Scott Memorial Rivercourt might be just too much for Haley to hear right then. It was almost too much for Quinn.

Just before 6:00, Quinn told Haley that the boys would get home soon, and Brooke would be by to drop Lydia back. The doorbell rang, and Quinn went to answer the door. Brooke Davis Baker had a big smile on her face.

"Hey, Quinn! Sorry to drop and run, but the boys are in the car."

"It's all right. See you, Brooke!"

Brooke waved as she hurried back to her car. Quinn smiled at Lydia.

"Baby girl, have I got a surprise for you!"

Quinn hurried inside, carrying Lydia into the living room.

"Lydia, say hi to…"

Quinn looked around, and heard the door close upstairs. She let out a long sigh, and held Lydia close, kissing her forehead.

"Maybe tomorrow, sweetheart."

* * *

 

Late that night, Haley stared out the window, looking into the pool for what seemed like hours. She remembered when they moved into the house, how Nathan insisted on the pool, with the basketball painted in the bottom. She remembered him teaching Jamie how to swim in it, and how he used to push Lydia around on a float just after she was born.

At least, she thought she remembered.

Everything in her mind ran together now. And if her thoughts weren't running together, one thought dominated, flashing in her mind over all the others.

Nathan is gone.

He'll never come back.

Haley was so tired. She slept all the time, but she was still so tired. The thought of never seeing Nathan again, never hearing him say her name, never feel him kiss her again… Haley just could not think of that.

Because if she were being literal, she _could_ see him again. She could hear him, and kiss him, and then she would be able to breathe again. She didn't want to, but she really had no other choice.

Haley stepped away from the window and quietly made her way down the hall. She gently turned a doorknob, pushing the door open to see Jamie, sound asleep in his bed.

She shut the door behind her, and walked directly across the hall. She held a hand on that doorknob, but she couldn't bring herself to open this door. She knew what would be behind it. A sleeping baby girl, in a nursery so pink Haley could barely stand it. Nathan had insisted on only the girliest things for his baby girl. Haley laid a hand against Lydia's door, then made her way downstairs.

She found what she was looking for in a cabinet in the kitchen. She decided to lay everything out, thinking maybe they would appreciate it later. She opened a bottle, shaking two pills out into her palm. Getting a cup of water, she downed the medicine. And two more after that. And then the rest of the bottle. She did the same with the other bottles she found, drinking any liquid she could find. She found some old pain pills that Nathan had stashed away, and she took those, too.

When the medicine cabinet was empty, Haley walked outside. She could already feel the effect of the medicines she had taken, in the way that her heart was pounding, as she felt her breathing begin to grow shallow. She walked to the edge of the pool and smiled.

"It's okay now. I'm okay now. I'm coming, Nathan."

Haley closed her eyes as she took the final step, into the deep end of the pool. Her arms felt heavy from all the drugs in her system, but she didn't even bother with trying to lift them. As the familiar darkness surrounded her for the final time, for the first time in months, Haley smiled.

* * *

 

Quinn jerked awake, as Lydia's screams filled the house. She nudged Clay, who was already sitting up. Quinn wrapped her robe around her, as Clay followed behind her.

"She doesn't usually sound like that, Q."

"I know. Do you think something happened?"

They hurried to the nursery, and saw Lydia standing in her crib, sobbing and screaming. Quinn picked her up, holding Lydia close to her. Clay ran a hand over Lydia's head.

"What is it, Little Scott? What's wrong?"

That was when they realized Lydia was saying "Mama". Over and over again, while she sobbed.

Clay felt his stomach roll, and he turned to walk down the hall, as Quinn rocked Lydia back and forth in her arms. He looked in on Jamie, who was sound asleep. Back in his and Quinn's room, Logan slept on in the tent they'd set up on the floor.

Thank God for little boys who slept like rocks.

Clay walked to the bedroom at the other end of the hall, pushing open the door. Quinn had just started walking after him, whispering to Lydia to quiet her down. Clay came running out of Haley's bedroom, his eyes wide and scared.

"Quinn, she's gone."

Quinn's heart fell, and they rushed downstairs. Clay ran to the living room, the dining room, the music room, calling Haley's name while Quinn walked into the kitchen.

"Clay!"

He came running at the sound of her voice. She was frozen, pale as a sheet as she pointed to the medicine cabinet, which was empty, and the counter, where every medicine bottle from the cabinet lay, each one of them empty as well.

"No. Oh god, Hales. No."

Clay slowly turned around, looking through the back door. He took off running as Quinn grabbed the phone, dialing 9-1-1. Still holding Lydia, Quinn watched as Clay dove into the pool, finally breaking the surface with Haley in his arms.

Quinn set Lydia down in her playpen, then ran outside to Clay, screaming. He had Haley up on the concrete now, and he pushed himself out of the water. Quinn sobbed hysterically, yelling Haley's name as Clay pressed on her chest. Water poured from Haley's mouth as Clay started CPR.

Later, Quinn would remember how brave Clay was. How he tried so hard to save Haley.

But when someone didn't want to be saved…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I can, I'm playing around with time frames on this story. The setting is spring time in Tree Hill. 
> 
> Along with the recognizable faces, there are a few new faces. The 16-year-old versions of the babies we met on the show, Sawyer, Lydia, Davis, and Jude, along with my original characters of Riley and Ellie, who are 14. I know that Sawyer is older than the rest of the bunch, and Lydia is older than the twins, but in this story, they're all the same age. Also in this story, Jamie is 9 years older than his sister and her friends, and Logan is 6 years older.

_Fifteen Years Later_

Lydia Scott woke to the annoying sound of her cell phone ringing. She reached over and grabbed it, letting out a sigh before answering.

"Hello."

"Lyddie, get up. There are things we need to get done."

"Sawyer, it's Saturday."

"I know, but prom is like, 3 weeks away! Come on, we have to find you a dress today."

Lydia held the phone away from her and put her face into the pillow as she groaned.

"Sawyer, I really don't feel well."

"Shut up and get your lazy ass out of bed. We'll be by in an hour."

Sawyer ended the call and Lydia groaned again.

"I hate her. Hate."

Lydia climbed out of bed, walking to the bathroom in her room. She pushed her chocolate brown hair out of her face and stared into the mirror. She took in a deep breath and let it all the way out before glancing behind her.

She wanted to go back to bed so badly. She just couldn't seem to shake the dark cloud that had settled over her. She let her head fall, gripping the sides of the sink, and she lifted her head in time to see her Aunt Quinn walk up.

"Oh, good! You're up. Peyton and Sawyer are on their way, and we're going prom dress shopping. Tell me you're as excited about this as I am."

Lydia put on a smile.

"Of course I am. Sawyer already called me."

Quinn smiled.

"Hurry and get a shower. I'll help you with your hair so we can go ahead and get going."

Lydia nodded, and Quinn turned on the shower before she walked out. Lydia let out the breath she'd been holding, turning back to look in the mirror. She shook her head before slipping her pajamas off and climbing in the shower.

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later, Lydia was sitting on the bench from her vanity as Quinn brushed and dried her hair. This was something Lydia absolutely loved. Ever since she could remember, Quinn would help her do her hair. It was something they could share, a time for just the two of them.

And even now, when Lydia felt the way she did, having Quinn run the brush through her hair brought her a little sense of peace. She didn't know why. But she clung to it, savoring the ten or so minutes it took to get her almost milk-chocolate colored hair dry and shining. Quinn shut off the blow dryer and smiled.

"There. Gorgeous, as usual."

Lydia put on a smile for her, running a hand over her hair.

"Thanks, Aunt Quinn."

"Anytime, sweetheart. Do you want me to put it up or anything?"

Lydia looked into the mirror, doing her best to block out her face and just look at her hair. She nodded, and Quinn stepped behind her.

"Okay, what do you want today?"

Lydia tilted her head.

"I don't know. Surprise me. Do what you want."

Quinn smiled, nodding. Lydia let her eyes drift close as she felt Quinn's gentle fingers in her hair. She didn't know why she wanted so badly to cry right then, but she did. She fought it, swallowing her tears until Quinn stepped back.

"There. How do you like that?"

Lydia looked into the mirror. Her hair did look beautiful. Quinn had a way of making that happen. Again, she looked everywhere except her face, smiling when she reached up to touch the braid. It was just a simple French braid, but it looked like so much more. Lydia looked up to Quinn in the mirror and nodded as she smiled.

"Thanks, Aunt Quinn."

Quinn winked at her, then walked out of the room. Lydia closed her eyes, letting out another sigh before forcing herself up and to her closet. She dressed, slipping her feet into some comfortable high heels. Lydia always wore heels, because at five feet, almost three inches tall, she needed all the height help she could get. She walked downstairs, and put a smile on her face for her uncle. Clay turned back from the stove with a smile.

"Hey, Little Scott's here!"

Lydia kept the smile on her face as she set her purse on the counter. Clay had called her "Little Scott" for as long as she could remember, and, he assured her, even before then.

"I was wondering how long you'd sleep."

Lydia looked behind Clay, where his daughter Riley stood. She smiled over at Lydia, and Lydia smiled back, a genuine smile this time, at the girl she thought of not as a cousin, but as her sister.

Isabella Riley Evans had been born when Lydia was two, and the girls had grown up nearly inseparable. Riley's brother Logan was 8 years older than she was, and Lydia's brother Jamie was 9 years older than her, 11 years older than Riley, so the girls were pretty much all they had.

Take right then for example. Logan was enrolled at the local college, about a year from graduating. And he had been on the NFL radar since before he graduated high school. But, since he promised Quinn he'd graduate from college, he'd put off going to the draft or whatever that entailed. He'd be signing up in a year, though.

Jamie Scott was a well-known NBA player, as a point guard for the Orlando Magic. He wore the number 23 on his jersey, which was the same number his father wore when he won the state championship for Tree Hill High School so long ago.

A knock at the door brought Lydia out of her thoughts. Riley walked and answered the door, and soon after, Peyton and Sawyer Scott walked into the kitchen. Sawyer smiled.

"Hey, Uncle Clay."

"Hey, Blondie. Blondie's mom."

Peyton laughed.

"Hey, Clay. Ellie tagged along, so she and Riley took off upstairs."

Clay nodded. Riley and Ellie, since they were the same age, were best friends. Sawyer and Lydia, same age as well, were just as close.

Or at least, they had been.

Sawyer was dating Davis Baker, and spent most of her time now with him. It was okay with Lydia, who was closer to Jude, Davis' twin, than anyone else. They'd been best friends since they were little, and Jude had been the one thing Lydia had always been able to count on.

"Lydia, are you ignoring me?"

Lydia looked to Sawyer, who had her hands on her hips. Lydia pushed a smile on her face.

"Sorry. Guess I was."

Sawyer blew out her breath, pushing a blonde curl behind her ear. She'd gotten her head full of wild corkscrew curls from her mother, and her eyes from her father. The color was Peyton, but the intensity (and the tendency to brood) was pure Lucas. Sawyer Brooke Scott was the perfect combination of Tree Hill's golden couple, and her sister was nearly the same.

Elizabeth Karen Scott, two years younger than her big sister, had the golden hair of her mother, curls less intense than her sister, and the baby blue eyes of her father.

Sawyer blinked at Lydia, who forced another smile.

"I'm listening now, Blondie."

Sawyer rolled her eyes, but smiled.

"I said, we're probably going to stick with Aunt Brooke and Clothes Over Bros. Ever since I said the word 'prom,' she's been going crazy with sketches and sewing and all of that. She's even roped Meg into helping her."

"Meg's 11."

"Yeah, but she's Brooke Davis' daughter. She could sew before she could walk."

Lydia smiled another genuine smile. She remembered the day Megan Victoria Baker had been born. Lydia was 5, the same age as Sawyer and Meg's brothers, Davis and Jude. They had all been so excited, since they had all been too little to remember when Ellie or Riley was born. Meg had been their baby, all of them helping to take care of her, and still to this day, Meg had four people she knew she could always count on to take care of her.

"Okay, then. Let's get going."

Quinn came downstairs then, stopping to give Clay a kiss before wrapping an arm around Peyton's shoulders and walking out, Sawyer trailing after them. Lydia let out a sigh, grabbing her purse from the counter.

"Hey."

She turned back and met Clay's eyes.

"You okay?"

Lydia blinked at him, then smiled as she nodded.

"I'm fine."

Clay smiled at her, walking over to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Have fun, Little Scott."

Lydia nodded, letting the smile drain from her face as she walked where her aunts and cousin had just gone.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh my God. This is it. Mama, look!"

Sawyer stepped out of the dressing room in a beautiful pearl pink gown. Peyton covered her mouth with her hand and Quinn gasped. Brooke laid a hand over her heart, tears in her eyes. She spoke quietly.

"Oh, honey."

"This is it."

Sawyer smiled as she stepped onto the little platform, with the three mirrors set up around it. The gown was the perfect color to set off Sawyer's skin tone, which was the golden, easily tanned skin of her father, instead of the milky white of her mother. Peyton stepped up behind Sawyer, picking the curls up off of her neck. Sawyer nodded, her smile growing.

"Mama…"

"I know, I know. You look gorgeous, and if you're happy—"

"I am."

"Then that's all that matters."

"Aunt Brooke, I'm taking this one!"

Brooke laughed, walking over to the other dressing room. She gently knocked on the door.

"Lyd? Honey, are you ready?"

"Uh, almost."

"Do you need some help?"

"No. No, I've got it. Just give me a second."

"Okay. Take your time."

Brooke stepped back over to Sawyer and Peyton and inside the dressing room, Lydia let out a shaky breath. She closed her eyes, wiping away the hot tears that she couldn't hold in any longer. She stood on shaking legs, glancing at herself in the mirror.

She'd gotten so good lately at hiding things. So good at hiding when she cried that right then, you couldn't even tell she'd been crying.

She let out another breath and stood up, smoothing out the turquoise dress Brooke had picked out for her. She opened the door, meeting the open mouths of her aunts and Sawyer. Lydia blinked.

"Somebody say something."

Sawyer swallowed.

"Holy cow, Lyd. You're gorgeous."

Lydia rolled her eyes, and Sawyer led her over to the platform and the mirrors. Lydia stepped up, turning to see herself in the mirrors. Peyton stepped up, shaking her head.

"You look … Wow. Just wow."

Brooke came forward, tears in her eyes again.

"Baby Lydia's all grown up, and she's absolutely breathtaking."

Quinn stepped up, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Lyd, is this it? Because you are a knockout, babe."

Lydia turned to look at them, and all three of them couldn't take their eyes from her. The blue in the dress was complemented by her hair, while making her eyes stand out more than they usually did. Not to mention the fact that Lydia was already breathtakingly beautiful on her own. The dress just enhanced it. Lydia glanced behind her, finally looking at her face.

"I like this one."

Brooke threw up her fists, making Peyton and Quinn laugh. Brooke had picked out the dresses for the girls, and they both loved them. Sawyer went to change out of her dress while Peyton, Quinn, and Brooke began talking shoes and other accessories. Lydia stayed on the platform, looking herself up and down. She closed her eyes and stepped down, glad to make her way back to the dressing room, glad to get the dress off.

Because she couldn't see what they saw. The girl she saw was not beautiful, not even a little bit. She was damaged and sad, and she didn't deserve all the love she received.

When Lydia had the dress off, she slipped it back on the hanger, then sat on the floor, curling her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her knees, letting out quiet, shaky breaths as she slowly rocked back and forth. She thought about standing up and getting dressed, but that was just too much to bear at the moment. She realized that tears were rolling down her cheeks again, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. God, she'd be glad to get back home and back to bed.

"Lydia? Sweetie, you okay?"

Lydia clenched her eyes shut.

"Yeah, Aunt Quinn. I just had a problem with the zipper. I'm almost done."

"Okay, well Brooke's insisting we go to the café for lunch. Sound good?"

Lydia groaned inwardly.

"Yep, sounds great."

She listened to Quinn's heels as she walked away, then let out a sigh. She stood to her feet, ignoring the mirror behind her and slid her shirt back on. She reached for her jeans, and something in the mirror caught her eye.

A thin, red line that ran from just under her butt all the way to the crease of her knee. She let her fingers drift back there, tracing the line. Lydia smiled.

It had been a while since she'd given herself that cut, and it was looking like this one might stick around. She didn't want to do it, really, but feeling the razor prick her skin, seeing the drops of blood pop up, made her feel like she was still alive. She was going through the motions, feeling like she was suffocating, and that little flash of pain, no matter how fleeting, reminded her that she was alive.

She slid her pants back on, slid her feet in her shoes and left the dressing room, taking the dress with her, watching at how happy it made Brooke to wrap it up for her.

Lydia was starting to forget how "happy" felt.

* * *

 

They walked across the street to Karen's Café, something that Brooke and Lydia's mother had started long ago. Well, they didn't technically start it so much as reboot it.

Years ago, Karen, Sawyer's grandmother, ran the café while raising her son, who just happened to be Sawyer's dad and Lydia's uncle. And now Brooke was running it, with help from Quinn and Peyton. They had stepped in after Haley's death, and the café had flourished for so many years.

Lydia was the last to step inside, closing her eyes, a small smile crossing her face as the smells hit her. Coffee, something baking, leftover breakfast smells.

She opened her eyes, catching the crooked smile of the tall, lanky guy at the other end of the counter. Her smile grew as she walked over, setting her purse on the counter as Jude wrapped her in a hug.

"Hey, pretty girl."

"Hey, Jude."

He smiled, hanging his head as she stepped out of his arms. Lydia always addressed him the same way, ever since the first time they heard the old Beatles song, _Hey Jude_. He thought it was charming, she thought it was hilarious. Jude lifted a hand, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"How are you feeling?"

Lydia looked up, meeting warm brown eyes. She glanced down at the counter, where Jude's fingers were barely brushing her own. She shrugged her shoulders, and Jude sighed.

"Lyd, have you told anyone yet? You might need to get on some medicine or something."

"Jude, we've talked about this. I'm fine."

"Obviously not."

"Today's just a bad day. Everyone has bad days."

"Lydia—"

"Just drop it. Please."

He sighed, running a hand through his almost-shaggy brown hair. Jude's hair had hints of red in it in the sunlight, while Davis had his grandfather's bright blue eyes. Otherwise, the boys looked exactly alike. Both stood six-foot-three, about the same height as their dad, an entire foot taller than their mom. Megan, however, seemed to be taking after Brooke in the height area. Davis was a sports junkie, loud and popular and charasmatic, and Jude, while just as popular and no less charismatic, was quieter than his brother, and preferred less social activities, like reading and watching movies.

That was something Lydia loved about him. They could sit together for hours, and not say a word. She could bask in the quiet and the stillness, and Jude could pretend to read while he watched her.

Jude Baker had been in love with Lydia Scott as far back as he could remember.

He had proposed to her on the playground when they were four, held her hand all through kindergarten and first grade. He'd even punched a kid who had tried to hold her hand one day. His mother had not been happy about that. His dad had just laughed and given him a high five when Brooke wasn't around.

Jude was Lydia's "boyfriend" up until fifth grade, when they were split up into different classes. Then came the horror of middle school. While most everyone hit that ugly duckling stage, Lydia seemed to sail right past it. She had gone from being a cute little girl to a beautiful young woman seemingly overnight. Jude had really fallen for her, hard, and he knew that she knew it.

They weren't officially "dating," but they might as well be. Lydia, as gorgeous as she was, hung out with no one but Jude, it seemed, and he only had eyes for her. They talked, cuddled, like couples do, but Jude hadn't officially asked her out yet. He was fairly certain he knew what would happen if he did. He knew her better than he knew himself. 

Even then, with his fingers barely brushing over hers, she didn't move. He settled his fingers down on hers and she flipped her hand over, like he knew she would, and gripped his hand, just for a second. She always did that, a quick, near-death grip on him, as though she was trying to gain a bit of strength from him. He wanted to help her, but he just couldn't figure out how. He sat and listened when she needed to talk, held her when she needed to cry. But he just couldn't figure out how to make her let herself be loved by him.

Lydia looked up, meeting his worried eyes and giving him a soft smile.

"I better go sit down before they come after me."

Her voice was like music to his ears. He smiled, letting go of her hand.

"Hey, Lyd?"

She turned back to him.

"If you need me, you know where I am."

She nodded, giving him a smile before going to take her seat at the table buzzing with prom talk. Jude sighed, then walked away to check on a table.

* * *

 

Sawyer was smiling as she turned to Lydia.

"So I'm going with Davis, of course. What about you, Lyd? Got a hot date?"

Lydia let out a laugh at Sawyer's question, looking around at the smiling faces of her aunts. She shook her head.

"No, no date here."

"Oh, come on. There's no one you might want to ask you?"

Lydia glanced up, seeing Jude walk out of the kitchen with a tray full of plates of food. Quinn followed her gaze, biting her lip as she pinched Brooke's leg under the table. Brooke looked over, her face lighting up when she noticed her son. She looked back to Lydia, who looked down at the table before looking up at them.

"Nope. No one on my radar."

Sawyer sighed.

"You're going to end up going with Jude, aren't you?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders and pushed out a smile.

"That wouldn't be the worst thing."

"Going to prom with your best friend?"

"Hey, I did it."

Sawyer glanced over at Brooke, who smiled.

"Senior year, I went with Mouth."

"Wasn't that the year that Mom wrote _WHORE_ across your dress? Where it could only be seen under the blacklight?"

Peyton, Lydia, and Quinn laughed, while Brooke's face turned red. She smiled, leaning over to pinch Sawyer's arm.

"Yes, Blondie. That skinny bitch almost ruined my dress, but I fixed it where it only said _HO_."

That sent the table into another round of laughter, and Jude relaxed a bit when he saw Lydia laughing. She hadn't laughed, really and truly laughed, in a while, so hearing it put him at ease. He walked back into the kitchen, and the girls at the table regained their composure. Quinn shook her head, turning to Peyton.

"I can't believe you did that."

"I did. And Brooke came to my rescue that night."

"You would have done the same for me, whether we hated each other or not."

Brooke reached across the table, taking Peyton's hand. Peyton smiled, squeezing it, then leaned to kiss Sawyer's forehead. Lydia ignored the pain that shot through her heart, looking up into the kitchen and meeting Jude's eyes. He watched her seem to falter, her shoulders falling as she gripped the table, and he walked over, easily sliding into the seat beside Lydia, taking her hand under the table without anyone else seeing. She gripped his hand with all her strength and he flashed a smile.

"Hey, Mom. Aunt Peyton, Aunt Quinn, Saw-yah."

They smiled, answering with a unanimous "Hey Jude." He expected one of them to break out in song, but they refrained. This time.

Lydia was still holding tight to his hand, so he laid his notepad on the table and grabbed the pen from behind his ear.

"Can I get you lovely ladies something?"

They all reached for menus, murmuring to themselves, and each other, about what to eat. Jude leaned over to Lydia's ear, and her eyes drifted shut.

"It's okay, Lyd. I'm right here."

She nodded, and he brushed a kiss to her cheek, without anyone noticing. She relaxed a bit at that. By the time everyone had told him their order, Lydia was comfortable enough to let go of his hand. The girls ate, and just before they left, Lydia snuck into the kitchen, where Jude was waiting.

"You good?"

She let out a shaky breath as he walked over, cupping his hands on her elbows, and she laid her hands on his forearms. She nodded.

"I think so. We're going home now, so…"

Jude nodded.

"Lyd, please. Talk to Quinn about this."

She shook her head, and he sighed.

"Come on, babe. You are not okay."

"You don't think I know that?"

"Lyd, I'm worried about you."

"Well, don't be. I'm—"

"Damn it, don't you dare say fine, because you're not."

Lydia let her head fall, and Jude moved his hands to her face, lifting it where he could look in her eyes.

"Hey. If you won't talk to Quinn, will you talk to me?"

Lydia looked up at him, saw the worry in his dark eyes. She closed her eyes, and he sighed again.

"Davis comes in at 2:00. I can swing by your house after that."

She sighed, then nodded. Jude bent down, pressing his lips to hers. Lydia squeezed his arms, and he let his hands fall from her cheeks. She looked up to him, then turned and left the kitchen. Jude ran his hands through his hair, cursing under his breath.


	4. Chapter 4

Lydia stood in the kitchen, holding onto the counter as she let out a long, slow breath. Quinn and Riley had gone to the store, and Clay and Logan were on the road to catch Jamie's basketball game in Charlotte. Lydia was alone, something she'd been wanting all day long. She was fighting the pull she felt to go upstairs and get back in bed, to bury herself under the covers.

Instead, she looked up, out the windows of the French doors in the kitchen. It almost seemed like she walked by some unseen force pulling her. She stepped through the doors, leaving them open behind her.

The day was beautiful and warm, unusual for early spring in Tree Hill, North Carolina. Lydia walked down the porch steps, slipping her heels off in the middle of the walkway. She walked past the little garden that Quinn and Riley had, over the spot where Lydia had heard a pool once was. She kept walking, almost to the back corner of the big backyard, and she smiled when she saw what she had been walking to.

A long time ago, when Lydia was four, Clay had strung a hammock between two trees in the backyard. She had been fascinated by it, and that feeling had never really gone away. Many a nap had been taken in that hammock, in Clay's arms when she was little, or by herself.

She climbed onto it now, feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin as a breeze slid through the trees. She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh.

That was how Jude found her half an hour later. She had unbuttoned her white shirt, and it flapped in the breeze now, gently fluttering open over her mint green tank top. She had her legs bent, the pale pink skinny jeans standing out against the white hammock.

Jude stood back, just staring at her, feeling his heart pound in his chest. When he finally couldn't stand it any longer, he walked over to the hammock, which was rocking gently in the breeze. He let his hand come gently over Lydia's forehead, and her beautiful eyes fluttered open. She smiled when she saw him, and he smiled back at her.

"Hey, beautiful."

"Hey Jude."

He toed his shoes off and Lydia rolled over, balancing out the hammock as he climbed on. When the rocking had slowed, Lydia rolled back, coming to rest her head on Jude's chest. He pressed a kiss to her hair, wrapping an arm around her, putting his other arm behind his head. They didn't say anything for a while, until Jude spoke softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Lydia shook her head, moving her face into his chest for a second. Jude nodded, gently running his hand up and down her spine. He smiled.

"Did you find a dress?"

Lydia nodded.

"Your mom picked it out."

"How did it look?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"They said it was beautiful."

Wow, did that hurt Jude's heart. He closed his eyes, moving his head closer to hers.

"I know it was. It would have to be, on you."

He felt his shirt growing damp, and he knew she was crying. He sighed, moving closer to her, wrapping both of his arms around her. She moved up, putting her cheek on his shoulder, and her face in his neck.

"I don't know what to do, Lyd. Tell me what I can do."

"You're doing it. Just hold me, please."

Jude let out a breath. He moved a hand up to her hair, closing his eyes again, as she quietly cried. If he could, he would stay right there, holding Lydia until she felt better, or until the day he died. Whichever came first. After what seemed like the longest time, Lydia let out a sigh.

"You're too good to me, Jude."

He smiled, moving to press a kiss to her forehead. Thank God she'd stopped crying.

"I love you, Lyd."

_But you shouldn't_. She wanted to say it so badly, but she was terrified that if she did, he would come to his senses. So, selfish bitch that she was, she kept her mouth shut. Jude let out a long breath, rubbing her arm.

"Will you go to prom with me?"

Lydia sat up, looking him in the eye. A blush spread across her cheeks and she smiled, moving a hand up to touch his face.

"Yes."

Jude smiled, and ran a finger over her cheek.

"There's that smile I love."

Lydia could feel her cheeks getting even warmer, so she put her face in his chest. Jude relaxed back, taking in a deep breath and letting it out as he closed his eyes. Lydia looked up at his face, then laid back down, putting her face on his shoulder. She took in a deep breath, taking in the smell of outside, that just beginning to bloom smell of springtime, mixed in with a smell that was all Jude. Lydia snuggled in closer, and wrapped up together on the hammock, she and Jude drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

"Lyddie? Hey, we're home!"

Quinn set the grocery bags on the counter, Riley following right behind her. She turned back, and Riley shrugged her shoulders. Quinn walked into the living room, while Riley walked over to the French doors, which were still open. Jude hadn't bothered to shut them when he walked through. Riley glanced out at the hammock, smiling when she saw Lydia wrapped up in Jude's arms. Quinn came back into the kitchen.

"I have no idea where—"

"She's outside, Mom. Asleep on the hammock with Jude."

Quinn walked up behind Riley, bending to put her chin on Riley's shoulder. Riley smiled, leaning her head over on her mother's.

"Come on. We'll start on supper."

Riley nodded, walking to shut the doors before she followed her mother. In the kitchen, Quinn was pulling pots out of the cabinets, and Riley sat on a barstool.

"Hey Mama?"

Quinn glanced back with a smile.

"Yeah?"

Riley took in a breath as she traced a finger over the tile counter. Quinn turned the stove on, putting a pot of water to boil before she walked over, leaning on the counter.

"What's on your mind, Riles?"

Riley looked up, and the bright blue eyes she got from Quinn were worried as she looked at her mother.

"Do you think Lydia's okay?"

Quinn blinked.

"What do you mean?"

Riley let out a breath.

"I don't know. I just … She's been acting kind of weird lately, you know?"

"Weird like how?"

Riley sighed, looking back to the counter.

"I don't know. You haven't noticed anything?"

Quinn thought for a moment, then shook her head.

"No, I haven't."

Riley mumbled under her breath.

"Maybe I'm just seeing things."

Quinn smiled, reaching over to take Riley's hand.

"Hey."

Riley looked up, and Quinn smiled at her.

"If you're worried about her, talk to her. See what's going on. And I'll keep an eye out, check and see if I notice anything."

Riley nodded, and Quinn leaned over to kiss her forehead.

"My big-hearted baby. Come help me with this."

* * *

 

Lydia was dreaming, and it was not a pleasant dream. It didn't seem like a dream, either. It was more like a memory. She couldn't really describe what was going on, but she knew that she felt happy and safe and loved.

And suddenly, that was gone, replaced by a feeling of worry and fear, and she wasn't in a familiar place anymore.

Then, just as suddenly, she was back where she started, but the happiness was gone. It was dark, and Lydia felt scared, and it was like she could feel her heart breaking. She was screaming, and someone was holding her. Then that someone was screaming, calling out a name.

Her eyes flew open, and Lydia was breathing hard. She put a hand to her pounding heart, so disoriented as to where she was. As a warm breeze blew across her face, she remembered. And then she felt two big, strong arms come around her.

She glanced up with sleepy eyes, seeing Jude right beside her, pulling her close to him, murmuring in his sleep. Lydia sighed, closing her eyes as she snuggled back close to him, as close as she could get without actually crawling into his skin.

Jude was dreaming, and his was one of those dreams you never want to wake up from. It was simple, just he and Lydia, cuddled together on a couch. He was holding her, and she was laughing at him. She turned her face up to his, and he was mesmerized, captivated by her navy blue eyes and her gorgeous face. He ran his hand over her long, soft chocolate brown hair and smiled. Jude had always loved Lydia's hair. When he just couldn't stand it anymore, he bent down, and Lydia leaned up, meeting him halfway as he gently pressed his lips to hers. Lydia let out a quiet sigh as Jude pulled her closer to him.

Lydia knew, in her half-asleep, fuzzy brain, that she wasn't dreaming anymore. She was kissing Jude, the way she had wanted to for a very long time, and he was kissing her back. This wasn't one of those little chaste kisses like he usually gave her. This was a real and true, "I think he's really in love with me" kiss. She gently touched her tongue to his, and Jude moaned quietly. Lydia was lying on her side, curled up next to Jude, fitting perfectly next to him, with one of his legs between both of hers. She sat up, throwing her leg over him as she moved to straddle his flat stomach.

They needed to stop. 

NJude was no longer asleep, and he knew this. He kept hearing the phrase in his mind, kept telling himself to stop. But God… He'd wanted this for so very long, and he just couldn't stop. Lydia moved over him, and he put his hands on her thighs, running them up her sides before settling back on those slender hips. He flexed his fingers, hearing her gasp into his mouth as he continued to kiss her. Her fingers tangled in his hair, and Jude groaned when she tugged.

It felt so good, to finally be kissing her like this, the way he'd wanted to for such a long time.

He took hold of her shirt, sliding it off her arms. Lydia shivered as she felt the sun on her bare shoulders, then reached down, pushing his shirt up, and Jude groaned again when he felt her cool hands on his abs. He flexed his hands on her hips again, before moving down her legs. Her hands moved up his chest, and he gripped the backs of her thighs when she raked her nails down his sides. She gasped, pulling back from him, and his eyes flew open to see her face twisted in pain.

"Lyd?"

Her eyes were shut, and she was taking in shaky breaths.

"L—Let go."

Jude didn't realize that he was still holding onto her. He loosened his grip on her legs and she climbed off of him. Jude sat up, pulling his shirt back down.

"Lyd, what hap—"

"Don't worry about it."

She turned around, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath, grabbing her shirt off the ground where Jude had dropped it, and he swung his legs over the edge of the hammock.

"Lydia—"

"Jude, please."

"You're bleeding."

She stopped, turning back to face him.

"I know."

She slid her shirt back on as she started to walk away, and Jude hurried up behind her.

"Hey. Hey, slow down."

He took hold of her arm, turning her back to face him. She stared at the ground until Jude gently lifted her chin to look into her eyes. Eyes that had suddenly gone dim.

"Lydia, what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. Don't give me that."

She pulled her chin from his grasp.

"It's none of your damn business."

"Yeah? Well, I want to make it my business."

She stopped, eyes growing wide.

"You don't mean that."

"I don't?"

Jude took a step closer to her.

"Weren't you just on that hammock?"

"Jude, don't. Please."

"Why? Lyd, you can't tell me that didn't mean anything."

"We were asleep."

"The hell we were!"

She was trembling, and it was taking everything she had to hold herself together. She kept taking little steps back, while Jude kept walking closer to her. He finally took hold of her hands.

"Stop walking away from me, damn it."

He could feel her shaking then, and he let out a breath.

"Lyd, are you scared of me?"

She shook her head.

"Then why are you shaking?"

She shook her head again, and Jude moved, pulling her to his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You know that I love you. And it's more than just this we've-always-been-friends kind of love. You know that, too. I am in love with you, Lydia Scott, and I'm just waiting on you to see that. Whenever you do, will you let me know?"

He let her go, keeping hold of her hand. She looked down at their hands, linked together, then up to Jude's dark eyes.

"Jude, I—"

He silenced her with a kiss. He let his hand come up, gently cupping her cheek. This kiss was different than the ones he usually gave her, and it was different than the ones they'd just shared on the hammock. It was sweet, and gentle, full of promise and love, and with just a hint of heat. He ended the kiss, stepping back as Lydia kept her eyes closed. Jude ran his hand through her hair.

"It's up to you, Lyd. We can stay the way we are, or you can trust me enough to love me back. No matter what, I'm here. Whatever you need from me, don't hesitate to ask. You know that."

She couldn't speak. She didn't know what to say. Jude leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead before he turned away from her, slipping his hands in his pockets as he left the backyard. Lydia let out a shaking breath. She walked to the house, stopping to pick up her shoes as she walked inside.

She went upstairs to her room, locking the door behind her and walking into her closet. Her closet was huge, one of those walk-in deals, and she went to one of the mirrors, watching herself as she took her pants off. She sighed, then turned around.

Just as she'd suspected, the cut on the back of her leg had split open. It was still seeping blood, and Lydia let out a shaky breath. She walked into her bathroom, getting some tissues to clean herself up. She walked back into her room, and a picture on her dresser made her stop.

It was one she'd seen thousands of times before. She walked by it every day. She used to sleep with it when she was little, slipping it under her pillow just before she'd fall asleep. It was a picture of baby Lydia, the day she was born, in her mother's arms. Haley was staring down at Lydia, a huge smile on her face, which seemed like it was glowing.

Quinn had told her, many times, that she had snapped that picture the first time she ever met her niece. She'd also told her how Haley had been so happy to have a baby girl. Haley loved Jamie with all of her heart, and she'd always wondered what it would be like to have a daughter. Haley'd had such big plans, but none of them had the opportunity to come true.

The thing Lydia didn't understand was why. All her life, she'd been told that her parents had loved her very much. Nathan had been killed when she was a baby, and Haley had died three months later. Nathan had been shot in the head by a Russian mobster, and Haley … Haley had died three months after.

That was all she knew.

She knew about her dad, what happened to him, where it happened. She didn't know about her mom. All she knew was that Haley had died. She didn't know how, where, why. She had so many questions, and she'd held them in for years. 

Lydia dropped the tissues, picking up the picture. She ran her fingers over the glass, then looked up, into the mirror above her dresser. It was time, and she knew it. It would be hard, but it had to be done.

Lydia had to find out exactly what happened to her mother.


	5. Chapter 5

Lydia walked downstairs after dinner, wrapped in her bathrobe over her pajamas. Quinn was sitting in the living room with Clay, sipping a mug of hot chocolate while he watched TV. Lydia slipped her hands in the pockets of her robe and walked into the room.

"Aunt Quinn?"

Quinn and Clay both looked over, smiling. Clay patted the couch beside him.

"Hey, Little Scott. Come have a seat."

Lydia gave him a smile, then turned to Quinn.

"Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to Aunt Quinn about something."

Clay glanced over at Quinn, then smiled. He stood up from the couch, stretching. He leaned to kiss his wife, then walked by Lydia, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Night, Little Scott."

"Goodnight, Uncle Clay."

He left, and Lydia sat on the couch beside Quinn. Quinn tucked her legs under her and Lydia pulled her robe around her. Quinn smiled at her niece.

"What's on your mind, little Lydia?"

Lydia took a deep breath, then looked Quinn in the eye. She decided it would just be best to get it out, to go ahead and cut straight to the chase.

"What happened to my mom?"

Quinn froze, bobbling the mug in her hands. Her eyes went wide, and Lydia pressed on.

"I mean, I've wondered for a while. I know what happened to Daddy, but I … I've always wondered what happened to Mama. I just know that she died, and I was wondering … how."

Quinn's eyes were still wide, as she leaned over to set her mug on the table beside the couch. Lydia sighed.

"Aunt Quinn?"

Quinn swallowed, looking down at the couch. Lydia bit her lip, and Quinn looked up at her, tears filling her bright blue eyes. She reached a hand over, tucking some of Lydia's hair behind her ear. A tear slid down her cheek, and Quinn shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I—I can't."

"Aunt Quinn."

Quinn shook her head as she stood up and left the room. Lydia let out a sigh, lying back on the couch.

* * *

 

Quinn went up the stairs and into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her, leaning against it as she cried. Clay sat up in the bed, setting his book aside as he took his reading glasses off.

"Q? Hey, what is it? What's wrong?"

He was out of the bed, walking over to her, and Quinn shook her head as he wrapped his arms around her. She gripped him tight against her, crying into his shoulder. Clay just held her, running his hand through her hair until she could speak. She pulled back from him, enough to look in his eyes while still staying in his arms. She shook her head slowly.

"Lyd—She… She wants to know about Haley."

Clay closed his eyes as tears filled Quinn's again.

"How … how am I supposed to tell her? I can't do that, Clay."

"Q, we knew she'd ask one day."

"But not now. She's barely 16, Clay."

"I know, babe."

Quinn shook her head, wiping her eyes. She put her hands on her hips, taking a deep breath.

"I was so mad at her for so long, Clay. But … she was my Hales. My baby sister, my best friend. And when she … when she died, I didn't know if I would make it. But I knew I had to, for Lydia. That little girl got us through some of the worst times, Clay."

A soft smile was on his face as he was remembering. Quinn walked over to him, putting her hands on his face. He closed his eyes, then opened them, looking into hers.

"How am I supposed to tell her, our little girl, about Haley? How can I hurt her like that?"

Clay sighed, speaking gently.

"Don't you think it might hurt her worse if we keep it from her?"

Quinn let her hands fall from his face, and she pushed her hair back. Clay turned to look out the window, slipping his hands in the pockets of his pajamas.

"Remember when we told Logan about Sara?"

Quinn looked at him, at the small smile that always crossed his face when he spoke of Sara.

"I do."

"He was fourteen, when he needed to know all the details. Made me go through every single moment of that day."

Quinn nodded. She could do that for Lydia, if that's what she wanted. Quinn had relived that day thousands of times since it happened. She let out a long sigh, and Clay turned to her, holding out his arm. She walked up beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, looking out the window. Clay ran his hand up and down her arm.

"It's going to be really hard, Q. It's going to suck really bad, and she'll probably get pissed at us. But she has a right to know. Haley was her mother, and Lydia has a right to know about what she did."

Quinn nodded, letting out another sigh. Clay looked down at her, and she leaned back, looking at him. He bent down, pressing his lips to hers.

"I love you, Quinn James."

She smiled.

"I love you. We'll get through this."

Clay pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Of course we will. We always do."

* * *

 

Quinn left Clay fifteen minutes later, walking back downstairs. She looked in the living room, but it was empty. The lights were all off downstairs, so Quinn walked upstairs. She looked in Riley's room, and Riley was lying on her stomach, a notepad in front of her, colored pencils surrounding her. Quinn watched her for a second, saw the intensity in her blue eyes, the calculated strokes of her pencil. Quinn backed away as quietly as she could, unwilling to disturb her artist daughter's genius.

She laid a hand to Jamie's door, but couldn't bring herself to open it. It was hard enough knowing he was gone, but opening the door and seeing it empty just hurt Quinn's heart.

She looked in Logan's room, glancing at the clock beside his bed. 9:15. He probably wouldn't be home for a while still.

She made it to the room at the end of the hall, holding her hand on the doorknob, bracing herself for the swarm of pink that would greet her. She opened the door and stopped.

The lights were off, and Lydia was in the bed. Quinn walked up, seeing Lydia sound asleep. She flipped on the lamp beside the bed, but Lydia didn't stir. Quinn laid a hand on Lydia's forehead, but she didn't feel warm.

Their Lydia was not a sleeper. She used to be, when she was little, but as she'd grown up, she'd found that she needed little sleep, so she was always doing something. She was late to bed, early to rise, just like Haley had been.

Quinn thought back to that afternoon, the conversation she'd had with Riley. Was there something amiss with her niece? Did she usually go to bed at this time? Had Quinn just been missing it? Quinn thought about it, realizing that she honestly had no clue. She ran her hand through Lydia's hair, rubbing her own eyes. She let out a long sigh.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry. We'll get to the bottom of this. I'll fix it, I promise. You'll be fine."

She bent and pressed a kiss to Lydia's forehead, flipping off the lamp as she walked out of the room. Quinn walked back to her bedroom, and Clay looked at her from the bed. He took his glasses off, set his book aside.

"That was quick."

"She's asleep."

Clay looked at the clock, turning back to Quinn with worry on his face.

"It's early."

"I know."

Quinn walked over, climbing in the bed with him. Clay turned to face her.

"Is she sick?"

Quinn shook her head.

"I don't know. I don't think so, but Riley and I were talking earlier. Ri's worried about her. She asked me if I thought Lydia was okay, because she'd had noticed how weird she's been acting. But I haven't seen anything, Clay. I didn't know how to answer her."

Clay pressed his lips together as he nodded. Quinn tilted her head to the side.

"What?"

Clay sighed.

"I've kind of noticed. Nothing big, nothing major. Lydia just … I don't know, she seems tired to me. Like she's stressing, maybe? Getting run down?"

Quinn sighed, pushing her hair out of her face. She looked over to Clay.

"She would come to us, wouldn't she? I mean, if something was wrong, she'd tell us, right?"

Clay sighed again, reaching over to link his fingers with Quinn's.

"I think she would. We've always told her she could come to us for anything, so I'm sure she would, if she needed us."

Quinn nodded.

"You're right. She would. She's just …"

"Sixteen. You remember what that was like, right? The hell of your teenage years?"

Quinn laughed.

"Yes, I remember. We'll just have to be gentle with her."

Quinn took in a deep breath, letting it out.

"And we'll tell her everything tomorrow."

* * *

 

Lydia woke with a start, breathing hard. She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them, sitting up in her bed. She flipped on the lamp beside the bed, looking at her clock, seeing that it was only 3:46 in the morning. She ran a hand through her hair, still breathing hard.

That dream made her so uneasy.

It was nearly the same one she'd had earlier, as she slept with Jude on the hammock. This time, though, it was more than just feelings. She could see things this time, and people.

She saw Jamie, he was always with her. She saw her parents, at first, when she felt so happy and safe. Tears filled her eyes then as she thought about it, seeing her dad smiling so widely at her, seeing her mom's gentle smile.

Then, the happy feeling had faded, replaced by the worry and fear, and she saw Lucas, with a very unfortunate hairstyle, and, in an unfamiliar place, Peyton. The fear disappeared around Peyton, because Peyton danced around with her. Peyton made her laugh, and she felt safe again.

Until she was back home, but it wasn't like it was before. Her dad was gone. And where was her mom? Lydia could feel that her mom was nearby, but she just couldn't reach her.

All of a sudden, it was dark, and she was so scared, just absolutely terrified. She screamed, until suddenly, Clay and Quinn were there. Quinn was holding her, telling her she would be all right. But then, Quinn was crying and screaming. And she kept screaming a name.

_Haley_.

Lydia threw back her covers. She was sweating, but she was also shivering. What did that mean? And why couldn't she get the sound of Quinn screaming out of her head? Better yet, why had she been screaming for Haley?

Lydia ran her hands through her hair, and she looked at her nightstand. The picture from her dresser was there, and she picked it up. She ran her fingers back over the glass, over her mother's smiling face. Lydia looked up, into the mirror across from her bed, seeing the way her hair fell almost the exact same as Haley's did in the picture.

People had always told her that she was like her mother, smart, beautiful, funny. Well, they had told her that when she was young. Now, though… Lydia shook her head.

She tried to lay back down, but she couldn't. Sleep was gone. She looked at her clock and saw that only ten minutes had passed. She climbed out of bed, slipping a sweatshirt on, and sliding her feet into her Uggs. She quickly wrote a note and laid it on her pillow, just in case, and left.

She let out a breath when she stepped outside, feeling the chill in the air. She walked a little ways, down a road that she had walked many, many times before. Sometimes, when she couldn't sleep, she would do exactly what she was doing now. She looked up, seeing the entrance to the Tree Hill Cemetery. She let out a long sigh, then walked inside.

She stepped past stones that held no meaning for her, until she came across one that was borderline gaudy. The headstone was almost as tall as she was, and Lydia just shook her head when she saw it. She ran a hand over the picture on the front, one that had been scratched through and refinished, looking good as new.

"Hey, Grandpa."

Lydia always felt a twinge of sadness at Dan Scott's headstone. He was an awful person; she knew that from the stories the town still loved to tell about him. Her Aunt Karen had told her tons of stories about him, and Uncle Lucas had, too. But Jamie had loved him. Jamie missed him, and for all the bad that Lucas and Karen could tell her, Jamie had as many good things to say.

And no matter what anyone said, Lydia thought of Dan as a kind of hero.

She ran her hand over the dates etched into the stone, and she couldn't help but think they were too close together.

Lydia walked a little ways, seeing another headstone, bearing one of the same dates as her grandfather's. She knelt down, brushing the leaves away from the stone.

"Hey, Daddy. Sorry it's been a while."

_Nathan Royal Scott_. Lydia traced the letters in his name, not even noticing the tears slipping down her cheeks. She missed him so, so much. She stared at the dates on his stone. He wasn't even thirty when he died. He never even reached thirty years old. Lydia shut her eyes as she let out a sigh, kissing her fingers and pressing them to his name.

"I miss you, Daddy. I love you."

She wiped her tears away, moving to her left, pushing the leaves away from the headstone right beside her father's.

"Hey, Mama. I know it's late, but … I felt like I needed to come see you."

Lydia let her fingers trace over the letters of her mother's headstone.

_Haley James Scott, Beloved Wife, Mother, and Friend._

Again, the dates etched into the stone were much too close together. Her mom and dad had been the same age when they died, not even thirty.

"What happened to you, Mama?"

Lydia kept on tracing, tears rolling down her face.

"Why won't anyone talk about it? They told me about Daddy, but they never told me about you. I just … I need to know, Mama."

A sob caught in her chest, and Lydia let it out, because there was no one around to hear.

"I need to know if you felt this way, too. I can barely stand it, Mama. It hurts all the time, so badly, and I just … I can't—"

Lydia sobbed, moving her hands to wrap around her stomach, almost as if she were trying to hold herself together. It did no good, though. Lydia cried, sobbing out loud.

"I can't feel anything but sad. All the damn time, I am just so sad. The things I do … It's just so I can feel something, you know? Something other than sad."

The cut on the back of her leg was throbbing, but she didn't move. She stayed on her knees between the headstones, crying her heart out. After a while, Lydia sighed. She wiped her hands across her cheeks, looking back down, gently running her hands across the stone.

"I have to find out the truth, Mama. Maybe then I can get some closure, or something. I just don't think I can go on like this. It hurts too much. This'll help. I just know it will."

Lydia kissed her fingers, laying them to Haley's name. She did the same thing once again to Nathan's headstone, then stood up, brushing off her knees.

"I love you guys. I'll be back soon, I promise."

She turned away, walking back out. She stopped back by the huge stone, laying a hand to it.

"See you later, Grandpa."


	6. Chapter 6

Lucas Scott sat on the front porch of the house he grew up in, the house he was now raising his daughters in. He looked out at the driveway, where said daughters were bouncing around a basketball, trying (and failing) to get a good rhythm going.

Lucas smiled as he shook his head, taking a sip of his coffee. His precious little girls had not inherited the Scott basketball player gene. He thought of his nephew, the one still taking the NBA by storm. Maybe it was a male thing.

"Dad, did you see that? That was definitely a three-pointer."

Nope. That was nowhere near a three-pointer. It was barely a two.

"Definitely, El. Great shot."

Ellie smiled, looking so much like her mother it hurt Lucas' heart. And just then, her mother walked out onto the porch, walking right over and sitting in Lucas' lap. He smiled, wrapping his arms around her as she turned to watch their daughters.

"What are they doing?"

"I'm not entirely sure. I think it started off as a game of HORSE, and now they're just shooting."

"Oh. They making any?"

Lucas nodded, then leaned over, resting his chin on Peyton's shoulder.

"They're so bad, Peyt."

She threw her head back, letting out a laugh.

"Luke, come on."

"I'm serious. How did they not get even the tiniest shred of basketball ability from me? Seriously! I mean, look."

Peyton glanced over just in time to see Ellie pass the ball to Sawyer, where it bounced right past her. Peyton bit her lip, looking back to Lucas.

"They are pretty bad."

"Right?"

"At least they got their cheerleading skills from me."

Lucas lifted a shoulder. He did have to give her that one. Both his girls were cheerleaders, Ellie for Tree Hill Junior High, and Sawyer at Tree Hill High School. Peyton looked down at her watch and stood up.

"Oh, we're supposed to be meeting Brooke and Meg for brunch. Hey, Scott girls!"

Peyton let out a whistle, and Ellie and Sawyer turned to look at her.

"We're meeting your Aunt Brooke in 15. Shake a leg."

They hurried inside, and Peyton walked over to Lucas, bending down to press a kiss to his mouth.

"Hey, how is Brooke doing?"

"Fine. Café's going good, Clothes Over Bros is still on top."

Lucas nodded, and Peyton sighed.

"Luke, she's fine. It was almost six years ago."

"I know, but he's all in the news now, and—"

"And it doesn't bother her anymore."

Lucas sighed. Six years ago, when the twins were 10 and Megan was 5, Brooke's husband Julian was making a movie in New Zealand when the news broke that he was having an affair with one of the actresses on his movie. The actress? Alex Dupre, who had once upon a time been Brooke's model, and a thorn in her side when it came to Julian. At first, they denied everything, but the truth slowly started to be revealed, and Brooke filed for divorce. It ended up going more smoothly than anyone ever thought it would, and these days, Julian lived in Los Angeles, now married to Alex, and creating some serious Oscar buzz from his latest movie.

"Oh, did I tell you that Owen's back in town?"

Lucas looked over to Peyton, who was nonchalantly scrolling through her phone.

"Owen?"

"Yeah."

At the blank look on her husband's face, Peyton sighed.

"Oh, you remember him. The guy who played Slamball with Nathan? Ran the bar at Tric before he fell off the wagon?"

"Owen … Oh my God, Owen Morello?"

Peyton smiled. Lucas hardly ever forgot anything.

"Yes, you freak. He, uh … He swung by the café the other day, talked to Brooke for a while. It was so cute, Luke. Her cheeks were all red and he was so nervous. They met for coffee a few days ago."

"Wait a minute. So this guy just—"

"Oh, don't you start."

Lucas looked over at his wife, who slid her phone in her purse and set her hands on her still-thin hips.

"Brooke is not yours to protect and shelter, all right? She is a grown woman with two thriving businesses, three adorable children, and in case you haven't learned it by now, B. Davis can handle herself. She wants to have a little something-something with Owen? We can't stop her. Plus, I think he'll be good for her."

Lucas blew out his breath and Peyton smiled, bending down to kiss him again. She whistled again, pulling her keys out of her bag.

"Scott girls, let's go!"

Peyton walked down off the porch, sliding into her car and starting it up. Lucas smiled, shaking his head. That old Comet had been through hell and back. Lucas could still remember fixing it up for Peyton while she was pregnant with Sawyer. He smiled as Sawyer came out of the house, giving him a kiss on the cheek before bouncing down the steps.

"Bye, Dad!"

"See you later, Daddy!"

He lifted a hand as Sawyer and Ellie climbed in the car. Peyton blew him a kiss as she backed out of the driveway, and he watched his girls until he couldn't see them anymore. He turned back, gathering his things from the porch when he heard a quiet voice.

"Uncle Lucas?"

He turned around, seeing Lydia standing there, and he smiled.

"Hey, babe. You just missed Peyton and the girls."

"I know. I wanted to see you."

Lucas' smile grew.

"Well, don't I feel special?"

Lydia smiled and he motioned for her to follow him.

"Come on in. It's getting pretty warm out here."

Lydia made her way up the porch steps and into the house. Lucas set his empty coffee mug in the sink and looked over at his niece, who took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Can I get you something to drink, Lyd?"

She shook her head.

"No, thanks. I'm fine."

Lucas studied her for a second. He had been worried about Lydia for a while. Something about her just seemed off, and he couldn't put his finger on why or what it was.

"You okay, kid?"

She looked up at him and smiled, and he noticed how it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm fine. I just … I wanted to talk to you about something."

Lucas pursed his lips.

"Sounds serious."

Lydia smiled again, and Lucas walked over, sitting across from her.

"What's on your mind, pretty girl?"

Lydia took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Will you tell me what happened to my mom?"

Lucas blinked. That was not what he was expecting to hear. In fact, that was the last thing he ever thought Lydia would want to talk to him about. He cleared his throat.

"I, uh… Lyd, I …"

He took in a breath, letting it out in a sigh.

"Honey, I think this is a conversation you need to have with Quinn."

Lydia blew out her breath.

"I tried, Uncle Lucas. Last night. She just started crying and ran out of the room."

Lydia sighed as she ran a hand through her long brown hair.

"I just want to know what happened to her. I mean, I know what happened to my dad. Everyone knows what happened to him. He got shot in the head by a crazy Russian mobster."

Lucas closed his eyes and let out a breath, the way he always did when hearing something about his little brother. He opened his eyes as Lydia kept talking.

"All I know about Mama is that she died three months after Daddy did."

Oh, God. How was he supposed to do this?

"I mean, was she sick? Did she get shot, too? Did the Russians come back for her and kill her? Was it a car wreck? I need to know, Uncle Lucas, and no one will tell me anything."

He ran a hand over his face before looking back at her. He pulled out his phone, shooting Quinn a quick text message. He sighed, setting the phone on the table and looking at Lydia.

"Listen, sweetheart, I—"

"Uncle Lucas, please. You were her best friend. You knew my mom better than anyone else. Please just tell me."

He sighed again, feeling so much older than his 44 years.

"I didn't."

"What?"

Lucas smiled as he looked at Lydia again.

"I didn't know your mom better than anyone else. Your dad did."

Lydia smiled as her eyes drifted shut. Lucas continued to talk.

"Haley and I were best friends in high school. Well, way before then, actually. She came to my house one day when we were kids and we just couldn't get rid of her."

He smiled, hiding the ache in his heart that he felt whenever he thought of his best friend.

"She got together with your dad when we were juniors. They got married, had a baby on graduation day. Had you 8 years later."

Lydia smiled, and Lucas let out a sigh. Quinn hadn't texted him back.

"Sweetheart, I really think this is a conversation you should have with your aunt."

"Uncle Lucas, come on. Aunt Quinn had to open the café this morning, and after last night, I really don't want to ask her again."

He let out a sigh, scrubbing his hands over his face. She had a right to know.

"Okay. Peyton and I were in L.A. when you were born. After we had Sawyer, we just wanted to get away for a while. Went to L.A., found we liked it, and stayed. Your mom called me to tell me that your dad was missing, we kept in touch, and she kept me updated on him. And she finally called me to tell me that she needed my help. She asked me to come see her, to help her out, and I did. I flew to Tree Hill and spent the day with her, and I took you and Jamie back to L.A. with me."

Lydia nodded. So if her dream wasn't even a dream at all, but a memory, that would explain it. Lucas had come to the airport to pick her and Jamie up, and the unfamiliar place she remembered was Lucas and Peyton's house out in California. And she could almost remember Peyton dancing around, holding Lydia in one arm and Sawyer in the other. Lucas sighed, and Lydia looked back over to him.

"We got the call early, early on a Friday morning."

Lucas closed his eyes. He could still hear Haley, sobbing hysterically into the phone, telling Lucas that Nathan had been shot, it was bad, they were at the hospital. He and Peyton booked a flight immediately, putting Jamie at the window, Peyton beside him, holding Sawyer, and Lucas on the aisle, keeping Lydia in his arms. They landed in Tree Hill, where Brooke's husband picked them up, rushing them to the hospital. When they got there, they hurried into a room, and a devastated Brooke had been the one to break the horrible news.

Lucas cleared his throat, as Lydia looked down at her hands. He didn't need to tell her any more. She knew the story from there. She looked up at him, and Lucas blinked back tears. The eyes looking back at him were his brother's, there was no question about that. Lydia had inherited Nathan's almost navy blue eyes.

"Peyton and I stayed in Tree Hill, helping your mom and your grandmother out for three months."

"Grandma Deb?"

Lucas smiled, and Lydia slowly nodded her head.

"I haven't seen her in years."

Lucas nodded. Losing Nathan and Dan at the same time was almost too much for Deb to handle. Losing her son was bad enough. Even though she and Dan had been divorced for years, they had been married for a long time, and shared a child. Even though he was a bastard and a cold-blooded son of a bitch, Dan still held a piece of Deb's heart. And losing him hit her harder than anyone thought it would. Losing Haley, especially the way they did, had been the final straw. Deb had stuck around for a while, watching after Jamie and Lydia, and when Clay and Quinn had stepped up to be their guardians, to be the ones who would take care of them, Deb had left town. And she had never returned.

Lucas shook his head. He didn't even know if Deb was still alive. The only way he would find out was when May and June rolled around again. Without fail, Deb would call her grandchildren on their birthdays, and send them presents at Christmas. She would never return to Tree Hill, though. Of that, Lucas was certain.

"Uncle Lucas?"

He looked to Lydia, smiling at her.

"Sorry. Got lost there for a minute."

She nodded, expectant and waiting for him to continue his story. He let out a long sigh, running a hand through his short blonde hair.

"Peyton and I had decided to go back to L.A. Things were slowly getting back to normal here, but we were happy out there. Plus, my book was at the publisher's. They were getting ready to print it up, and needed me for … well, boring book things."

Lydia smiled, watching him. He had to look away from her, unable to really handle seeing Nathan's eyes staring back in him in his beautiful niece's face. Lucas sighed, closing his eyes.

"I, uh… I got a call a little after three in the morning. I was awake, and it had just started to rain. I had this feeling in my gut that something was wrong. I just didn't know what."

"Who was it? On the phone, I mean."

Lucas looked down, still hearing Quinn's sobs on the phone. She kept talking, but all he could understand was "Haley." She just kept saying "Haley." He cleared his throat again.

"Clay. He told me that I needed to wake Peyton up and get to the hospital."

"Why?"

Lucas met her eyes then, and Lydia went pale.

"My mom."

He nodded, reaching over to grab his phone as it buzzed. Quinn had finally texted him back. He opened the message, letting out a sigh when he read it.

_Luke, please. Be gentle with her, or send her to me and let me tell her._

He watched Lydia start breathing hard, saw her twisting her hands together under the table. He reached over and laid one of his hands over both of hers.

"Lydia, sweetheart."

"Don't say it. Please. I don't … I don't think I want to know anymore."

Lucas let out a sigh.

"Go and talk to your Aunt Quinn. She knows exactly what happened, and she can tell you all you need to know. I was just a secondhand bystander."

Lydia nodded, and Lucas kept his hand on hers.

"Honey, are you okay?"

She let out a sigh, closing her eyes before she nodded. She opened her eyes, seeing Lucas in front of her, a gentle smile on his face.

"You can always talk to me about anything, kid. You know that, right?"

Lydia pushed out a smile and nodded.

If only that were true.

She stood up, sliding her phone in her pocket and walking to the door with Lucas behind her. She turned to face him, and he smiled down at her. She moved to put her face in his chest and he let out a sigh, wrapping his arms around her.

"I love you, Lydia."

"I love you too, Uncle Lucas."

"And you know your mom loved you, right?"

Lydia pulled back, nodding at him. A bad feeling had crept into her stomach, though. She had a sinking feeling, one she was praying was wrong, that whatever happened to her mom had not been an accident like she'd always thought. All she knew was that she had to see Quinn, and this time, she would get the whole story.


	7. Chapter 7

Jude stepped out of the café, rolling his shoulders and popping his neck as he walked to his car. He hated the early shift. Hated it with a burning passion. And somehow, he always got stuck working it. He decided that a nap was most definitely in store for him, maybe after a workout?

He let out a yawn. Yeah, probably before that workout.

He started up the car, driving towards his house when someone walking on the sidewalk made him stop. He drove up to the edge of the road, slowing down to a crawl, and rolled down his window.

"Lyd? What are you doing?"

She stopped, looking over, and Jude smiled at her. She let out a sigh.

"Hey Jude."

Without another word, she walked over, climbing into the passenger seat. She leaned over, laying her head on Jude's shoulder and he put the car in park.

"Hey. What is it?"

She shook her head, reaching down to lace her fingers through his. He squeezed her hand, running his fingers through her hair.

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

She nodded.

"The park?"

She nodded again, and Jude drove them there. They went to the swings, out of habit. Ever since they were little, when something was bothering them, they would always end up at the park together. And when they did, the person who needed to talk would sit in the swing, while the person needing to listen would gently push them. It had happened so many times over the years, and the last really big thing Jude remembered was his parents' divorce, followed quickly by his dad's remarriage to Alex. He had been 10 years old, and he vividly remembered crying on that swing, while Lydia gently pushed him for what seemed like hours. Today, she sat down and Jude stood behind her, pushing her as the wind blew her gorgeous hair around. After a minute, Lydia sighed.

"I need to know what happened to my mom."

Jude faltered, missing a push. He caught her the next time she came back, gently pushing again. Lydia went on, looking out over the park.

"I need to know how she died."

Jude nodded, even though he knew Lydia couldn't see him. They didn't really talk much about her parents. Of course, he knew about them. He'd heard the stories all his life, had been touched by the legacy they'd left behind, the biggest part being the girl on the swing in front of him.

Now that he thought about it, Jude didn't know the details of Haley's death, either. He knew about Nathan; he'd stood in the same position he was in now, pushing Lydia on the swing on countless Father's Days, listening to her cry and tell the story of the father she never got to know. He'd pushed her on many Mother's Days, too, listening to her cry about how much she missed her mom. A mother she never had a chance to know, either.

Jude ran a hand over his neck, pushing again as Lydia swung back to him.

"Lyd, are you sure?"

She glanced over her shoulder, and his heart thumped in his chest at how beautiful she was.

He loved her so much it hurt. He just wished she could see it, and that she could love herself as much.

She nodded, then stopped the swing, climbing out to sit in it backwards, where she could see Jude's face. He automatically reached down and took her hand.

"Jude, I keep having these weird dreams. I had one when we were out on the hammock, and then another one last night."

Her cheeks flushed when she talked about the hammock, and Jude tried to hide his smile.

"Tell me."

She looked up at him, moving her foot around in circles in the rocks and told him. She also told him about going to see Lucas, and what he'd told her. By the time she was finished with the story, she had tears in her eyes.

"I'm just scared, Jude. By the way everyone's acting, it's like they don't want to tell me. What if the reason they don't… What if it's something bad?"

"Listen to me."

He knelt down, where they were eye-to-eye. He held his hands on her thighs and she looked from them to his face. He smiled gently at her.

"Whatever you find out, it wasn't your fault, okay?"

"Jude, I—"

"Come on, Lyd. We both know the truth here."

He was right. He was always right. He knew her so well. Lydia reached over, laying her hands on his strong arms.

"I'm so scared of what Quinn might tell me."

Jude moved a hand to her face, letting out a breath as she closed her eyes, leaning into his hand.

"It's going to be okay, Lyd."

"I don't even know what she might say."

"Stop worrying about it, and just go ask her."

Lydia sighed, and Jude kept his hand on her face.

"You're right."

He smiled.

"Of course I am."

She let out a laugh and Jude caught her in a hug. They stood up like that, and Lydia rested her head against his chest as he held her. He pulled back, looking down at her as she looked up at him, and he gently pressed his lips to hers. Lydia sighed as she leaned into him, and Jude tightened his grip on her. He ended the kiss, instantly regretting it like he always did, and pressed his lips against her forehead. He reached and took her hand, leading her out of the park, back to the car.

* * *

 

Lydia stood on the front porch, her hand on the doorknob, but she couldn't bring herself to open the door. She knew Quinn was home, because her car was in the garage. Lydia took a deep breath, trying to fight off the dread that threatened to settle right on top of her and with a shaking hand, pulled open the door.

The house was quiet. Unusually so, for a Sunday afternoon. It was barely spring, so Lydia knew that some kind of sports something had to be on TV. She didn't grow up around Clay Evans, sports agent extraordinaire, without learning that. Still, there were no TVs on.

Lydia walked into the kitchen, seeing nothing. Quinn wasn't fixing supper, no one was finishing up homework at the bar. Lydia swallowed, letting out a shaky breath as she stepped into the living room, meeting Quinn's gentle blue eyes.

"I was wondering when you'd get home."

Lydia smiled and nodded.

"I went to see Uncle Lucas."

Quinn nodded, not mentioning the texts she and Lucas had exchanged.

"And then I ran into Jude."

Quinn's smile went soft at the mention of Jude. It kind of frightened her, how deep and intense the connection between Lydia and Jude was. She was so grateful for it, though, that Lydia had someone who loved her so, who would listen to her and be there for her in a way that Quinn or the rest of her family couldn't.

Quinn looked back to Lydia, saw her absently chewing on her bottom lip. She smiled, standing up and holding out a hand. Lydia walked over and took it, sitting on the couch beside her aunt. Quinn took a deep breath, then turned to face Lydia.

"First off, I want to say that I'm sorry for the way I acted last night."

"Aunt Quinn, I—"

"No, let me."

Quinn took another breath, then smiled at Lydia, trying to hold back the tears in her eyes.

"Honey… You have to remember, your mom was my little sister and my very best friend. Losing her was … was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through."

A tear dripped down her cheek, and Quinn had to take a breath to steady herself.

"You caught me off-guard last night, honey. I wasn't ready, but I am now. Just know that this is going to be hard for me. Talking about Haley always hurts. But I'm ready, so whatever you want to know, you can ask, and I'll tell you."

Lydia nodded, taking in a deep breath. She looked down at her hands, speaking softly.

"What happened to her, Aunt Quinn?"

Quinn took in a deep breath, closing her eyes. After a moment, she opened them, looking over to Lydia, into those dark blue eyes that reminded her so much of Nathan.

Lydia had Nathan's eyes, but her beautiful face had many aspects of Haley. Lydia had Haley's lips and her nose, the same color hair. Sometimes Quinn would glance over and have to do a double-take, because she thought she had seen Haley. Lydia was so much like her mother, and she didn't even know it.

And now, Quinn was about to break her heart. She took another breath, then reached to take Lydia's hand.

"What did Lucas tell you this morning?"

Lydia glanced out the window, thinking.

"He told me about when he came and got Jamie and me, took us back to LA with him while Daddy was missing. He told me about the call when Daddy died, and bringing us home, staying here for like three months. He said he and Aunt Peyton were getting ready to go back to LA when they got another call, about Mama."

Quinn had let go of Lydia's hand, and she covered her mouth with both of her hands for a second, nodding. She let her hands fall, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Aunt Quinn? It's okay, you don't—"

"Oh, sweetie. Just give me a minute."

She got her emotions under control and stared at the fireplace. Lydia curled her legs up under her on the couch, her shoes on the floor, just watching Quinn. After a minute, Quinn spoke softly, letting herself go back, telling Lydia the story.

"When your dad went missing, we… God, it was terrible. Clay was having some issues of his own, and I was lost, trying to help him, and Haley, and help take care of you and your brother. When Lucas came and took you and Jamie back with him, we were able to throw everything we had into finding Nathan. Your grandfather was the one who tracked him down. He tried to keep it from your mom, to keep her from going there herself, but she got it out of him."

Quinn smiled, remembering Haley, how fantastic she was up against Dan Scott. Quinn's smile fell, as she remembered what happened that fateful almost-spring night.

"Dan teamed up with Chris Keller and Julian."

"Chris Keller? Wait, _the_ Chris Keller?"

Quinn smiled. Chris Keller had skyrocketed to stardom after … well, after. He had been the one to pull Nathan and Dan out of the building before it exploded, but when neither of them survived, he left town. However, he had been the one to donate the money and rename the Rivercourt in Nathan's memory, and he'd set up a scholarship fund in Haley's. But he'd never come back to Tree Hill. Lydia spoke quietly.

"And Julian? Jude's dad?"

Quinn nodded.

"You know the story there, right?"

Lydia sighed and nodded.

"Grandpa Dan went in to try and save Dad, but they shot Daddy before Grandpa could get to him. Grandpa tried to get him out and they shot him, too."

Quinn nodded.

"Chris was able to get them both out to Julian and the car before the warehouse exploded, but—"

"It was too late."

Quinn nodded. She reached over, taking Lydia's hand.

"Your dad held on, until they got to the hospital. Your mom and I were waiting there, and Haley … Nathan smiled when he saw her. He told your mom that he loved her, and she kissed him. They whisked him off to surgery, but—"

"He didn't make it."

Quinn shook her head, letting out a breath. Lydia swallowed.

"And Grandpa never made it out of the car."

Quinn nodded, closing her eyes as the memory took over. She spoke softly.

"The funerals were horrible. Jamie came, but we left you with Victoria, Brooke's mom. You were so little, and … Victoria said you screamed the entire time. I came and got you, and you calmed down. When everything was over, we … We brought you and Jamie home. Brooke came, and Lucas and Peyton. You went to Brooke and she held you for what seemed like a few days."

Lydia looked down at the couch, then back up to Quinn.

"Where was Mom?"

Quinn shut her eyes, then opened them and let out a sigh.

"She … She had a really hard time letting go of Nate. After the funeral, she came home and went to bed. And she ... She stayed in bed for the next three months."

Lydia sat back against the couch.

"What about Jamie and me?"

Quinn smiled through the tears in her eyes.

"Clay and I were here. And Deb stayed with us. Brooke and Peyton came by every day, letting you play with Sawyer and the boys."

Lydia shook her head.

"So Mom just … What, forgot about us?"

"No, sweetie, no. She could never forget you kids. She loved you. She was just sad about your dad, and she was … She was just trying to find a way to cope."

"And taking care of her children wasn't the way to do that?"

Quinn let out a sigh, and Lydia pulled her hand away.

"Honey, everyone processes grief in a different way. And losing your dad was such a huge thing for your mom to go through-"

"Did she get any help?"

Quinn stopped, and Lydia continued.

"She was obviously depressed, in a bad way. Did she talk to anyone or get some medicine to take or something?"

Quinn let out a shaky breath.

"We took her to a therapist. They gave her some antidepressants, but … They didn't seem to work."

"So she just suffered for three whole months?"

Quinn sighed again, and Lydia closed her eyes.

"What happened after that?"

Quinn shut her eyes, tears leaking out and down her cheeks. Lydia opened her eyes.

"Aunt Quinn, what happened after that?"

Quinn opened her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"As hard as it was and as much as it hurt, we had to go on with our lives, for you and for Jamie. We kept thinking that Haley would snap out of it one day. She had done something like this before, when our mom died, but this … It was worse."

Quinn stopped, taking in another breath.

"Clay had promised to take Jamie and Logan to play at the Rivercourt. I sent you with him, and he dropped you off with Brooke and the boys, for some fashion shoot for Bakerman and the Clothes Over Bros line Brooke was restarting. When I came back inside, Haley was there."

Quinn smiled, and Lydia just watched her.

"I spent the whole day talking to her, trying to feed her, brushing her hair. Brooke brought you home late that afternoon, and I ran to get you, to bring you back to Haley, but … She had gone back upstairs by the time I got back. I told Clay, and he said this was a big step, and that maybe tomorrow Haley would—would be better."

Tears were rolling down Quinn's cheeks, and Lydia had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She swallowed, and Quinn went on with her story.

"We went through the rest of the day, feeding you guys supper, taking baths, putting you to bed. I just knew that things were starting to look up, you know? Haley was coming back to us. I kissed Clay goodnight, and we went to sleep. And at about three that morning, you started screaming."

Lydia brought her eyes up to Quinn, who couldn't look at her. Quinn spoke, but it was almost like someone else was telling the story.

"Clay and I ran to you, thinking something had to be wrong. You would wake up and cry sometimes, of course. All babies do. But you never sounded the way you did that night. You were screaming, these almost blood-curdling screams, like someone was killing you. I picked you up, holding you as close as I could, trying to calm you down. And that's … That's when Clay realized what you were saying."

Quinn looked over to her, eyes overflowing with tears.

" _Mama_. You kept saying 'Mama' and we didn't know why. Clay went and looked in on the boys, but they were asleep. They could sleep through just about anything. He went to check on Haley, and came running back, because she wasn't in her room."

Quinn shut her eyes, holding a hand over her mouth before wiping at her eyes. She took a deep breath before continuing the story.

"We ran through the house, trying to find her. I carried you downstairs, and I walked into the kitchen and… The medicine cabinet was empty."

Quinn shook her head, looking straight in front of her.

"Every bottle was lined up on the counter, and every single one was completely empty."

Lydia put a hand over her mouth as tears came to her eyes. Quinn spoke, her speech peppered with sobs.

"Clay came running in, saying Haley wasn't anywhere in the house. I pointed to the counter, and he stopped, then looked outside. He took off running, and I put you in your playpen, then ran after him."

Quinn stopped, letting the sobs come, and Lydia cried silently beside her. Quinn took in a deep breath, speaking through her tears.

"Clay came up out of the deep end of the pool with Haley in his arms. He tried CPR while I called 9-1-1, and the ambulance came. We rode behind the ambulance, and Skills stayed behind with you kids. We called Lucas and Brooke, and they came to the hospital. Deb met us there, too, and Taylor. And the doctors came to tell us that they had done everything they could, but Haley was gone."

Quinn put her face in her hands and cried, while Lydia sat still, barely even breathing. Her blood ran cold, like ice through her veins. God, she was so cold. After a minute, Lydia took in a breath.

"She … she killed herself?"

Quinn lifted her head, looking over to Lydia.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry."

Lydia shook her head.

"How could she … How could she do that?"

"Lydia—"

"What about us? Did she even care? Did she even think of us? She had two kids to take care of, and she just … Oh my God."

"Honey—"

Lydia shook her head, standing up. Her whole body trembled, and Quinn stood up in front of her.

"Lydia, listen to me."

"Did I do something wrong?"

Quinn froze.

"What?"

Lydia shook her head, tears sliding down her cheeks. Quinn felt her heart break.

"Oh, honey, no. No, this was not your fault. She … Haley just …"

Lydia shut her eyes, feeling the room start to close in on her. She couldn't stand to be there for one more second. She turned around and took off running, throwing open the front door, completely ignoring Quinn's calls. Quinn stood at the door, watching Lydia run, letting out a breath before the tears took over again.


	8. Chapter 8

Lydia ran until she couldn't anymore, until her sides were aching. Tears had been constantly running down her face, and she had been sobbing until her throat hurt. Her hair hung around her head in knots, tangled from the wind as she ran.

Sometime during the run, it had started to rain, and now, Lydia was soaked to the bone. She was so cold; had been cold ever since Quinn told her …

Lydia gasped now, trying not to throw up again. She'd already done it once, as soon as she'd turned the corner, unable to see her house behind her anymore.

She was still crying, and she looked up from the ground, blinking in the steady rain, to notice that she was standing in front of Brooke Davis' house. Almost mechanically, she walked to the door, ringing the doorbell. She started to turn around and go, but when she heard footsteps, she squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking out from under her eyelids as the door swung open.

"Sorry, I was down… Lydia?"

She looked up, seeing Jude in front of her, shirtless and sweaty, with a towel around his neck. A look of worry immediately crossed his face.

"Lyd, what are you doing?"

"I don't ... I don't know."

Tears fell from her eyes, and Jude looked around behind her.

"How did you get here?"

"I ran."

"You ran? From your house? Babe, it's pouring out here."

She nodded, and Jude looked down.

"Lydia, where are your shoes?"

She looked down, just then noticing her bare feet. She looked back up to his face and started sobbing again, and Jude reached over, taking her in his arms and pulling her inside. He shut the door behind them and took her face in his hands.

"Lydia, what? What is it? What happened?"

She shook her head, crying harder. Her knees buckled and Jude caught her, swinging her up in his arms and carrying her up the stairs. She was shaking in his arms, gripping his neck as tightly as she dared.

"I'm so c-cold, Jude. So c-cold."

"Hang on, Lyd."

He brought her upstairs, to his mother's room, going to the bathroom and turning on the shower. She huddled in a corner, her clothes dripping, creating a puddle around her as she held her arms around her knees. Steam began to fill the bathroom and Jude walked to her, kneeling to take her hands.

"Come on. This will warm you up."

Lydia didn't think so. She didn't think she'd ever be warm again. How could she? How could anything ever be right, when her mother had …

A sob escaped her throat, and she felt Jude's lips against her forehead. His voice was gentle as he pulled her to her feet.

"Come on, baby. It's okay. I'm right here."

He was speaking to her as if she was a child or a scared animal or something. And strangely enough, it soothed her. Lydia stared up at him with watery blue eyes, and Jude ran a hand over her cheek.

He took a breath and reached down, pushing the jacket off her shoulders. He stared into her eyes as he took hold of the bottom of her shirt, lifting it gently over her head. She shivered, hard, standing in front of him in her bra and jeans. He swallowed, never taking his eyes from hers.

"Go ahead. I'll be right here."

His voice was husky, and his eyes … His eyes held a look of hunger, almost desperation, and Lydia almost imperceptibly shook her head. It couldn't be for her. At least, it shouldn't be. She started to push the shower curtain back, but she stopped, turning back, seeing that look in his eyes.

"Jude, I—"

He let out a groan, moving forward, catching her in his arms and pushing her against the wall. He kept one arm around her, and used to other against the wall to brace himself. His lips found hers, hungry and aggressive, yet somehow still gentle. Lydia wrapped her arms around his bare chest, clutching him close, the heat from his skin against hers finally, _finally_ warming her. His lips left hers for just a second, finding her neck and she let out a whimper, threading her hands through his hair and holding him there. He kissed back to her lips, groaning when he reached down, catching her leg, feeling the cold, the wetness of her jeans.

That snapped him out of the haze he was in, and he pulled back from her, breaths heaving in and out of his chest. He looked at her through the steam that had filled the bathroom, saw her lips swollen and red, the mark he'd left against her neck. He hung his head, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"Damn it. Oh, damn it."

"J—Jude?"

He looked up, into her eyes. Emotions were swirling in the deep blue, and he could see every one of them. Hurt, confusion. A look that was so lost it hurt his heart. And something else, something he tried to convince himself he wasn't seeing. She was hurting, and he was taking advantage of that. She couldn't be wanting him just as much. He shook his head, moving to kiss her lips again, gentler than before.

"Get in the shower, Lyd. I'll be right back."

"Jude, I—" "I'll be right back."

He kissed her forehead again, before turning and walking out of the bathroom. Lydia let out a long breath, one that seemed to come from the depths of her soul. She took off the rest of her clothes and climbed in the shower, letting out another breath as the warmth of the water began taking the chill from her bones.

She went through the motions of the shower, washing her hair, conditioning it with Brooke's shampoo and conditioner, but her thoughts were totally and completely wrapped up in what had just happened. She kept lifting her hand to her lips, still feeling Jude's there.

Wanting to feel them again.

* * *

 

Jude berated himself from the second he left Lydia, through his shower—his icy cold shower, which did nothing to ease the heat racing through his body—and continued to do so as he dressed before walking back to her. He stopped, pushing a smile on his face when he saw her sitting on the edge of the tub, a towel wrapped around her. She looked up at him, and he walked over, kneeling in front of her.

"You okay?"

She lifted a shoulder and he smiled, running a hand down her arm.

"I'm sure Mom won't mind if you borrow some of her clothes, but—"

"Can I have some of yours?"

He looked up to her eyes, and she held his gaze for a second, before looking down again.

"I'm still kind of cold, and your clothes are big and—and they'd be warm."

He smiled, nodding his head, since his damn tongue had decided to crawl down his throat. He stood up, holding out a hand, and she took it, going to stand up and gasping, wincing, sitting back on the edge of the tub.

"What is it?"

Lydia's face was twisted in pain, until Jude knelt back down.

"Sweetie, what is it?"

Lydia let out a breath.

"My feet."

Jude looked down, picking a foot up gently, laying it on his knee.

"Damn, Lydia."

She exhaled sharply, and Jude sighed, picking up her other foot. The soles of her feet were covered in cuts and bruises, some still bleeding. Jude looked up to her eyes, and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't feel it."

He sighed, wondering just how it was possible for him to worry about her when she was right in front of him. Jude gently set her feet back down, walking over to the medicine cabinet. Lydia watched him, and when he opened the cabinet, she squeezed her eyes shut. Jude gathered some supplies, then walked back over, kneeling in front of her.

"This might hurt."

Lydia nodded, laying her feet back on Jude's lap. He took in a deep breath, pouring peroxide over the cuts on her feet. Lydia took in a sharp breath, closing her eyes again, as Jude whispered how sorry he was under his breath.

What Lydia couldn't tell him, what she couldn't tell anyone, was that she welcomed the pain. These days, Lydia felt so damn numb all the time, and she hated it. She welcomed the sting of pain, grateful for the burn, because it proved to her that she was still alive. That even though she felt so sad and down all the time, she could still feel. There were two ways now that she could feel: She felt pain, and she felt something deep in her soul when she was with Jude.

He wrapped her foot in gauze, moving to the other one and doing the same thing to it. Lydia let out a shaky breath as the burn of the peroxide set in, reaching out and gripping Jude's shoulder. He murmured under his breath some more, until he was finished. He finished wrapping her foot and looked up at her, smiling gently.

"You okay?"

She gave him a small smile, nodding her head. He patted her legs, standing up.

"Let's go get you those clothes."

She nodded again, pulling the towel tighter around her, and Jude bent down, looking her in the eyes as he picked her up in his arms. He carried her to his room, setting her down on the bed. He stared at her for a minute, lost in how gorgeous she was, until he cleared his throat.

"Shirts in the third drawer, sweats or pajamas in the bottom. I'm going to go put your clothes in the dryer for a while."

Lydia nodded, and Jude smiled. He lifted a hand to her face, and she closed her eyes, turning her face towards his hand. He let out a shaky breath, walking out, closing the door behind him, leaning against it when he did, running his fingers through his hair.

Oh, they should not be alone together.

He knew that in his heart, because she was sort of (read: REALLY) messed up at the moment. He gathered her clothes and jogged down the stairs, tossing her clothes in the dryer and starting it up. He leaned against the kitchen counter on his way back upstairs, taking a few deep breaths.

She needed him to be her friend right then. To listen to her, give her advice, maybe. Not try and jump her bones. God, he wanted to, but it wasn't what she needed. She was so much more important to him, and helping her was his main focus now.

Jude steeled himself with that knowledge and walked back to the stairs, ignoring the phone as it began to ring. He walked back to his room, smiling when he saw his door was open and Lydia was sitting on the edge of his bed. She had his black THHS sweatshirt on, one that was about twelve sizes too big for her, and his favorite pair of green plaid pajama bottoms. He walked over to her, kneeling in front of her again. She met his eyes.

"How do I look?"

Jude bit his lips, trying to hide his smile until he saw the way her lips were barely turning up. He let out an almost silent laugh, moving his hands to her thighs.

"You're a knockout, babe."

Lydia smiled then, actually smiled as she looked down, and Jude let out a sigh. He reached up and pushed his hand through her hair, then stood up. Lydia watched him leave, unable to stop the smile as he walked back in, Brooke's hairbrush in hand. He knelt back in front of her, put his hands back on her legs.

"If you want, I'll brush your hair, and you can talk. I know how much you like it when Quinn brushes your hair, and I promise I'll be easy."

Tears came to Lydia's eyes again. She tried to stop them, but it was so easy for her to just let it all go around Jude. She just nodded, closing her eyes, feeling Jude kiss her cheek before climbing on the bed behind her, taking her arms and pulling her back with him. She settled in and Jude began to gently brush her hair. With a sigh, Lydia spole quietly.

"Aunt Quinn told me about my mom."

Jude didn't stop brushing, but nodded his head. Lydia looked up, realized that she could see him in the mirror. After it was quiet for a minute, Jude looked up, meeting Lydia's eyes.

"What happened?"

Tears came back to Lydia's eyes, and she watched him run the brush through her hair a few more times. When he had brushed the tangles from her hair, when it was straight and smooth, he ran a hand over it, setting the brush down and leaning up. Lydia leaned back against him, and Jude slowly ran his hands up and down her arms. He whispered in her ear as she settled back against him.

"What is it, babe?"

Lydia let out a sigh, opening her eyes as a tear slid down her cheek.

"My mother killed herself. She took a bunch of pills, then jumped in the deep end of the pool."

Lydia shrugged her shoulders, letting out a laugh.

"Apparently, we used to have a pool. Who knew?"

Jude sighed, at a complete loss. He had no idea what to say, any way to even begin to help her. She sobbed and closed her eyes, leaning back into him before turning around and wrapping an arm around his neck. Jude sighed, taking her in his arms, leaning back until they were lying on the bed.

"Lyd, I am so sorry."

Lydia nodded against him, moving in closer.

"I just … I can't believe this, Jude. Everything anyone has ever said about my mother has been good. Too good, you know? I mean, they made her out to be a freakin' saint, and then to find out this is how she died …"

Lydia shook her head, sitting up. Tears were in her eyes, and she looked back at him, and he moved up, propping himself on one arm. She took in a breath, clutching the blanket on Jude's bed, clenching and unclenching it in her fists. He moved closer to her.

"Lyd, what?"

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. He knew her so well. Of course he realized there was something else, something she wasn't telling him. She took in a shaky breath, looking to the wall and speaking to it instead of Jude.

"She was depressed after my dad died. Aunt Quinn said she went to bed, and she just stayed there. For three months, she stayed in bed, not taking care of her kids, or herself, and then one day, she got up. And she killed herself that night."

Jude let out a breath, moving to take Lydia in his arms again, moving right up behind her, pulling her back to his chest, moving his head to her shoulder.

"Lydia, listen to me."

She shook her head, crying again, moving her hands to where his were clasped around her chest, gripping tight. Jude sighed, doing his best to wrap himself around her, to let her know she wasn't alone.

"Lydia, hey. You are not your mom. Okay? You are strong, and—"

"No, I'm not. Jude, you've seen me. You've been there through this. Tell me what it is. Tell me what's wrong with me."

She moved from his arms, standing up in front of the bed, wincing when her feet hit the floor. He swung his legs over, sitting where she had been just a second earlier. Tears slid down her cheeks, but her voice was clear.

"Tell me, Jude."

"I'm not a psychiatrist, Lyd."

She shook her head, letting out a laugh.

"You don't have to be. I'm depressed. That's obvious. Just like my mom."

"No."

"I am following right in her footsteps, Jude. Can't you see that?!"

He stood up, taking hold of her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.

"You listen to me right now. You are not your mother. No matter what anyone says, all right? Damn it, Lydia, look at me!"

She did, taking in a shaking breath. Jude moved his hands to her face, stepping closer to her.

"Lydia Scott, I swear to you, I will not let you get to that point."

"Jude, you … You can't …"

"What?"

She was breathing hard, looking into his eyes, and he kept his hands on her face, just waiting. Everything in the room faded away, everything screaming through her mind stopped. All she could see was Jude. All she could feel were his hands holding her cheeks, all she could smell was him. She let her hands come up, resting on the warm skin of his bicep, just under the sleeve of his t-shirt. She locked her eyes on his.

"Kiss me."

He blinked, staring at her. Her voice had been so soft he thought he might have imagined it.

"What?"

"Kiss me."

Well, he certainly hadn't imagined that. Jude leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, feeling her sigh and relax against him. She looped her arms around his neck and Jude let his hands slide from her face, through her wet hair, to rest against her waist. He kept the kiss as gentle and easy as he could, and Lydia let her hands roll through his hair. She sighed against his lips, and Jude pulled back, resting his forehead against hers.

"I love you."

Lydia sighed, trying to shake her head, but he stopped her.

"Stop fighting me, Lyd. Please."

"Jude, I—"

"Shh."

He kissed her again, dipping his tongue to touch hers, feeling her shiver in his arms, swallowing her little moan and smiling against her mouth. She pulled back this time, her voice full of emotion.

"Jude, you deserve someone so much better than me."

God, could she break his heart any more? He let out a laugh, moving his lips across her forehead, down her cheek.

"There is no one better than you, Lydia."

She tried to shake her head again, and Jude caught her lips with his. She squeezed his arms, where her hands had come to rest, and he pulled back to look at her. She had her eyes squeezed shut.

"Lydia. Hey, sweetheart, look at me."

She opened her eyes slowly, and he smiled. He ran his hand over her cheek, and her eyes drifted close at his touch. He whispered her name again, and she opened her eyes, locking on his.

"I love you. I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. I will stand beside you, no matter what comes, no matter what you go through, all right? And I will not let you follow in your mother's footsteps. I won't, Lyd, I swear."

She let out a breath, flexing her hands on his arms. He smiled, pushing her hair behind her ear. She nodded, and he took her in his arms, turning his head in to her hair, as she gripped his back as tightly as she could.

After a minute, he turned and pulled the blanket back on his bed and she climbed in. He tucked her in, before walking around to his side, doing the same things, before taking her in his arms. She relaxed against him, letting out a sigh, and seconds later, she was asleep in his arms.

Jude let out a breath, praying that this was the time he'd finally gotten through to her. He shut his eyes as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Davis Baker stopped in his tracks at Jude's door. His eyes widened when he saw Lydia, bringing his gaze back to Jude.

"Dude, don't you ever answer your damn phone?"

Davis spoke in a whisper, and Jude let out a sigh, speaking just as softly.

"I was kind of preoccupied."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"Davis, what the hell do you want?"

Davis sighed, leaning against the doorframe.

"Well, everyone in the damn town is going crazy looking for her."

Jude looked down at Lydia, who shifted in his arms.

"What do you mean?"

"She took off from Quinn, wouldn't answer her phone. They found the phone in her room, and Quinn freaked. Mom's been calling you for, like, the past hour."

Jude closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. That would explain the reason the house phone kept ringing, which he just kept ignoring.

"Well, call Mom and tell her that Lydia's here, and she's fine."

"Why don't you call her?"

"Because I'm still kind of preoccupied, Davis!"

Davis laughed under his breath. He held his hands up.

"Fine. I'll call Mom, let her know Lyd's here. Let her know she'll probably be crashing here tonight?"

Jude nodded.

"You realize you will have to get up and talk to Mom and/or Quinn, right?"

Jude sighed, nodding again.

"Later. Could you-?"

Davis nodded.

"I will hold off the dogs while you two get your beauty sleep."

Jude rolled his eyes, blowing out his breath as Davis turned to walk away.

"Hey, Davis?"

Davis turned around, and Jude sighed.

"Can you not tell anyone about…?"

Jude wanted to punch the smirk off of his brother's face. But Davis nodded.

"My lips are sealed, little brother."

Davis turned and walked back down the stairs, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he did. Jude ran a hand through his hair, looking down at Lydia, then up at the ceiling, until Davis walked back in.

"Sorry, man. Mom's not too happy."

Jude let out a sigh, holding out a hand and taking the phone from his brother.

"Mom, I—"

" _Jude Baker, can you tell me why it is I pay for that phone if you're not going to answer it?"_

"Mom, I—"

_"Do you have any idea how worried I have been?"_

Jude let out his breath, and Brooke sighed.

" _She's there with you?"_

"Yes ma'am."

" _Is she all right?_ "

"She's asleep right now, but Mom…"

Jude shook his head, letting out his breath. Brooke's voice was soft.

" _I know, honey."_

Brooke let out another sigh.

" _Let me call Quinn, let her know our girl's okay. I'll be home around 9:00, and we'll talk, okay?"_

"Okay."

" _I love you, Jude."_

"Love you too, Mom."

They ended the call, and Davis took his phone back.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Davis?"

"Yeah."

"Go the hell away."

Davis laughed as he waved a hand, walking down the stairs. Jude settled back, letting out a sigh. Lydia moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest, and Jude kissed her forehead before laying back and closing his eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

Jude Baker could remember only one or two times where he felt mad enough to cause physical harm to someone.

When he and Davis were six, Davis broke some little action figure. Jude couldn't even remember which one now, but at the time, it must have felt like the end of the world. Which is the only explanation as to why he broke Davis' nose.

When he was fourteen, some kid in a locker room was talking about Lydia, in a way that a stupid sixteen-year-old kid should not be. Yeah, the kid was older, bigger, and a massive jerk, but Jude was mad—furious, really—and this time, Davis had kept watch while Jude beat the shit out of the guy.

He could add this time to the list, even though the only person he'd hurt was himself. Julian Baker, for some ungodly reason, had decided to enact his parental rights. Never mind the almost-seven years since he'd pretty much checked out. No, now Julian decided that he needed all three of his children to spend their Spring Break with him. Meg was still little enough to believe she'd have fun with Daddy, and Davis had stars in his eyes over being in Los Angeles. Jude would be just as happy in Tree Hill, working at the damn café, something he had actually begged for. He'd blinked big brown eyes at Brooke, who'd just shaken her head, because her hands were tied. She had primary custody, but Julian was able to pick his holidays and visitation.

The bastard.

Jude had said as much, and gotten thoroughly chewed out by Brooke, and then had to explain to Meg why "bastard" was not a word a precious little girl such as herself could use. (Brooke's words, not Jude's. Although he did agree that he needed to watch his mouth around his little sister.) Jude had just squeaked by getting his mouth washed out with soap, and had taken the high road and ignored Davis' cackling from just outside the door.

Resigning himself to his fate, Jude had gone to see Lydia, finding her out on the hammock again. She sat up when she saw him coming, and she scrambled over to him.

"What happened to you?"

Jude sighed, holding his quickly-bruising left hand gently.

"I punched a wall."

Lydia lifted an eyebrow at him.

"You punched a wall?"

Jude nodded, wincing as Lydia laid gentle fingers to his hand.

"Was it a brick wall?"

"That's a very good possibility."

She let out a sigh, looking up at him.

"Come on. Quinn's at the café with Riley, and Clay's taken Logan … somewhere."

Jude followed her inside, sitting at one of the stools in the kitchen while she walked to the freezer. She put a few cubes of ice in a Zip-Loc bag, wrapping it in a dishcloth, then walking over and setting it gently on Jude's hand. He hissed out a breath, then relaxed. Lydia reached up, brushing his hair back, and Jude's eyes drifted closed. Her voice was quiet when she spoke.

"So… Why exactly did you punch a wall?"

He opened his eyes, letting out another sigh. Lydia didn't push him; she never did. When he was ready, he'd tell her. He looked down at the table, then back up to her beautiful navy-blue eyes.

"My dad called."

Lydia nodded, and he bet she didn't even realize when she reached out, linking her fingers with his. He let out another sigh, looking down at their hands instead of her face.

"He's cashing in his visitation chips, so guess who gets to spend spring break in L.A.?"

He heard the sharp intake of breath, looking up. Damn it. Exactly what he'd been afraid of. Lydia's eyes were wide, her breath starting to speed up. Jude tightened his grip on her hand, and she started to shake.

"No, you—You can't leave. Jude, I—"

"Calm down. Hey, Lyd. Come here."

She walked around the counter, immediately going to him, climbing into his lap, settling herself in his arms—well, arm—resting her head under his chin, gathering a handful of his shirt. She'd started doing that lately, every time she was near him, getting as close to him as humanly possible. Jude pressed a kiss to her forehead, then ran his hand up and down her back.

"Lyd, you've been doing good these past couple of days."

She shook her head, leaning into him even more. Jude let out a sigh, mentally cursing his father yet again. He kept on talking, kept running his fingertips up and down her spine.

"It's just a week, honey. I'll be back before you know it."

"Jude, I don't think I can do it without you."

His heart was breaking. He was going to make damn sure this week would be the week from hell for Julian, ensuring that at least for the next time, only Davis and Meg would be invited to go. Lydia let out a ragged sigh.

"I'm being so selfish."

"No, baby, you're not. I want to stay more than anything. God, I fucking hate him."

Lydia let out a laugh.

"What a mouth on this one."

Jude smiled, kissing her forehead again. She tilted her head up, and Jude ran a hand down her chin, bending to press his lips to hers. Lydia let her hands come up, cradling his face. Lydia pulled back, moving back to rest her head just above his heart. Jude let out a sigh, scrubbing his hand over his face.

"There's no way I can go a week without that. Screw Julian."

Lydia laughed, moving to loop an arm around his neck. Jude rubbed his hand up and down her back. After a moment, Lydia moved back, going to lift the ice from his hand.

"This looks terrible, Jude. You should probably go to the hospital, get it x-rayed, just in case."

"Nah, nothing's broken."

"Really, Dr. Baker? You sure about that?"

He let out a laugh, gritting his teeth when Lydia's gentle fingers hit a particularly tender spot. She nodded.

"I think there might be some damage to this third knuckle right here."

Jude shook his head, until Lydia pinched the knuckle between her thumb and forefinger.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!"

She nodded.

"Still think nothing's broken?"

"I don't want to go to the hospital, Lyd."

"Don't be a baby, Jude."

He bit his lip, but smiled at her anyway.

"And when they ask what happened, what do I say?"

"I'm guessing the truth is not an option?"

Jude shook his head.

"Nah, I'll just tell them that I can't break the first rule of Fight Club."

Lydia giggled, setting the ice back on his now-aching hand. She let out a sigh, one that seemed to come all the way up from her toes. Jude reached his other hand over, and she laid hers in it. His voice was easy.

"Hey. I love you."

Lydia smiled, looking up at him as tears filled her eyes.

"What am I supposed to do without you for a week?"

Yeah, his heart was just broken. And he hated his damn dad. He let out a sigh, gently gripping her hand tighter.

"Lyd, you'll be fine."

She shook her head.

"It's getting worse, Jude. I … I feel so bad. Right now, all I want to do is go upstairs and go to bed."

"Did you talk to Quinn about it?"

She smiled sadly as she shook her head again.

"What am I supposed to say? That I think I'm depressed? What do I have to be depressed about?"

"Honey, this just happens to some people."

"I don't want to go to some doctor or something. Lay on some shrink's couch and divulge all the secrets from my childhood? Yeah, no thanks. I'll pass."

Jude sighed. He'd thought at first that she was just going through a little funk. Everyone had those times, right? But as time passed, she didn't shake it off. She didn't climb out of it this time. It was weighing her down, and beginning to weigh on her. He could see it in her eyes, those once bright, sparkling blue eyes she'd gotten from her father, now losing their sparkle. They were growing dull now, something that Jude hated. He'd talked to Brooke about it a little bit, but … She'd assured him that Lydia was fine, and he couldn't bring himself to tell her that it was an act she put on.

"I'll be fine. We can get through a week apart, Jude."

"Maybe you can come with me."

Lydia gave him a smile, one he knew was forced because it didn't reach anywhere near her eyes.

"I think it's a family thing. And you'll be back before we know it, right?"

Jude sighed, giving her a smile that was just as faked.

"Right."

* * *

 

A week later, when Jude stepped off the plane, he swore to God and whoever else might be listening that he would never fly out to Los Angeles again. Saying this had been the week from hell would be a gross understatement.

First off, on the way there, his phone had crapped out. And instead of going to get him a new one, like a good father would, Julian had imparted the ban on electronics on his kids. Apparently, Alex was pregnant—wow, what a shocker there—and being in L.A. had messed with their minds, because they actually believed that any electronic could pose a threat to the unborn child.

Jude had seriously had to talk himself out of beating his head up against the wall at the stupidity that was abounding in the house, and couldn't even sneak his laptop out of the "hiding place" Alex had placed it in.

By Wednesday, even Megan was begging to go home, but her reasoning was mainly due to the fact that all Alex would eat, therefore all anyone could eat, was organic crap that couldn't even be called food. Davis had managed to charm the housekeeper, because he was gifted like that, and he, Jude, and Meg survived on fast food burgers the staff snuck in late at night.

By the time the plane touched down in Tree Hill, Jude had to physically restrain himself from running out the door and kissing the sweet, not-quite-as-crazy ground of North Carolina.

Jude carried the bags off the Clothes Over Bros jet, leaving Davis to carry a sleeping Megan. Jude was fairly sure Davis got the better end of that deal, because all the bags weighed at least twice what Meg did. They met Brooke on the runway, who had tears in her eyes as she hugged her boys, kissed Meg on the head. Davis walked on to the car, sliding Meg in, and Jude set the bags down with a sigh. Brooke ran a hand over his hair, resting on the back of his neck.

"Never again, Mom. I'll go to a freakin' judge if I have to, but I am not going back there."

"Honey, he's your dad."

"He's lost his mind. Davis can go for me. We look the same; they'll never miss me."

Brooke let out a sigh.

"Come on. Let's just go home."

"I want to see Lydia."

"Jude."

"It's not that late. I haven't seen or talked to her in a week, because of that stupid woman. Come on, Mom. Please."

Brooke sighed again.

"Call Quinn, see if it's all right."

"It's always all right."

Jude gathered the bags, loading them into the car, and got the okay from Quinn, who said she just knew Lydia would be ecstatic to see him. She'd been sick the last week, staying in bed most of the time.

Jude's heart fell. He knew better than that. He mentally urged Brooke to floor it, to get to the Scott house as quickly as she could, but she took her time, minding the speed limit. Jude bit his tongue until he tasted blood, and when Brooke pulled up to the house, Jude barely waited until the car came to a stop. He took off running, not really hearing Brooke saying she'd be back to pick him up in an hour.

Jude walked in, saying a quick, polite hello to Clay and Quinn, who were cuddled up on the couch, watching some game. Quinn smiled, winking at him when she told him Lydia was in her room, and how much better she'd probably feel once she saw him. Jude took the stairs two at a time, ignoring Riley when she poked her head out of her room to see what the noise was. Jude got to the pink room, knocking gently, then pushing the door open.

The room was dark, the lump in the bed covered all the way up. He sighed, shutting the door behind him, walking over and pulling the cover back. Lydia's dark hair was in her face, and he gently moved it back.

"Lyd. Hey, sweetheart. Wake up."

"Jude?"

He smiled at her sleepy voice and kept running his fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, baby, it's me. I'm going to turn on the light, okay?"

She nodded, and he leaned over to switch her lamp on. She turned her face into the pillow for a second, then rolled over, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Jude got to look at her for the first time in a week, and his heart absolutely bottomed out.

There was no way it had only been a week. Lydia's skin was almost gray. Her eyes were dull, there were tangles in her dark hair, and she looked like she must have lost ten pounds. The t-shirt she was sleeping in seemed to swallow her. Jude swallowed hard, reaching out a shaking hand.

"Honey."

She looked up at the tone of his voice, blinking at him. The expression on his face was terrible, like he was in shock at seeing her. She pushed out of his grasp, walking over to the bathroom. He stood up on shaky legs, going to follow her. Lydia crossed her arms over her stomach, letting out a breath.

"You should go."

"Like hell. Lydia—"

"Damn it, Jude."

She turned to face him, and a funny look crossed his face.

"What?"

"Your nose is bleeding."

She lifted a hand, surprised when she looked down to see the bright red blood on it. She turned to lean over the sink, reaching to grab a tissue. Jude was leaning against the door, his hands in his pockets.

"Aren't you supposed to hold your head back?"

Lydia blew out a breath.

"No. That'll make the blood run down your throat. You lean over, let it go with gravity."

She tossed the bloody tissue into the trashcan, lifting another to her nose. Jude shook his head. She should be a doctor. He'd always thought that. She was so smart, and medical stuff seemed to come natural to her. Jude let out a sigh.

"You okay?"

"It's just a nosebleed, Jude. I'm fine."

He snorted, and Lydia gripped the sink one-handed until she looked into the mirror at him.

"You got something to say, Baker, then say it."

Jude held his hands up.

"What the hell, Lyd? I come by to see you for the first time in a week, and you chew my ass out for no reason at all? What's going on with you?"

She just blinked at him.

"You know what's going on."

"I know you sure as hell haven't talked to anyone."

"How would you know? You weren't here."

Jude's arms dropped down by his sides, and he stepped in the bathroom.

"Is that what this is? You're mad because I left? I told you, I had no choice in the matter."

She shook her head, tossing another tissue into the trashcan, reaching for a new one.

"Not a call, a text, an e-mail. Jesus, Jude, you couldn't even drop a postcard?"

"Lyd, if I could have called, I would have."

"Davis called Sawyer."

Jude went still, kind of holding his breath.

"I didn't even think of—"

"Don't bother with excuses, okay? I just …"

Lydia dropped the tissue into the trash, this one free of blood. She gripped the sink again, turning to face him.

"I needed you, but I guess you don't need me as much as you thought you did."

"Lydia, come on."

"Just go, Jude. Please."

She walked back, climbing into the bed, pulling the covers over her head. Jude hung his head, then walked over to the bed. He knelt beside it, pushing the covers back, and Lydia let out a breath.

"Damn, you're stubborn."

"I'm Brooke Davis' son. Talk to me, Lyd. Please."

She gave him a small, sad smile and shook her head.

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Damn it, Lydia. I was miserable for a week. All I could think about was you, and—"

"You couldn't steal your brother's phone? Steal one of Julian's?"

"Alex made us—"

Lydia let out a laugh.

"Don't blame this on Alex. I know all about her and her crazy, because, as I said, Davis called Sawyer, and she filled me in on everything."

"I'm kicking his ass when I see him."

"Why don't you go find him right now?"

Lydia rolled over, facing away from him, leaving Jude hanging his head again. He shook his head, pushing the covers aside as he climbed on the bed, wrapping his arms around her.

"Goddamn it, Jude."

"Just shut up."

She rolled over, pushing at him, and he covered her mouth with his. She gave him another half-hearted push, then reached up, taking hold of his face and holding it to hers. He felt the tears sliding down her cheeks, but he just held her tighter, kissed her deeper. When he had to breathe, he pulled back just a bit, resting his forehead on hers. She let out a quiet laugh.

"I hate you. Right now, I hate you so much."

"Okay."

She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. He rolled on his back, letting a hand drift up to cup the back of her head. She had her eyes closed, snuggled into his chest.

"Jude?"

Her voice was barely even a whisper. He opened his eyes, looking down, but she wouldn't look at him.

"What is it, baby?"

Lydia turned her face further into his chest, and he felt the tears soaking through his shirt. He let out a sigh, rolling his fingers through her hair, gently undoing the tangles. She spoke just as quiet as she had before.

"I did something."

"What was it?"

She shook her head, and Jude's heart stuttered in his chest.

"Lydia, what did you do?"

She shook her head again, speaking just as softly.

"I won't do it again. I promise."

"Honey, what did you do?"

"Just don't ... Don't leave me anymore, okay?"

Jude tightened his grip on her, worry coursing through his veins.

"I won't. Lydia, I swear to God, I will not leave you again."


	10. Chapter 10

Lydia was staring at herself in the mirror. She'd just gotten out of the shower, and her hair hung in dark ropes around her face. Her skin was a weird color, but that was supposed to be taken care of today. Prom was in a couple of weeks, and she needed to be tan.

At least, that's what Sawyer kept saying.

So Sawyer was coming over, and she and Lydia were going to lay out all day, since it was Sunday, and if they laid out a little every day until prom, they'd look perfect.

Sawyer would look perfect. It would take a lot more than a little sun to help Lydia.

Lydia shook her head, stepping away from the mirror and shutting the light off in the bathroom. She walked to her closet, letting out a long sigh as she walked over to where her bathing suits were. She looked at the mirror in the closet, the one that stretched nearly from the floor to the ceiling, and she sighed. She walked closer to it, opening her towel. Her hipbones were sticking out, and pretty soon, her ribs would be visible. Her collarbones were alarmingly prominent.

Lydia let out a ragged breath, wrapping the towel back tighter around her, sinking to the floor and pulling her knees to her chest.

She had to stop doing this.

Everything was okay. Jude was home, and he'd be stopping by, either after supper or once everyone was asleep. He'd started climbing up the tree to sneak into her room at night before he left to go see his dad, and Lydia figured it was only a matter of time before he started that up again.

She started rocking back and forth, realizing tears were coursing down her cheeks.

She was fine.

She had to stop. What's done is done, and there's no going back. She wouldn't want to go back anyway.

That's what she kept telling herself, as she avoided the pictures of her parents, afraid of what she'd see if she looked at them. Instead of the smiles she'd seen all her life, she was afraid she'd be able to see their disappointment.

Lydia shook her head, wiping her eyes with her hands, letting out a sigh. She stood up, avoiding the mirror at all costs, slipping on a plain hot pink bikini, only because Sawyer wouldn't let her wear a one-piece. _"The tan lines are so much cuter in a bikini, Lyd."_

Whatever.

Lydia thought of drying her hair, but she didn't really see the point. She twisted her hair up into a knot on top of her head, sliding a big pair of sunglasses onto her face. She slid her feet into flip flops, throwing a yellow cover-up over her bikini. She picked up a towel on the way out of her room, stopping by her dresser, holding on with one hand.

God, she was making herself sick. It would be so much easier to just crawl back in bed, stay there all day instead of going with Sawyer, who she'd have to talk to, carry on a conversation with, all the damn day. Lydia pulled her phone off the charger, seeing the one missed call and voicemail.

_"Hey babe, it's Jude. I just wanted to say good morning. I know you're hanging with Sawyer today, but if you need an escape hatch, just shoot me a text. If not, I'll see you tonight. Probably late. Love you."_

She couldn't be mad at him. She tried, but she realized she'd been projecting her anger onto him, instead of where it should have been. It was her own fault for being so stupid, not his. She would give anything for him to be there right then, holding her, telling her everything would be all right, blocking out the world, the way she felt, everything except him.

She heard a car horn and made her way down the stairs. Sawyer sat in Lucas' car, Ellie bouncing in the backseat, waving at Lydia. Lydia bit back a groan and made her way out to the car. Sawyer smiled, lifting her sunglasses to sit on top of her curly hair.

"Change of plans, Lyd! Davis got the keys to his dad's place, and we're all heading over there."

"All?"

Sawyer grinned.

"Well, me, you, El. Quinn's dropping Riley by in a little bit. Davis, of course, and Jude. Logan might swing by later, Quinn said."

So much for that quiet day with Sawyer. Lydia pushed a smile on her face and climbed in the car. The drive was relatively short, and all three girls were quiet as Sawyer pulled into the driveway of the sprawling house.

Julian had bought the house shortly after Brooke filed for divorce, from a woman who was once one of Brooke's close friends. Once the house was sold, Julian went to pick up the keys and ended up getting them, along with a hard slap across his face.

Rachel Gatina had then breezed into Clothes Over Bros on her way out of town, giving Brooke a hug and smiling gently at Lydia. That was the last time Rachel had been seen, and Brooke had recently wondered aloud if Rachel was even still alive.

"Damn, that's a big ol' house."

Ellie and Lydia just nodded in agreement with Sawyer's whispered statement. Davis stepped through the front door wearing his swim trunks and a short sleeve button-up, completely unbuttoned. He held his arms up, a wide smile on his face, sunglasses on his nose. Sawyer laughed as she put the car in park, climbing out to run over and kiss Davis. Ellie made a noise in the backseat, making Lydia laugh. They gathered their things and followed Davis and Sawyer inside.

"So Jude's on his way. Had to stop by the café and grab some food, 'cause we have nothing here."

Lydia kept the smile on her face, meeting Davis' eyes once, then looking to her bag. She missed Davis and Sawyer exchanging a glance, and followed them inside. They walked through the house, dropping their bags in one of the bedrooms and walking through the kitchen to the backyard.

Davis and Sawyer held hands as they walked away from the porch, and Ellie went running, jumping into the pool with a massive splash. Sawyer laughed, then turned back, lifting a hand to her forehead, shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Lyd, you coming?"

Lydia was staring at the pool, at the sparkling water of the deep end. She watched as Ellie dove neatly under the water, swimming all the way down to the bottom before swimming back up, lifting her head from the water with a gasp.

Lydia couldn't quite breathe, her heartbeat was pounding in her ears, and all she could think about was her mother. She let out a shaky breath, gasping in another as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and closed her eyes as she reached up, taking hold of Jude's arms.

"Hey, babe. You okay?"

She nodded, grateful to be looking away from the pool. She looked at him, the way he was wearing a shirt the same way Davis was, unbuttoned all the way, showing off his muscular chest. She loosened her hold on Jude's arms, letting out a long breath.

"You just scared me, is all."

"Yeah, okay. What is it really?"

Lydia smiled, moving to wrap her arms around Jude's neck. He put his arms around her, holding her close like he always did, and she kissed his cheek. She moved back, keeping hold of his hands, making herself smile.

"It's nothing. I'm glad you're here. Want to lay out with me?"

Jude smiled, nodding as she led him over to a chair. She lifted her cover-up off, making Jude work really hard not to swallow his tongue, and laid on her back on a lounge chair. Jude slid his shirt off his shoulders, lying beside her. She moved to rest her head on his shoulder, and Jude let out a sigh. Maybe this is what she'd been needing.

* * *

 

Sawyer let out a sigh, shifting a little in her chair. She had her eyes closed and, even though it wasn't all that hot outside, the sun felt glorious on her skin. She felt someone walk up to her, and a smile spread across her face when that someone bent and kissed her lips. Sawyer let out a giggle, opening her eyes and pushing her shades up into her hair. Davis gave her a smile, sitting down on the edge of her chair. Sawyer relaxed back with a smile.

"Hey, you."

"Hey back. I was just coming to see if maybe you were thirsty."

Sawyer knew exactly what he was asking, and she gave him a smile.

"Nah. Ellie's here, plus I drove, remember?"

Davis nodded.

"Yeah, I know. Figured it couldn't hurt to ask though."

Sawyer sat up, leaning over to kiss him again. She relaxed back in the chair, pulling her shades back over her eyes, watching Davis as he looked towards the house. Sawyer reached out her hand, touching his arm.

"Hey. You okay?"

Davis gave her a small smile.

"Yeah, it's … I'm fine."

Sawyer sat up again, continuing to run her fingers up and down his arm.

"What's on your mind, Baker?"

Davis let out a sigh.

"I'm worried about Lydia."

"Lydia?"

Sawyer looked over towards the house, where Jude and Lydia had gone a few minutes earlier. She glanced over to the pool, where Ellie and Riley were doing handstands, paying absolutely no attention to the world around them. Sawyer looked back to Davis, pushing her shades up into her hair again.

"What do you mean?"

Davis sighed again, moving to lie back on the chair. Sawyer moved to lie beside him, and Davis looped an arm around her.

"Has she seemed all right to you lately?"

Sawyer moved her shades back over her eyes, looking up at the clouds as she thought about her answer.

"Well… I mean, she has seemed a little different."

"Like how?"

"I don't know… Distant, maybe?"

She sat up, looking towards the house again.

"Now that you mention it, she has kind of seemed like something was a little off."

Davis nodded.

"I know. She's been, like, clinging to Jude. I know they've always been close, and they've practically been together for freakin' ever, but … something's changed. I thought maybe they were doing it, but I'm pretty sure Jude would tell me. And Lydia's not that kind of girl, so…"

Sawyer nodded, but the things Davis had said were swirling through her mind. She and Lydia had always been extremely close. They were cousins as well as best friends, but lately, now that Davis had brought it up…

They had kind of drifted apart. Sawyer had noticed that, but she'd chalked it up to the fact that since she and Davis had started dating, she'd been slacking off spending time with Lydia. Now, though, she wasn't so sure. Jude and Lydia came walking back outside, and Sawyer took her sunglasses completely off to really take a good look at her friend.

Lydia had always been skinny, but now… She seemed almost too thin. Her hipbones were sticking out, as were her collarbones, and her skin was too pale. Lydia tanned easily, and kept the glow for a while, but in the winter months, the tan would fade, leaving Lydia's skin a beautiful porcelain. Right now, though, her skin was a sickly pale, nearly gray.

"Jesus."

Sawyer let out a ragged breath, pulling her knees up. Davis sat up beside her, moving closer to her.

"What is it, babe?"

"Lydia. She … she looks awful, Davis."

Davis looked over to the pool, where Jude was waist-deep in the water, holding out his hands, helping Lydia walk down the ladder. He let out a long sigh.

"I know, babe."

Davis leaned in, pressing a kiss to Sawyer's temple.

"I just don't know what to do."

* * *

 

Lydia was floating on her back, eyes closed, ears below the water line. She was alone in the pool, and she was okay with that. Davis and Sawyer had gone inside to get some food, Ellie and Riley tagging along behind them, and Jude had followed, after his stomach growled and Lydia insisted he go get some food.

Her mind was racing, the way it had been since they arrived at the house, and she had hoped that some time in the pool would help. It hadn't, though. It had actually made it worse.

All she could think about was her mother. Ever since Quinn had told her about Haley's death, thoughts about her mother dominated Lydia's thoughts.

The biggest question she couldn't stop thinking of was why. Why did Haley do what she did? Why did she think everyone would be all right without her?

Why didn't she love Lydia enough to stay?

That last question seemed burned into her brain, and it brought tears to Lydia's eyes every time she thought it. But there was another question that Lydia couldn't help but think about.

How? How did it feel?

Haley took a ton of medication, so it must have dulled whatever pain she must have felt. If she'd felt any at all. If she had been feeling the way Lydia currently felt…

Well, Lydia could really understand, if she would tell the truth.

She stood up, shaking her head, getting some of the water out of her ears. She smoothed her hair down, looking over at the sparkling water of the deep end. She let her hands drift down, running them back over the surface of the water. She didn't really realize that she was walking, until the bottom of the pool had run out and she was floating. She swam to the side of the pool, taking hold of it as she moved around, sitting on the ledge. She closed her eyes, letting her breath out in short pants.

She couldn't say why, but she suddenly needed to know what it felt like. She needed to know how her mother felt in those last few moments of her life. Lydia looked up, letting her eyes close again as she pushed off from the ledge, letting her body drift under the water.

* * *

 

Jude set his drink down, rolling out his shoulders as he glanced outside. Lydia was standing up, running her fingers through the water. He was heading back out there in just a minute. He'd wanted to give Lydia a moment by herself, because she looked so grateful when he'd followed the crowd inside. He was so worried about her. She seemed better today, smiling at him, holding his hand all on her own. She wasn't clinging to him the way she had been, not that he'd have any problems with that.

Jude smiled as he shook his head, watching Ellie and Riley bound up the stairs. Sawyer and Davis had disappeared a while back, and Jude didn't really want to think about what they could be doing. He took another sip of his drink, which he had not let Davis fix. He'd driven to the house earlier, and would have to drive himself and Davis home later. He looked back to the window, eyes darting around before he dropped his cup into the sink.

" _Lydia_!"

He took off at a full-out sprint, diving into the pool, down to the bottom, where he grabbed hold of Lydia, pulling her back up with him. He broke the surface with a gasp, pushing Lydia up onto the side of the pool, lifting himself out as she coughed and spit water.

"What the hell were you doing? Shit, Lydia, you scared the hell out of me! What were you thinking?!"

She kept coughing, leaning to lie down and curl up on her side. Hot tears slid down her face, and Jude was shaking beside her. He moved to grab her, pulling her back up in a sitting position. She coughed and shook her head, and Jude shook her just a bit.

"Talk to me, damn it. What were you doing?"

Lydia took in a ragged breath, leaning away from him to spit more water out of her mouth. Her voice was raw when she spoke to him, barely in a whisper.

"I wanted to know what she felt like."

"What who felt like?"

Lydia brought her eyes, those beautiful navy blues, up to meet Jude's.

"My mom."

Jude stared at her for a moment, then let his eyes close, hanging his head as he realized. Lydia's mother had drowned in a pool, and she'd just recently found that out. This was the first time Lydia had been in a pool since Quinn told her about Haley. Jude looked over, and Lydia was staring at the deep end, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Fuck. Lyd, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize…"

Lydia shook her head, and Jude moved over, running his hand through his hair before putting an arm around her. She leaned into him, breathing hard.

"I'm sorry."

"You scared the hell out of me, Lyd. Don't—don't ever do that again."

She nodded, but she couldn't take her eyes away from the pool, from the bottom of the deep end.

* * *

 

Late that afternoon, tired and sunburned, Sawyer and Ellie walked into their house. Ellie went straight for the shower, but Sawyer walked to the kitchen. Peyton turned back from the stove, a big smile on her face.

"Hey, beautiful."

"Hey, Mama."

Peyton watched her oldest daughter as Sawyer took a seat on one of the barstools. Her face was red, her blonde curls crazy around her head. There was something off, though, and Peyton noticed. She cut the temperature of the oven down, moving over to stand by where Sawyer was sitting.

"Hey."

Sawyer looked up, and Peyton smiled.

"What's on your mind, kid?"

Sawyer smiled, looking back down at her hands. She took in a deep breath, then looked up.

"I'm worried about Lydia, Mom."

Peyton blinked. That was not what she was expecting Sawyer to say.

"What do you mean, honey?"

Sawyer let out her breath.

"I don't know. Davis pointed it out earlier. She doesn't look good, Mama, and she hasn't been acting the way she used to. At first I thought it was just that we haven't hung out in a while. Since I started dating Davis, you know? But … I don't know. Something's up."

Peyton walked around, taking the seat beside Sawyer.

"What do you mean by 'something's up'? Do you think she's doing something?"

Sawyer let out a breath, looking at her hands as she twisted her fingers around.

"I don't know. She seems kind of sad. Like every time she smiles, it's forced. Her eyes don't light up the way they used to."

Peyton wasn't going to say anything, but she had noticed that very thing.

"And whenever Jude's around. Mama, she clings to him. Like, I know when Davis and I are together, I want to be around him. I like holding his hand, and when he puts his arm around my shoulders. But Jude and Lydia… It's like he's trying to completely wrap her up. Like she's trying to burrow into him or something."

Sawyer sighed, and Peyton finally reached over, taking one of her hands.

"Honey, if you're this worried about her, you need to talk to her. Sit down with her and make her talk to you. Let her know how worried you are about her, that because she's your best friend, you don't want her to go through whatever it is alone."

Sawyer nodded.

"I can call Quinn, if you want."

Sawyer quickly shook her head.

"No, don't do that. I—I'll talk to Lydia."

Peyton nodded, reaching over to push a curl behind Sawyer's ear.

"You know I'm here if you ever need anything, right?"

Sawyer smiled for the first time that night.

"I know, Mama. Thank you. I love you."

Sawyer leaned over to wrap Peyton in a hug, and Peyton held a hand to the back of Sawyer's head. She thanked God every single night for both of her daughters, and for letting her experience their lives.

Sawyer pulled back, smiling when Peyton kissed her cheek, then turned to go to the shower. She bumped into Lucas at the kitchen door, giggling at him, then going up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Lucas walked over to Peyton, standing behind her, kissing her cheek and wrapping his arms around her. Peyton laughed quietly.

"What are you doing?"

"Coming to see my beautiful wife. I've stared at that damn computer screen much too long."

Peyton laughed again, turning around to wrap her arms around his neck. Lucas let his hands drift down, resting low on her waist. She moved up to press her lips to his, and Lucas had a smile on his face as she pulled away. Peyton turned back to the stove, and Lucas leaned up against the counter.

"Your daughter is worried about her cousin."

Lucas didn't say anything, and Peyton turned to look at him.

"She's got an ass-load of cousins, Peyt."

Peyton laughed.

"Lydia. Sawyer's worried about Lydia."

"Why?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulders.

"She said Lydia hasn't been acting the way she used to. I told her that if it's bothering her this much, she needs to talk to Lyd and hash it out."

Lucas nodded, and Peyton turned to face him, leaning up against her side of the counter.

"I'm kind of worried about her, too."

Lucas blew his breath out.

"Damn it, I was hoping you wouldn't say that."

"You too?"

He nodded.

"Luke…"

"I know. I just …"

Peyton walked over to him, laying a hand against his cheek, and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch.

"She's not Haley, Luke."

He nodded, letting out his breath.

"I know she's not. But Peyt… She looks just like her, you know? She sounds like her. Sometimes she'll say something, and I have to stop, because I could swear it was Haley. What if … What if Lydia's more like Haley than we think?"

"Stop."

Lucas sighed as Peyton lifted both her hands to his face. They just stared at each other for a minute, then Peyton wrapped her arms around her husband. She ran her hand through the hair on the back of his head, just above his neck. Lucas nodded, pulling back to kiss Peyton's forehead as Ellie came back in the room.

"Mama, I'm starving. And I'm hot."

Lucas laughed as Peyton turned to look at their youngest daughter.

"That might be due to the sunburn on your pretty face."

Ellie scrunched up her nose.

"Ow."

Lucas laughed again, and Peyton smiled up at him.

"There's some aloe vera in the fridge. Help her, Daddy." "

Yeah, help me, Daddy."

Lucas shook his head, grabbing the gel out of the refrigerator, walking over to spread it on Ellie's face.

"Daddy, can you rub that on my shoulders, too?"

Lucas smiled, shaking his head again, motioning for Sawyer to come and sit beside her sister.

"Let's have a little talk about sunscreen, shall we, girls?"

Ellie and Sawyer shared a groan as they pillowed their heads on their arms on the counter, while Peyton laughed from her place by the stove.

* * *

 

Lydia let out a harsh breath, moving to grip the sides of the bathtub. She dropped the razor off the side of the tub, looking down at her calf, seeing the blood from the cut she'd just made tint the water around her leg. She was breathing kind of hard, mad at herself for how she'd gotten caught up in the moment and the feelings, cutting her legs up more than she'd intended.

She leaned back in the water, fighting the urge to drift under again. Jude wouldn't be here to pull her out this time.

Lydia reached and pulled the plug on the drain, curling into a ball as the water drained from the tub. She climbed out, grabbing a towel and drying off, hissing when the towel dragged over the tender flesh of her legs. She wrapped the towel around her, walking to the mirror, bringing her eyes up after pausing for just a moment. She shut her eyes, squeezing them closed.

She hated what she saw in the mirror. There was nothing beautiful about her, nothing not even remotely pretty. There was nothing good, nothing interesting. Nothing lovable. That was why her mother had killed herself. Well, one of the reasons.

Haley must have been able to sense all the things Lydia felt about herself. It had to also be part of the reason why Jamie never came home.

Lydia backed away from the mirror, shutting off the lights as she did. She let out a breath, walking over to her dresser. She slipped her pajamas on, then sat on the edge of her bed, squeezing her eyes shut.

She couldn't.

She promised Jude she wouldn't do it again. No matter how bad it hurt, no matter how bad she felt, she had promised. But the last time …

It had felt so good. She was able to stop thinking about what a horrible person she was, how badly she felt. She was able to relax, even though she had stayed up all night long.

She shouldn't.

But it was like a siren song, calling to her. She tried to ignore it, but she just couldn't. She berated herself the entire time, as she stood up, as she locked her bedroom door, as she walked over and locked her window. She walked over to the dresser, pushed her panties aside and pulled the things out of her drawer.

She set the mirror on top of her dresser, in the space where the picture of her mother used to sit. Lydia held the tiny bag up, letting it rest in her hand. She sighed, moving to put the powder in lines, the way she'd been showed. She took the rolled-up five dollar bill, rolling it between her fingers. She closed her eyes, shaking her hair back from her face.

When she was done, Lydia stood up straight, gently wiping a finger under her nose. She ignored meeting her eyes in the mirror, calmly moving to hide everything once again. She tried not to think about Jude and how disappointed he'd be, because she knew that, in just a few minutes, she wouldn't be thinking about much of anything. She moved to lay on her bed, resting against the pillows, sighing when the good feeling finally washed over her.


	11. Chapter 11

Davis walked into his mother's store, hands in his pockets as the bell above the door jingled behind him.

"I'll be with you in just a second!"

Davis smiled, slipping his shades off and hooking them in the front pocket of his shirt.

"What kind of a business makes their customers wait?"

He heard Brooke's intake of breath, then smiled as she stepped around the counter, hands on her hips.

"Davis Baker…"

"Hey, Mom."

She laughed, then walked over, wrapping him in a hug.

"You were gone before we got up this morning."

"Crisis at the café. I didn't want to wake you guys before the sun was up, and I knew you and Jude would take care of Meg."

He nodded, following her as she walked back behind the counter. Brooke was studying sketches, and Davis peered over her shoulder.

"Mom, that's crap. But that one… That one looks cool."

Brooke shook her head with a smile.

"I was thinking that, too."

Davis nodded, then let out a sigh. Brooke set the sketches aside, leaning up against the counter and crossing her arms.

"What's on your mind, baby?"

Davis let out a quiet laugh.

"That obvious, huh?"

"Well, for someone who knows you as well as I do… Yeah."

He sighed again, turning to look out the window.

"I'm worried about Lydia, Mom. I think something's seriously wrong."

Brooke stood up straight, dropping her arms by her side. This was different. Jude was the one who worried about Lydia. Davis and Lydia were friends, of course, but their relationship was nothing like the one between Jude and Lydia.

"What do you mean, honey?"

Davis sighed, putting his hands back in his pockets, continuing to look out the window.

"She's not acting the way she used to. She's … I don't know, she seems sad. Kind of like she might be depressed. I know Jude's been taking care of her, but … Mom, I'm afraid Lydia might need some serious help."

"Okay, okay. Hey."

Brooke laid a hand on his shoulder, turning Davis to face her.

"Come sit down and tell me everything."

* * *

 

Jude shut his notebook and rubbed his eyes. God, he hated chemistry. Who needed to know this crap? He tilted his head, feeling his neck pop and letting out a breath when it did. He heard the front door open and close, and he opened his eyes in time to see his mother walk in, set her purse on the counter, and hold onto it while she took a deep breath.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

Brooke looked over to him, letting out her breath.

"We need to talk. Right now."

"I was actually going to go see Lydia. I just finished my homework—"

"Jude, sit down."

He did, and Brooke let out another breath.

"Honey, what's going on?"

Jude just looked at her, and Brooke sighed.

"With Lydia. Is she okay?"

"She's fine, Mom. What are … Why?"

Brooke looked down, then pulled out the chair across from Jude, sitting down.

"Shoot straight with me. What's going on with Lydia?"

Jude looked down at the table, speaking softly.

"Davis talked to you, didn't he?"

Brooke pursed her lips, but didn't answer his question. Jude blew his breath out anyway.

"Damn it, I told him not to."

"Jude, watch your mouth."

"She's fine, okay? Well… Okay, she's not exactly 100%, but she's okay. I'm … I've got her, and she'll be fine."

"Honey, slow down. Talk to me."

Brooke reached across the table, taking one of Jude's hands in hers. He hung his head, letting out a breath. Tears came to Brooke's eyes. How could she not have seen this sooner, before her little boy had taken the weight of this on his shoulders?

"Sweetheart. Jude, please."

He looked up at her, his dark eyes filled with tears.

"I can't, Mom. I promised her that whatever she told me would stay between us. I can't … I can't lose her trust. Not when she needs me this much."

"Jude."

He'd looked away, and Brooke squeezed his hand until he looked at her.

"Honey, you are sixteen years old. Lydia is sixteen years old. You don't have to take care of her."

"I do, Mom. You don't … You don't understand."

"Jude."

"No, you …"

He stood up, moving to pace behind his chair. Brooke watched him, until he finally grabbed the back of the chair and looked at her, a smile on his face, completely devoid of humor.

"When I was four years old, I knew that Lydia Scott was the one for me. I knew I would grow up and marry her, and I told you as much. You laughed at me, patted me on the head. But I meant it, Mom. And now, twelve years later, I am in love with her. Not the stupid little puppy love teenagers have. I am seriously, head over heels in love with her."

Brooke tried to keep her face calm, and in her heart, she already knew everything he was saying. He started pacing again, and Brooke watched him.

"I love her so much and she's … She's …"

Jude stopped, gripping the back of the chair he'd been sitting in.

"She needs help and I can't help her."

Brooke stood up, walking around to Jude, who bent over, still holding onto the chair.

"Honey, honey. Hey."

Brooke helped him sit down, and she ran her hands over his face until he'd calmed down. His breathing went from near-hyperventilating to much more calm, and Brooke pressed her lips to his forehead.

"Let's go."

* * *

 

Quinn walked into the kitchen, running her fingers through her hair. Jesus, she hated high school math. Unfortunately, her daughter was following in her mother's steps in that aspect. Riley was finishing up her algebra homework, and Quinn just couldn't stand to look at the book for one more minute. She stood in front of the refrigerator, debating on whether she felt like cooking or not, when a knock sounded at the door. Quinn shot a confused look at the clock, then met Riley in the hallway.

"Hey, homework!"

"Someone's at the door!"

Quinn just sighed, shaking her head as Riley used any excuse she could to get out of doing the rest of the homework. Quinn started to go back to the kitchen, then changed her mind, standing there as Riley opened the door.

"Aunt Brooke!"

Quinn smiled as Brooke hugged Riley, while Jude ruffled her hair. Brooke walked over to Quinn, and Jude hung back, his hands in his pockets. Usually, he ran right up to Lydia's room.

Or he climbed in her window when they thought everyone was asleep, but that was a different story.

Brooke caught Quinn's look, and she sighed.

"Hey, Riles. Why don't you—"

"Get lost so you can talk to my mom?"

Brooke smiled.

"Clear out, kid. Grown-up stuff."

Riley rolled her eyes, but gathered her books and tromped up the stairs. When she was gone, Quinn turned to Brooke.

"Okay. What's going on?"

Brooke let out a sigh, glancing back at Jude, who was staring at the floor. She put a smile on her face.

"Honey."

Jude turned to look at her.

"Go on upstairs."

He nodded, and walked away. Brooke turned to Quinn.

"Brooke, what's going on? You're freaking me out."

"I know, and I'm sorry. But we, uh … We need to talk."

* * *

 

Jude slowly made his way up the stairs, laying a hand on Lydia's closed door. He let out a sigh, then quietly knocked. He didn't hear an answer, so he gently pushed open the door.

"Lydia?"

Still no answer. Jude stepped inside, seeing Lydia huddled under the covers on her bed, a peaceful look on her face as she slept. Jude knelt next to the bed, running a hand over his face before standing up. He walked to the door, stopping as Lydia let out a sigh, rolling onto her side. Jude sighed again, stepping out of his shoes, walking to the bed, pulling back the covers and climbing in behind Lydia. He put his arm around her, moving in close to her, and she murmured as she blinked her eyes open.

"Jude?"

"Hey, sweetheart."

" _Jude_."

She rolled over, moving closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her, running his fingers through her hair as she put her face in his neck.

"You're warm."

Jude smiled, running his fingers through Lydia's hair.

"And you're soft."

Lydia smiled, burrowing closer to him. She moved up, and Jude closed his eyes as her mouth latched onto his. Jude kissed her, moving his hands up to clench in her hair as she moved over him, and he rolled onto his back. Lydia felt it the moment it happened, when the kisses changed. She could almost taste the desperation, felt it in the way Jude's hands tightened almost painfully in her hair, holding her close to him.

"Jude. Jude, stop."

He let go of her immediately, before the word was even fully out of her mouth. Lydia sat up, still straddling him, pushing her hair out of her eyes. She looked down at him, saw him clenching his eyes shut. She reached a hand and touched his cheek.

"What is it? Honey, what?"

He smiled at the endearment, opening sad eyes to look at her.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm just so … so sorry."

"Jude, what are you talking about?"

He sighed, moving to run his hands through his hair. Lydia moved off of him, and he hated the feeling that shot through him at the loss. He opened his eyes to see her head on the pillow beside him, watching him, and she moved to lay a hand on his chest. He let out a sigh, speaking softly.

"Davis talked to Mom."

Lydia nodded, silently telling him to go on, and Jude sighed.

"About you."

"Me?"

Jude nodded, and Lydia felt her heart speed up a bit.

"What … what did they talk about?"

Jude sighed again, moving on his side to lay a hand on her hip.

"He's worried about you."

Lydia closed her eyes, and Jude went on.

"Mom came home and confronted me about it, and—"

"You didn't tell her anything, did you?"

Jude shut his eyes and Lydia let out a ragged breath.

"Jude, you promised!"

"I didn't tell her everything. Just that … That I was worried about you, too. That I thought you might need some help or something."

"Damn it, Jude."

Lydia rolled onto her back, unable to stop the hot tears from leaking from her eyes. Jude rolled over, taken aback when he saw the tears, and the way Lydia seemed completely unaffected by them.

"I told you things that no one else was supposed to know."

"And I didn't tell those things. God, Lydia, don't you trust me? Have a little faith in me. Jesus."

She sighed, pushing her hands through her hair.

"I told you I don't want to go to some shrink."

"Honey, I think you might need to."

"Well, what do you know?"

Jude hung his head at that, letting out a breath.

"I know you. And I know you're not the same girl you used to be."

"You got that right."

Lydia pushed the covers off, climbing out of bed, wincing at the sting of the cuts on her legs.

"Lydia, what the hell?!"

Jude was out of the bed in a flash, walking over and grabbing her, holding her still, kneeling down to gently touch a cut on the back of her leg. She sucked in a breath as his fingers trailed ever-so-lightly over one.

"Lydia, what is this?"

"I cut myself shaving."

"Don't give me that bullshit."

He stood up, laying his hands on her shoulders and turning her around to face him.

"Did … did you do that to yourself? Did you cut your legs like that?"

She started to say no, to feed some lie to pacify him, but in that moment, she felt so tired. She looked up into his eyes, speaking so softly he almost didn't hear her.

"You don't know what it's like. You don't know how it feels, how I feel."

"Honey, why—"

"I told you, you don't understand."

"I would if you would just talk to me."

She shook her head, moving close to him, laying her forehead against his chest. Jude wrapped his arms around her, biting his lip, trying to keep from crying. He tightened his hold on her as her arms came around him, her fingers digging into his back. They heard Quinn calling up the stairs, asking Lydia to come down. Jude let out a sigh.

"Mom's here, and she's been talking to Quinn."

Lydia seemed to deflate in his arms, but Jude kept holding her.

"Listen to me."

She moved back and he took her face in his hands.

"No matter what happens, what they say or what anyone says, I love you. I love you more than you will ever know, and I'm here for you. You are not alone. Nothing you could ever do would make those feelings change."

Lydia smiled a sad smile as she took her eyes from his, looking down to the floor.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, if I were you."

Jude let his hands fall from her face, confusion and anger swirling in his chest, and Lydia walked to her dresser. Her fingers lingered on the top drawer, before moving down to the third. She took out a pair of sweatpants, pulling them on over her sleep shorts, hiding the cuts on her legs. Jude sighed, but Lydia reached out a hand. He took it, and together, they walked down the stairs.


	12. Chapter 12

Lydia stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"I don't want to do this. Jude, please."

She turned and put her face in his chest, and Jude sighed as he wrapped his arms around her.

"It's going to be okay, babe."

She shook her head, was trembling in his arms, and Jude squeezed his eyes shut.

"They just want to help, Lyd. Everyone loves you and just wants to help you."

"Don't make me do this, Jude, please."

Jude sighed again, looking up and seeing Riley standing in front of them. Riley looked down at the floor, sliding her foot back and forth as she spoke.

"Mom's wondering where you are. They're waiting in the living room."

Lydia pulled back from Jude, glancing over to Riley, who made her way up the stairs. Lydia looked back at Jude, and he reached out to take her hand. He moved his other hand to the back of her head, pulling her in gently and kissing her forehead.

"I'm right here, Lyd. Not going anywhere, okay?"

She nodded, letting out a deep breath, and they walked into the living room. Lydia stopped, making Jude bump into her, and he spoke quietly, where only Lydia could hear.

"Damn it."

Brooke and Quinn stood up from their spots on the couch, while Lucas got to his feet from his place on the chair. Lydia turned to Jude, hurt flashing in her eyes. Jude shook his head.

"I didn't know he was here. I thought … I thought it was just my mom and Quinn."

"Honey, why don't you come sit down?"

Lydia looked back at Brooke and shook her head.

"I don't want to."

"Lydia, please."

She looked over to Lucas and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. Lucas took a deep breath, smiling at her.

"We just want to talk, sweetheart."

Lydia let out a ragged breath, looking down, until Jude came up behind her. He laced his fingers with hers and she looked up at him, navy blue eyes locking on his. He gave her a smile and nodded, and they walked over to sit on the loveseat beside Quinn and Brooke, across from Lucas.

Jude sat first, and Lydia sat as close to him as she could. He set his arm on the back of the couch, and Brooke and Quinn exchanged a glance. Lydia focused on a book underneath the coffee table, her parents' old wedding album. The book held pictures from both of their weddings, because they'd had two. Her mother had been pregnant with Jamie at the second one. Brooke and Peyton had told her all about the weddings when she was little, and Quinn had filled in details they'd missed, about her own parents, the Lydia she'd been named after.

"Lydia?"

She looked up at Lucas' gentle tone, saw his smile.

"How are you?"

She smiled, fighting to keep from laughing out loud.

"I'm fine."

Lucas nodded, and Brooke spoke.

"Are you sure, sweetie?"

Lydia looked over, nodding.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"We just … we're worried about you, honey."

"Well, you're wasting your time. I'm fine."

"Lydia."

She looked back down, back at the book, hating it all of a sudden. She felt Jude's hand on her shoulder, closing her eyes as Quinn sighed. Quinn spoke quietly, leaning up to rest her arms on her knees.

"You're not fine. I think the fact that all three of us are here proves that. And we're here because our kids have been the ones to bring to our attention that you're not okay."

Lydia felt her breathing speed up. All of a sudden, she felt so angry, and she couldn't even say why. She shrugged Jude's arm off, curling more in on herself. Brooke noticed, leaning over.

"Honey, we—"

"Just stop. I—I'm fine, okay? You don't need to worry about me. There are more important things to worry about."

Lydia stood up, and Lucas did the same.

"Lyd, just calm down, okay? We just want to talk."

"No, you don't! If you did, we'd be talking instead of you guys pushing me to say what's wrong when I've told you that I'm fine. You've got in it your heads that something's wrong with me, and that's it."

"Lydia, we just want to help you."

Lydia looked over to Brooke, not even noticing the tears welling up in her own eyes. But Brooke noticed, and it broke her heart.

"You know what would help me? Just … just leave me alone."

Lydia walked out of the room, past Lucas, who reached out for her, and Brooke sighed.

"Let her go. We … we shouldn't have bombarded her like this."

Brooke looked over to Jude and sighed.

"Go make sure she's okay."

He nodded, standing up and walking out to the kitchen, where he gripped the counter. He listened to his mother, while she let out another sigh.

"Well, if that wasn't proof, I don't know what else could be."

"I just … I never expected our sweet little Lydia to act like that."

Lucas sounded shocked, and Jude could almost see him shaking his head. Quinn's voice was quiet and watery, and Jude was sure she was crying.

"She's lashing out at us. I just …"

"Quinn, hey. She is not Haley."

Jude let out a choked breath, going to the stairs and walking to Lydia's room. He twisted the knob, surprised to find it locked.

"Lyd. Hey, it's me. Open up."

He could hear her moving around, and he let out a sigh as he put both hands on the door frame.

"Lydia, I can hear you in there. Open the door."

"Can you give me just a second? God."

Jude let out another breath, shaking his head.

"You don't have to be mad at me, you know. I didn't do anything."

The door opened, and Jude was faced with five feet, almost three inches of furious Lydia.

"Of course. You didn't do anything. You never do anything; that's the problem."

"Whoa, what?"

Jude stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him. Lydia shook her head, pacing the room while Jude crossed his arms over his chest.

" _I_ never do anything?"

"You could have brushed Brooke off. You didn't have to tell her anything. Instead, you spill your freaking guts, and the next thing I know, there's a damn intervention in my living room."

"And didn't it go well?"

She stopped, looking over at him with cold blue eyes.

"Fuck you."

"Hey!"

Her cheeks went red, and she turned away from him as he walked closer to her.

"You don't ever speak to me like that. What the hell's going on?"

"Nothing. Just drop it."

"Lydia—"

"For God's sake, Jude!"

She turned to face him, a smile on her face, gripping at his heart.

"Can't you just let it be? How hard is that? I ask you to do something and you do it. You always have. Why now do you decide to fight me on it?"

"Because I'm scared to death that something's wrong with you that I can't fix."

She stopped, letting her hands fall by her sides as he ran his hands through his hair. He hadn't wanted to say that. He'd never wanted to tell her that. He just couldn't keep it in anymore. He looked up, meeting her eyes.

"I shouldn't have said that. But it's true, okay? I am so in love with you, and I need you, and to have you act the way you're acting… I'm scared, Lyd. And I'm not afraid to tell you anymore. You can put on a show for everyone, all right? Act the way you did to my mom and Quinn and Lucas and every other person in Tree fucking Hill, but you can't fool me. I know you, and I love you, and I am right here. I have been right here, and I'm not planning on going anywhere."

He'd been walking to her, and he reached out, taking her cool hands in his.

"I've told you before, you don't have to put on a show for me. You don't have to act. I can see you, the real you, and that's the girl I fell in love with."

"You can't fall in love with someone you've just always known."

"Is that why you've never said it back to me?"

She stopped, looking down at his chest instead of his eyes. He smiled, bringing her hands up.

"Did you think I hadn't noticed?"

She closed her eyes, and Jude let go of one of her hands to run his fingers through her gorgeous hair.

"It's okay, Lyd. I know you'll say it back when you can. I'm not afraid to wait."

She shook her head, speaking so softly.

"You shouldn't have to wait."

She looked up at him, tears swimming in her navy blue eyes.

"You deserve so much better than me, Jude. You deserve someone who will say it back, someone who's not damaged and ugly and—"

"Stop."

He bent to press his lips to hers, shutting her up the best way he knew. He pulled back, resting his forehead on hers.

"There is no one better than you. You are beautiful and kind. You're smart and sexy. I love you, all of you, even what you think are the ugly parts. Everyone's damaged, Lyd. Some just hide it better than others."

She sighed, taking her hand from him and looping it around his neck. He wrapped his hands around her waist and she let out a breath against his cheek.

"I need you to promise me a few things."

She nodded against him.

"Stop hurting yourself. I don't know why your legs look the way they do, but I need you to not do that anymore."

She let out another breath, then nodded.

"You've got to start eating. You're too skinny, and this?"

He ran his fingers over her hipbones and shook his head.

"This isn't okay, Lyd."

"Okay."

She sighed against him, and he pulled her closer.

"I just … I don't know if I can stop pretending to everyone."

"Then don't. If it gets to be too much, stop. Otherwise, be the Lydia everyone loves and take the rest out on me. I'm tough. I can take it."

She glanced at her dresser over his shoulder, sniffing when she did. It was on the tip of her tongue, to tell him what was in her top drawer and get it all out in the open. But she could feel it finally starting to kick in, and she shut her eyes, leaning into him more. He ran his hands up and down her back, smiling.

"So we have a deal?"

She smiled as he pulled away from her, keeping her hands in his. She looked up into his eyes and smiled.

"Yeah."

He leaned to kiss her again, and she raised her hands to his face. The kiss deepened after a second, and Lydia let out a quiet moan. Jude pulled back after a second, breathing hard.

"Easy, babe. Take it easy." "

I don't want to."

She pushed him gently, until he sat down on her bed. She sat in his lap, facing him, taking his face in her hands as she kissed him again. He set his hands on her hips, meaning to stop her, but her tongue touched his, and he couldn't help the moan that left his lips. He moved his hands up into her hair, and she reached down, pushing his shirt up.

"Lyd, we—"

"Shh."

She cut him off by kissing him again as she pulled the shirt off, dropping it to the floor behind her. She moved to kiss his neck and he groaned again, especially when she rolled her hips against his. He grabbed her face, bringing her lips back to his, letting his hands drift back down to her hips. He moved from her mouth, down to her neck, and she bit her lip as she groaned. She gasped when she felt his warm hands under her shirt, pressing against her bare back.

"Oh God, Jude."

He smiled, moving his hands up to where they rested against the bottom of her ribcage. He moved back, looking in her eyes, and she was breathing hard as she nodded. He moved his hands up some more, until they both let out a moan as he cupped her breasts in his warm hands. Lydia laced her hands through his hair, tugging as she bit her lip again. Jude moved his hands to grip her hips again, picking her up and moving them both until she was lying on the bed, and he was leaning down to kiss her. He was gently pushing her shirt up, lips locked on hers, when they both froze.

"Jude? Honey, we need to get going."

They were both breathing hard, and Lydia reached up to push a hand through her hair. Jude bent to rest his head against her shoulder before he moved to kiss her cheek, and she let out a sigh. He stood up and walked to Lydia's bathroom, where he splashed cold water on his face. He looked over at the tub as he dried his face off, his shoulders falling when he saw the bloody razor blade on the floor beside the tub. He looked back to the bed, where Lydia was sitting up, pulling her shirt down, fixing it to the way it had been before he's gotten his hands on it. He wrapped the blade in toilet paper, setting it in the bottom of the trashcan before he stood up, walking back to the bed and taking hold of her hands, pulling her to her feet, then to his chest. He kissed her forehead, then her lips.

"I love you. Don't ever forget that."

He walked away, leaving her there, and Lydia stood in the middle of her floor for the longest time. She looked from the door, where Jude had gone, to her dresser, where the pictures of her parents sat. And from an old picture she'd once found with Sawyer, one that Peyton had drawn years and years ago, a phrase rang out in her mind.

_People always leave._

It was true. Jude had just left, to go home for the night with Brooke. Probably at that moment, Lucas was leaving to go home to Peyton and their girls.

But it wasn't just people leaving after visiting for a while. Jamie had left to join the NBA, and soon, Logan would be leaving, too.

Lydia sat on her bed, letting her mind wander further back.

Six years ago, Jude's father had left. For the first part of her life, Uncle Julian had played a fairly big role. And then, he was gone.

Mouth and Millie left when she was seven, to host some travel show.

Aunt Karen, Andy, and Lily had moved off when she was four.

Her aunt Taylor was damn near famous for leaving, and for screwing up everything in her path before she did.

Her grandmother, Deb, had left long before Lydia could even remember her, and she only heard from her on Christmas and her birthday.

Lydia looked back to the dresser. There were two instances of people leaving that hurt more than anything else. She looked at the picture of her dad holding her, smiling wide at the camera. He hadn't had a choice in the matter, but he'd left her, too.

On the other hand, there was her mother, who had been in complete control of her actions, and she'd chosen to leave.

Lydia fell back on her pillows, staring up at the ceiling. There was something she was feeling, something she'd been feeling for a while now, something that she was terrified of. Something she could never tell Jude, because knowing him, he'd never leave her side for a damn second if he knew.

The truth was, Lydia had often entertained thoughts of leaving. Packing up her things and leaving Tree Hill without a look back. Lately though, her thoughts had taken on a different turn. Leaving didn't involve packing anymore. The leaving she thought of doing now was the kind of leaving her mother had actually done.

This kind of leaving … It was permanent.

Lydia pushed her hands through her hair as she let out a sigh. She wasn't supposed to be feeling like this. She was supposed to be feeling good by now. She stretched out her neck, laying out across the bed, facing away from her dresser and the frozen smiles of her parents. She pulled the covers over her head, taking comfort in the darkness.


	13. Chapter 13

Lydia felt like she was on fire. She was shaking, her entire body trembling uncontrollably. She was sitting on the edge of her bathtub, and she whimpered before she was sick yet again.

She'd been throwing up nearly all night long, sweating profusely, huddled in the bathroom. She'd gotten sick after she'd woken up from an extremely vivid dream, and she'd been having hallucinations that terrified her ever since.

She'd watched as the bright pink walls of her bedroom morphed into millions of bright pink spiders that scurried around before popping like bubblegum bubbles.

She saw her mother's dead body floating in the bathtub, surrounded by weirdly vibrant purple daffodils that morphed into clownfish.

She'd seen her Grandpa Dan standing over her, holding a gun that was aimed at her chest. When he pulled the trigger, big Mylar balloons shot out instead of bullets. However, the balloons sounded like gunshots when they popped.

And after she'd watched Jude with full-on clown makeup take a flying leap out of her bedroom window, she swore that if she ever got through this, she'd never mess with drugs ever, ever again.

Around sunrise, there was a knock on her bedroom door. Clay stuck his head in, the way he always did, the way he had every morning as far back as Lydia could remember. And he always said the same thing.

"Little Scott, time to wake up."

She imagined him stepping in, seeing the empty bed. And sure enough, his voice was worried when she heard it again.

"Lydia?"

She gave out a weak moan from the bathroom, and Clay walked in, letting out a sigh when he saw her on her knees in front of the toilet.

"Oh, man. How long have you been in here?"

She shrugged her shoulders, starting to breathe hard again. Clay stepped over, laying a hand on her forehead.

"Christ, kid. You're soaked."

Lydia clenched her lips together as she clutched the toilet again, and Clay backed out of the room. Minutes later, as Lydia was breathing deep through her nose, desperately trying not to vomit, Quinn came rushing in. She knelt beside Lydia, letting out a long sigh.

"Have you been in here long?"

Lydia nodded, leaning back and over to rest her forehead on the cool bathtub. Quinn smiled up as Clay handed her a wet washcloth, and she set it across the back of Lydia's neck. Clay left the room, and Quinn gently rubbed Lydia's back.

"You are burning up, but you're sweating. I don't know if that's because you have fever and it's trying to break, or what. I'll call the doctor and see if we can't get you in to see him."

"No, Aunt Quinn, please."

Lydia turned to throw up again, and Quinn sighed.

"Honey, you're sick."

"It's just a virus. Let it run its course."

She moaned as she put her elbow up, resting her head on her hand. She couldn't go to the doctor. If she did, they'd do bloodwork on her and they'd find out what was truly making her sick, and she just couldn't let that happen. Quinn blew out her breath.

"I hate it when you guys get viruses."

She ran a hand over Lydia's hair, which she had pulled back in a ponytail and sighed.

"All right, fine. We'll let this run its course, but you have to stay hydrated. Drink something, anything, because I just can't deal with anyone in the hospital right now, okay?"

Lydia nodded, moving to rest her head on her arm. Quinn sighed again, rubbing Lydia's shoulders.

"I'm sorry you're sick, bud."

Lydia nodded again, and Quinn left the room, presumably to get Riley up and ready for school. Lydia opened her eyes as she leaned back against the tub, letting out a breath of relief when everything seemed normal.

Please, God, don't let there be any more hallucinations. That last one had almost done her in, because she hated clowns, and to see Jude like that … She shook her head, reaching back to take hold of the washcloth and bring it to her lips. She wiped her mouth, standing gingerly on shaky legs to look in the mirror.

Death personified, that was Lydia Scott at the moment. Her hair was matted against her head, soaked with sweat. Her skin was that weird pale, almost gray. She set the washcloth aside and slowly, slowly brushed her teeth. She thought about taking a shower, but she was just so damn tired. She was still hot as hell, but she was starting to feel cold at the same time. She just decided she'd change her sheets later, slipping off her sleep shorts and her shirt, climbing into bed in just her underwear. She shivered, teeth chattering as she pulled the covers up to her chin, and her last thought as she closed her eyes was a silent prayer for no nightmares, no hallucinations, please God, no dreams at all.

* * *

 

Outside at lunch, Davis watched his brother instead of paying attention to Sawyer's latest story. He took a bite of his burger, chewing, swallowing, all without taking his eyes off of Jude. The guy was antsy, nervous almost, but baring his teeth like an animal to anyone who looked at him twice.

"Davis, are you even listening to me?"

Davis glanced over, seeing Sawyer's pursed lips, her blue eyes narrowing. He sighed, thankful he had his sunglasses on.

"No, babe. I'm sorry."

Sawyer blew her breath out in a huff as she sat back in her seat, crossing her arms.

"What the hell is so important you can't pay attention to me?"

Davis bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, then motioned at his brother. Sawyer turned and looked at him, then turned back to Davis.

"Why's he so pissy today?"

Davis shrugged his shoulders.

"I think it's 'cause Lydia's not here."

"She's sick."

"Yeah, I know. But they've got that weird co-dependent thing going on, and since she's not here to even him out, I'm fully expecting him to go all Norman Bates on someone with that plastic knife."

Sawyer laughed.

"Yeah, I started to sit by him in biology, but … I don't know, it felt like I was sitting beside a coiled-up rattlesnake, who was just waiting on his moment to pounce."

"Saw, rattlesnakes don't pounce."

"You know what I mean."

She leaned over and punched him in the arm, and Davis just smiled. He let out a sigh as he looked back at Jude, who was looking down at his phone, texting Lydia, Davis presumed.

"Maybe we should work on getting them some friends other than … you know, each other."

"They've got us, babe."

Sawyer leaned over, kissing Davis on the mouth, and he smiled.

"Yeah, and what more do you really need?"

They both laughed, finishing off their lunches, both trying to shake off the uneasy feelings as they stared at Jude.

* * *

 

After the longest fu—freaking day ever, Jude nearly ran out of school and to his car. He'd thought he'd heard Davis mumble something about finding his own ride home, but he'd pushed past him so quick he couldn't say. Meg had ballet after school today, so Brooke would be getting her.

Jude called Quinn, who was working the day shift at the café, asking how Lydia was. Quinn said she hadn't heard from her for a while, and she was hoping she'd taken a nap. Jude offered to go and sit with her until Quinn got home, which of course, Quinn accepted.

Jude raced to the Scott house, thanking whoever was listening for keeping the cops out of his hair this time. He let himself in, using the key on top of the lantern light that hung beside the door. He walked inside, taking the stairs three at a time, and gently knocked on the door at the end of the hall.

"Lyd?"

He pushed it open when he didn't hear anything, looking over at the bed and seeing the blankets down around Lydia's hips. She was hugging a pillow, and sunlight was dancing across her bare back. He swallowed, walking around to gently lay a hand on Lydia's forehead.

"Shit. Lyd, wake up. Hey."

She blinked her eyes open, looking up.

"Jude?"

"Hey, baby."

"Jude. What—what are you doing here?"

She hugged the pillow tighter to her chest and he smiled at her.

"I had the worst day ever, without you. I wanted to see you, make sure you were okay. How are you feeling?"

"Like crap."

She groaned, putting her face in the pillow. Jude sighed.

"Where's the thermometer?"

Lydia motioned with her head towards her bathroom, and Jude grabbed it, walking back and sticking it under Lydia's tongue. After a few minutes, it beeped, and he read it, blowing out a breath.

"Jesus, Lyd. 102."

She nodded. She was fairly sure that this wasn't solely due to the cocaine anymore. Naturally, she would actually contract a virus. At least she hadn't thrown up again. Jude ran a hand over his face.

"How about a bath? Like a cool bath, try to bring your temp down?"

She nodded, and he went to turn the water on. When he came back, she was sitting on the side of her bed, the pillow still in her arms.

"I … I'm not—"

"I know. I won't look. Promise."

She let out a sigh and Jude offered his hands. She took them, setting the pillow aside, and he smiled, staring into her eyes, not once looking away. She gave him a smile, and he helped her to the bathroom, turning his back while she sank into the water. She let out a long breath, and Jude leaned against the doorframe, his back to her.

"Is the water okay?"

"It's perfect. It feels so good."

He smiled, nodding.

"Lyd, I'm right here, okay? If you need anything, just yell."

"Okay."

Jude walked over to her bed, stripping the sheets and blankets off, tossing them out into the hall. He found some more sheets in the bottom drawer of her dresser, and put those on her bed. She had another blanket in her closet, and he draped that over the bed. He was putting the pillowcases on her pillows when he heard her call for him.

"Jude?"

He walked to the bathroom, poking his head in the door. She had her chin on the edge of the tub, her body under the water, and they smiled at each other.

"I'm ready to get out."

"Okay. Hang on just a sec."

He tossed the pillow on the bed, walking back to the bathroom and grabbing a towel. He unfolded it, holding it open for her, and she stood up. He looked up at the ceiling until she touched his shoulder, and he wrapped the towel around her. He lifted her up in his arms, and she put her forehead on his.

"You'll be all wet."

"I'll be all right."

Water dripped from her hair onto his shoulder, and he set her down in front of her dresser.

"I'm going to step to the hall while you get dressed. I'm right there, so just call me if you need me."

She nodded, and Jude kissed her forehead before he stepped into the hall. She pulled on her favorite long t-shirt, then went back to sit on her bed. Her head was spinning, her stomach rolling again.

"J—Jude?"

He was by her side in a flash, kneeling down in front of her.

"Hey. You okay?"

She shook her head, and he lifted a hand to touch her cheek.

"Well, you're not quite as hot as you were. Why don't you lay down and I'll go grab you something to drink?"

She nodded, and Jude moved to pull the covers back. She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and glazed, due to the fever.

"You changed my sheets?"

He gave her a smile as he helped her lay down.

"You're too good for me, Jude."

"Nah. I just love you. I'll be right back."

Jude walked downstairs, looking around and finding some Tylenol, and a big glass of ice water. He came back upstairs to find Lydia sound asleep, the covers up around her shoulders. He let out a sigh, laying the pills and the water on the table beside her bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair, down over his face. He left her, going down to his car and getting his bag, and coming back up to sit on the floor beside her bed as he did his homework.

* * *

 

Meg came dancing into the kitchen, and Davis smiled at her as he set his pencil down. She looked at him, a grin crossing her face.

"Davis, watch."

She gracefully bent down, all the way to the floor, coming back up directly on her toes, spinning around before facing him again.

"Nice one, kid."

Meg smiled, turning to get a bottle of water out of the fridge. Davis looked towards the door, then back to his little sister.

"Hey, where's Mom?"

Meg walked over, hopping up on the stool beside him.

"Owen called her."

Davis made a face, and Meg sighed.

"Come on, Davis. He's not that bad."

He looked over at her, leaning back in his chair.

"What do you mean?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. He … He's nice. He doesn't treat me like I'm just a little kid. I know Mama and Daddy aren't going to get back together, so I thought the least we could do was give Owen a chance. And he makes Mama smile, so…"

Davis smiled, shaking his head. When did his eleven-year-old sister get to be smarter than him? He moved to squeeze the back of her neck, making her draw up and giggle.

"When did you get to be so smart?"

"I've always been smart."

He laughed, and Brooke walked inside.

"What's so funny?"

Davis squeezed Meg's neck again, and she let out a laugh.

"Mama, make him stop!"

Brooke smiled, as Meg swatted at Davis, still laughing.

"Davis, stop torturing your sister."

He held both of his hands up, in a show of surrender, as Meg let out a breath. She reached out and dug her fingers into his sides, and Davis yelped as he jumped up, as Meg fell out laughing.

"Not cool! Come here, you little—"

Meg took off running, slamming her bedroom door behind her. Brooke just laughed under her breath, as Davis rubbed his side.

"She's sneaky."

"And where in the world could she possibly have learned that from?"

Brooke raised an eyebrow at her son, who just smiled. There was no one, no one, who could be stealthier than Davis Baker. He could be downright lethal, scaring anyone who wasn't expecting it. Brooke used to shake her head at it when he was younger, how he could just appear out of nowhere, not making a sound at all. Brooke walked over, setting her purse on the counter.

"Okay, I have got a ton of … well, crap to do at the store. I haven't heard from Quinn, so I suppose all is well at the café?"

Davis shrugged his shoulders.

"I haven't heard either."

"We'll take that as a good sign. However, if she calls, would you do your mom a favor and run in for a little while?"

Davis gave a longsuffering sigh, but it was just for show.

"Yeah, I'll do it."

"In the meantime, can you keep an eye on your sister for me while I finish up at the store?"

Davis nodded.

"But what do I do with her if Quinn calls?"

"Bring her to me."

Davis nodded, but Brooke turned around, hands on her hips.

"Wait, where's your brother?"

Davis sighed.

"He took off as soon as the final bell rang. Sawyer gave me a lift home before she went to work at the café."

Brooke walked closer to him, placing her hands on the counter.

"Where did he go?"

"Give you three guesses, and the first two don't count."

Brooke sighed.

"He's with Lydia, isn't he?"

Davis nodded.

"She's got some kind of virus, Sawyer said."

"Which I'm sure he will catch and bring home to you and the kid with no immune system."

Davis nodded again, and Brooke sighed. Ever since Meg was a baby, if there was any hint of an illness around, she'd catch it. She'd had strep throat so many times the year she turned five that she was eventually hospitalized with an interesting case of strep throat and tonsillitis that nothing could cure until they took her tonsils out. She'd had chicken pox three different times. Colds, flus, pneumonia, viruses, Megan Baker had had them all. Brooke shook her head, turning to Davis.

"Call your brother and tell him I want to talk to him. Not in person, because Lord knows Megan would sense the germs and spike a fever. He's quarantined from this house until Lydia's better."

Davis nodded. Brooke gathered her purse and slid it on her arm, then walked to her son, kissing the top of his head.

"Take care of your sister."

Davis nodded, and Brooke was gone. Davis grabbed his cell phone, dialing his brother. Jude answered on the third ring, whispering into the phone.

" _Davis, what do you want?"_

"You're in deep shit, my friend. Ma's furious."

" _Why? What did I do?"_

"How sick is Lydia?"

" _She's thrown up twice in the past hour."_

"And how's your little sister doing?"

" _I don't know. I haven't seen Meg toda … Oh, shit."_

"Yeah. Make yourself comfy at the Scott house, because Mom has forbidden you to come here."

" _God, you're such a drama queen."_

"Eat me."

Davis heard the click signaling the end of the call and sighed. He walked up to Jude's bedroom, packing him a bag, muttering over and over again how Jude didn't deserve such an awesome brother.

* * *

 

Jude ran a hand over his face as he walked back to Lydia's bedroom. His mother had tried to make it seem like she was upset with him, but it was useless. She was glad he was taking care of Lydia, but until all was clear, he could not come home. He understood, of course, kind of felt bad about it. Then again, this was extra time he could spend with Lydia, so…

He walked back into her bedroom to find her sitting up, leaning back against the pillows.

"Hey, you're awake."

She gave him a smile, nodded.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad."

Her voice was scratchy and hoarse. Jude nodded as he walked over to her, leaning to lay a hand against her forehead.

"Well, you're not so hot anymore. Still a bit warm, though."

She nodded.

"Yeah, I've still got the chills a little bit, too."

He nodded as she pulled the covers around her.

"Who was on the phone?"

Jude smiled.

"Davis. And then I had to call my mom."

"Everything okay?"

Jude smiled again as he reached up, brushing her hair back from her face.

"Well, yes and no. She hopes you feel better, says she loves you."

Lydia nodded, and Jude went on.

"And it looks like I'll be chilling here for a bit."

Her eyebrows drew together, and he smiled again.

"I … sort of came over here without thinking it through. You're sick, and even if I don't get it, Meg probably will."

"Oh, man. I completely forgot about that."

Lydia coughed, and Jude let out a sigh.

"Here. Let me check your temp again."

He went and got the thermometer, stuck it under her tongue while she sat huddled beneath the blankets. When the thermometer beeped, Jude checked it and sighed.

"Well, we're down to 100. If we could at least get you out of the triple digits, that would be good."

Lydia nodded, and Jude pointed to her water glass.

"Drink."

"I don't want it."

"I don't care. You've got to stay hydrated."

"I don't want to throw up anymore."

"You want to go to a hospital?"

Lydia made a face, and Jude smiled.

"That's what I thought. Drink."

Jude crossed his arms as she reached out and took hold of the glass.

"Little sips. Go slow."

Lydia nodded, doing what he asked. After a minute, she set the glass back down. Jude watched her.

"How you feeling?"

"Waterlogged."

He laughed, sitting beside her on the bed and running his hand through her hair.

"Feel sick?"

"Not yet."

"Maybe we'll make it through this time."

Lydia nodded and lay down, pulling the covers tight around her. Jude continued to stroke her hair. Lydia looked up at him.

"How do you feel about clowns?"

He smiled.

"They're all right. Why?"

"They creep me out. Big time."

"Because of _IT_?"

"Because of what?"

Jude laughed under his breath.

" _IT_. The Stephen King book and subsequent movie."

"I've never seen it."

"Don't watch it. I snuck it in when Davis and I were six, and we couldn't handle storm drains for years afterwards."

Lydia smiled.

"So you wouldn't, like, want to be a clown when you grow up?"

"Uh, no, honey. I've got bigger dreams than clown college."

"Like what?"

"Like actual college."

Lydia laughed again, trailing off into a cough. Jude sighed, continued to stroke her hair.

"Where's all the clown talk coming from?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"No reason. Weird fever dream."

Jude nodded, and Lydia closed her eyes.

Okay, so it hadn't been a fever dream so much as a bad coke-trip hallucination, but hey. She yawned, hearing the front door open and close. She looked up to Jude, snuggling in closer to her pillow.

"What time is it?"

"Quarter after six."

"Logan must be home. Which means Riley's home, so—"

"I'll cut her off at the pass."

Lydia turned further into her pillow, and Jude smiled when he heard her mutter that he was too good for her. She slept through the rest of the evening, waking up at midnight when Quinn checked on her again. Jude was asleep on the futon near her closet, and Lydia was still running fever, which had crawled back up to 101. She took the pills Quinn gave her, drifting back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

The virus tore through the Scott/Evans household, with everyone becoming sick except for Jude and Logan. They tag-teamed, Logan doing the cooking while Jude passed out medicines and cleaned up. Riley was pitiful, almost as pitiful as Clay, while Quinn toughed it out. Lydia's fever finally broke on the third day, with Riley perking up right behind her. Quinn recovered soon after, but Clay, as always, was a terrible patient and almost had to go to the hospital for dehydration. Riley was the one who forced his recovery, using her charm of being Daddy's little girl to get her way. Peyton stopped by to bring various soups, setting them outside the door and ringing the bell, running back to her car before the door could open and any rogue germs escape.

A week later, everyone was much better, nearly back to fighting form. Clay was still milking his illness, but everyone was used to him and paid him no attention. Jude was spending his last day at the house, Brooke and Quinn deciding that a week with no fever at all in the house should be fine for Jude to come home. If Meg got sick anyway, then it was obviously just meant to be.

Lydia had gotten used to having him around all the time, especially since once she was fever-free and on the road to recovery, he'd come crawling into her bed after everyone was asleep. Spending all night wrapped up in Jude's arms made Lydia feel better, like maybe the world wasn't as dark as she thought it was. When he was gone, though, her tune changed.

It was harder and harder to get out of bed every day. She was so tired of putting on a brave face, going to school and pretending everything was fine. She stopped using, but kept the cocaine stuff buried in her top dresser drawer, kind of as a reminder of how bad she had gotten. Jude was worried about her, she knew, because whenever they were together, if they weren't making out, she was curled as close to him as she could be, just letting him hold her.

* * *

 

"Hey, Quinn?"

Quinn put down her mug of tea and turned to her husband. She gave him a smile, and he rubbed the back of his head as he walked over to her.

"Something's up with our girl."

"I know."

She sighed, looking down at the kitchen countertop, then back to Clay.

"What do we do?"

"I think we need to take her to talk to someone."

"A shrink?"

"Maybe."

Quinn let her shoulders drop, and Clay moved behind her to massage them.

"I don't know exactly what's going on, but she seems so down. She tries to pretend like nothing's wrong around us, but come on. We've been around her since she was born. Since before she was born. If anyone knows her, it's you and I."

"You're right. You're right. We need … We need to help her."

Clay pressed a kiss to Quinn's neck.

"I'll call around, see if there's someone who can take us on."

Quinn nodded, and Clay jogged off to his office. Quinn took another sip of her tea, then turned and walked out of the kitchen.

She walked over to the piano in the music room, gently running her hand over the lid and the keys. She looked up at the bookshelf next to the piano, seeing her sister smiling down from the safety of her husband's arms. Haley and Nathan's wedding photo, from their second wedding, had been next to the piano for as far back as Quinn could remember. She walked over to it, letting her fingers drift across the glass.

"We need your help, Hales. Your little girl needs help. And I need help to know that I'm doing the right thing to help her."

Quinn looked behind her, out the French doors to see a beautiful butterfly fluttering through the garden. She smiled, looking back to the picture.

"Thanks, Hales."

She nodded once more, closing the piano as she left the room, heading to the office to help Clay find some way to help Lydia.


	14. Chapter 14

Lydia sat on a comfortable couch, staring out the window at the rose bushes. She took in another breath, letting it out slowly, the same way she'd been doing for the past twenty minutes. This time, though, she spoke.

"Just as a refresher course, anything I say stays here, right? You can't go back and tell Quinn or Clay what I said?"

She turned her head, meeting the warm, dark eyes of the young woman sitting across from her. She refused to refer to her as a therapist, even though that's what she was. She was someone Aunt Peyton had known a long time ago, kind of new in town, but that was a complicated story. The woman smiled.

"Right. Anything you say stays between you and me."

Lydia nodded, turning to look back out the window. After a few minutes, she brought her eyes back to the diplomas hanging on the wall. There was one from high school, two from college, and one for a Ph.D.

"So do I call you Doctor, or …?"

"You can if you want. Most people have a difficult time saying 'Jagielski,' so if you want to just call me Jenny, that would be fine."

Lydia nodded again.

"Well then, Jenny, I'd just like to say this is bullshit."

Jenny nodded, pursing her lips together to keep from smiling.

"What makes you think that?"

Lydia let out a laugh.

"No. I do not want to sit on this couch and divulge all my secrets, tell you about my childhood and 'how does that make me feel?' No, this is stupid."

Jenny nodded.

"Well, I'm here, if you do want to talk."

"I don't."

"Just in case. Your aunt's pretty worried about you, you know."

Lydia let out a sigh.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm fine. I've tried to tell her, I'm fine."

Lydia crossed her arms, trying to swallow the bad taste the lie left in her mouth. Jenny closed her notebook, setting it on her desk.

"And Quinn's not the only one. Peyton's pretty worried about you, too."

"Right, and how do you know Aunt Peyton again?"

Jenny smiled.

"This hour is to talk about you, Lydia."

"Tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

Jenny let out a laugh.

"Fair enough. I have known Peyton Sawyer longer than I can remember. She and my dad dated for a while when I was a baby. Dad told me that Peyton was his 'one that got away.' She always loved Lucas, though."

Lydia nodded.

"Yeah, Aunt Peyton told me that she always held a soft spot in her heart for Jake and Jenny."

Jenny smiled, and Lydia leaned forward.

"What are you doing back in Tree Hill? Aunt Peyton told me your dad left a long time ago, when you were still little."

Jenny nodded.

"Yeah, we did move off. I grew up in Savannah, Georgia. I graduated from Georgia Tech. Got my master's from the University of Texas. Got my Ph.D. from UC-Berkeley."

"Impressive."

"Thank you. I worked hard for it, so I feel like I can show it off a bit."

Lydia smiled at that, and Jenny leaned back in her chair.

"Well, there you go. Your turn."

Lydia smiled, shrugged her shoulders.

"Not much to tell. I was born here, grew up here. If you can call it that, since I'm only sixteen. I go to Tree Hill High, where I'm a sophomore. My cousin Sawyer wants me to try out for cheerleading with her, but I don't know if it's really my thing."

Lydia leaned back against the couch.

"I was raised by my Aunt Quinn and Uncle Clay. I've got an older brother named Jamie, who plays for the Orlando Magic in the NBA. Aunt Quinn and Uncle Clay's kids, Logan and Riley, are practically my big brother and little sister."

Lydia glanced out the window, seeing a bumblebee in the rose bush and she smiled, before continuing on.

"I'm pretty close to my Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton. Their daughter Sawyer, my cousin, is my best friend. And her little sister Ellie is cool. Then there's Aunt Brooke, who I'm pretty close to, as well. Her kids Davis and Meg. And Jude."

Lydia smiled as she looked down at her hands, the way she always did when she thought about or spoke of Jude. Jenny's face lit up at that, but she didn't say anything, just let Lydia go on.

"I don't have any pets. No real job, but I do help out at the café and Aunt Brooke's store, if need be. I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up, and frankly, that's a little too much for me to think about right now. Prom's coming up soon, so that's what I guess I'm worried about."

"You guess?"

Lydia nodded.

"Sawyer's got high hopes for us. She's going with her boyfriend, Davis, and I'm going with Jude."

"And Jude is your boyfriend?"

Lydia looked up at Jenny, then back down at her hands. She shook her head.

"No, not … not officially."

She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something else, then closed it, shaking her head. Jenny smiled gently.

"What?"

Lydia looked up at the soft question, and Jenny's smile softened.

"You can say whatever you want, you know."

Lydia nodded, and let out a breath. She smiled, and the sadness of it touched Jenny's heart.

"He deserves someone a lot better than me, but he won't leave me alone."

Jenny nodded slowly, not letting her feelings show on her face, and Lydia went on.

"I mean, he … He's so good, and I …"

She sighed.

"He just deserves someone better."

"And why isn't that you?"

Lydia looked up, glancing at the clock behind Jenny's head.

"Isn't our hour up?"

Jenny glanced at the watch on her wrist, then smiled.

"It doesn't have to be."

"Yes, it does. I have homework."

Lydia went to stand up, brushing her hands on her pants, and Jenny stood to her feet.

"Lydia, I'd really like for you to come back next week."

Lydia let out a sigh.

"Come on. I'm fine. We barely spent this hour talking at all. And when we did talk, it was about … Nothing."

"No, it was about you."

"Like I said."

Lydia's statement was barely audible, but Jenny heard it anyway. She slid her backpack on her shoulders and looked to Jenny.

"Aunt Quinn already scheduled me, didn't she?"

Jenny smiled.

"Through the end of the month."

Lydia nodded and let out a laugh.

"I guess I'll be here, then."

"You don't have to, you know."

"Oh, I think I do. But I don't have to talk."

"No, you don't."

Lydia smiled at that, taking hold of the doorknob.

"Then be prepared for a quiet few weeks, doc."

She walked out of the room, letting the door shut behind her. Jenny let out a long breath, walking to her desk and pulling her notebook back out. She made some notes, and Shelley Simon, the other therapist she worked with, walked into the room.

"How'd it go?"

Jenny let out a long sigh, leaning back in her chair.

"Not at all like I expected."

"Really?"

Jenny nodded.

"I think she's got more issues than anyone thinks."

"You think we need to do something?"

Jenny sighed, then shook her head.

"Not yet. I want to see if I can get her to open up a little bit more."

"What's your diagnosis?"

Jenny smiled, clasping her hands together and resting them over her stomach.

"Depression, definitely. If nothing else than from what Quinn and Peyton described. Lydia was putting on a front the entire time she was here, of that I am sure. And from the little bit she said, I'd venture to say that she has a serious self-esteem issue."

"Really?"

Jenny nodded. Shelley pursed her lips together.

"Did you prescribe her anything?"

Jenny shook her head.

"No, but I would almost bet you money that's she's already on something."

"Are you serious?"

Jenny nodded.

"I believe so, because the girl that was in my office this afternoon is nothing like what Peyton described to me."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I."

Jenny let out a laugh as she shook her head.

"I hope I can get her to open up some more next week. Cross your fingers."

"Will do."

* * *

 

Lydia sat in a chair on the balcony outside her room, looking out over the backyard. She kind of wished they lived at the beach, so she could watch the waves roll in. She looked down at her hand, debating with herself, but that was mainly for show. Showing herself, she guessed? She knew she'd take the little pill, and she knew she should feel bad about it.

But she didn't.

She opened her mouth and popped the pill in, letting it sit on her tongue, making a face at the bitter taste before washing it down with a swig from her water bottle. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes, leaning back in the chair.

What the hell was Quinn thinking, making her go to a therapist? And she chooses one that Peyton picks out because Peyton used to change her diapers? Please.

Lydia was mad at them both, refusing to talk to Quinn the whole ride to and from the therapist's. When they got home, she went right up to her room and locked the door, dropping her backpack on the floor and throwing open the window, before unlocking the French door and walking onto the balcony. She'd pulled the pill out of a little bag she'd stuffed down in the bottom of her purse.

She'd met up with Nate Smith during her lunch period Monday. He was a year or so younger than Jamie, and his parents had been friends with hers while they were in high school. Nate was the assistant basketball coach (more like assistant to the assistant), and dealt drugs on the side. She'd told him that she was done, because the last batch of coke he'd given her had sent her on a horrible trip down the rabbit hole. He'd tried to talk her into some other drugs, but Lydia had stood her ground. Until he'd pulled out the little pills. He promised they'd be easier than the cocaine. These wouldn't induce any hallucinations, nothing but a good high. Lydia wanted to refuse, the memory of those horrifying hallucinations rolling through her brain, but Nate had given her that smile, and she just couldn't refuse.

So she stuffed the little baggie into her purse and tried to forget about it. And then Quinn had dragged her to a freaking therapist. And now?

Well, Lydia kind of felt like she was floating. Nate was right. These things were good. Not quite as good as the coke, but it'd do. She'd always felt kind of dirty doing the cocaine, anyway. A pill, she could take no problem. She was her mother's daughter, after all.

Lydia let out a laugh at how incredibly unfunny that statement was. She was a horrible person. But, she'd known that for years, so…

"Lydia?"

Lydia opened her eyes, sitting up in the chair, looking behind her. Riley was standing in the door. Lydia let out a sigh and turned back, relaxing back in the chair.

"If you've come to take up for Quinn, I don't want to hear it."

"She's just trying to help, Lyd."

"I just said I don't want to hear it."

Riley let out a sigh.

"Mama just wanted me to tell you that Jamie's game will be on in a couple of hours."

Lydia nodded, not turning around. Riley sighed again, and turned away. Lydia heard her bedroom door open and shut, and she let out a sigh.

She missed her brother. Jamie had always been there, taking care of her, telling her stories about their parents. And even though she missed him, Lydia was kind of glad he wasn't around. She just knew how disappointed he'd be in her, and she hated to think of that.

She was to the point of debating whether or not she wanted another pill when her phone vibrated. She picked it up, saw the message from Sawyer.

_Prom's next week!! Are you as excited as I am?!_

Four punctuation marks. Really, Saw? Lydia sighed, closing her eyes before tapping out her reply.

_Uh, definitely!_

Ha ha, lie. But Lydia just couldn't bring herself to care at that moment. Her phone buzzed again, and she looked down at Sawyer's message.

_We've got to go to C-over-B and make sure our dresses are perf. Plans tomorrow?_

Lydia closed her eyes and thought, then opened the calendar app on her phone. Nothing planned for the next day. Damn it.

_Nope. Meet you there after school?_

Less than a minute later, Sawyer replied.

_Yay! We can just drive there once school lets out. El will just have to deal. LOL._

"LOL" indeed, Lydia thought. Damn, these pills were awesome. She couldn't bring herself to care about a damn thing. She let out a long breath, and her phone buzzed again. She rolled her eyes before looking to Sawyer's message, but her face changed when she realized it wasn't Sawyer who texted her. It was Jude.

_Busy?_

Lydia smiled.

_Nope._

A few seconds later, her phone rang. She smiled when she saw the picture on her screen, a sweet photo from a long time ago of Jude holding her and making her laugh. She ran her finger down the screen, then answered the call, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes.

"Hey Jude."

She almost hear the smile on his face.

" _Hey, babe. How you doing?"_

Lydia let out a sigh.

"I'm okay."

" _Good_."

She could picture him nodding, and she took the phone away from her ear, opening an eye to look at the time.

"You at the café?"

" _Yep. Shutting it down tonight."_

She nodded, smiling again.

"Will you come and see me after?"

" _Is the Pope a Catholic?"_

Lydia giggled, and Jude smiled.

" _You sound like you're in a good mood."_

"Must be the fresh air."

Or the pills in the bottom of my purse, Lydia thought. Yeah, probably that. She took in a breath, then spoke quietly.

"I miss you, Jude. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

" _We spent all day together at school, babe. Remember? We even skipped history."_

"Eh, it's a bullshit class anyway."

Jude laughed at that.

" _Yeah, I'm definitely coming over later. Pop your window for me."_

"Well, duh."

He laughed again.

" _Hey, is Jamie's game on TV tonight?"_

"Yep. Don't ask me what channel, though."

" _Damn it."_

She giggled at that, and the smile stayed on Jude's face.

" _Guess I'll just have to search for it."_

"Guess so."

She heard him sigh.

_"I miss you too, Lyd. I'll see you soon, okay?"_

"I'll hold you to it."

_"I love you."_

She gave him a little hum, and he smiled, ending the call. Lydia pulled the phone back to make sure the call was over, then tossed the phone on the table. She sat outside until the sun went down, and she walked back in her room. She laid on her bed, dozing off until she heard a knock at her door.

"Little Scott, tip off's in fifteen!"

Lydia groaned as she sat up, noticing how thirsty she was. She still felt pretty good, and she made her way down to the kitchen, where she pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Logan smiled at her as he walked by, ruffling her hair before he sat at the couch. Lydia smoothed her hair back as she took a sip of the water.

"Hey, there she is! Come and sit. They're warming up."

Lydia stepped up behind the couch, a smile crossing her face as the camera zoomed in on Jamie. Riley and Quinn squealed, and Lydia held her breath, until Jamie looked at the camera and smiled as he ran his finger down his nose. Riley squealed again, turning to Lydia.

"There it was! Did you see it?!"

Lydia nodded. Long ago, she and Jamie had decided that was their signal to each other. If he was on the court, he'd glance her way and run his finger down his nose, and she'd grin and yell for him. Once his games were televised, he'd make sure and do it to the camera, and once the game was over, win or lose—more often than not, win—Jamie would call the family and make sure Lydia had seen the signal, so she'd know he was thinking about her.

Lydia smiled and put the bottle of water to her lips, scrunching her nose when she realized the bottle was empty. Guess she was thirstier than she thought. She grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filling it with ice and water, then walked to the recliner off to the side. Quinn and Riley were on the loveseat, and Clay and Logan were spread out on the couch. Lydia had learned a long time ago, the Evans men needed their space when they were watching sports. The girls were easier, though Riley had enough of her dad in her that if the game got intense enough, she'd be as bad as the boys.

Lydia took a sip from her glass, leaning back in the chair and watching as the Magic prepared to take on the Celtics.

By halftime, Lydia, Quinn, and Riley were smiling and laughing quietly as Clay and Logan screamed at the television, coaching the team from their couch, groaning when the players didn't do what they wanted. The game was tied up, again, and when the final buzzer sounded, sending the players to the locker rooms, Clay and Logan both let out a sigh.

"They better get it together before the second half."

"Dad, this game is bull—"

"Watch it, kid."

Logan sighed, looking sheepish as he glanced at Quinn. She smiled at him before standing up to go and order their traditional pizza. Lydia relaxed back in the recliner, and when Quinn was out of earshot, Logan leaned closer to his dad.

"Bullshit, Dad. These refs are a joke."

"I know, son. The whole thing's just a crock of shit, and there's nothing we can do about it. Damn it."

Lydia and Riley burst out laughing at their whispered statements, and from the kitchen, Quinn spoke.

"I hope you both are happy. This is not a locker room!"

Clay reached over and smacked the back of Logan's head, which only sent Lydia and Riley deeper into their giggles. The pizza arrived before the halftime show was over, and thankfully, the Magic got their "stuff," Logan said as he eyed Quinn, together and ended up winning the game. An hour after the game was over, the phone rang. Lydia answered it.

"Hello?"

" _Yeah, is this the Scott residence?"_

At the first sound of the familiar, deep voice, Lydia grinned.

"Sure is."

" _This is where Jamie Scott lives?"_

"Last I checked."

" _The world-famous NBA star Jamie Scott?"_

"Oh, no. You've got the wrong number. Our Jamie Scott's head is not quite that big."

" _Ouch, baby sister."_

Lydia laughed.

"You did so good, James! We watched the whole thing."

" _Did you see the signal before we started?_ "

Lydia smiled, and she just knew Jamie was smiling, too.

"I did. Thanks for thinking of me."

" _Hey, you're my good luck charm_."

Lydia shut her eyes at that. She let out a quiet cough, and Jamie's protective big brother instincts kicked in.

" _You okay?"_

"Yeah, James. I'm fine."

" _You sure? You over that virus?"_

"Yes, you stalker."

Jamie laughed.

" _Logan told me when I called last week. Sounded gnarly."_

"You should have been here."

Lydia shuddered at the memory, and Jamie let out a laugh.

" _I miss you, Lyd._ "

"I miss you, too."

" _Oh hey, is everyone around?_ "

"Yeah, they're all here."

Lydia glanced around the living room as everyone turned to her. Jamie smiled.

" _Put me on speaker."_

Lydia did.

"Am I on?"

Everyone yelled their hellos, and Jamie laughed.

" _Hi, guys. Did you see me kick butt?"_

Everyone spoke at one time, and Jamie laughed.

" _All right, all right. Listen. We're playing the Bobcats in Charlotte in, like, a month. And I may have managed to snag my favorite people some tickets. And I got one for Clay, too."_

Everyone fell out laughing, including Clay.

"I'm just kidding, man. But I've seriously got y'all tickets, and you've got to be here. I miss you guys something awful."

"We miss you too, Jimmy Jam."

Lydia could almost see Jamie's smile at Quinn's nickname.

" _Well look, I've got to go. I think ESPN was begging for me a minute ago."_

"Yeah, right!"

Jamie laughed at Clay.

" _Talk to you guys later. Love you!"_

Everyone said their goodbyes, and Quinn hung up the phone. She sat back on the couch, seeing Clay's smile and letting out a laugh. Clay nodded.

"So road trip to Charlotte? See a little Magic kick some Bobcat butt?"

Quinn shook her head.

"You're horrible. And so are you."

Quinn nodded to Logan, who held out his hands, an innocent look on his face. Quinn laughed, walking over and kissing the top of his head. She held a hand out to Riley, who took it as she stood up.

"It's a school night, girlies."

Riley and Lydia nodded, telling Clay and Logan goodnight as they walked upstairs. Lydia changed into her pajamas, sitting on her bed with her hairbrush, gently running it through her hair until she heard a knock at the door. Quinn poked her head in.

"Can we talk?"

Lydia nodded, setting the brush on her bedside table as Quinn walked in and sat on the bed facing Lydia. She took in a deep breath.

"I know you're mad at me."

Lydia looked down at the comforter, and Quinn sighed.

"Honey, I'm just trying to help you."

"I don't need help! Aunt Quinn, I'm fine."

"Lydia."

Lydia shook her head, looking at the wall. Quinn sighed again.

"I'm worried about you, honey. And so are Peyton and Brooke."

"Well, you're all worrying for nothing."

"Honey, I can see it!"

Lydia's breath caught in her chest. Quinn looked down at the bed, then up to Lydia again.

"Sweetheart, it's okay for you to ask for help. You know that right?"

Lydia nodded.

"We won't think any less of you for it. No one will."

"Well, if I need it, I'll ask for it. But I'm fine. I promise."

Quinn sighed again, then stood up.

"I'm not going to ask about what you and Jenny talked about today."

Lydia closed her eyes, and Quinn spoke again.

"I think it'll be good, if you have someone like that to talk to."

Lydia nodded. _Maybe if I was actually talking to her,_ she thought. _But I'm not. And I won't._ Lydia stared at the bed, and Quinn sighed.

"Okay. Well, good night."

"Night."

Quinn closed the door behind her, and Lydia let out a long breath as she sprawled out on the bed. She thought about the pills in her bag, thought about taking another one. She actually got up, was kneeling beside her purse when she heard the tap on her window. She looked over, hearing it again, and once more before she smiled.

She walked over and opened the window, sticking her head out. Jude was standing under the tree, and Lydia walked over, opening the door to the balcony. Jude shimmied up the tree and onto the balcony, walking into Lydia's room, and she was suddenly in his arms. Her lips were pressed to his, and Jude laced his fingers through her hair, holding her mouth on his.

"I've missed you."

He smiled, kissing her again.

"I missed you. God, you're beautiful."

Lydia blushed at his words, leaning her head to the side as his mouth gently worked on her neck. Her hand carded through his hair, holding him at a spot just under her ear. She let out a moan, and Jude smiled against her neck.

He pulled back, reaching and tugging his t-shirt over his head. He'd realized just how much Lydia enjoyed his bare chest, and now whenever they had a moment together, he did his best to go shirtless. Just as he'd wanted, she snuggled up close to him, and he held a hand on the back of her head, his fingers tangled in her beautiful hair. He walked her over to the bed, and she crawled in, with him right behind her. She moved to lay her head on his chest, and Jude ran his hand up and down her arm.

"So today was the day, huh?"

Lydia groaned, turning her face into his chest for a moment.

"Yeah. Her name is Jenny Jagielski. She used to live here a long time ago. Local scandal, if I got my sources right."

"Really?"

"Really. She was born when our parents were like sophomores or juniors. Her dad and Aunt Peyton had a thing going on once upon a time, but her heart always belonged to Uncle Lucas."

"Oh, how precious."

Lydia giggled as Jude pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"So local girl makes good?"

"Yep. She's got all these important-looking diplomas on her wall. Guess she knows her shit."

Jude let out a quiet laugh at that.

"Okay, I'll bet you five bucks that you didn't say a word to her."

"Well, cough it up, because I did. Nothing of any import, but I did talk a bit."

Jude laughed.

"Remind me, I'll pay up tomorrow."

Lydia smiled, snuggling closer to him.

"Quinn scheduled me appointments for the rest of the month, so I've got to go back. Jude, I don't want to."

"Why not?"

Lydia let out a sigh, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

"I just …"

She closed her eyes, feeling the breath coming faster and harder from her lungs, and she felt Jude's lips against her forehead.

"Easy, baby. Everything's okay."

She nodded, wrapping her arms around him.

"It's so hard, Jude. It's … It's so hard to pretend."

He let out a long sigh.

"Maybe you could talk about that with-"

"With the shrink? Yeah, I'll pass, thanks."

"Is it really that bad, Lyd?"

She sighed, shifting in his arms.

"I just … I feel like if I go and I talk to her, then I … I'm crazy or something."

"Hey."

Jude put a finger under her chin, lifting her face to look her in the eye.

"You are not crazy."

"Borderline depressed."

"But not crazy."

He leaned to press a kiss to her lips.

"Just because you're talking to someone doesn't mean they're going to throw you in a psych ward or something. It's just talking, babe."

"I just talk to you. It's different with her."

"Doesn't have to be bad different."

Lydia let out a breath.

"Maybe you're right."

"Damn straight."

She giggled then, and Jude moved his hand to the back of her neck. He'd learned, in the few weeks he'd been sneaking into her bedroom at night, that a surefire way to get Lydia to sleep was to massage her neck.

He began to move his fingers, closing his eyes at the little sounds she began making. He felt her arms around him begin to go limp, and he kissed her one more time before she slipped into sleep.

He held her for a while, until the numbers on her clock were much later than he wanted them to be. He slid out from under her, sighing at the moan she made when she wasn't in his arms anymore. He ran his fingers through her hair.

"It's okay, babe. I've just got to get home. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

She sighed, settling back to the bed. Once she was asleep, he walked over, latching her window, pressing the lock on the balcony door before he walked out. He crawled down the tree, trying to slip to his car without anyone seeing.

And he missed Clay, standing at the window, shaking his head.

"You know, one day we should let him know that he could just use the door."

Clay caught the pillow Quinn threw at him, smiling as he walked back to the bed.


	15. Chapter 15

Lydia was quiet in the car while Sawyer drove to Clothes Over Bros. Ellie whined at first, because she wanted to go home and start on her art project, but she perked up once she realized that Quinn and Riley were meeting them there. Lydia was trying her hardest, but she just couldn't shake off the dark cloud that was hanging over her head. She'd been quiet all day, sticking close to Jude, making him worry enough to try to get someone to cover his shift at the café, so he could stay with Lydia that afternoon. She talked him out of it, saying that Sawyer would kill him if he saw the dress before the prom, and Jude relented. He did promise to get off in time to take Lydia to dinner, making her smile just the slightest bit.

"All right, here we go! I am so excited!"

Lydia glanced over at Sawyer and smiled, nodding her head. Sawyer and Ellie scrambled from the car, and Lydia let out a long breath before climbing out of the car. She walked inside, and Meg hurried over to her, wrapping herself around Lydia's waist, making Lydia smile as she laid a hand on Meg's dark hair.

"Hey, kid."

"Hi, Lyddie. I can't wait to see you in your dress. Mama said you were gorgeous."

Lydia let out a laugh, fighting hard to keep the tears from falling. Meg flipped the OPEN sign on the door to CLOSED, taking Lydia's hand and leading her over to where Brooke, Peyton, and Quinn were waiting with Sawyer. Ellie and Riley had gone to the back as soon as they could, swiping Brooke's colored pencils and paper to discuss their art projects. Brooke smiled when she saw Lydia.

"Hello, beautiful."

"Hi, Aunt Brooke."

Lydia walked into Brooke's arms, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath as Brooke held her. For some reason, and Lydia had never been able to say why, but to her, Brooke always smelled like a mom. She wore perfume of course, and had changed perfumes over the years, but there was something about her that was comforting to Lydia. Brooke ran a hand through Lydia's chocolate-colored hair, shooting Quinn a look. Quinn let out a sigh, shaking her head, and Peyton and Sawyer exchanged a glance. Peyton reached out and pulled Sawyer to her, pressing a kiss to her temple as Sawyer closed her eyes and laid her head on her mother's shoulder. Brooke leaned to kiss the top of Lydia's head, and Lydia moved back, giving Brooke a sad smile. Brooke took her hand, smiling gently.

"You okay?"

Lydia nodded.

"Yeah, I just … It's been a long day."

Brooke nodded, nodding to Sawyer, wrapping an arm around Lydia's shoulder and leading them to the back. Their dresses hung up on either side of a mirror, and Sawyer gasped, a wide smile on her face.

"Oh, I'm so excited!"

The women laughed, and Lydia forced herself to smile. Brooke ushered her and Sawyer to their dresses, sending them each into a dressing room. Once inside, Lydia leaned against the wall, letting deep breaths out. God, she didn't want to be here. She wanted to be home, in her bed. Her hands were shaking as she undressed, pulling the dress on. It was a lot looser than it had been the first time she tried it on, and she closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall. She heard the other dressing room door open and the gasps. She could only imagine how beautiful Sawyer must look, with her gorgeous blonde curls, those intense blue eyes. She'd never be as beautiful as her cousin, no matter what she did. A gentle knock at the door startled her, and she wiped her face, clearing away the tears she hadn't realized she was crying, as she heard Brooke's voice.

"Honey? Is everything okay? Do you need help?"

"No, I, uh… I've got it, but it … It's ..."

"It's okay, sweetie. We can fix it, whatever it needs."

Lydia swallowed, then opened the door, stepping out in the dress, using one hand to hold it up. Quinn, Peyton, and Sawyer had the same expression on their faces, while Brooke had a soft smile on hers. Meg walked over, reaching a hand out to smooth down Lydia's dress.

"You look beautiful, Lyddie."

Lydia looked down at Meg, giving her a smile.

"Thank you."

"Well, come on. Let's get you up here."

Lydia let Brooke lead her to the pedestal, stepping up onto it and looking at herself in the mirror. She had lost a lot of weight. She'd kind of stopped eating a while back, then there was the virus she'd had, and once that was over, she never really got back into the habit. Lydia closed her eyes, until she felt someone take her hands and squeeze them. She looked into Brooke's eyes, seeing the gentle smile on her face.

"We can take the dress up so it fits. Have you gotten any shoes yet?"

Lydia shook her head, and a tear slid down her cheek. Brooke reached up, simply wiping it away.

"That's all right. We can go look today, or maybe this weekend. I could order some, put a rush on it."

Lydia nodded, glancing behind her to realize that everyone else had left, and only she and Brooke were in the room. Brooke walked around, pinning up the dress to fit Lydia's even more slender frame. Lydia looked in the mirror as tears slid down her cheeks, watching as Brooke made her way around to the other side of the dress. She stepped back, pursing her lips together as she looked at the front of the dress.

"Hmm. Maybe that's too much. We want it to fit, but we don't want it to suffocate the girls here."

Lydia let out a laugh, and Brooke's smile grew as she looked up at her. She loosened one of the pins, sliding her hand down the bodice of the dress.

"There. Now you look like a beautiful girl going to prom, and not a Hooters waitress stuffed into an evening gown."

Lydia laughed again, and Brooke did the same. She reached up, taking Lydia's face in her hands, using her thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"Will you talk to me about it?"

Lydia sighed, looking back to the mirror as tears filled her eyes again.

"It, uh … It didn't really hit me until I went in—in the dressing room."

Brooke's face went confused, and Lydia let out a shaking breath, speaking in barely a whisper.

"I wish my mom was here."

Brooke's mouth opened, and she closed it as tears filled her own eyes. Lydia sniffled, blinking her eyes, but the tears fell anyway. Brooke reached up a hand, and Lydia took it, stepping off of the platform and into Brooke's arms. After a minute, Brooke took a breath, speaking just as quietly.

"I wish she was here too, honey."

Brooke held her for the longest time, smoothing a hand down her hair as Lydia rested her head on Brooke's shoulder. When she could speak again, Brooke smiled.

"I used to hold you like this when you were a baby."

Lydia sniffled.

"Really?"

"Yep. You'd rest your head on my shoulder like this, and I'd rub your little bald head."

Lydia let out a laugh at that, and Brooke smiled.

"I'd sing to you, horribly, and usually Haley would come and take you away from me, talking about how you needed your ears while you grew up."

Lydia laughed again.

"And then, most of the time, Haley would sing to you. She had such a beautiful voice."

"She did?"

Brooke leaned back, and Lydia looked up at her.

"Oh, yeah. Did we never tell you about that?"

Lydia shook her head, raised an eyebrow at her, and Brooke smiled.

"Go take the dress off and put your clothes back on, then come see me. I'll see what I can find."

"Okay."

Lydia turned to go back to the dressing room.

"Be careful of the pins!"

Lydia lifted her hand in the "OK" sign, and Brooke rushed to the front of the store. She walked to the counter and began opening drawers, muttering under her breath.

"Aunt Brooke?"

Brooke glanced up, seeing Sawyer, Peyton, Quinn, and Megan's expectant faces. She smiled.

"She's getting dressed, and I'm trying to find—How did we never tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

Brooke looked back up, pointing to Peyton.

"Especially you. This is your fault. You're the music girl."

"Brooke, what the hell are you talking about?"

Brooke turned around, opening another drawer, pushing the contents around, then sighing as she laid her hands on the counter. She looked up, clapping her hands together, and rushed towards the back of the store. She came back with a poster in her hand, shaking it before holding it out. Peyton and Quinn looked at it, and Sawyer sat up in her seat.

"Haley James? Hey, isn't that … that's Aunt Haley. That's Lydia's mom and Chris freakin' Keller!"

Peyton and Quinn exchanged a glance, then looked to Brooke, who nodded. Peyton sat beside Sawyer, running her hand along the edge of the poster.

"We never told you about this?"

Sawyer looked at her mother and shook her head.

"No, not … Not ever. Did they put out any songs?"

Quinn nodded as she smiled, and Brooke took in a breath, going back to her office. A little while later, she came out, holding a CD in her hands.

"Ha! I knew I had one somewhere!"

Quinn smiled.

"Is that…?"

Brooke nodded.

"Yep. She made it for me when we were juniors. Back when we shared that apartment, after … Well, you know."

Peyton and Quinn nodded, and Quinn took the CD from Brooke's hand. She swallowed, a sad smile crossing her face.

"This is Haley's handwriting. 'To B. Davis, Rock on. –Tutor Girl.'" "Tutor Girl?"

Brooke smiled at Sawyer.

"I had a thing with nicknames back then."

Peyton snorted, and Brooke leaned over to slap her shoulder, making Peyton laugh. Sawyer smiled at them, then looked down at her phone.

"Lyd's been back there for a while. I think I'm going to go check on her."

Quinn nodded, and when Sawyer was out of earshot, she looked to Brooke.

"Did you talk to her?"

"A little."

"She didn't even realize she was crying, did she?"

Brooke sighed.

"Not for a few minutes."

Quinn closed her eyes as she crossed her arms. Peyton let out a sigh.

"Did she say anything was wrong?"

Brooke looked down at the poster, back to the CD in her hand.

"She wishes Haley could be here."

Peyton shut her eyes, leaning back on the chair.

"Oh my god. We didn't even …"

Quinn let out a laugh, looking up as tears filled her eyes.

"I don't know what to do anymore."

"Honey, you're doing everything you can."

Quinn looked over to Brooke, then back to Peyton.

"Yeah, you're taking her to a therapist. You've made it known that she could always come to you, or any of us. You can't force her to talk, Q."

"I know. I just … I'm so worried about her."

"We all are."

Quinn sighed, reaching to take one of Peyton's hands, and one of Brooke's. They sat like that for a second, until Lydia and Sawyer walked back in the room. Sawyer smiled.

"Guess who decided to take a little catnap in the dressing room?"

Lydia smiled as her cheeks grew red, and the women laughed. Peyton leaned back on the couch.

"You should have come in here, because this couch is super comfy."

Lydia laughed, walking over to sit by her aunt. Peyton handed her the poster.

"Check this out. Brooke had one stashed away back in her office."

Lydia looked down at the paper, reading the headline.

"'On Tour: Chris Keller, featuring Haley—Haley James?'"

Lydia looked up to Quinn, then to Brooke, then to Peyton.

"That's my mom!"

"Yep."

"She went on a music tour?"

Brooke nodded, and Lydia stared at the poster, in awe of how young her mother looked, how right she looked with the guitar in her hand.

"How old was she?"

Peyton looked to Quinn, who smiled.

"She was a junior when she went on tour."

"That's when she and Daddy got married."

Lydia let her hand come up, fingers ghosting across the poster, tracing the letters of her mother's name. Brooke looked down at the CD in her hands, then cleared her throat. Lydia looked up at her, then down at her hand. Brooke smiled.

"This, uh … This is a CD that your mom made me. There's some on there that she wrote, and some that I just liked to hear her sing, and I think she put the song she and Chris Keller put out, too."

Lydia reached a shaking hand out and took the CD Brooke handed her. Lydia sat back, holding the CD and the poster, not listening while the rest of the crowd chattered on about what they needed to do to get ready for prom. After a minute, Peyton, Quinn, and Sawyer got up to follow Brooke to the back, leaving Lydia alone on the couch.

Well, she thought she was alone.

"Lyddie?"

Lydia looked up, and Meg was in front of her, her dark eyes full of worry. Lydia put a smile on her face.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Are you okay?"

Lydia let out a sigh.

"Yeah. I just …"

She let her sentence trail off in another sigh, and Meg climbed up on the couch beside her. She leaned over, and like she always did, Lydia wrapped an arm around her, pressing a kiss to the top of Meg's head.

"You're sad, Lyddie. Why?"

Lydia looked at the poster and the CD again, then had to look up as tears filled her eyes. She shook her head, feeling Meg wrap her arms around her. Lydia let out a laugh as a tear slid down her cheek, and she rubbed a hand up and down Meg's back.

* * *

 

"So we're definitely going with silver for you both?"

"I think so. We can ask, though. Hey, Lyd—"

Sawyer stopped, her mother, Brooke, and Quinn right behind her, when they walked back into the front room of the store. Lydia was lying on the couch, asleep, with her head in Meg's lap as Meg braided, ran her fingers through, or played with her hair. Riley and Ellie were sitting across from them, alternating between drawing and coloring and looking over at Meg and Lydia. Sawyer's shoulders fell, and Peyton stepped up behind her, gently rubbing her back. Brooke stepped over, and Meg looked up at her, giving her a smile, and Brooke laid a hand on her head, then sat beside her.

"She was real tired, Mama."

Brooke nodded, and reached over to run her fingers through Lydia's dark hair. Lydia blinked her eyes open, seeing Brooke and Meg's smiling faces.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty."

Lydia smiled at Meg's statement.

"Jude calls me that when he catches me sleeping."

Brooke laughed quietly, standing up and giving Lydia her hands to help her sit up. Lydia sighed and stretched her arms, until her phone's text tone sounded. Meg handed the phone to her, and Lydia smiled when she saw the text.

_So how beautiful do you look in the dress?_

Meg was reading the text over Lydia's shoulder, and her mouth fell open as she looked over at her mother.

"Ew. Mama, Jude wants to know how beautiful Lydia looks in her dress."

Brooke, Peyton, Quinn, and Sawyer let out laughs.

"Megan Victoria, what have I told you about snooping?"

"Oh, come on, Aunt Brooke. It's not like it's a surprise or something."

All eyes turned to Ellie, who shrugged her shoulders.

"Everybody knows that Jude loves Lydia."

Lydia felt her cheeks start to burn, and Riley nodded as she spoke up.

"I don't know why they don't just date."

"Yeah, they're practically boyfriend and girlfriend, anyway."

Ellie and Riley shared a look and a nod, and Lydia let out a breath. Sawyer caught her eyes and smiled.

"I think Lydia likes him, too."

Lydia closed her eyes, but a smile stayed on her face. Sawyer's mouth opened.

"She does!"

Lydia let out a laugh, bringing her hands up to cover her face.

"Stop it!"

Laughter sounded all around her, and for the first time that day, Lydia didn't feel quite so bad. She let her hands fall back to her sides, and she looked at Sawyer, truly smiling for the first time in a while.

"Jude asked me to go to prom with him."

"Oh, of course he did."

Sawyer rolled her pretty blue eyes, still smiling, and Lydia went on.

"We're going together, and … I don't want to go as just best friends."

Sawyer looked back at Lydia, her mouth open. Quinn exchanged a glance with Peyton, and they both looked to Brooke. Sawyer stepped forward.

"Are you … Do you want to go out with Jude?"

Lydia looked down at the ground, then back up to her cousin.

"I want to."

Sawyer squealed, moving to wrap Lydia in her arms.

"It's not like, official or anything. He hasn't even asked me out. But…"

"Oh, I am so happy!"

Lydia smiled as she wrapped her arms around Sawyer.

"Lyddie, he wants to know where you want to go for dinner."

"Okay, seriously, kid? Give me that."

Brooke stood up and took Lydia's phone out of Meg's hand.

"We're going to have a long talk later about keeping your nose in your own business."

"Hey, at least she gets it honestly."

Brooke narrowed her eyes at Peyton, who held up her hands as she laughed. Sawyer stepped back, a smile on her face.

"You're going to dinner with him?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders, taking her phone from Brooke.

"Yeah, he told me he'd pick me up and take me somewhere earlier."

Sawyer laughed, leaning over and slapping Ellie's hand.

"I just knew this would happen! Text him back, tell him to come here and get you."

"Saw, I—"

"Or give me the phone. I'll do it."

Sawyer took the phone from Lydia's hand, typing as Peyton spoke.

"Sawyer Brooke Scott, I know I'm not seeing what I'm seeing."

"Too late; it's done."

Sawyer smiled as she handed the phone back to Lydia, who just rolled her eyes. Brooke stood up, a smile on her face.

"I might have something you can change into back here, if you want."

Lydia looked over and smiled, and Brooke led her to the back. Sawyer walked over, taking a seat beside her mother.

"This is good, right, Mama? Did you see her smiling?"

Peyton ran her hand over Sawyer's curls.

"Yeah, honey, I did. And I think … I think this will be good. You think so, Quinn?"

Peyton looked over, and Quinn sighed.

"I really hope so."

Sawyer stood up, walking over to Riley and Ellie, and Meg followed close behind. Quinn leaned over, whispering to Peyton where the girls couldn't hear.

"He sneaks over every night."

"What?"

Quinn shushed Peyton, looking at the girls, making sure none of them heard. She whispered again.

"Jude. Clay watches him leave every night."

"Wait a minute. Are you telling me that—"

"Jude sneaks over to our house every night, climbs the tree outside Lydia's bedroom."

Peyton let out a laugh.

"Well, wow."

"Nate used to do that with Haley. Not every night, but Mom and Dad would just laugh about it. When he came over to ask them if he could marry her, Haley said that both Mom and Dad asked him if he was able to find the front door, or if he just climbed into Hales' room again."

Peyton laughed.

"So… Do you think they're…?"

Quinn sighed.

"I don't know. I don't think so. Actually, I really doubt it. No. No, I don't think they are."

"But they're sixteen years old. You don't have to knock it out of the park to hit a home run, if you know what I mean."

"Dear God, Peyton. Please don't go there."

Peyton laughed again, and Sawyer glanced over at her.

"What's so funny, Mom?"

Peyton and Quinn exchanged a look, then laughed again. Brooke poked her head into the room.

"Girls, I hope you're ready for this."

Everyone moved to look at where Brooke was standing, and she stepped through the doorway, holding out her arm. Lydia followed her, standing before them in a soft yellow sleeveless dress. Brooke had fixed her hair where it was in a ballerina bun on the top of her head, and she wore white ballet flats. Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"I told her I usually wear heels, because I'm so short and Jude is so tall, but… I like these."

Everyone just blinked, until Meg walked over, standing in front of Lydia.

"You are so pretty."

Lydia smiled a soft smile, reaching out and running her finger down Meg's nose.

"You're the pretty one."

Quinn and Peyton exchanged a glance, and Brooke closed her eyes. Sawyer let out a shaky breath as she turned to look at the wall, and Ellie reached up to take her sister's hand. Riley stared at her paper, and they all turned around when they heard the bell on the front door jingle.

"Mom? You got the 'Closed' sign up and the door unlocked. We've talked about this. … Ma, where are you?"

Brooke winked at Lydia, and the other women smiled. Meg walked into the other section of the store.

"Hey, big guy."

"Hey there, squirt. Where's Mom at?"

"Over here. Just wait till you see."

"See what?"

Meg took Jude's hand, dragging him behind her, away from the main floor of the store.

"Close your eyes."

"Meg, I can't see where I'm going if I close my eyes."

"Just close them!"

Jude sighed, but did as she asked.

"Don't let me—Ow! Damn it, Megan."

"Watch your mouth."

"Mom?"

Jude rubbed his knee, which he'd rammed into a table Meg forgot to warn him about. Brooke stepped forward, taking Jude's chin in her hand.

"After I finish with your nosy little sister, we'll have a talk about your potty mouth."

Jude sighed.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

Brooke and Meg exchanged a smile, and Brooke nodded. Meg smiled.

"Okay, open!"

Jude opened his eyes, looking to the couch.

"Oh, hey Quinn. Aunt Peyton."

"Hi, Jude."

He started to make his way around the room, waving to Ellie and Riley, who returned his waves, and his eyes widened when he looked at who was standing in the middle of the room.

"Lydia."

She smiled, clasping her hands together behind her back.

"Hey, Jude."

He swallowed as he stepped over to her, looking her up and down. Her cheeks grew red, and he smiled.

"You look incredible."

"Gross."

Quinn and Peyton burst out laughing, while Brooke clamped a hand over Meg's mouth.

"So sorry."

Lydia smiled, and Jude reached out, taking one of her hands. Peyton, Sawyer, Quinn, and Brooke watched as he did, and saw how Lydia seemed to physically relax, like some of the weight was taken from her shoulders, and she leaned closer to him. Sawyer and Quinn had to look away when Jude leaned over, gently kissing the top of Lydia's head. Brooke blinked back tears as she stepped up.

"Okay, you two. Get out of here."

Jude held up a hand.

"Okay, just … wait a second. Why does this feel weird?"

"What? You holding Lydia's hand?"

Jude and Lydia both looked down, like they hadn't even realized. They looked back at each other, and Sawyer crossed her arms over her chest. Jude narrowed his eyes at her.

"What did you do?"

Sawyer blinked her eyes, laying a hand over her heart.

"Me? I didn't do anything. Meg was the one who read the text."

"Oh, sure. Blame it on the eleven-year-old."

Meg rolled her eyes, while Brooke let out a laugh. Jude smiled at his little sister, then looked back to Sawyer.

"Wait, what text?"

Sawyer looked over to Meg, and Jude followed her. Meg stared at a spot on the floor.

"Megan? What text?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders, and Jude looked to Lydia, who smiled.

"She saw the one where you asked what I looked like in my dress."

"But it's not like it was shocking or anything. We all know how much you guys looooove each other."

Ellie and Riley giggled at that, and Sawyer leaned back to gently slap her sister's shoulder. The blush raged on Lydia's cheeks, until Jude reached under her chin, tipping her face up. She sighed.

"I told them that we're going to prom."

"Not just friends going to prom, but that you're actually _going to prom_. Together."

Jude looked over to Sawyer, who was unable to hide her smile. Quinn and Peyton bumped shoulders on the couch, both wearing wide smiles. Jude ran his tongue along his teeth and nodded.

"So, I guess … I guess this would be a good time, huh?"

"A good time for what?"

Lydia looked up at Jude, and he looked around the room, smiling.

"To ask, officially, if you'd be my girlfriend. I mean, that's what they're all hinting at, right? Vultures."

They all laughed, and Lydia stared up at him. Jude smiled.

"And I'm sort of hoping you won't be able to say no in front of freaking everyone."

They laughed again, and Meg reached up to take her mother's hand. Brooke smiled, giving her a squeeze. Lydia glanced around, catching Sawyer's eyes, smiling as Sawyer mouthed _Say yes!_ She looked to Quinn, who smiled and shrugged her shoulders. She looked back to Jude, his dark eyes warm as he searched hers.

She wished she could tell him no. She wished he could just smile at her and walk away, but she knew that would never happen. She wished he could say those words to anyone else, because anyone would be better for him than she was. He deserved so much more. But she was selfish, and she needed him so much more than she should be able to. She tried to pull up a genuine smile, because Jude was so good at telling when she forced them. She nodded, speaking quietly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I will."

Jude smiled, letting out a laugh. Sawyer covered her mouth to hide her squeal, and Jude looked over at his mom and his sister.

"Hey, Meg? Shut your eyes."

She cocked her head to the side, and Jude reached up to take Lydia's face in his hands, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

"Oh, gross! I'm going to throw up!"

Jude and Lydia laughed, as did everyone else in the room. Jude pulled Lydia close, wrapped his arms around her.

"Couldn't help it. And I tried to warn you."

Meg stuck her tongue out at Jude, and he laughed again, tightening his arms around his girlfriend. God, that felt good to say. He smiled, moving to kiss the top of her head again. And that was when he felt it, the feel of her arms around him, how tight her grip was. He closed his eyes for a second, then opened them, gently rubbing his hand down Lydia's back. She loosened her grip on him, moving to stand beside him. Jude grinned at Brooke.

"Guess we better get out of here if we want any food."

He looked back to Quinn.

"I'll bring her home."

"Not too late. It is a school night, you know."

Jude nodded, waving to the girls as he held Lydia's hand, leading her out to his car. Once the bell rang above the door to the shop, Sawyer threw her hands into the air.

"Yes!"

Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Finally."

They laughed, and Quinn stood up.

"Riles, go grab your stuff. We need to get home and do something for dinner for your dad and your brother."

"Yeah, Scott girls need to do the same. Daddy was in charge of supper tonight."

Sawyer and Ellie groaned, and Peyton and Brooke laughed. The girls grabbed their things, hugged Brooke and Meg, and soon, they were the only two left in the store. Brooke walked around, shutting off the lights and putting little things away. She walked to the main floor of the store, and Meg was sitting up on the counter. Brooke let out a laugh.

"How'd you get up there?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders, smiling at her mom.

"It's a secret."

"Little acrobat."

Brooke ran a hand over Meg's hair, and Meg sighed. Brooke shut off the lights in the back, then picked up her purse as she walked over to her daughter.

"What's on your mind, my little beauty?"

Meg smiled, then looked down as she dangled her legs off of the counter.

"Do you know why Lyddie's so sad?"

Brooke stopped digging through her purse and looked over at Meg.

"What makes you think that she's sad?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders.

"I can just tell. And when I tried to ask her what was wrong, she just started crying."

Brooke let out a sigh, moving closer to Meg.

"Sometimes … Sometimes people just get sad."

"Is there some way to make her happy again?"

"We're trying to figure that out."

Meg nodded, and Brooke helped her down from the counter. She held onto her hand as they started out of the store.

"I hope you figure it out soon. It makes me sad that she's sad."

"I hope so too, love bug."

Meg climbed in the car, and Brooke shut the door behind her, letting out a sigh.

"I hope so, too."


	16. Chapter 16

Lydia was quiet on the ride to the restaurant, and while they ate. Jude talked, kept up a steady stream of conversation, but it was kind of one-sided. He kept hold of her hand, until he absolutely couldn't anymore, since Lydia was left-handed and needed hers to operate her utensils.

He took hold of her hand again as they walked out of the restaurant. He held their box of leftovers in one hand, and the hand of his girlfriend in the other. He couldn't stop smiling every time he thought about that. He knew he must look like a complete nerd, but he just couldn't help it. He walked around to Lydia's door, setting the food on the hood of his car.

"Hey, hang on. Can I just—"

Lydia looked up at him, and he wrapped her up in his arms. She closed her eyes, letting out a long sigh, letting her arms come around him, gripping tightly for a few seconds before one of her hands moved up through his hair. Jude closed his eyes as well.

"You okay?"

"Little better now."

He tightened his arms around her, as she turned her head, making him shiver when he felt her breath on his neck. He moved his hand up, looking at his watch, then set it back, low on Lydia's waist.

"Do you want to go somewhere? It's not even eight yet."

She nodded, and he smiled, leaning to press a kiss to her cheek. He opened the door for her, closing it behind her before he walked to his side. He drove them down the streets of Tree Hill, stopping and parking the car, looking over to Lydia. She leaned her head back against the seat, turning to look at him with a smile. He winked at her, and they climbed out of the car. He wrapped an arm around her waist until they reached their destination. Lydia smiled as she walked around, smoothing her dress under her as she sat on the swing. Jude took hold of the chains, pulling her back, and stopping.

"Hey."

She leaned her head back to look at him, and he moved down, catching her lips in a deep kiss. He pulled back, smiling.

"That's the perfect position."

Lydia laughed, and Jude gently gave her a push. He pushed her for a while, neither of them saying anything, and Lydia was watching the stars through the trees. During a particularly quiet stretch, she gasped.

"Look!"

Jude looked up, just in time to see a shooting star.

"Hey. Make a wish."

Lydia closed her eyes, and when Jude pulled her back, she moved her finger to touch his arm. He stopped, looking down at her with a smile, and she spoke softly.

"Did you make a wish?"

He grinned at her.

"Nah. Why should I, when I've got everything I need right here?"

He bent down, pressing his lips to hers again, and she sighed.

"You're too good to me, Jude."

He let go of the chains, walking around to face her, kneeling and setting his hands on her knees. She jumped when he did, giving him a little smile.

"Your hands are warm."

"Oh, are you cold?"

Lydia brought her eyes to his.

"I'm always cold these days."

Jude stood up, shrugging off his button-up, leaving himself in only a white t-shirt. He draped the button-up over Lydia's shoulders and she sighed.

"You should have told me, babe."

She shrugged her shoulders, and Jude reached up, taking her hands, tangling his fingers with hers.

"What's up?"

Lydia sighed.

"It's just … It's been a day, you know? I don't even know why. I couldn't tell you why. It just … It was so hard to get out of bed this morning, and ever since then, all I've wanted to do was crawl back in."

"Yeah, I knew something was up at school."

Lydia nodded.

"You make me feel better. Being around you, feeling you hold me. That makes me feel better, and I couldn't tell you why there, either."

Jude smiled, running his thumb up and down the side of her finger.

"But Jude … Putting that dress on was so bad."

"Why?"

She looked down at him, blinking the tears away from her eyes. She shook her head, and Jude stood up, pulling her to her feet. He tucked her under his arm, and they walked across the playground. Lydia smiled when she saw where he was going, and he winked at her as he lay down on the merry-go-round, his feet dangling off the edge. She lay down beside him, rolling as close as she could, laying her head on his chest. Jude began to move them around, in a slow, slow circle, and Lydia sighed.

"Tell me about the dress, Lyd."

She sighed again, closing her eyes.

"It was a bad day to begin with. I didn't want to do anything, much less try on a dress. But Sawyer was so excited, and I didn't want to disappoint her, so I went. The dress …"

She shook her head, and Jude ran his hand up and down her arm.

"What?"

She sighed.

"I lost some weight since the last time I had the dress on, and it … You should have seen the looks on Peyton and Quinn's faces. Sawyer, too. But Meg … she told me I looked beautiful."

"Well, she gets her intelligence from me."

Lydia smiled.

"And your mom… She just smiled and said that everything would be fine. She pinned the dress up and said she could take it up and it would fit perfectly."

"That's good, honey."

Lydia nodded.

"Jude … All I could think about was my mom. She should be here to help me get ready for prom."

Jude closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh.

"Babe, I'm so sorry. I didn't even—"

"No, it's okay. Aunt Brooke helped."

Jude sighed again, pulling her closer to him, and she let out a breath.

"Did you know my mom was a singer?"

"I did not know that."

"Yeah. She went on tour her junior year of high school."

"Really?"

Lydia nodded.

"With Chris Keller."

" _The_ Chris Keller?"

"The one and only."

Jude sat up.

"You're serious?"

Lydia nodded, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yep. Aunt Peyton and Quinn corroborated Aunt Brooke's story. And then Brooke found … She gave me a CD that my mom made her. Songs that she sang."

"Whoa."

Lydia nodded, looking down at the painted section they were sitting in. Jude stopped the motion, looking over at her.

"Have you listened to it yet?"

Lydia shook her head.

"No, I … It's so crazy, but I'm scared to."

"What are you scared of?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders, still looking down. Jude reached over and tipped her face up. She shook her head, shrugging her shoulders again.

"I don't know."

"Do you want me to listen to it with you?"

"Would you?"

Jude smiled.

"Do you even have to ask?"

Lydia smiled a little then, and Jude helped her to her feet. They got back in the car, and Lydia pulled the CD from her purse. She held it in her hands, ran her fingers over the cover, tracing the letters of the dedication. Jude looked over at her as he lowered the volume on the radio.

"Do you want to listen to it in here?"

Lydia shook her head.

"No, I … It's weird, I know."

"It's not, I swear. We'll wait until we get to your house."

The drive was quiet to the Scott house, and Jude felt uncomfortable there for the first time in his life as he walked inside and felt the intensity of Clay's stare. As Lydia took his hand and led Jude up the stairs, Quinn walked up and smacked the back of Clay's head. He let a hand come up, gently rubbing.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Seriously? What is wrong with you?"

Clay shrugged his shoulders.

"I just … He's dating our girl. I don't know, I thought it was what I was supposed to do."

Quinn rolled her eyes, taking his hand and dragging him back to the kitchen.

* * *

 

Lydia sat on her bed, just staring down at the CD. Jude sat beside her, one arm around her, gently running his fingers up and down her bare arm. She finally let out a sigh and looked over to him. He gave her a smile.

"You ready?"

She let out another breath.

"I really don't think so."

"I'm right here, babe. Not going anywhere."

Lydia nodded, and Jude stood up. He held out his hand, and Lydia just looked at it for a while, back to her CD, and finally, with shaking hands, she opened the case and handed the purple CD to Jude. On the inside of the case was a track listing, written in the same script as the dedication on the front of the case.

"Look."

Jude looked back to Lydia, smiling when he saw the track listing.

"Awesome. Now we'll know what we're listening to."

Lydia nodded. Jude set the CD in her stereo, and Lydia closed her eyes. She was breathing hard, wishing she'd taken another one of those pills. She felt a hand on her neck, and she opened her eyes, looking up and meeting Jude's eyes. He bent down, gently pressing his lips to hers. He pulled back, running his thumb along her cheekbone before he sat beside her again, settling as close to her as he could. Her stereo had a remote control, and he held that in his hand.

"You ready?"

Lydia closed her eyes, breathing hard, and nodded.

"This one's called _Halo_."

Lydia nodded again, and Jude pressed a kiss to her temple, then pressed "Play." The singing started right away, as soon as the music did. Lydia's eyes flew open, suddenly full of tears, and she let out a shocked sob.

"That's my mom. Jude, that's—"

"I know, baby. It's okay."

She let out another sob, leaning over and crying hard as Jude wrapped his arms around her. She went off of the bed, falling to her knees on the floor, and Jude went with her, holding her, stroking her hair. She reached over, gripping the sleeve of his white t-shirt, and bent over to where her ear was right over his heart. He ran his fingers through her hair, holding her close to him, and the song came to a close. Lydia looked up at the stereo, tears sliding down her cheeks. The next song began, Haley's soft voice ringing out again. Jude looked over at the stereo.

"Hey, I've heard this one. Not your mom's version, but I know this song. It's _Where The Stars Go Blue_."

Soon, a familiar voice rang out, and Lydia looked back to Jude.

"That's Chris Keller."

He nodded, and she looked back to the stereo. He moved one of his legs, pulling her back to his chest, and she relaxed against him, tears still traveling down her face. This song wasn't quite so hard on her, and she was able to talk, even though she was still crying.

"Her voice is beautiful."

"It is."

"It's soft. Gentle."

Jude nodded, running his fingers through her hair.

"You kind of sound like her when you sing."

"You think so?"

He nodded again.

"I love to hear you sing."

She turned her head, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you, Lydia."

She let her eyes drift close, feeling a fresh pain in her heart every time her mother's voice came through the speakers. Halfway through the song, she whimpered and turned around.

"Jude."

"I'm right here."

She put her face in his chest, then moved to put her forehead in his neck. He held a hand to the back of her head, wrapping the other around her waist, and she sobbed. He laid back on the floor, bringing her with him.

They listened to the entire CD that way, lying on the floor, Lydia crying out when she couldn't hold it in anymore, Jude just holding her and stroking her hair, whispering to her in between songs. As Haley's version of _Behind These Hazel Eyes_ came to an end, Lydia let out a sigh. She sat up though, as she heard her mother's voice.

_"All right, Brooke. There you go. I made this CD for you as a … a kind of thank you for putting up with me through all of this. You've been a really great friend, and I'm lucky to have you. Hope you like it. And hey, maybe one day our kids will listen to it. How weird will that be? You can tell them how cool their mom/Aunt Haley is. Oh, who am I kidding? They'll already know. Love you, Brooke."_

Lydia curled her knees up, pillowing her arms on them, burying her face in her arms. Jude reached for her and picked her up, laying her on the bed as he lay beside her. She curled into him, letting out a long, shuddering sigh.

"I just want to listen to it over and over again. I want to keep hearing her voice."

"We can, babe. We can listen to it as much as you want."

Lydia nodded, then sighed.

"You better go. It's getting kind of late, and Quinn or Clay will be up here soon."

"Speaking of, what was with Clay tonight?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't notice."

Jude nodded, noticing how tightly Lydia gripped his shirt. He kissed her forehead.

"You gonna be okay?"

Lydia gave him a smile and nodded. He leaned over, bending to kiss her lips. She let her hand come up into his hair, stroking the hair just above his neck. He pulled back from her mouth, letting out a quiet moan, making her smile.

"Did I find a spot?"

Jude laughed quietly, letting it trail off into another moan as her fingers brushed his hairline and he nodded.

"But it's okay, because I know…"

Lydia gasped as his warm hands touched the small of her back.

" _Jude_."

"There it is."

He grinned as he leaned over, kissing her again.

"I love you."

"I know."

He kissed her once more, then crawled out of her bed.

"Sweet dreams, Lydia."

She kept her eyes closed, listening as he walked down the stairs and out the door. She heard his car start up and she opened her eyes, opening the drawer in the table by her bed. She pulled out the book, an old copy of _Little Women_. She flipped to Chapter 13, which was hollowed out, and pulled out the little baggie that held the pills. She took one out and swallowed it dry, walking to the bathroom to get a little water to drink. On the way back to her bed, she re-started the CD. She changed into her pajamas while she listened to the first song, then restarted it as she climbed under the covers. Her mother's voice rang out, in words that perfectly fit her relationship with Jude.

" _One thing is clear, I wear a halo. I wear a halo when you look at me. Standing from here, you wouldn't say so. You wouldn't say so if you were me. And I, I just want to love you. Oh, I just want to love you._ "

Lydia closed her eyes as the words washed over her, as the pill began to kick in.

She wanted to love Jude, more than anything. She couldn't understand why she couldn't just bring herself to do so. He certainly put her up on a pedestal, and she was so afraid that she'd fall off, disappoint him in some way. Then he'd leave her, the same way everyone else had her entire life. She didn't know what she'd do if that ever happened. But at the same time, she did.

She closed her eyes, willing the pill to kick in, to stop the thoughts that were churning through her mind.

Thoughts that said she'd end up exactly like her mother.

* * *

 

Lydia stared out the window, watching fat bumblebees buzz around the roses. The roses outside her ... no. She hated to think that way, and she refused to refer to Jenny as her ... you know. The ticking of the clock was the only sound in the room, aside from the breathing. Jenny let out a sigh, leaning back in her chair.

"So prom's tomorrow, right?"

Lydia brought her eyes to her—ugh—therapist, and nodded. Jenny smiled.

"You excited?"

Lydia gave a soft smile, then shook her head.

"Not … not really."

"Why not?"

Lydia sighed.

"I don't know."

She looked down at her hands, twisting her fingers together. She sighed, and looked out the window, letting a smile cross her face. Jenny watched, not saying anything, looking down at her notepad, and after a minute, Lydia spoke.

"Butterflies."

Jenny looked up, and Lydia was still staring out the window.

"What?"

"Butterflies. Butterflies always remind Aunt Quinn of my mom."

Jenny smiled.

"What reminds you of your mom?"

Lydia snorted.

"Nothing. Not a single thing reminds me of her. I was one when she killed herself."

Jenny blinked, at the almost casual way Lydia said that. She wrote a little on her notepad, and Lydia looked over at her.

"It's weird."

Jenny looked up, meeting Lydia's eyes again.

"What is?"

Lydia leaned forward, setting her forearms on her knees.

"Basketballs always remind me of my dad. Little ones, big ones, even stuffed ones. I found a stuffed basketball one time when I was little, and I slept with it for years. Mainly because it reminded me of my dad."

She sat back, glancing back out the window as she spoke quietly.

"I was a year old when he died. I can't remember a single thing about him. All I know is what people have told me. But every time I see a basketball, I think of him."

She looked over to Jenny, tears filling her eyes.

"Why is that? Why is it that basketballs make me think of a dad I can't remember, but nothing even remotely makes me think of my mother? I don't … I don't understand that."

Jenny let out a breath, and Lydia looked back out the window.

"Books make me think of Uncle Lucas. Not just his books, but any in particular. Music reminds me of Aunt Peyton. Pictures make me think of Quinn, and sports—any sport at all—makes me think of Clay. Classic cars make me think of Logan, because he loves them; art makes me think of Riley, because she's such an incredible artist. Sunshine makes me think of Jude. Movies remind me of Davis. And Julian, even though I haven't seen him in years. Dancing reminds me of Megan. I associate clothes with Aunt Brooke. When I see the beach, I think of Aunt Karen, Uncle Lucas' mom. TV and radio announcers remind me of Mouth and Millie, and they've been gone for years. Summertime makes me think of Sawyer, and when I think of laughing, I think of Ellie."

She leaned forward again, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"How is it that I associate things with all of those people, some that I haven't seen since I was little, and nothing at all makes me think of my own mother?"

She took in a shaky breath, and Jenny looked down at the ground.

"Jamie."

Lydia's voice was quiet, and Jenny looked back over at her.

"Jamie?"

Lydia nodded.

"My brother. He, uh … He makes me think of my parents."

"Why is that? What about him makes you think of them?"

Lydia looked up, meeting Jenny's eyes, a small smile on her face.

"He left."

Jenny opened her mouth, letting out a long sigh and closing it again. Lydia looked back out the window, wiping a tear away.

"People always leave."


	17. Chapter 17

Lydia let her head fall back, letting her breath out in a sigh as the massage chair worked out the kinks in her back, while the warm water swirled around her feet. Sawyer took a sip of her frozen coffee, sighing as her own massage chair rolled up and down her back. She smiled when Lydia's eyes opened, glancing over at her before a smile spread across her face.

"Pedicures. Brilliant idea, right?"

Lydia laughed.

"One of the best you've ever had."

Both girls let out a groan as the chairs hit a particularly tough spot. Lydia closed her eyes again, a small smile playing on her face. She'd taken one of the pills as soon as she'd woken up, and she was feeling damn near perfect right now. Prom was that night. Brooke had finished their dresses, even holding one last fitting for them. Lydia's dress didn't look quite so bad anymore, since Brooke had taken it up for her. She was still thin, much too thin if she was honest with herself, but she just couldn't bring herself to care about it. Sawyer had ordered silver strappy heels for both of them, and they'd worn them as soon as they got out of class every day this week, so they were good and broken in. Jude still hadn't seen the dress, or the shoes, but he would tonight.

Jude. A smile crossed Lydia's face. Her boyfriend. She tried to ignore the thoughts that rose up in her mind, of how she wasn't good enough for him, how he deserved someone so much better than her. She knew it, but she was selfish. She was only hurting Jude, holding him back, and as long as he didn't realize it, everything would be okay. Of course, he'd come to his senses soon, and she'd be alone, but until then…

"Earth to Lydia."

She blinked her eyes, looking over to Sawyer, who smiled.

"Your cappuccino's probably cold."

Lydia smiled.

"I'm almost done with it."

Sawyer smiled, looking again at the pale pink polish she'd chosen, that almost perfectly matched her dress. Lydia was going with the same color, because the pale pink would complement the turquoise of her dress. Sawyer pushed her sunglasses back on top of her head, through the riotous curls. She leaned her head back as she looked over at Lydia.

"How are you doing your hair again?"

Lydia finished off her cappuccino and set the cup aside.

"Quinn and I decided to just roll it with hot rollers, let the curls settle, and leave it down. You're putting yours up, right?"

Sawyer nodded.

"Yeah, Aunt Brooke's coming over and helping me with the hair and makeup and everything."

Lydia nodded.

"Quinn's doing all of mine."

Sawyer nodded, then reached out her hand. Lydia smiled, reaching out to slip her hand in Sawyer's.

"You're okay, right, Lyd?"

Lydia blinked, and Sawyer sighed.

"I just … I've been worried about you for a while, but you seem better."

Lydia smiled, hoping that it seemed normal, instead of forced.

"Yeah, Saw. I'm better. Just a rough patch, you know?"

Sawyer smiled and nodded, squeezing her best friend's hand.

"I can't believe our first prom is tonight! And I can't believe that we're going with our boyfriends."

Lydia smiled.

"Me either."

She turned her head away from Sawyer, letting the smile fall away, letting out a shaky breath through her teeth.

* * *

 

Lydia sat at the bench of her vanity, eyes closed as Quinn's fingers gently moved through her wet hair. Her head was hurting, and she was so damn thirsty. She tensed up as Quinn's fingers rolled over a particularly sensitive spot on her head, and Quinn stopped.

"Honey?"

Lydia opened her eyes, looking into the mirror, meeting Quinn's gaze.

"You okay?"

Lydia nodded.

"I just have a little headache."

Quinn nodded.

"You want something for it?"

Lydia thought about it, but she knew taking Tylenol or something wouldn't touch this. She thought of the little pills she had hidden around her room, a little bit of worry crossing her mind. This time, it had worn off faster than usual. She glanced at the mirror, at Quinn's waiting expression, and she put a smile on her face.

"No, I'm okay."

Quinn smiled, running a hand over Lydia's hair, adding some more of whatever product she'd been putting in. Lydia actually dozed off a little, while Quinn dried and set her hair in rollers. Quinn smiled, gently running her finger down Lydia's nose.

"Sleepy. Wake up, sleepyhead."

Lydia blinked her eyes open and saw Quinn's grin. Her cheeks flushed and she tightened her bathrobe around her.

"I'm so thirsty."

"Well, let's hop down to the kitchen before we get started on Phase 2."

Lydia smiled, standing up as Quinn walked out of the bathroom. She gripped the counter suddenly, as a wave of nausea hit her. She shut her eyes tight, until she heard the footsteps behind her.

"Lyd? Honey, are you okay?"

Lydia let out a breath, then turned to face Quinn with a smile.

"Yeah. Just a little lightheaded. Got up too fast."

"Well, be careful, goober."

Lydia let out a laugh, following Quinn down the stairs. She drank three glasses of water before she'd even realized it, and slid a piece of ice into her mouth, rolling it around as Riley and Clay walked in from the garden. Clay stopped in front of Lydia, looking her up and down.

"Now, Little Scott, you know that I think you're beautiful. And I know tonight's prom, and styles have changed a bit since my day, but honey … I'm not so sure about this outfit."

Lydia reached out, pushing Clay's shoulder with a laugh.

"You're so funny, Uncle Clay. Really, you should quit your job and be a comedian."

"Hey, I am funny, thank you very much. Right?"

Clay looked down to Riley, who pursed her lips together as she looked up at him, then shook her head. Clay sighed.

"All these girls in this house. I'm outnumbered. Stupid boys, going to hang out with their stupid friends and the stupid NBA, leaving me here in Estrogen Land."

Quinn, Lydia, and Riley laughed. Quinn walked over and pressed a kiss to Clay's cheek, and Lydia turned to look out the window, laying a hand against her stomach. She reached for her glass, drinking the rest of her fourth glass of water, taking another piece of ice in her mouth. Quinn walked up and laid a hand on Lydia's head, and they walked back upstairs.

* * *

 

"Okay. That should do it. One more …"

Quinn picked up the hairspray, spritzing Lydia's hair one last time. She stepped in front of her, fluffing the curls on her shoulder one more time before she stepped back.

"Oh, baby. You are a knockout!"

Lydia smiled, and Quinn nodded at her. Lydia turned around, looking at herself in the mirror.

Her dark hair, the color of milk chocolate, waved gently around her face, curling over her shoulders, above the top of her strapless dress. The turquoise color set off her lightly tanned skin, and made her dark blue eyes seem bright. Quinn had given her smoky eyes, making her eyelashes seem to go on forever, and paired it with a pale pink lipstick. Lydia blinked her eyes, turning her head.

"Oh, I almost forgot."

Quinn stepped out of the room, leaving Lydia alone to look at herself. She closed her eyes, laying a hand on her stomach as she let out a shaky breath. She could do this. She could get through this one night without the pills. She glanced back at her nightstand, where she knew the pills were, hidden away in her book. She let out another breath, turning back to the mirror. She didn't look a thing like herself, which she thought was a good thing. Quinn came back into the room, popping open a velvet box.

"These were your mom's. I know she'd want you to wear them, if you want."

Lydia stared at the beautiful earrings, which had to be diamonds. She looked up to Quinn, who smiled.

"They'd look fabulous with this dress. You're responsible, and I know you'll take care of them."

Lydia couldn't speak, but she nodded. Quinn smiled, gently moving Lydia's hair aside and sliding the diamond studs in her ears. Lydia reached her hands up, gently running her fingers along the earrings, and Quinn stepped back, smiling wide.

"Beautiful. Oh, honey."

Tears sparkled in Quinn's eyes, and Lydia gave her a smile.

"Thank you, Aunt Quinn."

Quinn took Lydia in her arms, running a hand over her hair.

"I want you to have fun tonight, but I want you to be safe, okay?"

Lydia smiled and nodded, and Quinn laid her hand on Lydia's arm as she spoke. 

"Don't take a drink from anyone. Get your own. Don't go anywhere by yourself. Take Sawyer if you need to go to the bathroom, or get Jude to go with you if you need some air. And—"

"I won't talk to strangers and I'll look both ways before I cross the street. Aunt Quinn."

Lydia put her arms on Quinn's shoulders and smiled.

"I'll be careful, I promise."

Quinn nodded and sighed, then hugged Lydia again.

"I know you will."

Quinn leaned back, fixing one of Lydia's curls.

"But you're the only Lydia I've got, and I need you, okay? Just … just keep that in mind."

Lydia blinked at her, swallowing as the words rolled through her head. She gave Quinn a small smile, missing the way that Quinn's smile faded before she put it back on her face. Quinn nodded, running a hand over Lydia's shoulder.

"Well, come on. I know Clay's dying to see you. You know how he is with the camera."

Lydia smiled. Quinn might be the professional photographer in the family, but Clay was the one who took all the pictures. They had tons of photo albums, all thanks to Clay. She stood at the top of the stairs while Quinn went down. Lydia heard the door open, and knew that Jude must have arrived. Lydia glanced back at her room, seeing the clock on her bedside table.

And the book.

She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. She didn't need it. Just one night. She could get through this one night. And behind her closed eyes, she saw Quinn's face, her sad eyes. She saw Sawyer's face from earlier, how worried she was. And Jude, always Jude. Worrying about her, loving her, even though she didn't deserve it.

Lydia closed her eyes and gripped the bannister, doing her best to fight off the wave of nausea that hit her suddenly. And damn it, her head hurt. She glanced back at her room, giving a burning stare to the secretly hollowed-out book.

* * *

 

Jude blushed as Quinn fussed over him, saying how good he looked in his tux. Clay stood behind her with a camera, snapping pictures while grinning like an idiot. Jude always found that funny. Quinn was a photographer, made her living taking pictures. But when it came to their family, Clay was the one behind the camera. Always had been, as far back as Jude could remember.

"Jude Baker! Looking good, son!"

Jude shook his head, glancing over to see Riley smiling at him, holding an iPad in her hands. Jamie Scott's face was smiling at him, from what looked like a locker room. Jude held up a hand.

"Hey, Jamie."

"Hey, Riles?"

Riley turned the iPad around, where she was facing Jamie.

"Hand me to Jude."

Riley rolled her eyes, handing Jude the iPad, and he looked at it with a smile. Jamie's face was serious, and Jude let his smile fade.

"Do we need to have a talk, Baker?"

Quinn choked back a laugh, pretending to busy herself with Clay. Jude cleared his throat.

"Nah, Jamie. We—we're good."

"I sure as hell hope so. Because that's my baby sister, and I swear to God…"

"Jamie, seriously?"

Riley walked over and took the iPad out of Jude's hands.

"Dude, he's been in love with her since they could, like, walk."

"Hey, it's his duty as a big brother to put the fear of God into anyone who wants to date his little sister. Logan will do the same thing with you. When you're like, thirty. Or forty."

"Dad!"

Quinn laughed, running a hand on the back of Clay's neck. Clay handed her the camera as he kissed her cheek, then walked over to Jude, smoothing the lapels of his jacket and pretending to straighten his tie.

"It's also my duty, as her father figure, to warn you that if you do anything to hurt my girl, I will rip out your lungs and feed them to you, you got it?"

Jude bit his tongue to keep from laughing out loud and nodded. Clay nodded back with a smile and turned to Quinn. She rolled her eyes before she walked to the stairs.

"Lyd? Honey, I think we're ready for you."

She heard the heels begin clicking on the floor as Lydia came down and everyone turned to look at the stairs.

"Hey, turn me around. Turn me around!"

Riley flipped the iPad over, and Lydia came into view, strappy silver high heel first, easily seen since she had to lift the bottom of her dress so she wouldn't step on it. The turquoise dress that had the bead detail at the sweetheart neckline, the chocolate-colored curls around her face, and when she lifted her eyes as she stopped on the next-to-last step, she saw their wide gazes, their open mouths. Even Jamie on the iPad was speechless.

Lydia looked off to the side, where Jude stood, hands clutching a small plastic box, a look of hunger on his face. Lydia forced a small smile, staring at him.

"Hey, Jude."

That seemed to snap him back, and he blinked before he smiled.

"You … Lydia."

He stepped over to her, holding onto the bannister as he stared at her. She looked him over, her cheeks growing red.

"You look good in that tux."

Jude smiled as he looked down, then looked back to her.

"Baby, you're gorgeous. I mean …"

He just shook his head, and Quinn smiled. She stepped over to the steps, going up to stand beside Lydia, fixing one of the curls on her shoulder. She glanced over at Jude, pointedly looking down at the box in his hands, and he took in a breath. He popped the box open and Lydia and Quinn both took in a breath at the corsage that lay there. Jude took it out, then took hold of Lydia's hand, sliding the corsage onto her wrist, and keeping hold of her hand.

"Mom wouldn't tell me what your dress looked like, but she did tell me to go with white flowers."

"You did good, kid."

Jude and Quinn exchanged a smile, while Lydia stared at her wrist. She brought her eyes up, smiling at Jude.

"I've always liked lilies."

"I know. And roses are classic, so…"

"Thank you."

Clay was constantly snapping pictures, and Jamie was able to find his voice again.

"You look beautiful, kiddo."

Lydia turned at the sound of his voice.

"Jamie?"

"Over here."

Lydia looked to Riley, who didn't miss the hopeful sound of her voice, and the way she sagged just a little when she realized Jamie wasn't actually there. Unfortunately, neither did Jamie. He swallowed hard, and Lydia put another smile on her face.

"Hey, James."

"I couldn't miss my little sister going to her prom, so I conned Riley into FaceTiming me."

Lydia laughed quietly.

"I miss you, James."

"I miss you too, kid. But, hey, you're—you're coming to the game in Charlotte in a few weeks, right?"

Lydia smiled.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

Jamie smiled, and Clay stepped in, organizing everyone for pictures. After nearly an hour, Jamie was the one to speak.

"Hey, Ansel Adams."

Clay put down the camera and turned to Jamie, who let out a laugh.

"Let the kids go! You've got enough pictures, I swear."

"No one asked for any comments from the screen, all right? One button, and I can have you gone."

Jamie laughed again, and Quinn stepped up.

"The boy's right, you know. We've got enough pictures."

"And this is coming from the professional photographer."

Clay turned to Riley.

"Hey, honey? Press that End button right there."

Riley laughed as she shook her head. Jude gently ran the tips of his fingers up and down Lydia's spine, and she kept taking in hitching breaths. Jude smiled over at Quinn.

"We're supposed to meet up with Sawyer and Davis at her house. Mom's there too, and she's dying to see Lydia."

Quinn smiled, walking up to Lydia and doing some last minute touch-ups. Clay snapped a few more pictures, while Jamie let out a longsuffering sigh from the iPad, while Riley giggled. Quinn nodded.

"Remember what I said, okay?"

Lydia nodded, and Quinn kissed her forehead. Clay walked over, after setting the camera down, and gently took Lydia in his arms.

"Have fun tonight, Little Scott."

"I will, Uncle Clay."

He murmured that he loved her, and Lydia squeezed him for a second. She took the hand Riley reached out towards her, squeezing it, and she looked down at the iPad. Jamie grinned at her.

"Have fun, little sister."

"I will."

"And be careful. Jude, you take care of her, or I will kick your ass."

"Jamie!"

Quinn turned around, and Jamie just shrugged his shoulders.

"I mean it."

Jude smiled.

"I've got her Jamie. Don't worry."

Jude stepped over, taking Lydia's arm and looping it around his own, leaning over and whispering.

"Let's get the hell out while we can."

She laughed, nodding at him. She grabbed the little bag Quinn had made up for her, waving to her family as Jude led her outside, helped her into his car.

Quinn leaned back against Clay while Riley stayed inside, chattering away to Jamie about a television show they were both avid fans of. Clay ran a hand through Quinn's hair, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"She'll be fine, babe."

Quinn nodded.

"I know."

"Try not to worry about her."

"I can't help it."

Clay kissed her lips, taking her hand and leading her back inside.

* * *

 

Jude drove them to the other Scott house, after taking the time to stop at the end of Lydia's street, put the car in park, lean over the seat and kiss Lydia so passionately and hot that they were both panting by the time it was over. Somehow, they were able to get away from the Scott house and to the restaurant in time for their reservations. Everyone, again, was shocked by how beautiful Lydia looked, and she stuck close to Jude. Lucas couldn't get over how Lydia looked, and Peyton snapped the perfect picture of Lucas holding Lydia's hands, staring at her with a look of awe. Brooke cried, making Davis and Jude roll their eyes.

No one noticed the way Lydia's hands were shaking.

They enjoyed their dinner, while the patrons in the restaurant stared at Sawyer, looking classically elegant, and Lydia, looking effortlessly, breathtakingly beautiful. Lydia didn't eat much, because she kind of felt sick, and her head was still throbbing. She was determined to make it through the night without the pills, but her resolve was crumbling.

They arrived at the dance, smiles on their faces quickly replaced by looks of awe when they saw the way the gym had been transformed into a romantic wonderland. Jude took note of the way everyone stopped when Lydia walked in, the way the room went quiet, except for the music, how all eyes were on them. She had a death grip on his arm, and he leaned down, brushing a kiss against her temple. Her eyes fluttered closed, and when she looked back to him, he smiled and winked at her. She mustered up a smile, and they walked down the steps onto the gym floor. She let out a sigh as Jude came to stand in front of her, and she gripped his forearms. He leaned forward, kissing her forehead.

"You did good, babe."

She let out a sigh, and he gently picked her face up in his hands, kissing her lips before flashing her a smile.

"Come on. Dance with me."

* * *

 

Her head was pounding, her stomach rolling. Her skin felt like it was on fire, and her entire body was itching. She'd danced three dances with Jude, before she'd broken out of his arms, telling him she was dying of thirst. He'd offered to grab her some punch, but they were fairly certain someone had spiked it, and Lydia was not up to getting drunk. She'd managed to talk him into letting her go down the hall to the water fountain, and she'd nearly sprinted there. She held onto the sides, breaths heaving in and out of her chest.

"I can't. I tried, and I can't."

She sighed, glancing around behind her before reaching into the tiny pocket Brooke had sewn into the inside of the dress, right over her heart. She thought back, seeing the smile on Brooke's face when Lydia had given her a look.

" _Secret compartment. Slide in your lip gloss, money, tampon, whatever you think you might need. Trust me, you'll thank me for it one day_."

Well, she was certainly thankful for it now.

She looked around one more time, then reached into the pocket, pulling out two little pills. One just wasn't cutting it anymore, and besides, it had been way too long since she'd taken one. She slid the pills onto her tongue, letting them sit there until the bitter taste flooded her mouth. She bent to take a sip of water from the fountain, then leaned up against the wall. She let her head fall back as her hands opened and closed on the wall.

A few minutes later, a smile crossed her face. She took one more sip of water, feeling the beginnings of a good buzz settling in her body. She slowly made her way back to the gym, and Jude let out a sigh of relief when he saw her. She walked into his arms, settling her cheek against his chest, her ear against his heart.

"I was starting to get a little worried."

"I just needed some space for a minute."

She went up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to his, making him smile. She glanced around them, and Jude smiled.

"Sawyer had to go to the bathroom. Couldn't wait for you, even though I know the female population feels better going to pee in packs."

Lydia laughed.

"Saw's a big girl. She'll be okay."

Jude nodded and smiled. The beginning strains of a slow song began to play, and Jude smiled.

"Dance with me?"

Lydia smiled back, laying her hand in his as he led her onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she looped her arms around his neck. He pulled her close and she let out a sigh. She felt so good right then. The pills had kicked in, her boyfriend was holding her close as they danced.

And she didn't even notice the eyes hidden in the shadows, the ones that stayed locked on her.

* * *

 

They danced all night long, stopping only a few times when a bad song came on, or when one or more of them needed a break. Sawyer was so incredibly happy. Her first prom was freakin' awesome. Her best friend was obviously feeling better, and if anyone asked Sawyer, it seemed as though little Miss Scott had gotten into the punch. Sawyer knew she herself had, and honestly, the rum only made it better.

Davis was smiling, holding her when they danced, and consistently making her laugh. On one particularly slow song, Sawyer was nestled in Davis' arms, her head on his shoulder as she looked around the room. Lydia was in almost the exact same position across from her, in Jude's arms. That was the place where Lydia seemed to belong, in Sawyer's opinion. She watched, lifting her head up when Jude stopped, moving backwards to take a good look at Lydia. His eyes narrowed, and he glanced up, meeting Sawyer's eyes before he hurried with Lydia, out the back door. Sawyer stumbled as she started to follow.

"Whoa, whoa. Hey. What's up?"

"Lydia. Jude just gave me a look."

"Are you drunk?"

Sawyer turned back to look at Davis with wide eyes.

"No!"

"Sawyer Scott, don't you lie to me."

She narrowed her eyes at him, then sighed.

"All right, I've had like three cups of punch."

"Damn it, Sawyer!"

"Oh, just come on."

Sawyer led Davis through the doors, where Jude was standing under the awning, holding both of Lydia's hands. She was taking in shaky breaths, her face flushed. Jude glanced over, letting out a sigh.

"She got too hot, I think."

"Did she get in the punch, too?"

Jude looked at his brother, who motioned towards Sawyer. Jude sighed.

"Seriously?"

"That is not important. And besides, it's prom. Lydia?"

Lydia looked to Sawyer.

"You okay?"

Lydia forced up a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got a little too hot in there."

"Did you get in the punch?"

Lydia glanced up at Jude. That might be more believable than the truth.

"I may have had a glass. Or two."

"Oh, come on!"

Davis threw his fists out in front of him, and Sawyer giggled. He glanced back at her, and the look on his face just made her giggle more. Lydia was even smiling, and Jude squeezed her hand.

"Think we can head on back in?"

Lydia smiled and nodded up at him. He took a few steps, gently pulling her behind him, when she suddenly stopped, gripping his hand hard. He turned back, just in time to watch as her eyes rolled back in her head, catching her as her body crumpled to the ground as she fainted.

"Whoa! Lydia? Hey, Lyd?"

Jude knelt down, holding Lydia's limp body in his arms, propping her up on one of his knees. Davis knelt down beside him, and Sawyer stared at them, one hand over her heart.

"Jude, is she breathing?"

Jude didn't answer, and Sawyer's throat dried out. She spoke again, harsher, her voice rising.

"Jude!"

"She's breathing."

Sawyer let out a breath of relief, putting one hand to her forehead, one to her chest. Jude kept running his hand over Lydia's face, and Davis stood back up, wrapping one arm around Sawyer's waist and pulling her to him. Jude gently shook Lydia's shoulders.

"Sweetie. Hey."

Lydia let out a groan and shifted in Jude's arms. Sawyer let out another ragged sigh, and Lydia blinked her eyes open, turning closer to Jude. He blew out his breath, closing his eyes and holding Lydia tighter.

"You scared the crap out of me."

Lydia groaned again, lifting a hand to her forehead. Jude helped her into a sitting position, and she leaned closer to him. Jude ran a hand up and down her bare arm.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Don't. You have nothing to apologize for."

Davis ran his hand through his hair as Jude kissed Lydia's forehead. Sawyer let out a sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"What happened, Lyd?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. I … I guess I just got overheated. Little too much too fast, maybe."

Davis and Jude slowly nodded, and Lydia smiled as she laid a hand on Jude's knee.

"How about one more dance?"

He smiled, giving her a kiss on the mouth before he stood up, bringing Lydia to her feet with him. He led her into the gym, and Sawyer whirled around to stare at her boyfriend. She tossed out her arms, and Davis let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair again.

"Did … Did you just see that?"

Davis nodded, scrubbing his hands over his face.

"She passed out. Right there, in his arms, just out cold. And he just picks her up and goes to dance with her?"

"Saw…"

"No, are you fucking kidding me right now?!"

Davis sighed as Sawyer started to pace. After a minute, she turned back to look at him.

"Should we take her to the hospital or something?"

Davis smiled, shaking his head.

"Nah, I think she's fine. I mean, I know I'm not a doctor or anything, but…"

"What the hell just happened, Davis?"

He swallowed. He hated to lie to her. Even if it was for her own good, Sawyer would be furious at him when the truth came out. And, Davis knew, it always had a way of doing that. He looked up, putting a smile on his face.

"I don't know, babe."

Sawyer sighed, walking over and letting Davis wrap his arms around her, putting her face in his chest. Davis squeezed his eyes shut, opening them again to look through the doorway, eyes locked on the girl nestled in his brother's arms.


	18. Chapter 18

Davis sat on a high stool behind the counter in his mother's store. He had been roped into working this Saturday morning, but he didn't really mind.

It had been almost two weeks since prom. And in that time, Lydia had changed almost drastically. Davis sighed as he stared out the window, at the sunshine filtering through the trees just outside the store. He narrowed his eyes without realizing it, as thoughts filled his head.

He didn't hear the door open, or see the tall, dark-haired man step inside the store. Davis was so distracted he didn't even notice the man walking up to him, standing at the counter, until he spoke, his deep voice shattering the quiet stillness.

"Davis?"

Davis jumped, stumbling as he got to his feet, blowing out his breath as he laid a hand over his heart.

"Damn it, Owen, you scared me to death!"

Owen laughed quietly.

"Sorry, man. I noticed you were all deep in thought, and I tried not to scare you."

Davis sighed, feeling his heart rate ease a little. Owen smiled.

"So I got a text from your mom this morning, asking me to meet her here a little bit before lunch."

Davis smiled back.

"Yeah, uh… That wasn't from Mom, actually."

Owen raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, really?"

Davis put his lips together, nodding his head. Owen nodded, his face breaking into a smile again.

"You know, you could have just called me. Or even texted me yourself. I like you and your brother. You don't have to pretend to be your mom just to hang out with me."

Davis laughed, feeling a little more comfortable at the teasing. He looked down at the counter, then sighed.

"I, uh… I wanted to see if … If I could talk to you about something."

Owen nodded.

"Shoot."

Davis left the counter, walking to the door and sliding the lock in place, flipping the OPEN sign around. Owen watched, crossing his arms over his muscled chest. Davis walked back, taking his seat again, and Owen walked behind the counter, leaning up against it, across from Davis.

"This seems serious."

Davis sighed.

"It is. I, uh… I wanted to ask you about …"

He sighed again, and Owen smiled.

"About what, Davis?"

Davis looked up, his dark eyes reflecting the storm raging in his mind. Owen watched him, before he spoke softly.

"You know you can ask me about anything, right? I don't mind. Something's obviously weighing on your mind, kid, and I'll help you any way I can."

Davis nodded, letting out another sigh. Owen stepped closer, laying a hand on Davis' shoulder. Davis closed his eyes, spitting out the word.

"Drugs."

Owen's eyes widened, and he blinked as Davis opened his eyes, looking up at him. Davis sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

"I need to talk to someone about this, and I can't talk to my mom. I sure as hell can't talk to Jude, and my dad's kind of lost his damn mind lately. Everyone else I could possibly talk to is somehow involved in the situation, and you are literally my last hope. Jesus Christ, I am such a girl."

Owen let out a laugh.

"Calm down, dude."

Davis sighed, feeling a little bit of comfort at the warm feel of Owen's hand on his shoulder.

"Before we really get into it, though, I feel like I need to tell you a few things."

Davis looked up then, and Owen sighed as he stepped back, pulling his jacket off of his broad shoulders. He folded the jacket up, looking down at it as he quietly spoke.

"I'm an addict, Davis. I've been sober for twenty years now."

Davis blinked.

"Whoa. Owen, I didn't … I can talk to someone else, man. I don't—"

"No, no. It's okay. I don't mind talking about it. It actually helps. And if I can help somebody else, even by association, then it's worth it."

Davis nodded slowly.

"Are you sure?"

Owen smiled as he set his jacket on the counter.

"Positive, bud."

Davis nodded again, and Owen watched him as he stared at the floor.

"Do you have any questions before we get to your situation?"

Davis looked over at the man, who crossed his arms over his massive chest. Owen smiled again.

"Usually the main question is 'what were you addicted to?' And for me, at first it was heroin. I got off of that, stayed clean for a little while, then turned to booze."

He left out the part Davis' mother played in that little turn of events. It was water under the bridge, and he had her back now. Well, almost. They were getting there. Owen realized the kid was still staring at him, so he finished up his story.

"I found myself at the bottom, again, and went to rehab. Again. The second time, it stuck, and I've been stone cold sober for twenty years in May."

"That's awesome, man."

Owen smiled, nodding to the kid.

"Now, what's going on?"

Davis sighed.

"I … I think one of my friends is on something. I don't know what, but … She's not the same person she used to be. She's been kind of down for a while, and then all of a sudden, she's fine. But it kind of seems like the 'fine' part comes in waves. Sometimes I'll see her and she's smiling at me, other times she's blinking back tears."

Owen nodded.

"Personalities can change for a multitude of reasons, Davis. And accusing someone of being on drugs is a big deal."

Davis sighed, pushing his hands through his hair.

"I saw her take something."

"You saw her?"

Davis nodded, looking over at Owen.

"She didn't notice me. I was kind of in the shadows because my girlfriend—Sawyer, you know her—was in the bathroom. I couldn't let her go by herself, so I just stood outside the bathroom like a dork. That's when I saw Ly—her. I saw her coming, and I was going to go to her, because she seemed so upset, but she was so wrapped up in whatever was in her head right then and she didn't see me. I stayed back and watched her, and she took some pills out of her dress and took them. She leaned up against the wall, and I just waited, and I like… I saw it happen."

Owen was confused, that was obvious by the look on his face, and Davis sighed, mentally kicking himself for his almost slip-up.

"I watched her relax, almost like I could see the pills kicking in. And the next thing I knew, she was back on the floor, dancing and acting like she was having the time of her life."

Owen nodded, looking over at Davis. Davis sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes again.

"She passed out, later on. Scared the shit out of me. I actually had my phone out, ready to call 9-1-1, but she woke up. And she was just fine, acting like nothing had happened."

Davis looked over at Owen, his dark eyes worried and pleading.

"She doesn't know that I saw her. No one knows. I haven't told anyone, and I just … I can't hold it in anymore. I haven't seen her do it again, but the way she's acting … She's still doing it. She's got to be."

Owen nodded, letting out a sigh.

"Davis, if one of your friends is on drugs, and you know that they are, you need to help them."

Davis nodded.

"I know. I know I need to help her. She needs it. I just … I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help, what I should do. I don't know where to start."

Owen smiled.

"Talk to her. Most likely, she'll deny it. Call you a liar, lash out at you. If you can't talk to her, talk to someone close to her. Someone who could watch her, see if they see what you're seeing."

Davis nodded, and Owen could almost see the kid's mind working.

"Davis, whatever you're going to do, you need to do it. It's been a while since prom, and if your friend is really on the downhill, like you described, then she needs help fast."

Davis sighed and nodded. He spoke quietly, on the tail end of a hitched breath.

"Will you … Could you not tell my mom?"

Owen watched the kid for a minute, the way he stared at the ground.

"Today's conversation stays between us. As long as you promise to do something about your friend soon."

Davis looked up, dark eyes grateful.

"I promise. Thank you."

Owen smiled, reaching to ruffle Davis' dark hair.

"Anytime, kid."

Davis sighed, looking out over the store, and Owen smiled again.

"Tell you what."

Davis looked up.

"What do you say we shut this place down and grab some lunch?"

Davis grinned.

"Mom will kill once she finds out the store closed down in the middle of the day."

"What, all the people knocking down the door? It's a Saturday. And you've been closed for about an hour now. Brooke will get over it."

Davis's grin grew.

"I knew I liked you."

Owen laughed, grabbing his jacket off the counter while Davis got his from the back room. He came out and Owen draped an arm over his shoulders as he slid his sunglasses on his face. Davis could look him in the eyes and he smiled.

"Let's go to the café. We can see Mom's reaction to this middle of the day break."

"Sounds like a plan."

Brooke was surprised, and just a little ticked about Davis' impromptu lunch break. But she was overjoyed that he was hanging out with Owen, giving him a chance, and she even let them both have a piece of pie on the house. Owen offered to go back to the store, give Davis the afternoon off, and after a generous amount of nagging from her son, Brooke agreed to spend the afternoon at the store, with Owen keeping her company.

Unbeknownst to her, that was all a plan concocted up by Owen and Davis, so that he could go and talk to his "friend" with the drug problem. He was in the car, actually on the way to the Scott house when he stopped at a red light. After sitting through the third rotation of the green light changing to yellow, Davis sighed.

He couldn't go and confront Lydia. One look into her sad eyes and he'd forget everything he wanted to say. He couldn't talk to Sawyer, couldn't worry her with this. He knew what he had to do, and he knew it was going to suck out loud.

* * *

 

Jude had just finished up a shower when Davis knocked on his bedroom door. As usual, Davis waited a beat, then opened the door. Jude tied the drawstring on his shorts and looked in the mirror, seeing his twin behind him.

"Dave. Something on your mind?"

Davis sighed.

"You could say that."

He walked over, taking a seat on Jude's bed. Jude shook his head, combing his fingers through his wet hair.

"No, please. Make yourself at home."

Davis sighed again, looking up at his brother.

"Jude, can we talk?"

Jude cocked his head to the side.

"We are talking."

"No, I mean, can you come and sit down and let's have a conversation."

Jude nodded slowly.

"Sounds serious."

"It is."

Jude walked over, sitting down across from his brother. Davis was usually the joker, charming everyone with a smile and the dimples in his cheeks. He wasn't smiling then, though. Jude could see that something was bothering Davis, and it was weighing on him.

"Hey."

Davis met his eyes, and Jude gave him a smile.

"What is it?"

Davis swallowed.

"It's about Lydia."

The smile fell from Jude's face.

"What about her?"

Davis sighed, glancing over at the small pile of clothes behind Jude's door.

"I think … I think Lydia might be on something."

"On so—What do you mean, 'on something'?"

Davis sighed again, and Jude went on.

"Are you… What are you saying here, Davis?"

Davis closed his eyes for a moment, then met Jude's eyes.

"I think Lydia's on drugs."

Jude was silent for a second, before he burst into laughter. Davis narrowed his eyes, until Jude's laughing spell had subsided.

"That … That's a good one."

"Jude—"

"No, really. I mean, how long did it take you to come up with that?"

"It's not—"

"No, it had better be a joke. What the … What the hell is wrong with you?"

Davis sighed, closing his eyes again.

"Jude, just listen."

"Why? Why should I listen to you? Do you have any idea what you're saying?"

"Yeah, I do."

"You're saying that Lydia—Lydia Scott, now, the girl we've grown up with, one of our very best friends—is on drugs? Davis, that's … that's ludicrous!"

Davis sighed, and Jude stood up, pacing around his room.

"Will you just listen to me for a second?"

"No. I don't know what your agenda is here—"

"I don't have an agenda! I'm trying to help my friend."

"This is what you do for your friends? I'd hate to see what—"

"Stop. Jude, just stop."

Davis sighed again, and Jude set his hands on his hips, staring at his brother. Davis met his eyes.

"Prom night."

"What about it?"

"When we met up, Sawyer and I both noticed that something was up with Lydia."

"And?"

"And, an hour after we got to the dance, she was a completely different person."

Jude shrugged his shoulders.

"She got into the punch. Sawyer did too; they both admitted it."

"Lydia didn't get into the punch."

"So you're calling her a liar."

"Damn it, Jude, no I'm not!"

Davis stood up then, and sighed.

"Lydia didn't get into the punch."

"Yeah, you said that already. How do you know? Did you stick around her all night?"

"No."

"Then you can't really say that she didn't drink, can you?"

"Jude, I know, okay?"

"How?"

Davis closed his eyes again, trying not to get angry, continuing to tell himself that Jude was just protective, and he would do the same things if Jude were saying this about Sawyer.

"I know that Lydia didn't—"

"Damn it, Davis, you said that already."

"If you'd just let me finish—"

"Why, so you can accuse my girlfriend of some other bullshit?"

"I saw her, Jude!"

Jude stopped, turning to face Davis as it all came spilling out.

"I saw her, but she didn't see me. She went to the water fountain and took two pills out of her dress. She took them, drank some water, leaned up against the wall until they kicked in."

Jude shook his head.

"No, it … She had a headache. It was Tylenol, or something."

"Jude, I've taken Tylenol before. It doesn't make you feel that good."

Jude shook his head again.

"She's not on drugs."

"You can keep saying that, but it really doesn't seem that way."

Jude stared at the floor, swallowing hard. Davis sighed as he stepped closer to him.

"She passed out man, right into your arms. She's never done that before."

Jude looked up, met Davis' eyes. Davis went on.

"She was passed out, then suddenly, she was fine. Up, ready to dance."

"Shut up."

Jude closed his eyes, and Davis ran a hand through his hair.

"Listen, I don't want this to be true any more than you do."

"Davis, shut up."

"It doesn't change anything."

"Davis, I said to stop."

"I can't. Someone needs to help her."

Davis turned back to Jude, letting his breath out.

"Lydia's doing drugs, and she needs help."

Jude wasn't even sure what happened, or even a reason why. He was standing there, and the next thing he knew, he was cradling his hand, stretching his fingers out from the fist they were clenched in, while Davis looked up at him from the floor, blood pouring from his nose. Davis groaned, shaking his head as he got to his feet.

"I'm not going to hit you back. Even though you deserve it, you son of a bitch."

"Davis—"

"Fuck you."

Davis walked downstairs, leaving Jude alone. Jude pulled a shirt on and grabbed his keys, bypassing the kitchen where Davis was holding a bag of frozen peas to his aching nose. Jude walked past his mother and Owen on the way out, not speaking to them, causing the adults to exchange a glance as Brooke shut the door. She smiled up at Owen.

"Teenage boys."

Owen nodded.

"I used to be one. I understand."

Brooke laughed.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Sure."

Owen slid his hands into his jacket pockets, following Brooke into the kitchen. They stopped near the doorway, seeing Davis leaning over the sink.

"Shit."

"Davis! Jeez, language."

Owen smiled, and it slid from his face when Davis turned around, lifting the frozen peas from his face, leaving the bloody paper towel against his nostrils. Brooke sprang across the kitchen, taking the peas from him, taking his chin in her hand.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Owen stepped up behind Brooke, moving her wrist from side to side, checking out Davis' injury himself. After being on the receiving end of quite a few punches, Owen was fairly sure he knew exactly what had happened. He was also fairly sure Davis' nose wasn't broken, but that he'd have a hell of a bruise for a while.

"Davis Baker, I asked you a question."

"Yeah, I know. It just kind of hurts when I breathe. Give me a second."

Brooke propped her hands on her hips, and Owen let out a sigh.

"Could this be the result of what we talked about earlier?"

Brooke looked back at Owen, then to Davis, who sighed and nodded his head. Owen sighed, taking the peas from Brooke's hand and handing them back to Davis, who gave him a grateful look, wincing as the coldness settled back on his nose. Brooke looked between the boys again.

"Someone want to fill me in here?"

Owen let out a sigh.

"Can you just trust us?"

Brooke looked back at her son, then back to Owen.

"What do you mean? What the hell is going on here?"

"Mom, just … Do what Owen said? Please?"

Brooke stared at Davis, and Owen walked around her, leading Davis to the sink.

"Lean over it, not back. Let the blood flow out, and it should clot soon."

Davis nodded, and Owen patted his shoulder before turning back to Brooke.

"I think I'd better go."

He walked past Brooke, and she looked at Davis for a moment, then followed Owen. He opened the front door, and she walked out behind him, pulling it closed behind her.

"Hey."

Owen turned back to her, and Brooke stepped close to him.

"Is he all right?"

"Davis?"

Brooke nodded.

"He should be fine. His nose isn't broken, and his pride was probably more damaged than anything."

"No, I mean… What did you mean, 'what you talked about earlier'?"

Owen sighed.

"Brooke, the kid came to me, asked me to talk with him. I gave him some advice, he asked me to keep it between us."

Brooke nodded slowly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"But he … he's okay?"

Owen smiled.

"He's okay. You've got a good kid, Brooke Davis."

She smiled.

"Thank you, for talking to him."

"Anytime. I mean that, and I told him the same thing."

Brooke nodded, closing her eyes at the sudden tears that threatened.

"He's hurting, and I … I don't know—"

"Hey."

Owen stepped closer, laying his hands on Brooke's shoulders, gently rubbing her arms.

"He's okay, I promise."

She nodded, and Owen gently lifted her chin, looking in her eyes.

"He'll tell you when he's ready."

She nodded again, and Owen moved close to her, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss was over far too soon for either one of their liking, and Owen pulled her to his chest when it was over.

"You know I'm here for you, too."

Brooke smiled, closing her eyes as she turned her face closer to his wide chest, inhaling his scent.

"I know. Thank you for that, too."

Owen smiled, leaning back to kiss her one more time before he walked down her front steps, sliding his hands into his jacket pockets as he walked away. Brooke sighed, then walked back inside, shutting the red door behind her as she went to find her son.

* * *

 

Jude pulled up to the Scott house, looking at the front door. Davis was out of his friggin' mind. There was no way Lydia—Jude's Lydia—would ever do drugs. Jude noticed that the garage was open, and that only Lydia's car was inside.

Good. Clay had gone to pick Logan up from school, heading out to some football game or something, and Quinn and Riley were spending the day together. Which meant Lydia was inside by herself. Perfect time for Jude to talk to her, tell her what Davis was saying, apologize for his dumbass brother.

And for some reason that he hated himself for, Jude wanted to make sure it wasn't true. The fact that he was even entertaining the thought was bad enough. The little seed of relief that had appeared in his mind when Davis had brought it up was almost too much for Jude to handle. He shook his head, opening the car door, letting himself inside the big house.

"Lyd?"


	19. Chapter 19

Lydia turned over in her bed, pulling the covers tighter around her, floating in that place where sleep was still gripping her mind, but she was slowly drifting out of it.

She was dreaming of Jude, the way she usually did, and this time, they were at the beach. She was out in the water, laughing every time a wave washed over her feet. Jude stood back from her, smiling as he watched her. He said her name, and she looked back at him with a wide smile. She walked forward, deeper into the waves, and Jude continued to call her name. She glanced back at him, noticing that he wasn't following her. She stopped as she turned to face him, and she watched as he began taking steps backwards.

_Wait_.

Where was he going? Why couldn't she call out to him? The distance between them continued to grow, and Lydia discovered that she was much further out in the water than she'd thought, because she suddenly couldn't touch the bottom anymore. She closed her eyes as a wave washed over her, and suddenly, her arms were so heavy. Much too heavy to try and use to swim. She surfaced once more, not bothering to take in a breath. As the next wave came over her, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Lydia. Hey, wake up."

She blinked her eyes open slowly, looking up at Jude, who was wearing a gentle smile as he brushed his hand over her forehead.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty."

She let out a ragged, sleepy sigh.

"Hey Jude."

He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. Lydia let her hands come up, threading through his hair, pulling him close to her as he continued to kiss her. Jude tugged his shirt off as he stretched out on top of her, kissing her chin, down her jaw, down to the place where her neck and shoulder met. Her fingers tightened in his hair, sliding down to brush through the hair at the bottom of his hairline, at the top of his neck. Jude moaned into her neck, coming back to latch his mouth onto hers. He let his hands slide down to her waist, slipping under her shirt to rest on her belly, and she pulled away from his mouth to let out a shuddering gasp. He started to push her shirt up when her phone began to ring loudly. Lydia pushed a hand through her hair, reaching over onto the nightstand and grabbing her phone. Jude put his forehead on her shoulder as Lydia answered the phone.

"He—hello?"

She let out a sigh.

"Sawyer, this is an unbelievably bad time. … What? … When?"

Lydia pushed Jude's chest until he looked up at her. She sat up, and he followed her actions.

"You're kidding me. … Why … No, he's here. … I know. Saw, I—… Okay. … Yeah, I will. Bye."

Lydia set her phone back on the nightstand, then folded her hands in her lap as she looked to Jude.

"That was Sawyer."

"Yeah, I got that."

"She was just calling to let me know that for some unknown reason, you apparently attacked your brother and nearly broke his nose."

"I didn't break his damn nose."

Jude spoke quietly, barely even a whisper, and Lydia's eyes widened.

"Jude."

He looked to her, and she blinked at him, clearly waiting for an explanation. He sighed, pushing his hands through his hair, standing up and grabbing his shirt from the floor.

"Davis and I … had a disagreement."

"Yeah, I figured as much."

Jude pulled his shirt back on, straightening it out. Lydia brought her legs up, sitting Indian-style on her bed.

"Care to elaborate?"

Jude smiled, shaking his head.

"Nah, it's ludicrous. I told him as much, so…"

"Why don't you tell me anyway?"

Jude closed his eyes, looking back to the beautiful girl on the bed. He let out a sigh.

"He, uh … He said some things that I didn't agree with."

"Things?"

Jude nodded, walking to Lydia's dresser and resting an elbow on it. He looked at the picture of her mother, looking down at newborn baby Lydia. He glanced back, where Lydia was just sitting and staring, and he let out another sigh.

"He said … he said he was worried about you, because he thought you …"

Jude laughed quietly as he shook his head. He couldn't even say the words, because it was such bullshit. He looked at the bed again, into Lydia's eyes and smiled. There was no possible way it was true. Lydia was so good, so beautiful and too damn smart to get involved with drugs. He let out another laugh, smiling at her.

"Davis said … he thought you … that you were on drugs."

Lydia's eyes widened before falling to her bedspread. Jude watched her, feeling a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Lyd?"

She looked up at him, blinking quickly. Jude swallowed.

"You're … you're not, right?"

She blinked again, swallowing before she shook her head.

"Of course not. I … I wouldn't do that. Why—why would Davis say something like that?"

Oh, God. Lydia's heart was pounding. How could this have happened? She was so careful, so sure to take the pills when no one was around. She looked up, back at Jude, and she could almost see his mind working.

"Jude, I—"

"Don't lie to me, Lydia. I've never lied to you, not once."

She stared at him, as he stood to his full height. She shook her head, putting a smile on her face.

"I'm not. I—I wouldn't."

God, he hated himself for it, but he didn't believe her. Not in the least little bit right then. She was lying to him. He didn't know why, but she was staring him right in the face and lying to him. He nodded, looking down as he swore he could feel his heart break.

Lydia stood up, walking to him and laying a hand against his cheek, pulling his face down until their lips met. He kissed her for a minute, then took hold of both of her arms, pulling her close to him, kissing her almost brutally, as though he'd never get to do it again. Her hands tightened on his face, returning the kiss just as harshly, before he let her go, both of them breathing hard, her lips swollen from his. Jude nodded.

"Let's go to the pool house."

He was talking about his dad's, and Lydia nodded. It wouldn't be the first time they'd gone swimming late in the day, into the night, and Quinn and Clay wouldn't be home for a while.

"Yeah. Just let me get ready?"

He nodded, and Lydia walked into the bathroom. When she shut the door behind her, he covered his face with both hands bending over at the waist before grabbing onto the dresser. He was breathing hard, and he glanced around the room. He thought, for just a moment, of going through her things, searching until he found something. Or nothing. Maybe that would make him feel better, if his search turned up empty. He gave it a thought, but just as quickly, he shook his head. He couldn't destroy her trust that way.

"Hey, Jude?"

He turned to the bathroom door, which Lydia had cracked open and was poking her head out of. He smiled at her, and she returned it.

"Can you pass me a suit from my second drawer? I thought I'd left one in here, but Quinn must have taken it to wash."

He smiled.

"Yeah, sure. I get to pick it out, though."

Lydia rolled her eyes, shutting the door as she went back into the bathroom. Jude smiled again, shaking his head, thinking he'd give Davis another piece of his mind when he saw him again. He walked over to the dresser, pulling the top drawer open and rifling through it. And that was when he realized he was touching Lydia's underwear. Wow, wrong drawer! Jude's face flushed as he dropped the panties in his hand, using both of his hands to close the drawer.

And that was when a reflection of light caught his eye.

He wrinkled his forehead as he pushed her underwear aside, until he saw a small mirror. He swallowed, reaching in to pick it up, his fingers brushing across something else. He picked it up without looking at it, his heart falling when he realized what it was. A rolled-up five dollar bill. He pushed more underwear aside, letting out a shaking breath when he found the tiny baggie, still nearly full of white powder. He held the objects in his hands, walking backwards until he collapsed on Lydia's bed.

No.

_No_.

He closed his eyes, feeling tears gathering. She did lie to him. In the worst possible way. He looked down, at the mirror, the money. The bag. God, he was going to be sick.

He heard the bathroom door open, looking up to see Lydia walk out in her short robe.

"Jude, what happened? I've been waiting …"

Her sentence trailed off, and the smile fell from her face when she saw what he was holding.

"What are you … What are you doing?"

"I think I should be asking you that."

She looked behind her, at the dresser, where the top drawer was still open. She closed her eyes.

" _Second_ drawer, Jude."

"Seriously? That's what you're worried about right now?"

She turned back to him, seeing his dark eyes in a way she never had before. He held out his hands, but she couldn't look at them.

"What is this?"

She didn't answer him, eyes darting around the room, hands coming up to pull her robe tighter around her.

"Lydia, what is this?"

She swallowed, trying to think of something, anything to say. Jude stood up, hands shaking as he held the items out to her.

"Lydia, what the fuck is this?"

She looked up at him, finally meeting his eyes.

"You don't understand."

He blinked, hands tightening on the things he held.

"Enlighten me, then. Why in God's name would this shit be in your drawer?"

"You shouldn't have been in there."

"That doesn't matter. Answer my question."

"Jude, I—"

"Goddamn it, Lydia. Don't you lie to me. Not again."

She was trembling, wanting more than anything for Jude to wrap his arms around her, tell her it was okay. He spoke again, yelling this time, making her jump.

"Lydia!"

"I just wanted to feel something."

He stared at her, eyes wide and unbelieving as he shook his head.

"You wanted to _feel_ something?"

"Jude, you don't know what it's like to feel the way I do."

"I might if you'd just talk to me."

"I do."

"No, you lie to me, then you go and fucking snort cocaine."

He tossed the mirror onto her bed, and Lydia stared at it.

"I didn't lie to you."

He whirled around to face her, eyes wide, face turning red.

"I just stood there and asked you if you were on drugs and you said no! Then I open your drawer and I'll be damned if there's not the checklist for snorting coke right in front of my fucking eyes."

"Jude, I stopped!"

He leaned back.

"What?"

"I stopped. I—I haven't done the coke in a long time."

He took in a deep breath, and it was almost as if Lydia could see him trying to get his temper under control.

"How long?"

She blinked, and he spoke again, slowly, through gritted teeth.

"How long has it been?"

"A—a couple of weeks."

Jude looked at her, trying to decide if she was telling him the truth. Something clicked in his mind, and he let out a breath.

"When I went to see my dad, I came back and you … You were so mad at me. Your nose started bleeding."

She looked up at him, and he ran a hand over his face.

"That's when I started."

Jude covered his mouth with his hands.

"Jesus, Lydia, that was a month ago!"

"I stopped, though!"

Jude stared at her, saw the way she was shaking, the way her eyes kept looking at something behind him. He closed his eyes, thinking back to the conversation he'd had with his brother earlier in the day. He let out a breath, walking back to the bed, dropping onto it, looking up at Lydia.

"Davis said he saw you."

Her eyes widened at that, and that was really all the answer Jude needed.

"And it wasn't coke that he saw you do. What are you on, Lydia?"

"Jude—"

"Goddamn it, Lydia!"

He stood up again, walking over to her, trying not to let the pain in his heart show as she tried to back away from him.

"Do not lie to me again! What are you on?"

He watched her eyes, and he turned to her nightstand. He took a step towards it, and Lydia reached out, grabbing his arm.

"Don't. Jude, please!"

He wrenched his arm out of her grasp, walking over to the nightstand.

"Where is it?"

Tears were rolling down her cheeks, and she sucked in a broken breath. He shook his head.

"I'll tear the goddamn thing apart, Lydia. Where is it?"

She let out a sob, and Jude knelt down, opening the cabinet.

"Jude, stop!"

He didn't, pulling everything out of the cabinet, letting out a breath when he didn't find anything. She kept crying, kept begging him to stop, pleading with him, but she knew better than to approach him.

He opened the drawer, ignoring her cries, and pulled out a Bible. He laughed, shaking his head as he tossed it aside, then reached in, pulling out an old worn copy of _Little Women_. He opened the book, flipping though, coming to an abrupt stop at Chapter 13.

God, he'd wanted to be wrong. He felt the tears in his eyes as he reached in to hollowed-out part of the book, pulling the little bag of pills out. He nodded, glancing behind him to where Lydia was standing, tears streaming down her face.

"Anything else you want to lie about?"

"Jude."

She said his name on a sob, and he looked back down, staring at the pills until a tear fell onto the book. He shook his head, standing up, gripping the book in his hands. He looked at her then, tears pouring from her eyes, tears pooled in his, dripping down his face.

"I can't even … How could you do this?"

"Jude."

He shook his head, pulling the bag out of the book, letting it fall to the floor with a loud thump.

"What are they?"

She didn't answer him. She couldn't, because she had covered her face with her hands as she was sobbing. He sniffed, wiping his eyes.

"Davis tried to … God, and I just punched him in the face."

He looked at her, shaking his head.

"I punched my own brother in the face because I couldn't even fathom that you would ever do anything like this."

She looked down, and he sighed, running his hands over his face.

"You need help. Help that I can't give you. I—I can't… I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

She looked up, letting her hands fall from her face. Jude shook his head.

"I love you. I love you more than anything, but you don't feel the same."

"Jude."

"You've never said it. I've never needed you to, but … You lied to me."

The pain was evident in his eyes, and it broke her fragile heart. Tears were in his eyes again, sliding down his cheeks as he spoke, his voice thick and rough through his tears.

"The one thing. You know how I felt."

Lydia closed her eyes, the betrayal he felt from her suddenly making sense. Jude stared at the pills, moving the bag around his hand.

"Jude, I—"

"Don't tell me that you're sorry."

He met her eyes then, as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"My dad's accident. When it all came out, how he'd lied to us, the pills he was on… How Alex was the only one who could get through to him. When his all fucking lies came out, and Julian left, you were there. You knew how bad it hurt. You knew how much I hated him, and now… You've done the same damn thing."

Lydia closed her eyes.

"I never meant to hurt you."

Jude let out a laugh, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Of course you didn't. I bet I wasn't even on your mind, was I?"

"Jude, you were always on my mind."

"Obviously not."

He made a fist with his hand, crumpling the top of the bag. Lydia watched him, and met his eyes again.

"Flush them."

Her eyes widened, and Jude held the bag out to her.

"Show me that you don't want to hurt me. Get rid of the pills right now."

She blinked. She couldn't. She didn't need them really, but the thought of them being completely gone was a little bit too much for her to think of. Jude smiled, a smile that broke her heart, and nodded.

"Okay, then."

He turned away from her, wiping a hand across his face, doing absolutely no good, since the tears continued to fall. God, it hurt so badly. He choked back a sob as he gathered up the stuff on her bed. She watched him, standing back, confused.

"Jude?"

He looked at her, the pain clear on his face.

"I love you. But I can't stand here and watch you do this to yourself."

"Wait. What—what do you mean?"

He shook his head, sliding his feet back in his shoes.

"No. No, Ju—Jude, what are you … No. You promised."

She ran to him as he got to the door, laying a hand on his arm. He turned back to face her, and she grasped his shirt in her hands.

"You promised me. You promised you'd never leave. You—you can't go!"

He shook his head, lifting a shaking hand to brush through her hair.

"You knew. You knew how I felt about this. It ruined my family, Lyd. I never thought you'd ever, ever do this to me."

"I'm so sorry. I am so very sorry, Jude. Please. You can't leave me, Jude. Please don't go."

He gave her a small smile, tears sliding from his eyes.

"I can't stay. Not if you're going to keep doing this."

She put her face in his chest, sobbing out loud. He cradled her against him, looking up at the ceiling as he cried.

"Tell me you'll stop. Please, baby, please. Give it up, and I'll stay."

She barely heard him, his voice was so quiet. Her mind was racing, her heart aching. She looked up at him, and he stared into her eyes. He let out a broken sob, taking her face in his hands, pouring everything he had into the kiss he laid on her lips.

"I'll always love you, Lydia."

He turned and walked away from her, and she stared after him, as the realization slammed into her.

"No. No. Jude? Jude!"

She ran down the stairs, throwing open the front door, screaming his name as he climbed into his car. She begged him to stay, begged him not to leave her, falling to her knees on the porch as he backed down the driveway and drove away. She brought her knees up, resting her face on them, crying harder than she could ever remember.

* * *

 

Brooke was sitting at the kitchen counter, flipping through a magazine, searching for her Clothes Over Bros ad, for the new his-and-hers line she came up with. She could only come up with one name for it, and was met with resounding approval from Peyton, Quinn, and even Owen when she'd bounced the idea off of him. She smiled when she found the ad, pulling it out of the magazine and putting it on the refrigerator.

Yes, Clothes Over Bros was going to have another success with the _Naley_ line.

She opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water, bringing it with her back to her seat. She flipped through the rest of the magazine, cringing when she saw what Madonna's daughter was wearing that week, gasping when she saw the beauty of Reese Witherspoon's gown at her latest movie premiere. She heard the front door open and shut, heard the sob that seemed to echo through her quiet house. She sat up, recognizing when another sob sounded.

"Jude?"

He walked into the kitchen, tears pouring down his face, crying harder than Brooke could ever remember seeing.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

She stood up, walking around the counter, and Jude reached into his pockets, pulling out a mirror, a rolled-up five, and a tiny bag of white powder. Brooke froze when she saw the items, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Jude Baker, what the hell is this?"

He looked up, meeting her eyes, and the absolutely shattered look in his bloodshot eyes broke her heart.

"Jude. What—"

"It's Lydia's, Mom. She's … she's been…"

He sobbed again, shaking his head, and Brooke covered her mouth. She helped him into a chair, sitting beside him. She took her hand from her mouth, reaching and taking one of Jude's hands in both of hers.

"Talk to me. What's going on?"

He shook his head, tears pouring from his eyes, sobs getting caught in his chest.

"Davis confronted me about it, tried to tell me, and I punched him in the face."

He shook his head, crying hard as Brooke leaned over and gently rubbed his back.

"Honey…"

"Lydia's on drugs, Mom. She's been snorting cocaine. Said she stopped, but she's on some kind of pills now."

He dragged his hand over his face.

"I begged her to stop, and she wouldn't even say anything. I told her … this was my breaking point. I can't …"

He shook his head.

"I left. Left her alone with those damn pills, and I … Mama, it hurts."

He leaned over, and Brooke caught him, gently pulling him close to her.

"I know, baby. I'm here."

He cried for a long time, holding onto Brooke, letting her hold him and stroke his hair. After nearly an hour, Jude pulled back from her, breath still hitching in his chest, tears still rolling down his face.

"Clay and Quinn should be home now. You … You need to call them."

"Okay."

Jude met her eyes.

"She needs help, Mom. More than I can give her now."

"Sweetheart… You're sixteen years old."

"So is Lydia. And I want to see her make seventeen."

Jude sniffed, wiping his hands under his eyes.

"If you don't want to call them, I will. They need to know."

Brooke sat back, watching Jude stare at the paraphernalia on the counter.

"She may hate me for this, but at least she'll be alive."

A chill ran down Brooke's spine, and Jude walked over to the wall beside the refrigerator, hand hovering over the phone. Brooke stood up to go to him, glancing over at the stairs and seeing Davis sitting there, tears silently falling down his face. She motioned to him and he stood up, walking to the kitchen and into her arms. She kissed his forehead, and he laid a hand on Jude's shoulder. Jude glanced back, meeting Davis' eyes. His face scrunched up as fresh tears came to his eyes.

"Davis, I … I'm so …"

He couldn't get the words out, but it didn't matter. Davis stepped forward, wrapping his brother in his arms, squeezing him tightly. Jude let out a cry, and Brooke covered her mouth so her sob wouldn't echo through the kitchen. As her sons stood in the middle of the floor, Davis holding Jude up as he cried, Brooke walked to the phone. She dialed a familiar number, letting out a sigh as a happy voice answered the phone.

"Quinn? It's Brooke. We need to talk."


	20. Chapter 20

Lydia sat on the couch, blinking slowly. It had been nearly seventeen hours since Jude walked out on her, fifteen since Quinn and Clay had burst into her room, taking the pills from her, all of them screaming and crying.

The rain had started early that Sunday morning and shortly after, Quinn had called Jenny, explaining the situation, and Jenny had agreed to open specially for them. They'd been sitting in silence for the last hour, while Lydia stared out the window at the rain.

"Lydia?"

She slowly brought her eyes to Jenny's.

"Please talk to me."

Lydia stared at the therapist for a moment, then looked back to the window. She lifted her hand to touch her fingertips to the glass, feeling the coolness there.

"I don't have anything to talk about."

Her voice was quiet, pain threading through each of her words. Jenny blinked, leaning over on her knees.

"I have a few questions I'd like to ask you."

Lydia looked over at her again, and Jenny nodded.

"When did you start the cocaine?"

"Spring break."

Jenny blinked. She hadn't even been expecting Lydia to answer her, and certainly not that quickly.

"Why?"

Lydia smiled, shrugging her shoulders as she gently rolled her nails over her knee through her jeans.

"Why not?"

Jenny swallowed, and Lydia continued speaking quietly.

"I just wanted to feel something. No one understands how I feel. No one knows how hard it is for me to crawl out of bed every morning. The coke gave me a chance to feel good, and I hadn't felt good in so long."

Jenny made a note on her notepad, then looked back up.

"But you stopped?"

Lydia nodded.

"Why?"

Lydia didn't look at her this time as she spoke.

"I did it one night, and … it was awful. I was so sick, throwing up all night long, and I … I saw these terrible things."

"You saw things?"

Lydia nodded.

"Hallucinations. I was terrified out of my mind. I guess it was a bad batch or something, but once I got over it, I swore I wouldn't do it again. And I haven't, but I … I don't know why I kept it. That's what Jude found yesterday, but I swear I haven't done it since the night I got so sick."

"What have you been doing?"

Lydia smiled.

"I went to the guy … my dealer, I guess. Told him I was done. He wouldn't take no for an answer, though. So he offered me the pills instead. I was more open to that, because I always felt kind of dirty when I did it. I didn't want to turn into that girl, you know? The desperate coke whore was not who I wanted to be."

"So you took the pills?"

"So I took the pills."

Jenny nodded, and Lydia gave her another smile.

"Oxycodone. That's what the pills are."

Jenny's eyes widened.

"Lydia."

"Yeah, I know."

Lydia absently scratched at a place on her neck, just below her ear. Her foot had been shaking and tapping ever since she'd come in. Jenny sighed, leaning forward again.

"Lydia, oxycodone is not something you can just stop taking cold turkey."

"Who said I—"

"You keep scratching at different places on your body."

Lydia dropped her hand from her elbow, where she'd been gently scratching. She looked down, and Jenny continued.

"Your foot hasn't been still since you sat down."

Lydia looked down, letting out a sigh.

"We're going to have to wean you off of it. How much were you taking?"

Lydia told her, and Jenny's eyes widened again. Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"It kept wearing off too soon. I kept upping my dosage."

"Honey, you're smarter than this."

"Yeah, thank you. No one's told me that yet."

Lydia stood up, pacing twice before she stood and looked out the window. Jenny watched her, letting the silence hang before she spoke.

"Lydia, I just … I can't understand what would lead you to do this."

Lydia's lips kicked up in a barely-there smirk.

"You want to know the truth?"

She gently tossed her hair over her shoulder, glancing back at Jenny. Jenny nodded, and Lydia spoke quietly.

"It's been a long time coming."

Jenny didn't say anything; Lydia didn't expect her to. Lydia sighed, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.

"Did I ever tell you about when I was four?"

Jenny sat back in her chair.

"I don't believe so."

Lydia nodded.

"Probably because we don't talk about it and pretend it never happened. That was the … the first time I realized life wasn't always beautiful."

Jenny tilted her head to the side, and Lydia sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Quinn got a job in Africa, I think it was. Riley was two, Logan was ten. Clay thought it would be great for the whole family to go, since the job was happening during the summer. And I guess his idea of the 'whole family' did not include Jamie and me. So we were going to stay with Lucas and Peyton. But halfway through the summer, they decided it was too much to deal with their kids _and_ Jamie and me, so they sent us to stay with Brooke and Julian. I think Brooke may have been pregnant then, or something, because they sent Jamie back to Peyton and Lucas."

Lydia shook her head, tears filling her eyes.

"I was four, spending my summer being shuffled from house to house, spending time with families that weren't mine. When Jamie and I were split up, I … I guess I kind of lost it."

She looked out the window as a tear slid down her cheek.

"I ran away. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, and I just left. I spent three days in the woods, and when they found me, I was so sick. I was dehydrated and I had this cut on my leg that got infected. Lucas was the one who found me, and he stayed by my side in the hospital. When I woke up, he asked me why I'd run away, and I was honest with him."

She turned to Jenny, eyes clear for a moment. Jenny blinked at her.

"What did you tell him?"

"That no one wanted me."

She shrugged her shoulders, tears filling her eyes again.

"Lucas brought me and Jamie home, to our house, not his. He stayed with us until Clay and Quinn came back. But the, uh … The damage was done."

She looked at Jenny, whose dark eyes were soft.

"I was four years old, and an orphan. And the only people I'd ever been able to count on continuously proved to me that no matter how good you are, no matter what you do, they're still going to pawn you off the first chance they get."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks now.

"Ever since then … I—"

She shook her head.

"Jude was the one thing. The one constant I was always able to count on. When everyone showed me that they …"

She shook her head again, tears dripping down her cheeks.

"He was always there. He never turned his back on me. Not once. Not even when I tried to make him. And now … I've gone and screwed that up."

She shook her head again, bringing her sad blue eyes to Jenny's.

"I've lost everything."


	21. Chapter 21

Quinn sat on the couch in Jenny's office, tears pooled in her eyes. She kept shaking her head, not understanding how her family had gotten to this point. Jenny passed her a box of tissues, and Quinn took a couple, pressing them to her eyes. Jenny let out a sigh.

"Quinn, I'm not going to lie to you. This is a difficult situation, and it's … Well, it's just going to suck."

Quinn looked over, and Jenny sighed again.

"It is my professional opinion that Lydia does not need to be left alone."

"Jenny."

"I'm sorry, but it's true."

Quinn's hands fell to her lap, and Jenny leaned over, gently taking one.

"Quinn, Lydia is in a very fragile state right now."

"You think she … You think she might …"

Quinn swallowed, and Jenny sighed.

"I don't want to think that. But I am telling you now, don't give her the chance."

Quinn pushed a hand through her hair.

"Oh, god."

"I wanted to talk to you about something else, too."

Quinn looked over, and Jenny sighed again.

"We can't just let her stop taking the pills. That would actually do more harm than good. I'll set you up with a schedule to wean her off after I talk with some colleagues of mine."

Quinn nodded, and Jenny closed her eyes before she went on.

"Due to the kind of pills that Lydia's been taking, I also think that it would be in her best interest to enter her in at least an outpatient program."

"Wait a minute, are you talking about rehab?"

Jenny waited until Quinn met her eyes, then nodded.

"Yes."

Quinn let out a laugh.

"She'll never go for that."

"She's sixteen years old. Legally, you're still in charge."

Quinn shook her head.

"I can't make her do something she doesn't want to do."

"In this case, I think it is necessary that you do."

Quinn stared at her, eyes wide.

"Jenny."

Jenny just stared back at her, and Quinn leaned over, putting her face in her hands. She rocked back and forth.

"How could this happen?!"

Quinn pushed her hair behind her ears, looking over to Jenny as tears rolled down her face.

"Don't tell me this. Don't tell me that I need to watch her and make sure she doesn't …"

Quinn shook her head.

"I knew she was just like Haley. I could see it, and I chose not to believe it. I should have. I should have seen it, and I should have been there. I should—"

"Quinn, this isn't your fault. This is no one's fault. Lydia is sick. She needs help. More help than you or I can offer her."

Quinn covered her face with her hands again. Jenny sat back, blowing out her breath as she covered her mouth with her hands, then let them fall to her lap. Quinn finally lifted her head, looking at Jenny. Her voice shook only a little as she tried to be strong.

"Do you … Do you think we might could wait on the rehab thing?"

"Quinn…"

"I know. It's just … She's sixteen. She's in school. She needs to go to school."

Jenny nodded as she looked down at the ground, then back up to meet Quinn's eyes. Quinn smiled.

"She'll be done with school at the end of May, first of June. We can get her in somewhere for the summer, right?"

Jenny sat back, thinking. After a few minutes, she let out a sigh.

"I have a few ground rules."

Quinn nodded.

"One, Lydia keeps up weekly visits with me. I even believe that more than one appointment a week wouldn't be the worst thing."

Quinn nodded again.

"Two, we at least look into an outpatient facility that she could go to on the weekends."

Quinn nodded as she looked at her hands.

"And three, as soon as school lets out, we get her in treatment."

Quinn looked up again, meeting Jenny's eyes.

"Okay."

Jenny let out a breath, nodding her head.

"Okay, then."

* * *

 

Lydia stared out the window of the car, leaning her forehead against it, watching as the rain poured over Tree Hill. Clay kept glancing in the rearview mirror, and Quinn kept turning around in her seat, watching Lydia, who turned until she was more on her side, wrapping her arms around her stomach and closing her eyes. Jenny had given her a pill before she left, and Lydia could feel it beginning to kick in.

Quinn turned back in her seat, facing forward, pushing her hands through her hair. Clay reached over and took one of her hands, bringing it to his lips. Quinn gave him a small smile, and Clay smiled back, keeping hold of her hand during the remainder of the ride home.

When they pulled in the driveway, Lydia silently left the car, walking through the rain into the house. Clay and Quinn followed after her, Clay holding open a big umbrella.

"She's probably going to blow a fuse pretty soon."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because I called Logan, asked him to take her bedroom door off the hinges."

Quinn let out a sigh, holding the door open while Clay shook out the umbrella. He stepped inside, propping the umbrella up against the door, stopping when they saw Lydia on the stairs. She had her arms crossed over her chest.

"Seriously? Where the hell is my door?"

Lydia looked from Quinn to Clay. Quinn finally stepped forward, speaking quietly.

"We can't trust you, Lydia."

"So you take my door away?"

"Your privacy."

She looked to Clay, who shrugged his shoulders. Lydia sighed.

"Whatever. I'm tired."

She turned and walked up the stairs, and Quinn turned to face Clay. He wrapped his arms around her, letting out a sigh. Quinn shook her head, wrapping our arms around her husband.

"How did we get here, Clay?"

He smiled, pressing a kiss to her temple. He shushed her gently, running his fingers through her hair.

"We'll make it through, okay? We'll be okay, Q. I promise."

She nodded, content to just let him hold her for a little while longer.

* * *

 

Sawyer tapped her pen on her notebook, glancing around the courtyard. The first bell would be ringing soon. She looked to her left, at Davis, who was doing some last-minute cramming before their English test that morning. Jude was in the seat beside his brother, reading the same page in his notebook as he had been since they sat down. Sawyer pushed a curl behind her ear as she finally spoke up.

"So where's Lydia?"

Jude froze, his fingers poised to turn the page in his notebook. He looked up at Sawyer, then to Davis, staring at his brother until Davis finally cleared his throat. Jude looked back down at his notebook. Davis turned to Sawyer, speaking softly.

"Saw, we uh …"

He shook his head. Sawyer looked from one brother to the other, then spoke softly to Davis.

"What happened?"

Davis sighed, looking over at Jude, who was still staring at his notebook, but his eyes were closed now.

"It's not my place to tell."

"When has that ever stopped you?"

"Sawyer. Don't."

Sawyer blew out her breath. Davis closed his eyes, because he knew she was just about to get started. Sure enough, she opened her mouth, and Davis hung his head.

"Okay, so something's obviously going on. Why won't you just tell me?"

"Because it's not my place to tell, Sawyer. Jesus, just let it be."

"No. If something is bothering my friends, which obviously it is, I need to know so I can help them."

"You can't fix this, Saw."

"I might if you would just talk to me. What happened? Is Jude okay? Is Lydia?"

"Hey, Sawyer?"

She glanced over at Jude, giving him a smile.

"Yeah?"

Jude closed his notebook.

"Shut the fuck up."

He slid the notebook in his backpack, standing up and walking over towards the building. Sawyer's mouth fell open, and Davis pursed his lips together. Jude stopped halfway, glancing back and meeting Lydia's eyes as she walked away from Quinn's car. She stopped when she saw him, and after a moment, he turned away, walking into the school. Sawyer watched as Lydia's face fell, as she watched Jude walk away. Sawyer was on her feet before she realized it, jogging over to Lydia.

"Hey. Lyd, what—"

Lydia looked up, tears rolling from her navy blue eyes. Sawyer stepped forward, wrapping Lydia in her arms. Lydia let out a sob, letting it trail off before she pulled back from her cousin. Sawyer watched her as Lydia readjusted her backpack, wiping a hand over her eyes. Sawyer took a good look at her, a bad feeling settling in her stomach as she did. Lydia's hair was pulled back, in a messy ponytail. She wore jeans and a sweatshirt, even though it was warm out. She had no makeup on, and Sawyer swallowed when she watched as Lydia reached back to scratch at her neck.

"Are you okay?"

Lydia let out a sigh.

"No. I'm not."

"What's going on?"

Lydia shook her head.

"It's not important."

"Lyd."

"Sawyer, please."

She turned to walk away and Sawyer reached out, grabbing her arm.

"Lydia, wait."

Lydia sucked in a harsh breath, wrenching her arm away from Sawyer, letting it hang by her side, using her other arm to gently rub it up and down.

"Lyd, what's wrong with your arm?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me. Come here."

Lydia shook her head, but Sawyer took hold of her arm anyway. She pushed her sleeve up, and Lydia closed her eyes. She felt Sawyer's fingers trail over the cuts and scratches that trailed from her elbow to her wrist.

"Lydia, what the hell happened to you?"

Lydia didn't answer; she just reached over and scratched behind her ear.

"Lydia. What happened?"

Lydia looked over, her navy blue eyes empty.

"Cat. We got a new cat and it just … Doesn't like me, I guess."

Lydia smiled, and Sawyer let go of her arm, nodding her head. Lydia pulled her sleeve back down and Sawyer crossed her arms over her chest.

"Riley's allergic to cats, Lyd."

Lydia closed her eyes, letting out a breath. Sawyer nodded and smiled.

"Well. Since everyone seems to be in the know except me, and no one wants to talk to me, I'll just go ahead and go to class."

"Saw—"

"Don't, okay. Whenever you decide not to lie anymore, you know where to find me."

Lydia watched as Sawyer gathered up her books and walked off, ignoring Davis when he tried to talk to her. Davis looked back and caught Lydia's eyes. She locked eyes with him, then turned around and walked into the building. Davis hung his head, gathering his books as the bell rang.

* * *

 

Lydia deliberately walked past their normal lunch table, sitting by herself at a table in the back of the cafeteria. Sawyer watched her, silently eating the carrots Peyton had slipped in her lunch that morning. Davis did the same, but Jude just stared down at his plate. Finally, Davis let out a sigh, standing up and walking over to Lydia's table. She closed her eyes when she saw him, as he took the seat across from her. They were quiet, and Davis finally let out another sigh.

"Lydia, I—"

"I don't …"

She shook her head and he stopped, waited, until she looked up and met his eyes.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

Davis blinked, and Lydia went on.

"You have destroyed my life."

"No, honey. You did that yourself."

Lydia let out a laugh and nodded.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You see, I thought that I was doing just fine, until you came along and decided you couldn't keep your damn mouth shut."

"Lydia, what was I supposed to do?"

"What were you supposed to do? Are you kidding me?! Davis. You should have come to me. You should have talked to me, instead of—"

"Instead of letting you lie to my brother? You're right. I should have just kept my mouth shut, gone to you, so you could lie to me instead of him."

Lydia shook her head, looking away.

"I hate you."

"Fine."

He watched her, the way she scratched at her neck, looking away from him, the way her foot kept tapping on the ground.

"So you're still taking it, right?"

"What are you, a NARC now?"

Davis let out a laugh.

"Okay. That's fine. Take it out on me."

"As I should. This is your fault."

"Lydia—"

"All you needed to do was let it go, Davis. And you chose not to. You chose to be a tattletale. And now? I can barely go to the bathroom by myself. And that's because of you."

Davis closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"If I had the chance to go back? I'd do the same damn thing."

Lydia nodded her head.

"Good to know. You're a great friend, Davis."

"Hey, don't you—"

"What? Thanks to you, I lost the only thing I've ever been able to count on. The one thing, Davis. And it's all because of you."

"Stop trying to blame me. It's not my fault you're a junkie, Lydia."

She reached across the table, slapping his face before she realized what she was doing. She gathered up her lunch, stalking away. And after a minute, Sawyer walked over.

"Well, that looks like it hurt."

Davis sighed, running his hands over his face, wincing when he touched his aching cheekbone. Sawyer handed him her bottle of water, and he held it to his cheek, letting out a shaky breath. Jude walked up behind Sawyer, hands in his pockets. He had a small smile on his face.

"She slapped the shit out of you, man."

Davis smiled back at him.

"And I didn't even really deserve it this time."

* * *

 

Lydia sat on the couch in Jenny's office, letting out a sigh.

"Can I please have the pill now?"

Jenny looked over at her, letting out a breath.

"Honey, you haven't done what we've talked about, have you?"

"You mean the 'think wonderful thoughts' bullshit you tried to push on me? No, no I have not."

Jenny's eyebrows lifted, and she blinked. A shiver ran through Lydia and she let out a breath.

"Jenny, please. Just … Just give me the pill."

Jenny watched as Lydia scratched at her arm, immediately wincing when she did, letting her arm fall back to the couch. Jenny looked down at her notebook.

"Lydia, let me see your arm."

She looked up in time to see navy blue eyes widen before they met hers. Jenny set her notebook and pen on the table, holding out her hand.

"Come on."

Lydia shook her head, pulling her arms into her lap. Jenny gave her a gentle smile.

"It's really warm outside. Too warm for a sweatshirt."

"I'm cold-natured."

"Honey, you're sweating."

Lydia blew out her breath, shaking her head, pushing a smile on her face.

"I'm fine! Why can't everyone just see that and leave me alone?!"

"Lydia."

Lydia looked to Jenny, who simply held out her hand again. Tears welled up in Lydia's eyes, but she nodded.

"Well, why not just take it a step further?"

She stood up, reaching down, ignoring the burning pain in her arms as she lifted the sweatshirt up over her head, standing before Jenny in a pale blue tank top. Jenny let out a ragged breath as she got to her feet, taking Lydia's hand and moving it as she looked at her arms.

"My God, Lydia."

Angry red lines crisscrossed both of Lydia's forearms, stretching from her elbow to the base of her palm. There were a few cuts on her upper arm, and one in the crook of her elbow was beginning to bleed again. Jenny stepped back and got a tissue, pressing it to that cut.

"Lydia, talk to me. Right now. Tell me what this is all about."

"Isn't it obvious?"

Jenny closed her eyes.

"Lydia, this …"

She shook her head, looking up to meet Lydia's eyes.

"This is not okay."

"I know."

Lydia spoke quietly, glancing down at her arms. She sniffed, and a tear rolled down her cheek as she talked.

"I used to just do it on my legs, because it's easier to explain it. Just pretend that I cut myself shaving, you know? But last night … I was so mad. I felt like everything was falling apart, because it is. I have no control over it, I can't stop it, but this …"

She ran her finger along a winding slice in her arm.

"This I can do. It hurts, but I can finally feel something. That's why I do it."

Jenny swallowed, looking up to see Lydia's smile.

"I just got a little carried away last night."

Jenny let go of her hand, moving back to cover her mouth with her hand.

"Lydia…"

She shook her head.

"Honey, we need to talk."

"Isn't that what we've been doing for the past hour?"

Jenny smiled.

"There's something else we need to discuss."

Lydia pulled her sweatshirt back on, sitting back on the couch.

"I'm breathless with anticipation."

Jenny took in a breath before looking up.

"We need to discuss your treatment."

Lydia took in a breath, letting it out slowly.

"I don't like to hear you say that. I'm not sick. I'm not crazy."

"No one said you were, honey. But Lydia, you are sick."

Lydia shook her head.

"I'm not."

Jenny gentled her tone, leaning over in her chair.

"Lydia, it's not your fault. This isn't something you can help. I … I think you may have gotten it from your mother."

Lydia shut her eyes, shaking her head.

"I'm not like her. I'm not. I'm not."

"Lydia, honey. Calm down."

She was shaking now. How could this happen? How could she be so reckless, so careless that Jenny would be able to see how much like Haley her daughter was? Lydia blew out her breath, scratching at a spot on her neck.

"I could really use that pill, Jenny."

"Lydia, can you see that this isn't working?"

"We've been doing it for less than a day. Give it a chance, doc."

Jenny smiled, but it slid away when another shudder worked its way through Lydia's body, making her close her eyes before she opened them again.

"Could I just get that pill real quick?"

"Lydia, sometimes you can see that things are not going to work out the way you want them to."

"Jenny, come on. I'll be good. I'll think happy thoughts and see if Quinn will buy me a bunny rabbit or something. Just… please let me have the pill."

Jenny sighed, shaking her head. Lydia let out a groan.

"Oh, come on, just give me the damn pill!"

Jenny pushed her hands through her hair, walking over to the locked cabinet near the door. Lydia let out a breath of relief when Jenny stepped back over with a glass of water and a little pill.

"Finally. Thank you."

Jenny sat down as Lydia swallowed the pill dry, downing the water before she set the glass on the table. She leaned back on the couch, letting her head fall back and her eyes close.

"Lydia, I want to talk to you about a program I think could help you."

"You mean a rehab, right?"

She didn't open her eyes.

"Basically, yes."

"I'm not a junkie, Jenny. I don't need rehab."

"It's a special program for teenagers, and I think it could really help you."

"I guess you didn't hear me when I said I don't need to go to rehab."

Jenny shook her head.

"Honey, you need help that you won't get around here."

"Oh, so not only is it rehab, but I bet it's hidden off somewhere in Bumfuck Nowhere, isn't it? Yeah, I like Tree Hill. Think I'll just chill here."

Jenny closed her eyes.

"Lydia—"

"Look, Jen. I know you're trying to help. I know you mean well. But I'm fine. I don't need a rehab. I just had a bad day yesterday, and a bad night last night, and I took it out on myself. Perhaps I could find a better outlet for that? One that doesn't involve a razor blade and my skin? I'll be good, and just stick around here."

Jenny nodded, trying to ignore the glazed over blue eyes looking back at her.

"Our time's up for today. Do you think you could send Quinn in here for a few minutes?"

"So you two can talk about me? I'd just love to do that."

Lydia stood up, swaying slightly before she walked to the door. Jenny pushed her hands through her hair, covering her face as she took in a few deep breaths.

"Jenny?"

She looked up, seeing Quinn standing in front of her. She let out a breath, waving her in.

"Please, have a seat."

Quinn shut the door behind her, sitting on the couch as Jenny walked over to her desk. She put her notebook in a drawer, locking it. She took a sip from the water bottle on her desk, then looked over to the couch, meeting Quinn's worried eyes. Jenny smiled.

"I know it's been, what, twenty-four hours or so since we last talked?"

Quinn nodded, and Jenny did the same. She took in a breath.

"Quinn, today's session with Lydia did not go the way I thought it would. Because of that, I do not think our original plan is going to work."

"What do you mean?"

Jenny sighed.

"You know I can't talk about anything Lydia said."

"No, I … I know that."

Jenny nodded.

"Quinn, she's hurting. And it's not getting any better. Lydia is sick, and she needs treatment. I am not the one who can give her what she needs, not anymore. She needs to go off, to a program that deals with issues like this and can give her what she needs."

"Jenny, I don't understand. It's barely been a day, and you're saying that … What about school?"

"She's very smart. She can catch up, or there may be a way they can incorporate school into the program. Quinn, I need you to listen to me right now."

Quinn looked up, meeting Jenny's eyes.

"I am very worried about her."

Quinn's heart fell.

"You don't think she would …"

Jenny sighed.

"I think she's … very much like her mother."

Quinn covered her mouth with her hand, shaking her head. Jenny leaned forward in her chair.

"I know how hard that is for you to hear. But you have to hear it. She is screaming for help, as much as she tries to deny it. It is up to us to get her the help she needs, no matter the consequences."

Tears were in Quinn's eyes when she looked back to Jenny.

"She'll hate me."

Jenny reached out, taking hold of Quinn's hand.

"But she'll be alive to do it."

Quinn let out a sob then, and Jenny let go of her hand, leaning back in her chair. Quinn grabbed a tissue, crying into it for what seemed like forever.

She couldn't understand how this had happened. When did her sweet little niece become this? She tried so hard to keep her from being like Haley, tried so hard to keep only the good parts of Haley around, not even realizing that what she'd been trying to hide was happening to the sweet girl she'd raised.

Quinn cried, for the little girl who'd lost everything, for the teenager she'd grown to be, confused and sad and unable to understand why. She cried for her sister, who hadn't been able to shoulder the weight that had been thrust upon her. She cried for herself, for her family, and when she was done, she lifted her head, looking at Jenny.

"Tell me what I have to do."


	22. Chapter 22

After leaving Jenny's office, Quinn dropped Lydia off at home. Clay had been waiting on the front porch, confusion coloring his face when Lydia climbed out of the car and Quinn drove off.

"Hey, where's Quinn going?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders as she walked past him, eyes cast down. Clay followed her through the house, crossing his arms and letting out a sigh as she walked out the back doors. Just as he'd suspected, she walked over and lay down in the hammock. Clay stood there for a moment, then stepped back and grabbed the phone off the counter. Just as he'd suspected, he got Quinn's voicemail. He listened to her greeting, smiling as he left a message.

"Hey. Q. It's me. I was just wondering what's up, making sure my girl's okay. Call me back. Love you."

Riley walked into the kitchen just as he was hanging up the phone. She scrunched her nose up as she glanced around, and Clay gave her a smile.

"Hey, Squirt."

"Hey, Dad. Where's Mama?"

Clay shrugged his shoulders, and Riley looked over at the clock. Clay smiled again, walking up to wrap an arm around his daughter. Riley had never done well when her routine was interrupted, and Quinn not being home right then, beginning to cook supper, was a definite interruption. Clay pressed a kiss to the top of Riley's sand-colored hair.

"I'm sure she's fine, Riles. She'll be home soon."

Riley nodded, looking around again before looping her arms around Clay's waist and squeezing. He smiled again, kissing the top of her head again.

"Lyd's outside. In the—"

"In the hammock?"

Clay grinned, nodding his head. Riley nodded, going to the doors to walk outside. She laid a hand on the doorknob, turning back to look at her father when he spoke.

"Hey, Riles?"

She blinked her mother's bright blue eyes, and Clay's smile went soft.

"You know I love you, right, kid?"

Riley smiled.

"I know, Dad. I love you, too."

She turned and walked out the doors, and Clay let out a breath. He walked over, looking out the back doors as Riley dragged a lounge chair over near the hammock, sitting down in it, watching her cousin. Lydia rolled onto her side, her back to Riley, and Clay felt an ache in his heart as he saw Riley's sigh, the way she sank back into the chair. He ran a hand through his hair, then turned to the counter, picking the phone up again, dialing a now-familiar number.

"Hey, it's Clay. You busy? … Do you think you could do me a favor?"

* * *

 

Quinn sat at the edge of the beach, letting the frigid water roll over her toes with every wave that rolled in. She didn't notice how cold the water was. Her eyes were in the distance, watching the waves crash into each other, then re-form. Her thoughts were all crashing around in her head, and she couldn't seem to get a good grip on a single one. She let out a sigh, pushing her hands through her hair before wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Thought we'd find you here."

Quinn smiled, a tiny little smile, glancing over her shoulder at Peyton and Brooke as they walked up and sat down beside her. A wave came up, washing over their feet, causing the two of them to gasp. Peyton shook her head.

"Oh, no. No, ma'am."

She tucked her feet under her, sitting on them, and Quinn let out a laugh. Brooke pulled her sweater closer around her, the wind off the water blowing her dark hair around her face.

"Quinnie, it's freezing out here."

Quinn nodded.

"I know. I'm okay, though."

"That why you have goosebumps all over your arms?"

Quinn looked down at her arms, then back to Peyton.

"I didn't notice."

Quinn looked back out at the ocean.

"It's supposed to storm tonight. See how angry the waves are?"

Brooke and Peyton exchanged a glance, and Peyton let out a sigh.

"Honey, talk to us."

Quinn smiled, tears coming to her eyes. She shook her head.

"I … I don't—I don't even know where to start."

Brooke looped an arm around Quinn's shoulders.

"Then ramble. We don't mind."

"I don't want to dump all of this on you."

"Honey."

Quinn glanced at Peyton, who scooted closer to her.

"This is about Lydia, isn't it?"

Quinn looked to Brooke, who shrugged her shoulders.

"It wasn't mine to tell."

Quinn let out a sigh, dragging a hand through her hair. Finally, she nodded.

"Yeah, it's Lydia."

A tear slipped down her cheek, the breeze off the ocean giving it an icy quality as it slid over her skin. Quinn shook her head, suddenly unable to speak. Brooke gently rubbed her arm. They didn't have to say anything, but after a little while, Quinn spoke quietly.

"She's hurting so badly. It's … I think it's a lot worse than any of us imagined. No, I know it is."

Quinn turned to Peyton then, letting out a sigh.

"Jude was with her, and he … He found—"

Quinn shook her head, covering her mouth. She looked to Brooke, her eyes so heartbroken and despondent. Brooke sighed, running a hand through Quinn's hair as she looked to Peyton.

"Jude found cocaine in Lydia's dresser."

Peyton's mouth fell open, her blue eyes going wide. She covered her mouth with a hand, and Brooke knew she was flashing back to when they were in high school, when she'd given in and done cocaine herself. Peyton closed her eyes, shaking her head, glancing at her lap when Brooke reached over and squeezed her hand. She looked up, and Brooke winked at her, giving her a gentle smile, until Peyton smiled back, nodding. Brooke sighed.

"She said she'd stopped using it, and Jude … Jude found some pills that she'd been taking."

"Oxycodone."

Brooke looked at Quinn then, the same way Peyton did, and Quinn just sighed. Brooke swallowed.

"She's been taking …"

Quinn nodded. Peyton covered her mouth again, before speaking quietly.

"Is she … I mean, how long—"

"Long enough. Long enough that she can't just stop taking it. We've got to wean her off of it."

"My God."

Quinn nodded. She let out a breath before speaking again, looking out at the water again, which had calmed only a bit.

"We've been going to Jenny for a month now. At first, she acted like she hated it, like she hated me for making her go. She swore she'd never say anything."

Quinn shook her head, smiling at that. The smile quickly faded from her face, though.

"I took her once a week, and I really think that it helped. It seemed like she was trying, you know?"

Quinn looked at Brooke, shaking her head.

"That's why your call just seemed like it was completely out of left field. But Lydia … She didn't even try to fight us when Clay and I went to her room. She was crying, telling us how sorry she was."

Quinn shook her head.

"I just don't … I don't understand how we got here. How we let it happen."

"Honey, you didn't 'let' it happen. It just … It just did."

Quinn smiled as she looked at Peyton.

"Peyton, think about it. Look at us. All of us. We're all very well off. Brooke's got her company. Lucas has his books. Clay's got his agency. Our kids don't have to worry about where their next meal's coming from. They're all smart. We're not … We don't look like a family that would house a kid with a drug problem."

Brooke closed her eyes, and Peyton nodded.

"Things aren't always what they seem, Quinn."

"I know. Dear God, I know that."

Quinn stood up then, brushing her hands over the back of her pants, getting the sand off. Brooke and Peyton did the same, watching as Quinn crossed her arms over her chest, walking away slowly. She turned back to them, the wind blowing her hair out over her shoulder.

"Jenny has suggested that we put Lydia in a rehab."

"Whoa, what?"

"What did you say?"

Quinn nodded as Brooke and Peyton walked closer to her.

"Rehab? She's sixteen!"

"And Jenny said she needs help that we can't give her."

Brooke shook her head.

"I don't … I don't understand. She's not a junkie, is she?"

Tears were in Quinn's eyes again as she shook her head.

"No, she's just her mother's daughter."

Brooke froze, not even breathing. Peyton took in a ragged, broken breath. Quinn let out a sob, looking away from them, trying to pull herself together. Peyton finally spoke, her voice low and wrecked.

"Lydia … She …"

Quinn sighed, closing her eyes.

"Jenny said we can't leave her alone."

Brooke covered her mouth with her hand then, reaching out and grasping Peyton's hand. Quinn shook her head.

"At first she said that we could wait until summer, but at our appointment today … She said the sooner we can get Lydia this help, the better."

Peyton looked down at the sand, blinking until she gathered her thoughts enough to look at Quinn.

"You don't think she'd …?"

Quinn gave her a sad smile.

"I never thought Haley would. Oh, _God_!"

Quinn's knees buckled then, and both Brooke and Peyton rushed to her, sinking to their knees with her, wrapping her up in their arms as she sobbed. Quinn gripped both of their hands, looking up at Brooke as they both cried, shaking her head.

"That's our baby, Brooke. How could we get to this point and not have seen it coming?"

"I don't know, honey."

Quinn sobbed, shaking her head. Peyton ran a hand over Quinn's hair.

"Peyton, she … She needed us. And we … We just …"

"I know."

Quinn sobbed, her heart in an absolute shambles. After what seemed like forever, they were all sitting back in the sand, holding hands, Brooke and Peyton on either side of Quinn. They watched as the sun began to sink lower and lower in the sky. Quinn sniffed, letting out a sigh.

"I know Jenny's right. I know she needs to go somewhere, get some professional help."

Peyton and Brooke both nodded, and Quinn blew out her breath.

"She's never going to go for it. She … There's no way."

"She's sixteen, Quinn. And as much as I hate to say this, in this case? She really doesn't have a say. You and Clay are legally her guardians, and you've got to make the final decision."

"I just know if we force her, more harm than good will come out of it."

"Are you sure?"

Quinn looked to Brooke, who had been quiet for the longest time. Quinn nodded.

"I just have this feeling that no good can come from this. I can't explain it. It's just that I've spent the past sixteen years with this kid, and I know her."

Brooke and Peyton nodded, until Peyton spoke again.

"She'll probably put up one hell of a fight. But someday, years from now, she'll understand, and she'll be thankful."

"We just have to get her there."

Brooke nodded at Quinn's words, and Quinn sighed.

"I need to talk this over with Clay, come to a decision."

Brooke and Peyton nodded, and Quinn stood to her feet again. She helped her friends up, and they both embraced her. Brooke ran a hand over Quinn's hair.

"You know what you should do. Just listen to your heart and do what's best for our girl."

Quinn nodded. Peyton stepped up, and Quinn sighed.

"Talk to Lucas for me?"

"Of course. But you know he's probably going to …"

"To flip his shit? Yeah, I know."

Peyton let out a laugh.

"I'll try to do damage control as best I can."

Quinn nodded, all three of them letting out a long sigh. They threaded their arms together, walking back to their cars. Quinn got to hers first, turning to face her friends.

"I'll let you know what we decide, okay?"

Brooke and Peyton nodded, and Quinn gave them a smile, waving as she drove away. When she was gone, Brooke walked over to her car, leaning over it and rubbing her hands over her face.

"She's on drugs?"

Brooke sighed, nodding her head at her best friend.

"She was. Is, I guess. Quinn said they're weaning her off, right?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Brooke lifted her head, looking into the blue eyes of her best friend.

"Peyton."

"Brooke, that is my niece. That is Lucas' niece. That is the only—"

"The only piece of his brother he has left. Yes, Peyton, I know."

Brooke pushed her hands through her hair as Peyton propped her hands on her hips.

"It wasn't my business."

"Oh, come on, Brooke!"

Peyton shook her curly blonde hair out of her face.

"That has never once held you back."

"Peyton, you cannot pull the best friend card here. My son—the man I still see as my little boy—came to me, broken in a way I had never seen, telling me that the girl he loves is caught up in something he physically cannot deal with. He has never forgiven Julian for that."

Peyton closed her eyes.

"Yeah, I figured you might have forgotten."

Peyton looked at Brooke, letting out a sigh.

"Brooke—"

"You don't know what it's been like. It's been a day, Peyton, and I … I'm at a loss. You don't know what it's like to have your six-foot-three, sixteen-year-old son begging you to help and you not being able to do a damn thing."

Brooke pushed a hand through her dark hair.

"I'm sorry."

Brooke looked over, and Peyton shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know what it's like. And I don't want to, if you want me to be honest. I am dreading having to go and talk to my husband, because I know that this will break his heart. And my daughter? My sweet Sawyer? How am I supposed to tell her that her best friend is doing drugs and will have to be sent away?"

Brooke shook her head. She closed her eyes, looking up as she let out a breath.

"How did we get here? I don't … I just can't understand this."

Peyton shook her head.

"I need … I need to get home."

Brooke nodded. They climbed in their cars, driving off towards their houses. Brooke looked down as her phone rang, and she smiled as she pressed the button on her steering wheel, answering the call.

"Hey, P. Sawyer."

" _You know I'm not mad at you, right?"_

Brooke smiled.

"Okay."

_"I'm just so … I don't know, confused, I guess? It's… God, it's so—"_

"I know, Peyton. I—I know."

Brooke heard Peyton sigh.

" _I love you, B. Davis."_

"Right back at ya."

Brooke pressed the button on the steering wheel again to end the call, letting out another breath as she drove home, caught up in worrying about the girl she'd always considered a part of her family and her broken-hearted son.

* * *

 

Peyton stepped into the house, tossing her keys on the counter and pushing her hands through her curly hair. Lucas came jogging down the hall, smiling when he saw her.

"There's my beautiful wife."

Peyton tried to smile, but it really didn't work. The smile slid from Lucas' face.

"Hey. You okay?"

She looked up, meeting his eyes, shaking her head. She stepped close to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, feeling his arms encircle her. His hands gently rubbed up and down her back.

"What is it, Peyt?"

She let out a sigh, propping her chin on his shoulder.

"There's something we need to talk about, and I … I don't know how to tell you."

Lucas swallowed, stepping back from her, keeping his hands on her shoulders.

"What is it?"

Peyton sighed again.

"Let's go to the living room."

She took hold of his hand, leading him to the couch. He sat, and she sat facing him, reaching out and taking both of his hands in hers.

"I got a call earlier, from Clay. He asked Brooke and I to go out to the beach, because he thought Quinn might be out there. She was, and we could tell something was bothering her. Luke …"

Peyton's mouth was moving, but she couldn't say the words. He just sat there, waiting, finally reaching out and laying a hand to her cheek.

"Peyton, just say it. What is it? What's wrong?"

She took a deep breath, looking into his eyes, tightening her hands on his.

"Luke, Lydia's been doing drugs."

His mouth fell open, his eyebrows coming together in a look of disbelief. Peyton let out a sigh.

"I know that it's hard to believe, but—"

"Hard to be—No. No. Peyton, that is not possible."

"It is, honey."

"No!"

He let go of her hands, standing up and pacing the floor slowly. Peyton clasped her hands together in her lap. Lucas shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

"You're wrong."

Peyton let out a laugh.

"I wish I was."

"There is no way Lydia would do drugs."

"I thought the same thing. But Luke … Quinn said it. She is."

Lucas shook his head again. He ran a hand over his mouth before he turned back to his wife.

"Tell me."

Peyton sighed, looking down at her hands before bringing her eyes back up to her husband.

"Cocaine."

"What—"

Lucas came back to the couch, sitting down hard beside Peyton.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Lucas, calm down."

"You can't sit there and tell me my niece is doing cocaine and then tell me to calm down. It doesn't work like that, Peyton."

She looked down at her hands again, and Lucas laid a hand on her leg, giving it a squeeze. She looked over to him, laying a hand against his cheek.

"She stopped the coke a few weeks ago."

Lucas held his hands up.

"Then why the hell are you telling me this, acting like it's still a problem?"

"Because she picked up oxycodone instead."

Lucas went still, barely even blinking. Peyton let out a sigh, reaching to take his hand. She continued to talk, speaking quietly.

"She's on a fairly high dose of oxycodone, and that's not something you can just stop doing. They're trying to wean her off of it, but …"

Peyton let out a sigh.

"They've been going to see Jenny, and she suggested that they enroll Lydia in a—"

"Do not say 'rehab.' Do not tell me they're going to put Lydia in a rehab."

"Luke, she needs it."

"No, what she needs is … Peyt, we could help her. We could—"

"You've got to be kidding me."

Peyton stood up then, and Lucas looked up at her as he spoke.

"She could come and stay with us, and we can help her. She needs us, Peyton."

"No, what she needs is professional help that we can't give her."

"Just hear me out on this."

"Absolutely not!"

Peyton shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You want to take an obviously unstable child—child, Lucas—and take her from her home, the comfort she's grown to know, and bring her here, rather than letting her go where she can get the help and treatment that she needs?"

"She's sixteen, Peyton!"

"She's a baby, Luke! She is sick, and there is nothing wrong with that. She can't help it!"

Lucas covered his mouth with his hand, shaking his head.

"Peyton, listen."

"No, you listen, okay?"

She walked over, kneeling down between his legs, setting her hands on each of his knees.

"I want you to stop thinking like Uncle Lucas for a second, okay?"

He let out a ragged sigh, but nodded.

"Stop thinking about your sweet little niece and face this from an outsider's point of view. Treat this like a situation you'd write about. A teenager, with a family history of depression, suddenly develops a drug problem—"

"And has a family history of addiction."

Lucas dragged his hands through his hair and Peyton closed her eyes.

"I forgot about that. When Nate fell through the window."

Lucas nodded.

"He was an alcoholic. And that time he took those drugs, when he collapsed at the game. He could have easily have gotten addicted. But he always managed to pull himself out of it, you know? I just …"

"She's not Nathan, honey. And she's not Haley either, but …"

Lucas brought his head up, looking Peyton in the eyes.

"What? Tell me."

Peyton sighed, reaching up to touch his face.

"Quinn told us that Jenny said not to leave Lydia alone."

Lucas sucked in a breath, pulling away from her. She moved aside to let him stand, watched as he walked to the window, putting his hands on the sill. Peyton stood up, flinching as Lucas plowed his fist through the wall.

She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh as Lucas pulled his hand out, shaking the plaster and sheetrock dust off. Sawyer came running in, coming to a halt in the living room, looking from her mother to her father to the new hole in the wall.

"What … What's going on?"

Lucas glanced back at her, pain in his eyes. Sawyer looked to Peyton, her eyes wide and scared.

"Mama? What's …"

Peyton walked over, brushing a hand over Sawyer's curls.

"We need to talk, sweetheart."

Sawyer looked to Lucas, shaking her head as she stepped away from Peyton.

"You're—you're not—Mom?"

"Oh, honey. No. No, calm down. Everything is fine."

"No, it isn't."

Peyton sighed as she looked to Lucas, before taking hold of Sawyer's arms.

"Everything in this house is fine."

"You and Dad?"

"We're just fine, sweetheart."

Sawyer let out a breath of relief, hugging Peyton. Peyton sighed, running her hand over Sawyer's curls again. Lucas was watching his daughter, and Peyton nodded to him.

"Go put some ice on your hand."

Lucas sighed, but left the room, cradling his hand in his other one. Peyton led Sawyer to the couch, sitting down with her. Sawyer looked down as her mother took her hands, then back up.

"Mom, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm not trying to."

"What's going on?"

Peyton sighed.

"Honey, it's about Lydia."

Sawyer blinked before she looked down at their hands.

"Something happened, didn't it? Between her and Jude? Everyone was acting so weird today, and no one would tell me anything."

Peyton sighed again, nodding her head.

"Yeah, honey. Something happened."

Peyton closed her eyes, searching for the words. She didn't know what to say, how to tell Sawyer this. She silently asked for strength to get through, and looked back to her little girl.

"Sawyer… You know that Lydia's been kind of down for a while now, right?"

Sawyer nodded.

"I mean, I know she's been sad, but … But Jude's been helping her. She's okay."

Peyton nodded slowly, biting her lip.

"She is okay, isn't she, Mama?"

Peyton sighed again.

"No, honey. She's not."

Sawyer's eyes widened, and Peyton went on.

"When Jude went to see Lydia this weekend, after the thing with him and Davis, he … He found drugs in Lydia's room."

"What?"

Sawyer pulled her hands back from Peyton, standing up, looking down at her mother on the couch.

"No. No, that's … there's no way!"

"Honey, calm down."

"No! I'm not—You can't do that! You can't just say that my best friend is on drugs and expect me to just take your word for it. That's a big deal, Mom."

"Sawyer, please."

She just shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest, turning away from Peyton. She didn't want to listen anymore, because she knew in her heart that everything her mother was saying was true. It made so much sense, answered so many questions Sawyer had. God, she didn't want to believe it, though. Sawyer felt Peyton's hands gently rub her shoulders.

"Honey, Lydia's sick."

"From the drugs she's allegedly on?"

"No, I think the drugs are a result of it."

Sawyer squeezed her eyes shut.

"Is she … What's going to happen?"

"Well, she can't just stop the drugs she's on. If she does, that could cause more harm than good. They're trying to wean her off of it, but … Honey, she needs help."

"Stop."

Peyton didn't hear Sawyer's whispered statement.

"She needs help that we can't give her anymore. Quinn and Clay are … They're probably going to send her to a rehab soon."

"Stop, Mom, please. _Please_."

Sawyer turned around, tears rolling down her cheeks. Peyton's face softened.

"Oh, sweetheart."

Sawyer let out a sob and Peyton wrapped her in a hug. Sawyer clutched her mother's shoulders, crying hard, until Peyton led her to the couch. They sat down and Sawyer curled up next to Peyton, the way she had her whole life. Peyton ran her hand through Sawyer's curls until Sawyer had calmed a bit, hiccupping every now and then as tears still slid down her cheeks. Peyton's hand stilled in her hair as Sawyer spoke quietly.

"I knew something was wrong. I could feel her pulling away from me, and I just … I didn't do anything. I was so caught up in Davis and cheering and I didn't even … I didn't even see when she needed me."

"Sawyer Brooke Scott, you stop this right now."

Sawyer closed her eyes again, curling closer to her mother. Peyton let out a shaky sigh.

"This is not your fault. You are in no way to blame for this. Do you understand me?"

"Mom, a best friend is supposed to notice these things, and I—"

"Honey, honey. There is nothing you could have done."

"I could have stopped her from doing drugs."

Peyton squeezed her eyes shut.

"No, you couldn't."

Peyton opened her eyes, mimicking her daughter as they both turned to see Lucas standing in the doorway, a baggie of ice on his bruised and swollen knuckles.

"It's easy to try and shoulder the blame for this. God knows I'd love to."

He walked over to the couch, and Sawyer and Peyton made room for him to sit beside his daughter.

"I should have seen it, you know? I should have stopped her and made her talk to me."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"But we can't go back, we can't change it. All we can do is the best we can, and we can do our best to help her now."

Sawyer nodded, and Lucas leaned over, pressing his forehead to hers.

"It's not our fault, Curly."

Sawyer smiled, and Peyton stood up as the phone began to ring. She left the two of them on the couch, and Sawyer sighed, wiping her eyes.

"I feel guilty, Dad."

"So do I, kid. But it's not our faults."

"Maybe a little?"

Lucas smiled as he met the same blue eyes his wife looked at him with.

"Yeah, maybe just a little."

Sawyer smiled, leaning over to kiss his cheek before settling her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Curly. We'll get through this, okay?"

Sawyer nodded, both of them sitting up as Peyton came back in the room, phone in her hand, eyes wide and worried. Lucas stood up, taking her hand in his non-injured one.

"What's wrong? Peyton, what is it?"

She met his eyes, speaking in a shaky voice.

"That was Quinn. Lydia's gone."

"What?"

Sawyer stood up, speaking at the same time as her father. Peyton looked from Lucas to their daughter, back to her husband.

"They were talking about the—the rehab, and Lydia freaked. She ran out and they … they don't know where she went. They can't find her. Luke!"

He was already slipping his coat on before Peyton even finished her sentence.

"It's supposed to storm tonight."

"I'm not leaving her out there, especially if the weather's as bad as they've been saying it will be."

"Lucas, you—"

"I am not leaving her out there, Peyton!"

Sawyer blinked as Lucas walked out the door, letting it slam shut behind him. Peyton's hand slid from her mouth to set on her hips as she turned back to look at her daughter. One look in Sawyer's eyes and Peyton sighed.

"Come on. Grab a coat, some flashlights if you can find them. I'll grab the umbrellas and start the car."


	23. Chapter 23

Jude rode around town with Davis, switching off driving and riding every time they stopped. They'd checked every place they could think of, from the park to their dad's house to the elementary school they'd all attended. Lydia was nowhere to be found.

Davis pulled over, putting the car in park and letting out a sigh. Jude looked over at him, then out the window. Through the rain, he could see the archway, the capital letters that told him where they were.

"Davis, no."

"Come on, man. This is the one place we haven't checked."

"And I'm sure someone else has. Practically the whole damn town's out looking for her."

Davis sighed again, flicking the windshield wipers on. The rain had started pouring an hour after the sun went down, and it hadn't let up yet. Jude and Davis both had umbrellas and Clothes Over Bros (For the Bros) raincoats, along with flashlights their paranoid stepmother had discovered one day, that had "up to one million candle power." They'd both rolled their eyes at that, but now… Now, Jude was kind of thanking Alex for them. He glanced back out the window, letting out a long sigh.

"Wait a second. Is that Peyton?"

Jude turned towards the windshield, seeing Peyton jogging towards their car. She also wore a Clothes Over Bros raincoat, but hers was bright red, in contrast to Jude's dark blue and Davis' black. Davis cracked his window and Peyton positioned her umbrella over it.

"Hey, any luck?"

Peyton shook her head, and Davis sighed.

"Us, either."

"We just checked in there, and we got nothing."

Jude went back to staring out the window, not paying attention as Davis whispered to Peyton under his breath. He wasn't all that surprised when Davis spoke again.

"Hey, I'm going to go with Peyton and Sawyer. They're going to head to the beach again, meet up with Lucas."

Jude nodded, and turned his way when his brother laid a hand on his shoulder.

"It wouldn't hurt for you to go in."

"Davis, Peyton just said they didn't see her."

"Yeah, and we both know if she was in there and she saw them, she wouldn't move. But if she saw you?"

Jude closed his eyes.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but—"

"Shut up, Davis. You're right. Damn it."

Davis smiled, cutting the car off, leaving the keys in the ignition.

"Call if you need me."

Jude nodded, and Davis was out of the car, huddled with Peyton under her umbrella as they walked to the other car. Jude waved as they drove off, then leaned back in his seat.

He'd been calm and cool the entire time. Ever since Brooke got the frantic phone call from Quinn, saying that Lydia was gone and they couldn't find her, Jude had kept his head. He and Davis made the plan to go and search, leaving Brooke and Meg at home, just in case Lydia decided to stop by. Plus, getting Meg out in weather like this was basically begging for her to get pneumonia or worse, so… They'd been driving around for hours, searching, coming up empty. And Jude hadn't let it get to him.

At least, that's how he'd played it.

Inside, he was frantic. Freaking the fuck out. His heart was beating about twenty times its regular rhythm, his mind going to worst-case scenarios and setting up camp there. His palms were sweaty, cold sweat rolling down his back, and now… Now, he could give in.

He made sure the doors were unlocked, left his umbrella, pulled the hood of his jacket over his head. He turned the flashlight on as he left the car, sweeping it from side to side as he stepped under the archway of the Tree Hill Cemetery.

* * *

 

Lydia was cold. She knew it was supposed to rain, that a pretty gnarly storm was coming in, which was why she'd worn a sweater and her Clothes Over Bros navy blue raincoat. Aside from the fact that the blue blended in perfectly to the pitch-black sky, it brought back good memories to her, of the time she and Jude had modeled the raincoats, from the his-and-hers line Brooke created with a little help from, surprisingly, Meg. Or Brooke 2.0, as Lucas liked to call the little girl.

Lydia closed her eyes, leaning back against the tree she'd climbed hours before. From her spot, she could see perfectly the graves of her parents, and everyone who came walking through, calling her name.

She'd closed her eyes, turning her head away when Lucas came through, calling out for her with fear evident in his voice.

Quinn and Riley had come through shortly after him, and Quinn had knelt by Haley's grave while Riley ran around, shouting Lydia's name.

Logan had come through, shining his light up into the trees, causing Lydia to do some pretty impressive acrobatics until he'd sighed and jogged away.

And she'd seriously thought about coming down when she saw Peyton and Sawyer, just because she was so damn cold. She watched as Sawyer yelled for her, tears sliding down her face as Peyton knelt and brushed leaves away from Nathan's headstone. And just as she was about to make herself known, Peyton stood up and wrapped her arms around Sawyer.

Lydia sat back then, after glaring down at her mother's headstone, and closed her eyes as she heard Sawyer and Peyton walk away. The tears had started then, tears of anger at her best friend for having a mother, at her own mother for being so selfish. The tears continued to fall as Lydia grew even colder, as she settled back against the tree.

Until a new voice began to call her name.

She sat up, blinking away the tears, unbelieving as to what she was hearing. But the voice continued, her name being called again and again, the voice becoming more and more frantic each time. Finally, the person behind the voice came into view, dark eyes darting around, tears soaking his handsome face.

Lydia gasped behind the hand she'd clamped over her mouth as Jude walked over, kneeling down between Haley and Nathan's graves. He laid a hand on each headstone, sobbing until he calmed down just a bit. He spoke softly, as the rain slacked off just for a moment, allowing Lydia to hear him.

"I don't ask for much. I've never asked you for anything. I've always thanked you, for creating the one person I love more than anything in this world."

Lydia lifted her head, letting the rain mix with the tears on her face.

"But I'm asking you now, please. Please help me find her. She's not okay, no matter what she tells you, and it is killing me. I need her, and she needs help that I can't give her. I can't—"

He stopped then, hanging his head. He took in shaky breaths until he could speak again.

"She's bound to be cold, and soaked. She's probably hungry, and tired, but she can't stay out here. The storm's getting worse, and she … She needs to be safe."

Jude sighed, his breath hitching as he did.

"Please. Please, just … let me find her. Let me take her home."

Lydia cried as she leaned back against the tree. All the things he'd said were true. She was cold and hungry. She was so tired, but she made herself stay awake. She watched as he hung his head, sitting back on his feet.

"Goddamn it, Lydia, where are you?!"

She jumped when his voice rang out. Anger filled his tone, but behind it … Behind it was fear. He was scared. So much so that he was acting in a way she'd never seen before. Begging her parents to help him, even after all that had happened the last few days. She watched him, as he ran his hands over his face, blowing out his breath.

And when he looked up, his dark eyes locking on her, she couldn't breathe.

* * *

 

Jude blinked, looking up into the tree, seeing eyes staring back at him. Familiar eyes, the navy blue eyes that haunted his dreams these past few days.

"Lydia?"

He spoke gently, barely hearing the sob that answered him. He hung his head, tears coming to his eyes again. Of course. Why he hadn't thought of it first made him want to kick himself.

* * *

 

When they were little, around six or seven, they'd decided to ride their bikes all over North Carolina. They'd made it all the way to the cemetery, Clay driving along behind them just out of their sight. They'd walked to Lydia's parents' graves, and Jude had hung back as Lydia talked to them. He'd come to sit beside her when she was done, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Sometimes," she'd said, "I just want to sit here with them. But people keep coming by and messing it up."

Jude had looked around, smiling.

"Come on. I know what we can do."

She'd followed him like she always had, holding his hand as he led her to the big oak tree, with the limb stretching out over her parents' graves. He'd given her a boost, climbing up after her, both of them sitting on the limb. Jude had smiled at her, one of his front teeth missing, giving him the slightest hint of a lisp.

"See? Now you can sit with them as long as you want and no one will bother you. And you can act like a spy and watch everybody."

Lydia had giggled, giving him a hug.

"You're the best, Jude."

"Nah. That's you."

* * *

 

Jude let out a sigh, standing to his feet. He looked up at her, shining his flashlight her way, seeing her beautiful face with tears and rain sliding down her cheeks. He stepped closer to the limb she was sitting on, one that now rested just above his shoulder.

"Baby. Come here."

Lydia leaned forward, putting her face in her hands and sobbing. Jude walked over, putting the flashlight in his pocket. He reached up and touched her ankle, hanging his head with a sigh as he grasped it.

He met her eyes again, the pain evident to each of them, and she slid over, off the branch and into his arms. He held her bridal-style, his arm under her legs and around her back, and she curled into him. He let out a breath as her cold nose nudged against his neck, and he closed his eyes.

He carried her through the cemetery, back to the car, sliding her into the passenger's seat as thunder crashed. He turned the heater on full-blast after he got in, and began driving. Lydia curled into a ball, facing away from him, and Jude just drove.

"Don't—don't take … me home … please."

He nodded, realizing then that was never the plan. He drove until he pulled into a driveway, looking up at his father's house before he realized where they were. He turned the car off, climbing out and getting Lydia out, carrying her close to him again. He let himself in the house, walking up the stairs to the bathroom. He sat Lydia down on the closed toilet, walking over and turning the shower on. Steam soon filled the room, and she looked up at him.

"Jude?"

"You're freezing. We've got to get you warm, okay?"

She nodded as he moved to unzip her jacket with shaking hands. He pulled it off her shoulders, hanging it on a hook behind the door. He reached down, gently taking hold of her sweater, pulling it over her head. She shivered and shook as her wet hair landed on her bare shoulders, began to soak through her tank top.

"Jude, where—where are—"

"My dad's."

She nodded, and Jude slipped her tank top off. Her arms came around her then, covering her black bra, and Jude helped her to stand. He unbuttoned her jeans, helping her slide them off, until she stood before him in her matching bra and underwear. She watched as he took off his jacket, hanging it beside hers, tugging his shirt off, undoing his pants, before he stood in front of her in his boxers. He took her shaking, freezing cold hand, tugging her into the shower with him.

"Jude, I—"

She gasped as the warm water hit her back, and she reached out, grabbing his arms. He hissed out a breath at her cold hands before he turned her around. She gasped again as the water hit her face, and Jude pressed her forward, pushing his hands through her hair, helping the water cover her entirely. He pushed his face into the spray, spitting out water as he leaned back.

Lydia had her hands pressed against the wall, the water falling down her back. She jumped just the slightest bit as his hands covered her back, cupping handfuls of water, letting them slide down her skin. He set his hands on her hips, pulling her back against him, his chest against her back as the water fell down the front of her body again. She felt his lips against her shoulder and Lydia let her head fall back, landing against his chest.

" _Jude_."

He turned her around, and Lydia had just enough time to breathe before his mouth was on hers. She reached up, tangling her fingers in his hair. Jude kissed her, running his hands from her waist to her face, back down to her hips, pulling her close to him. He kissed down her chin to her neck, making her gasp as he gently bit her.

"Oh, god."

"I missed you. _Lydia_."

He kept saying her name, repeating it again and again as he touched her. She whimpered until he kissed her again, sliding his hands up and down her back. She pulled back from him, looking him in the eyes. He stared at her, finally sliding his hands up to the catch on her bra. She nodded at him, and he undid it. She slid the bra down her arms, tossing it over the top of the shower curtain.

She moved to his arms again, pulling his face down to hers, and Jude let out a groan when her bare breasts pressed against his chest. Lydia set shaking hands on his hips as their mouths moved together, and Jude finally pulled back, taking hold of her wrists, letting go when she hissed out a breath.

He shook his head, moving for the shampoo in the corner of the shower. Lydia watched him as he rubbed his hands together, before turning her around and gently massaging the shampoo into her scalp. She let out a moan as he washed her hair twice, before quickly running the soap through his own hair. He poured shower gel on a washcloth, running it over her skin as she just stood there, soaking in the feeling of being with him. He set the cloth on the faucet before he turned away from her, and Lydia opened her mouth to speak. Jude stayed with his back to her as he spoke.

"Lyd—"

"Jude, I want this."

He shook his head as he turned back to her, stepping under the water again.

"You can stay in as long as you want. The hot water should hold out."

"Jude, what are you … Wait."

He stepped out of the shower, and Lydia poked her head out of the curtain, watching as he wrapped a towel around his waist before his boxers hit the floor. He scooped up their wet clothes, turning back to her with a sigh.

"I'm going to throw these in the washer, make a phone call."

"Jude, you—"

"I'm not letting them come here. I just want to let them know you're safe. I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready."

Lydia opened her mouth, but he turned and walked away before she could say anything. She ducked back into the shower, hitting the wall once in frustration. She groaned, sliding her panties down her legs and tossing them over the top of the shower curtain.

She stayed in the shower for a while longer, until the water started to cool off. She wrapped herself in a towel, a big, fluffy white one that hung past her knees. She walked through the bedroom and down the stairs, holding the towel around her as she followed the sound of Jude's voice.

"I know, Mom. I know, okay? … Don't give me that. … Come on! … Would you just— … I know. … I know. … Just tell Clay and Quinn that she's fine and I'll bring her home later. … No, I don't know when exactly that will be. … Whenever she's ready. … I love you, too. … Yeah, I will. Bye."

Jude set the phone down, gripping the edge of the counter and hanging his head. He heard the slightest sound behind him, turning to see Lydia standing there, wrapped in a towel, her dark hair hanging in wet ropes around her face. His mouth watered, then went strangely dry. He somehow put a smile on his face.

"Feel better?"

She nodded, giving him a smile.

"I'm warm now."

He nodded back to her.

"Good."

He turned away from her, walking to the refrigerator as thunder rolled outside.

"Storm sounds pretty bad. You hungry?"

Lydia shook her head.

"Jude, let's go upstairs."

He sighed, pushing the refrigerator shut, holding his hand on it.

"No."

"I want to, Jude. I want this. You. I want you."

"Lydia, come on."

"Don't you want to? It really seemed like you did a minute ago."

He let out a laugh, turning to face her.

"You're kidding me, right? I want nothing more than … that."

"Then let's go."

"No."

"Why not?!"

She was getting frustrated, he could tell. Jude reached up and pushed his hands through his hair.

"I don't want to do this just because you think it might make you feel better."

"Jude, that's not—"

"And I don't want our first time to be in the shower, or on my dad's kitchen counter, or anywhere other than a huge bed where I can lay you down and do all the things I've wanted to do to you for years, all right?"

Lydia's eyes were wide, and Jude blew out his breath. He walked over to her, stepping right in front of her, reaching to pick up a piece of her hair, running it through his fingers before he softly spoke again.

"I want our first time to be special. I want to be able to lay you down and make love to you the way I've wanted to for so long, okay? I don't want a quick roll upstairs. I want to be able to take my time with you."

Lydia could barely breathe. She stared at his chest, blinking hard as his words registered in her head. She looked up, meeting his eyes.

"You still want me?"

Jude smiled, laying one hand against her cheek, moving forward to press his lips to hers, kissing her softly and slowly.

"I always have, and I always will."

"But you—"

"Never stopped loving you. I can't be with you while you're on those pills, but that doesn't mean I can stop loving you. That will never happen, okay?"

Lydia looked down again, realizing that she was grasping his forearms. She met his eyes again, and Jude smiled at her.

"Come on. I think Sawyer left some clothes here that you can wear."

Lydia followed him up the stairs, and he kissed her before he left her alone in the room.

She came back down the stairs a few minutes later, in one of his t-shirts and a pair of his pajama pants. Jude smiled when he saw her, and walked over to the stairs, reaching up to take her hands and lead her into the living room. He bent down, kissing her as lightning flashed brightly outside, and the house plunged into darkness.

Lydia pulled back, keeping hold of Jude's hands. He reached back behind him, flipping the light switch up and down, as no change occurred.

"Well."

Lydia let out a laugh, and Jude led her to the couch, helping her to sit before he walked around and found his flashlight, using it to find some candles and dig out some matches. He lit the candles, then made a fire in the fireplace. Lydia smiled when he did, and he walked around, setting the candles around the living room before he sat beside her. She snuggled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, and Jude wrapped his arm around her. They sat in silence for a while, just watching the fire, until Lydia spoke.

"Hey Jude?"

He smiled, running a hand up and down her arm.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Something you said earlier…"

"Yeah?"

Lydia sat up, staying close beside him. She looked down at the blanket Jude had covered them with, fiddling with it as she spoke quietly.

"You said … that you couldn't be with me."

"I can't, Lyd. Not while you're on those pills."

"But we … I mean, you're …"

Jude sighed, pushing a hand through his hair.

"Lyd…"

He sighed again, shifting on the couch to face her, taking both her hands in his.

"I know you've had a rough time lately. I want nothing more than to help you, okay? But I told you, two days ago when I found the pills that you lied to me about, I told you I couldn't be with you if you were on the drugs. That hasn't changed, Lydia."

She was staring at their hands, the way hers were gently shaking. Jude gently rubbed her hands between his.

"I'm trying to get off of them."

"I know, baby. I'm proud of you for it."

Lydia couldn't look at him. She didn't want him to see that the only reason she was getting off the pills was because her damn therapist was forcing her.

Damn Jenny, and Clay and Quinn. She could almost feel the foundation of her world crumbling at her feet, and she was helpless to stop it. She looked down again when she realized that Jude was gently running his thumb over her wrist.

"Jude."

She tried to pull her hand away, but he only tightened his grip. She let out a quiet noise, and he immediately let go, then cradled her hand in his, palm up where he could trace the jagged cuts along her forearm. He spoke quietly, barely even murmuring.

"You did this to yourself. On purpose."

"Jude, please."

"Like that time before. But that was on your legs."

"Jude, please let go."

He didn't, continuing to stare at her arm, taking hold of her other hand and turning it over, holding both of her arms in each of his hands. She felt so uncomfortable, like she was put on display, and she whispered to him again.

"Jude, please. Let go."

He just shook his head, lifting her arms, bending his head, gently pressing his lips to her skin. Lydia gasped quietly, tears coming to her eyes as he traced the cuts with his mouth, pressing kisses into her arms until he met her eyes again. He lifted a hand to her cheek, as the tears began to fall.

"I don't want to go away, Jude. I'm not … I'm not sick. I'm not crazy. I don't need rehab."

"Lyd, they're only trying to do what's best for you."

"And that's forcing me to leave my home, all my friends, and go somewhere I've never been with people I don't know? Sticking me in a place with a bunch of crazy people is what's best?"

"Honey, that's not what it is."

Lydia pulled her hands out of his grasp, standing up, pushing her hands through her hair as she began to pace.

"I messed up. I know that, okay? I also know that this rehab will be a waste. I don't need to go anywhere. I am fine right here!"

"Lydia, what's the real problem here?"

She turned to face him as Jude scooted to the edge of the couch, looking up at her.

"What?"

"What's the real problem?"

She stared at him as he got to his feet, coming to stand in front of her.

"You're scared. I can see that. And that's okay, baby. But what is the real problem? Are you scared of leaving? Of being away from Tree Hill and your family?"

"I don't know, okay?!"

Tears coursed down Lydia's cheeks as she looked up at Jude.

"I don't know what the problem is, but I just … I can't go. I know that I can't. I don't want to, and they—they're going to make me. Jude, please. I just—I can't—"

She stepped forward, into the comforting circle of his arms, crying into his chest. He ran a hand through her hair, holding her close. He closed his eyes, running a hand up and down her arm as she sobbed, breathing in shuddering breaths until she calmed down.

He led her back to the couch, laying her down on it before coming to rest beside her. He wrapped an arm around her as she rolled to him, wrapping her arms around his bare torso.

"What if … What if I took off when you did?"

Lydia lifted her head to look at him, as he continued to stroke her hair.

"What are you talking about?"

Jude lifted a shoulder.

"Let's say they made you go. What if, while you were gone, I … I went to my dad's or something?"

"Jude, you hate it there."

"And you're so convinced you'll hate the rehab place, so we'd be even."

Lydia shook her head.

"I don't want you to leave."

"But we'd both be gone at the same time."

"Why would you do that?"

He smiled, looking down at her.

"Because I love you. And if you're not happy, I'm not, either. If you're clinging to Tree Hill because I'm here, well… Why don't I just leave? If your reason for staying was gone …"

"I'd have no reason to be here."

"Yeah, see? What do you say?"

She laid her head back on his chest, blue eyes staring at the fire. Jude smiled, brushing his fingers gently through her hair.

"I'll head to L.A., and you can go … wherever it is they want you to go. And when you're ready, we'll come back here together."

Lydia nodded as Jude smiled, kissing the top of her head. Jude settled back on the couch, his eyes drifting closed as he continued to stroke Lydia's hair.

He couldn't see her face, didn't see the way the light seemed to go out in her eyes. She hadn't heard a word past Jude saying he would leave.

Peyton was right. People always leave. Even the people you thought never would.

Lydia closed her eyes as she tightened her arms around Jude. She couldn't stand the darkness, though, and she opened them again. She stared into the fire, at the oranges and yellows, blinked as the log broke, sending tiny orange sparks into orbit around it. She took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as Jude's hand came up, absently stroking her hair as he slept.

It was weird, lying there like she was, knowing this was the last time she and Jude would be together. He would be leaving, and so would she. She knew he probably thought that being apart would bring them closer together, or some other poetic bullshit like that, but in reality…

Lydia shook her head. She moved her hair to where she could lay her ear on Jude's chest, and she closed her eyes again as she listened to his heartbeat. Soon he'd wake up, give her a smile, kiss her a few times. He'd drive her home, and she'd smile at Clay and Quinn, apologize for scaring them like she had. They'd all hug it out, and Lydia would be in a rehab facility before she knew it.

No.

No, she … She couldn't do that. She hadn't been lying when she'd said that to Jude, that she didn't know why she was fighting it so hard. She just did not want to go, and there was no rhyme or reason for it. She was hit with a wave all of a sudden, a feeling of complete inadequacy, how worthless she was and how she didn't deserve everything they were doing.

Her eyes opened, just in time to see another log break, the sparks fly.

She didn't deserve it. That's why she was fighting it so much. She didn't deserve to be saved. Didn't they all see that they were just wasting their time? Lydia Scott was not good enough for this. She was an absolutely worthless human being, and if everyone could just come to that understanding, the way Lydia already had, then everyone would be so much better off.

* * *

 

She didn't realize that hours had passed until the lights flickered back on. Jude woke up when they did, blinking wide, yawning as he rubbed his eyes. Lydia picked her head up from his chest and he gave her a smile.

"Hey, gorgeous."

A blush burned her cheeks, and Jude's smile grew as he easily took hold of her elbows, pulling her up to fit his mouth with hers. Lydia's hand was shaking as she lifted it to his face, the kiss going easy and gentle as she shifted, settling over him. Jude's arms came around her, his big hands covering the span of her back before finding place in her hair. Lydia's hands drifted from his face down his shoulders, slowly running over his arms. She felt the ripple of the muscles as she ran her hands over them, feeling the hitch in Jude's breathing. She felt his hands tighten in her hair before sliding down to her hips. His fingers slid under the hem of the t-shirt, brushing against her bare skin, and Lydia pulled back from the kiss, leaning her forehead against his as she gasped. Jude's hands came to her face, and she finally opened her eyes.

"I should … I should get you home."

Lydia nodded slowly, and Jude kissed her again, slowly and for a while. They finally got off the couch, Jude putting out the fire and cleaning up, Lydia tidying up the kitchen and the bathroom upstairs. Jude got their clothes from the dryer, putting them in shopping bags before he carried them to the car. He came back for Lydia, holding her hand as she climbed in the car.

The drive was quiet, and Lydia sighed when Jude pulled up to her house. She turned to look at him, giving him a smile.

"You should go on home. You probably don't want to see the fireworks that are bound to go off, and I'm sure Aunt Brooke's pretty worried about you."

"Are you sure?"

Lydia smiled again, nodding.

"Plus, it's late. You need your beauty sleep."

Jude let out a laugh.

"I don't know if I should be offended by that or not."

Lydia leaned over, gently pressing her lips to his cheek.

"Not. You're the most handsome man I've ever known."

"Lyd."

She shrugged her shoulders, glancing back at the house.

"Be careful going home, Jude."

She crawled out of the car, shutting the door behind her, walking through the drizzle of rain that was still falling.

"Hey, Lyd?"

She turned back, saw Jude through the rolled-down window. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I love you, you know?"

She smiled.

"I know."

"I just want you to get better, okay?"

"I know."

She opened her mouth to say something else, but ended up sighing. She smiled at him again, lifting her hand as he rolled the window up and drove away. She closed her eyes as she turned around, speaking softly under her breath.

"Goodbye, Jude."

She looked up, at the suddenly ominous front door. She took a deep breath, turning the doorknob as she walked inside.


	24. Chapter 24

"Okay, what about these?"

Riley stepped out of Lydia's closet, one foot out, showing off the pair of red high heels. Lydia smiled a small smile when she saw her cousin.

"You look gorgeous, Riles."

"Am I too tall for these? I don't want to look like I'm on stilts or something."

Lydia let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head.

"No, they look great."

Riley smiled, turning back to the mirror.

"Do you think I'll be able to stand them? We're going to be at this game like all day long."

Lydia unfolded herself from sitting Indian-style on the bed, pulling her sweater tighter around her, and walked over to Riley. She stood on her tiptoes and looked over her cousin's shoulder.

"Those have always been pretty comfortable to me. They're kind of platform-y, so they won't hurt the way regular high heels do."

"I don't look like a baby deer learning to walk, do I?"

Lydia let out another laugh, walking back to her bed.

"Let's see. Walk to me."

Riley did, then back to the closet. Lydia shook her head.

"No, you don't look like Bambi. You look beautiful."

"Thanks. These shoes are amazing."

Riley turned back to the mirror, turning her feet and smiling at herself. Lydia looked down, then put a smile on her face.

"You should keep them."

"What?"

Riley glanced over her shoulder, seeing Lydia's smile. Lydia nodded at her.

"You should keep them. It's obvious that you like them, and I'm sure you'll wear them more than I do."

"But Lyd… These are your shoes."

"But they belong on your feet, Cinderella."

Riley glanced down, looking at her feet in the mirror again.

"You mean it?"

Lydia nodded.

"I do."

Riley smiled and squealed, running out of the closet and wrapping Lydia in a hug.

"Thank you thank you thank you!"

Lydia laughed as she hugged her back.

"You're welcome. Now go. Model."

Riley struck a pose, causing Lydia to laugh again before she walked out of the room, yelling to her mother.

Lydia fell back against the bed, grabbing a pillow and rolling with it, burying her face in it as she let out a sigh. She was going to a treatment center in Raleigh, where she would stay for at least three months. It was Wednesday now, and on Monday, she'd head there with Clay and Quinn, and they'd leave her there. All alone.

Shouldn't she be used to being alone by now? "People always leave," right? Lydia rolled back onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. A tear rolled out from the corner of her eye, drifting down her cheek and soaking into the pillow she was laying on. The tears continued to fall as Lydia lay there, feeling absolutely hopeless.

* * *

 

Quinn folded a shirt, laying it in Lydia's suitcase, glancing over to the closet, where Lydia was standing, gently running her fingers over a light green sundress. She went on her tiptoes to pull the hanger down, stepping out of the closet.

"Hey, Aunt Quinn?"

Quinn gave her a smile.

"Do you think Sawyer would like this?"

Quinn's forehead wrinkled up.

"You're not going to wear it?"

Lydia smiled.

"I don't think I'll get much use out of it where I'll be. Might as well have people see how pretty it is, you know?"

Lydia ran a hand over it, then laid it on her bed.

"I'll ask her about it tomorrow."

Quinn had a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she couldn't shake it, no matter how hard she tried. It followed her for the rest of the day, and that night, when she was lying in bed, she couldn't handle it anymore.

"Clay?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Yes."

Quinn was quiet, and Clay let out a sigh. He rolled over, flipping on the lamp on his bedside table. He let out a yawn as he sat up, glancing over at his wife.

"What's on your mind?"

Quinn glanced over at him, a smile on her face.

"I thought you were asleep."

Clay smiled and shrugged his shoulders, yawning again.

"Something's bothering you. What is it, pretty girl?"

Quinn sighed.

"It's Lydia. I just …"

She let out another breath, and Clay moved to take her hand.

"Hey. We are doing the right thing."

"Are we?"

She pulled her hand away from his, climbing out of bed and pulling her robe on. Clay sighed as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing up and walking to Quinn, who was staring out the window. He came up behind her, putting his head on her shoulder, and she let out a sigh as she reached up, running her fingers through his hair.

"She was so adamant about not going. And now…"

"She knows she can't fight it anymore."

"She's given up, Clay. Have you seen her these last few days?"

Clay nodded, and Quinn let out another breath.

"She was fighting us so hard, remember? Everything that was said, she'd have something to say. And now … Now, she doesn't say anything. She's packing, and she's quiet. She goes to school, and comes back here. She doesn't have a door, so she can't hide from us, but Clay…"

"She's not on the pills anymore. Well, not like she was, you know. The withdrawal hasn't set in."

"It's not supposed to. We're keeping her on the pills until she goes to the treatment center."

Clay nodded, stepping away from Quinn, but taking her hand and pulling her back with him, until they both sat on the bed, facing each other. He took both of her hands in his.

"I know it's hard. And I know that you're feeling like the bad guy here."

Quinn's eyes filled with tears, and she nodded.

"Babe, we are doing what is necessary to get our girl better. She's not okay right now, and you know that. This treatment center is our only shot to get our Lydia back."

Clay wiped a tear from Quinn's cheek as she sighed.

"You're right. I know you're right. I just … I don't know. I can't help feeling that—"

"Oh, stop that right now. This is not your fault, Q."

She looked down at their hands, and Clay brought hers to his lips, gently kissing them, making her look at him. He leaned over, kissing her lips, bringing a hand up to run through her hair before cupping her cheek.

"This is a shitty situation, no matter how you look at it. But we're going to fix it. And it will, somehow that I don't know how, but it will be okay. One day, Q. It will be okay again."

Quinn leaned over, kissing him again. She let out a sigh as she rested her forehead against his.

"We are going to get through this."

"We will, Q. I promise."

* * *

 

"Scott and Evanses! Load 'em up, we're movin' out!"

Lydia glanced in her mirror, letting out a long sigh. Quinn came to her door—well, where her door would be if she had one—and leaned against it.

"Hey, kid. You ready?"

Lydia turned to her with a sad look on her face.

"Aunt Quinn, I feel terrible. I have this massive English report due Monday, and I completely forgot about it. I mean, I've got the rough draft but it needs to be polished big time."

"Oh, honey. Could you work on it on the road?"

Lydia shook her head.

"If I didn't get carsick, I know I'd end up with a massive headache, and there's no way I could enjoy the game like that. I just … I can stay here and work on it while you guys go."

"Well, let me just talk to Clay, and I can stay and help you."

"Aunt Quinn."

Quinn stopped, looking back at Lydia, who let out a breath.

"I know what's going on. I've barely been able to go to the bathroom by myself. Riley sits outside my door, then tries to sneak back to her room without me noticing. And you know how she is. She's not sneaky at all."

Quinn nodded. That was true. She let out a sigh.

"Honey, we're just worried about you."

"Well, I'm fine. We're going to Raleigh in, what, two days? Nothing to worry about."

"Still, let me go talk to Clay, and I'll—"

"Aunt Quinn, I love you, but you're smothering me."

Quinn stopped at that, blinking her blue eyes at Lydia. Lydia sighed.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, but … I can barely breathe."

Quinn didn't say anything, and Lydia sighed again.

"Look, as soon as you guys go, I'll grab my stuff and head over to Sawyer's. We can work on our stuff together."

Quinn looked down at the floor for a minute, then back to Lydia.

"You'll head straight there? No detours to see Jude or anything like that?"

Lydia shook her head.

"Straight there, I promise."

Quinn let out a long sigh.

"All right. I know Jamie's been wanting to see you, and he'll hate to miss you."

"I know. I hate to miss seeing him, too."

Lydia bit her tongue against the tears that were threatening to well up in her eyes. She shook her head, letting out a breath. Quinn sighed again, moving to take Lydia in her arms.

"We'll be back late tonight, okay?"

Lydia nodded, until she could speak again.

"I'll probably just stay at Sawyer's. Work on our stuff Sunday, too."

Quinn nodded, still holding Lydia, until she gave her one final squeeze.

"All right. You be good. Call me later, so I know you're okay."

Lydia smiled, nodding her head. Quinn leaned in and kissed her forehead, then held her hand as they walked downstairs. Clay walked through the door.

"Hey, car's loaded, got snacks, movies, kids. All that's missing is two of my beautiful girls. You ready to go?"

Lydia and Quinn shared a sigh, and Clay let out his breath.

"Well, that doesn't sound good."

"Massive book report, Uncle Clay. And I'm the dumb-dumb who forgot about it until now."

"Oh, kid. I'm the king of procrastination. I'll help you with it when we get back."

"Uncle Clay, it's worth more than half my grade. I can't half-ass this one."

Quinn cleared her throat, and Lydia and Clay shared a guilty look. Clay looked to Quinn, who widened her eyes, then spoke.

"She's going straight to Lucas and Peyton's when we leave here."

"Oh, I see what you're doing. Get the world-famous author to help with your book report. Guaranteed A right there."

Lydia let out a laugh. Clay leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"If you need anything, you call, okay? I'll turn the car around."

"I know. Thanks, Uncle Clay."

He wrapped her in his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, looking over at Quinn. She nodded to him, and he smiled as he let Lydia go.

"You be careful, Little Scott."

"I will. You be careful, too. And tell Jamie that I love him and I'm sorry I couldn't make it."

Clay nodded, and Quinn kissed the top of Lydia's head as she walked by her, taking Clay's hand. Lydia followed them out to the porch, waving at the car. Clay climbed in the driver's side, Quinn beside him, and started up the car. From the backseat, Riley spoke.

"Mom, what's going on?"

"Lydia's got homework she forgot about."

"So she's not going? We've been looking forward to this for months!"

"I know, honey. But school is more important."

Clay glanced in the rearview mirror, watching as Riley chewed on her bottom lip.

"Hey, Riles?"

She looked forward, meeting Clay's eyes in the mirror.

"You okay, kid?"

She nodded, forcing a smile on her face. Clay nodded back, turning to back the car out of the driveway. Riley kept her eyes on the porch the entire time, watching Lydia wave goodbye to them. When she couldn't see her anymore, Riley turned back frontwards, chewing on her lip again, speaking so quietly only she could hear herself.

"I just have a really bad feeling."

* * *

 

Jude closed his eyes, letting his head fall back on his shoulders. His mother walked by him, continuing to mutter under her breath, every now and then speaking a word or two to Jude.

"Lemons. Do not forget the lemons. Get a bag of them."

"Lemons, got it."

"And sugar. Probably just a five-pound bag will do."

Jude nodded, as Brooke opened a cabinet for what had to be the fifth time.

"Ma, seriously. What are you so flustered about?"

Brooke turned to him, dark eyes wide. She sighed, letting her shoulders fall.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Uh… Yeah."

She smiled, walking over to him, reaching her hands up to pat her hair, which was pulled back into a bun.

"Owen had a doctor's appointment this morning."

"Is he sick?"

Brooke shook her head.

"No, it's just a routine thing."

"But…?"

Brooke smiled up at Jude.

"I don't know. With his history, I just … I worry something bad will happen."

"Mom, I'm sure he's fine."

"I know. I know, you're right. It's just … I just can't seem to shake this feeling."

"What kind of feeling?"

"Like a black cloud's come over me."

Jude's eyebrows came together, and Brooke waved a hand at him.

"I'm sure it's nothing. It's just … Unsettling."

Jude nodded, and Brooke gave him a smile.

"You need to go to the store. We have exactly three lemons, and people love sweet tea around here. Here's the card, do not act like your brother. This card does not give you free reign over the candy aisle, okay?"

Jude rolled his eyes.

"Can you give me a little more credit than that? Jeez."

Brooke laughed.

"Hey, speaking of… Where is your brother?"

"Five bucks says he's with Sawyer."

Brooke rolled her eyes, but had a smile on her face.

"Well, he's down to work tonight, so…"

"I'm sure he'll be here."

Brooke turned away, and Jude spoke under his breath.

"Or he'll call me and I'll cover for him. Again."

Brooke came back over to him, a smile on her face.

"Swing by the store for me, drop this off."

Jude looked down, then to Brooke, and she laughed again.

"So nosy."

"I get it from my mama."

Jude laughed as Brooke swatted his arm.

"It's lunch for whoever's working and your sister."

"Meg's at the store? By herself?"

"With whoever's working. Turn your hearing aid on, Grandpa."

Jude and Brooke both laughed then, and she pulled his head down to kiss his cheek.

"You be careful, okay?"

"I will."

"I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

Jude rolled his eyes, but only because Brooke was expecting it. She smiled as she watched him walk out of the café, as he drove away down the street, parking right outside of Clothes Over Bros. She laid a hand on her stomach, then shook her head, walking back into the kitchen.

* * *

 

An hour and a half into the drive, Clay glanced in the rearview mirror. Riley was asleep in the backseat, a colored pencil still in her hand, and Logan had his earbuds in, eyes closed. He glanced to his right, reaching over and taking Quinn's hand. She turned to him, and he could see the worry in her blue eyes.

"Hey. What is it?"

She shook her head.

"I don't know. I just …"

She laid a hand over her heart, and Clay glanced at her before turning his attention back to the road.

"Do I need to turn around?"

Quinn let out a sigh.

"No, we're halfway there."

"It doesn't matter. We're halfway from home. Quinn, if you think we need to, we'll go back."

"No. No, they … They've been looking forward to this for weeks. And Jamie's been talking about it, how much he misses us."

Clay glanced over at her, and Quinn sighed again, putting a smile on her face.

"No. We'll go and have a great time."

Clay nodded as a smile crossed his face.

"Call her."

Quinn glanced over at him, and he let out a laugh, lifting her hand to his lips. She reached over and grabbed her phone.

" _Hello_?"

"Hey, Lyd. Everything okay?"

Quinn smiled as she heard Lydia blow out her breath.

" _Everything's fine, Aunt Quinn. I called Sawyer, but she didn't answer. I figured she's probably out with Davis, and I didn't want to just go to Uncle Lucas' by myself._ "

"He wouldn't care. I can call him if you want."

" _Aunt Quinn, come on. I just started working on it here, and I'll head over there in a little bit._ "

"Okay. I'm sorry. I just—"

" _Worry about me, I know. But I'm fine._ "

"Okay. Call me later."

_"I will."_

"I love you, Lydia."

" _You too."_

Quinn smiled as she hung up the phone. She looked to Clay, who raised his eyebrows at her, and she let out a laugh.

"Sawyer's out with Davis, so Lydia's heading over there in a little bit. She's fine."

"You know how I hate to say 'I told you so'…"

"Oh, since when?"

Clay laughed.

"Come here."

Quinn leaned over, kissing him quickly. She settled back into her seat, looking out the window and smiling.

"Everything's fine."

* * *

 

Peyton stood behind her youngest daughter, smiling as she watched Ellie measure out the oil, then carefully pour it into the bowl. Ellie glanced up, and Peyton nodded.

"Very good. Stir like it's going out of style."

The phone began to ring, and Peyton nodded to Ellie as she walked over to pick it up.

"Keep on stirring, sister."

She lifted the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

" _Hey, Peyton. It's Quinn_."

"Quinn, hey! Isn't today the big game?"

" _Yeah, we're almost to Charlotte now_."

"Good. Tell Jamie we miss him, would you?"

" _We will._ "

Ellie looked back at Peyton, who motioned for her to keep stirring. Ellie smiled and did, and Peyton turned away from the kitchen, speaking softer into the phone.

"How's Lydia doing?"

" _That's actually what I was calling for. She has a big English report or something due on Monday and she forgot about it. So we left her at the house to work on it._ "

"Do I need to go get her?"

" _No. We have to show her a little bit of trust, you know?_ "

Peyton nodded, crossing her arm over her stomach. Quinn went on.

" _She said she'd come over to you, work on her thing with Sawyer."_

"Sawyer hasn't said a word about any report, so I'll bet you money she forgot about it, too. She's out with Davis right now, but they should be coming back within the hour."

_"Will you call or text me when she gets there?"_

"I will. Don't worry, Q. I'll take care of your girl."

" _Thanks, Peyton. We owe you one."_

Peyton just smiled, ending the call. She turned back to Ellie, who set the bowl on the counter, shaking out her arms.

"That's it. I can't stir anymore. That's going to have to do."

Peyton let out a laugh, laying a hand on the back of Ellie's hair, on her gentle curls. She glanced into the bowl.

"Perfect. There may be hope for one of my girls as a baker yet."

Ellie grinned, reaching for the pan Peyton had set out earlier.

* * *

 

Just outside of Charlotte, Quinn picked her phone up after her text tone sounded. She smiled as she read the message, then typed out a response. She looked over to Clay, who had an expectant look on his face, and she laughed.

"So nosy."

"Can't help it. Who's texting my beautiful wife?"

"Your niece. She just made it to Peyton's."

"See? And you were all worried for nothing. Should have listened to the man."

Quinn laughed, nodding. Clay reached over and took her hand.

"Next time, I will listen to the man. I love him."

"He loves you, too."

Quinn glanced at Clay, then leaned over, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Clay looked in the rearview mirror.

"Honey, not in front of the kids."

Quinn just laughed, shaking her head.

* * *

 

Jude shook his head as he paid for the groceries, bagging them up and carrying them out to the car. He'd been gone for so much longer than he'd originally planned. Brooke was going to kill him, he just knew it. But how could he know that Meg would have a meltdown while he was at the store, and he'd have to fix it?

He unlocked the car, setting the lemons on the backseat, the sugar on the floorboard in the back. He climbed in the driver's side, looking down and seeing his phone in the cupholder. Naturally, he decided, as he shrugged his shoulders.

He started up the car and heard the tone, one that signaled a new voicemail. The one time he leaves his phone in the car, he gets a call. Jude picked up the phone, leaving the car in park, tapping in his passcode. When he saw the one missed call, one new voicemail, both from Lydia, his heart thumped in his chest. He swallowed, lifting the phone to his ear, listening to the message.

And peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing.

* * *

 

Sawyer laughed as she walked into her house, dropping her keys in the bowl by the front door. Davis was right behind her.

"Babe, you know I love you, but… You stink."

"Oh, like you're a bowl of rose petals? We both need a shower worse than … Well, really bad."

Davis laughed, nodding. Peyton stepped into the living room, arms crossed over her chest. Sawyer gave her a smile.

"Hey, Mama."

"Hey. Have fun?"

Sawyer nodded, tilting her head. Something was up, and not in a good way.

"We went to the Rivercourt. I kicked his butt."

"I let her win."

Davis laughed as Sawyer punched his arm. Peyton smiled, nodding her head. Sawyer glanced from Davis to her mother.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Why would you ask that question?"

"Because you're giving me the 'you did something wrong' look."

Peyton looked down at the ground as she nodded, then back to Sawyer.

"Did you have any homework this weekend?"

Sawyer shook her head.

"No, I finished it last night."

"What about your English report?"

"What English report?"

"The one that Lydia's coming over to work on with you? The one that's due on Monday?"

Sawyer's nose crinkled, and she shook her head.

"I don't have an English report due on Monday."

Peyton let out a sigh.

"Sawyer…"

"I'm serious. I don't have any reports due. I'm not even in Lydia's English class."

Peyton let her hands fall at that.

"You're not?"

Sawyer shook her head.

"No, we have English first thing, and Lyd doesn't have it until after lunch."

"Doesn't matter, same guy teaches it for the whole grade. And we don't have any reports due."

Peyton swallowed, looking away from Davis, back to Sawyer.

"You're positive?"

"Mama, I know I'm not the best at remembering things, but I'd remember that. We don't even do reports anymore. They're essays or research papers."

Peyton put a hand to her stomach.

"Call Lydia. Now. Davis, you call your brother."

Sawyer looked to Davis, both of them pulling their phones out of their pockets.

"Mama, is something wrong?"

"I don't know. Just get Lydia on the phone."

Sawyer scrolled through her contacts until she found Lydia's name, and clicked on it with shaking fingers. She held the phone to her ear as Davis did the same, both of them speaking at the same time.

"Voicemail."

Peyton laid a hand over her heart.

"Okay. Okay. Get in the car. We're going over there."

"Mama, what's going on?"

Peyton stepped up to Sawyer, laying her hands on Sawyer's shoulders.

"Lydia told Quinn that she had a report due and they left her home to finish it."

"By herself?!"

"She said she'd come over here, but she never did."

"Mama!"

Peyton increased the pressure she had on Sawyer's shoulders.

"Calm down. I'm sure everything is fine. She probably just fell asleep, turned her phone on silent."

Sawyer nodded, her entire body trembling.

"Easy, sweetheart."

Sawyer nodded again, taking in a shaky breath. Peyton ran a hand over her face, and Davis cleared his throat.

"If that's what you think, then why don't Sawyer and I go over there? It would probably freak her out if the entire family bursts through the door, huh?"

Peyton looked over at Davis and smiled.

"You know… You're probably right."

She turned back to Sawyer who was looking at Davis.

"You okay, kid?"

Sawyer looked to her mother, nodding.

"Yeah."

Her voice was breathy, too fast. She nodded again, letting her breath out.

"Yeah, I—I'm okay."

"Okay. Go with Davis."

Sawyer nodded, and Peyton patted her back as she walked away. Peyton heard the door shut, letting out a shaky breath when she did. She pushed her hands through her hair, shaking her head as she walked back to the kitchen.

* * *

 

Sawyer was shaking again by the time Davis started the car. He leaned over, running his hand up and down her arms.

"Hey. I know you're scared. Try and calm down, okay?"

Sawyer shook her head.

"What if—"

"Don't. Do not do that, okay? Remember what your mom just said? She turned her phone on silent and fell asleep. Happens all the time, right?"

Sawyer nodded. Davis smiled at her, his face showing absolutely no sign of the terror he was feeling inside. Sawyer cleared her throat. 

"Jude didn't answer his phone either. What if they ran away together?"

A burst of laughter sprang from Davis' chest. 

"That's it. That is exactly what's happened." 

Sawyer smiled, leaning back against the seat, shaking her head as she spoke softly.

"She's fine. She's fine."

She kept repeating the words, not even realizing when Davis began to do the same thing, barely even whispering the words. They both jumped nearly out of their skin when Davis' phone rang. He pulled to a stop at a stop sign, throwing the car in park and letting out a breath as he picked up the phone, answering the call.

"Christ Almighty, Jude, you scared the hell out of me. What's … What? … Whoa, slow down. … What? … Why? … Jude, are you … I don't understand. Are you okay? Did you have an accident or something? … Jude. Jude!"

He pulled the phone from his ear, looking down at it. Sawyer swallowed.

"What … What did he say?"

Davis looked up to her, blue eyes full of worry.

"He was talking so fast, I couldn't …"

He shook his head, and Sawyer reached over, clamping a hand on his wrist.

"Davis, what did he say?"

"Just 'Hospital. Come to the hospital.' He didn't say why or … Sawyer."

"Let's go."

"What if something-"

"Hey."

She laid her hand on his cheek.

"Remember what you just told me? Don't do that. Jude's fine. He ... He probably just ... I don't know, but he's fine, I'm sure of it."

Davis nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. He's okay."

Davis nodded, putting the car in reverse and backing down the street until he could turn around. Sawyer reached over and turned the flashers on, and Davis let out a shaky breath before he sped down the street.


	25. Chapter 25

Owen seriously thought about whistling as he left the doctor's office. The tests they'd run had come out normal, all his bloodwork was fine, and he was doing rather well for a man pushing fifty years old. He smiled, feeling as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders.

He wanted to call Brooke, because he knew she'd been worried about him. The appointment had taken longer than he'd thought, but then again, doctors were always busy. The hospital had seemed all abuzz that day, and Owen hadn't really minded having to sit and wait. He stepped out of the elevator, going to walk out the door, when he stopped, glancing back towards the Emergency Room.

Owen let his hand fall from the door handle, walking closer. Someone stood in the middle of the walkway, not moving or talking, just standing there. Owen made his way to them, gently laying a hand on the person's shoulder as he stepped to face them.

"Hey is every … Jude?"

He didn't move, didn't even acknowledge Owen's presence. He was staring at the double doors at the end of the hall. Owen gripped his shoulder a little tighter, and still, Jude didn't move. Owen glanced down, his hand falling away as his eyes widened.

"Jude, what … What happened?"

Nothing. No response. Owen looked closely at Jude's face, letting out a sigh. The kid was in shock. Had to be. His face was pale, eyes trained on those doors. Owen swallowed, looking up as a nurse walked over to him, speaking softly.

"Do you know him?"

Owen glanced to Jude, then back to the nurse.

"Yeah, what—what happened?"

The nurse smiled gently.

"I don't know. I wasn't here when he came in. He's just been standing there since I got here."

Owen glanced down at Jude again, and the nurse followed his gaze before speaking softly again.

"There's a bathroom right over there, if you want to help him clean up a bit?"

Owen nodded, and the nurse motioned to where they could go. Owen thanked her as she walked away, and he swallowed again before he laid his hand back on Jude's shoulder. He said his name again, and Jude didn't answer him. Owen tightened his grip on Jude's shoulder, this time tight enough to be painful, and he sharpened his voice.

"Jude."

That did it. The kid looked at him, finally seeing him standing there. Owen spoke softer, gently.

"Let's go get cleaned up, okay?"

Jude looked down, at the hands he'd been holding out, as though he'd been holding something. He looked back to Owen, who laid his arm across Jude's shoulders.

"Come on, Jude."

Owen led him into the bathroom, locking the door behind them.

* * *

 

Sawyer hung up her phone, jumping as Davis threw his against the steering wheel.

"Damn it! Why doesn't anyone answer their damn phones?!"

Sawyer laid a hand on his arm.

"Calm down."

"Do not tell me that right now. My brother tells me to come to the hospital and my mother decides now would be a good time not to answer the goddamn phone?"

"Davis, please. Let's just get there in one piece, okay?"

Davis eased his foot off the accelerator.

"I'm sorry, I'm just—"

"I know. Me too."

Davis took another turn, and Sawyer sighed.

"Mama answered. She's getting Daddy and they're meeting us there."

Davis nodded.

"Good. That … Good."

"I could call her back? See if she'll swing by to get Aunt Brooke?"

Davis sighed.

"No, let's … Let's just get there, see what's going on. I don't want to freak her out if I don't have to."

Sawyer nodded, letting out a sigh of relief as the hospital came into view. Davis pulled into a parking spot at the Emergency Room, and they both rushed out of the car, running inside.

* * *

 

The bell above the café door rang and Brooke pushed out of the swinging kitchen doors.

"Jude Baker, that had better be you, and you had better have lemons in your hands!"

Brooke was smiling, and she came to a quick stop when she saw the policeman standing at her door. She took another step, the smile reappearing on her face.

"Skills?"

Officer Antwon "Skills" Taylor looked up at her, corners of his mouth trying to turn up in a smile, but faltering.

"Hey, B. Davis."

"Skills, what are you doing here? Is there a problem, Officer?"

She smiled widely then, and Skills just looked down.

"Is there anyone else here, Brooke?"

She glanced behind her.

"No, it's unbelievably slow right now, so I sent everyone on a break. Just me."

Skills nodded, clearing his throat.

"I, uh, I need you to lock up and come with me."

"What? Why?"

Skills couldn't look at her, and Brooke felt her heartbeat start to increase.

"Skills, what's … What's going on? Is everything all right?"

He shook his head, and Brooke laid a hand to her stomach.

"Is it … Is it one of my boys? Are they okay? Skills!"

He closed his eyes, and Brooke felt herself begin to hyperventilate.

"Skills, right now. Tell me right now what's going on."

"Brooke, I just need you to come with me, okay?"

She shook her head.

"Damn it, Skills. What's going on?"

He lifted his head then, the pain evident in his eyes.

"Your son needs you. Please, get your stuff and let's go."

Brooke let out a long breath, running to grab her purse, shutting everything off, flipping the "Sorry, We're CLOSED" sign around as she locked the door. She hurried to the car, sitting beside Skills, closing her eyes as he turned the lights on, driving faster than necessary away from the café.

* * *

 

Davis ran his hands through his hair, letting out an exasperated breath at the receptionist at the desk.

"Listen to me. My brother called, said to meet him here. He didn't give me any other information other than that."

"I understand, sir. But we don't have a Jude Baker here right now."

"You have to! He looks just like me, except different colored eyes. His are dark brown. Please, just check again, would you?"

"Davis?"

Davis and Sawyer turned around, seeing Owen step out of the bathroom. Davis sighed, walking over.

"Owen, have you heard from—"

Davis stopped as Jude stepped out of the bathroom behind Owen. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Jude, I could kick your ass. You scared the shit out of me, man! Are you okay?"

Owen stepped to the side, and Sawyer gasped. Davis went still, looking from the bottom of Jude's shirt up to his face.

"Jude? What …?"

Owen touched between Jude's shoulders, motioning to a chair. Jude sat down, putting his head in his hands. Davis swallowed as he looked to Owen.

"What the hell?"

Owen shook his head.

"He hasn't said a word. He's in shock, but I don't know what happened."

Sawyer stepped closer to them.

"Do we … Do we need to tell a doctor or something?"

Owen shook his head, running his hand over his beard.

"I don't know. Have you talked to your mom lately?"

Davis shook his head, constantly glancing at his brother.

"No, I—I tried to call her on the way, but she didn't answer. Owen, he's all right, isn't he? I mean…"

Owen glanced back at Jude, looking past Davis as the doors opened again. He let out a sigh, tapping Davis on the shoulder and pointing to where Brooke was rushing down the hall. Davis sighed, opening his arms as Brooke caught him in a tight hug.

"I tried to call you, and you didn't answer."

"I'm so sorry, baby. Are you all right?"

Davis nodded, eyes squeezed shut as he hugged his mother to him. After a moment, she pushed him back, looking him over, then nodding. She reached a hand out and Owen took it, gently squeezing. Brooke met Davis' eyes.

"Where's your brother? Is he okay?"

"Mom, I—I don't…"

Davis trailed off, but pointed to the chairs. Owen stepped from in front of Jude and Brooke saw him. She closed her eyes, letting out a breath as she stepped over.

"Jude. Honey, are you—"

He didn't move, just kept his head in his hands. Brooke went to kneel in front of him, eyes widening when she saw him. She looked to Owen, who shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. She swallowed, standing to her feet as Owen stepped close to her.

"I don't know what happened. I was leaving and I saw him. He was just standing there, staring at those doors."

Owen motioned behind him, and Brooke and Davis leaned to look that way.

"I think he's in shock, Brooke."

"In shock?"

"He hasn't said a word since I found him. He just stood there, until he let me take him in the bathroom, clean his hands off."

"Owen, why would he be in shock?"

"I don't know, baby."

Brooke let out a sigh, looking back at Jude before whispering to Owen.

"Is … Is that bl—"

"Sawyer!"

Everyone turned, and Sawyer let out a breath of relief before she ran to her mother. Peyton stared at Brooke as she held her daughter, and Lucas let out a sigh as he wrapped both Peyton and Sawyer in his arms, pressing a kiss to Sawyer's forehead. They walked over to everyone else, Peyton keeping an arm around her daughter.

"What's going on?"

They all shook their heads, and Lucas looked to the chairs, where Jude was sitting, elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands.

"What's with Jude?"

Brooke sighed, shaking her head.

"I—I don't know. He won't say a word."

"Have you spoken to a doctor or something?"

Owen shook his head.

"I just found him standing here."

Lucas gripped Owen's shoulder, stepping past him and kneeling in front of Jude.

"Hey, Jude?"

Jude let out a sob, and Lucas gently touched his shoulder.

"Hey, bud. What's going on?"

Jude lifted his head, tears coursing down his face. Lucas swallowed, eyes widening. Brooke knelt beside Lucas, and Jude looked to her.

"Mom?"

"Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay?"

Jude shook his head. Lucas looked back to Peyton, whose blue eyes were wide and scared. Lucas stood up, stepping to Owen as Brooke laid her hands on Jude's knees. Jude let out another sob, and Brooke moved to sit beside him, holding his head to her shoulder. Lucas swallowed again, meeting Owen's dark eyes.

"Is that blood on his shirt?"

Owen nodded.

"His hands were covered with it when I found him. He let me help him clean them off, but … I don't think it's his. He just stood there, like he wasn't really there at all, and I checked him over. He doesn't have a scratch on him."

"Then whose blood is it?"

Lucas and Owen looked to Peyton, as Sawyer slowly looked to Jude. She looked over to Davis, who swallowed as he knelt in front of Jude. Jude met his eyes, and Davis spoke softly.

"Jude, what happened? Who … Whose blood is on your shirt?"

Jude looked down, holding his shirt out like he hadn't noticed it before. Jude ran his hand over his shirt, barely touching it. He shook his head, and Brooke leaned over.

"Honey, you can tell us. It's okay."

"No, it's not. It won't ever be okay again."

Brooke looked to Davis, then up to Peyton.

"Jude, we just want to make sure you're all right."

He looked up to Peyton, shaking his head as he looked down again. He began to speak, so quietly that only Brooke and Davis heard him.

"I missed the call. The one time … I forgot my phone in the car, and I …"

Tears slipped down his cheeks, and he bent over, chest on his knees.

"She needed me, and I wasn't there."

"What? Honey, who are you—"

"Oh my god."

Brooke and Davis looked up, seeing Sawyer's blue eyes wide, all the color drained from her face. She was shaking, tears filling her eyes. Peyton stepped in front of Sawyer, grasping her arms.

"What? What, honey? Calm down."

Sawyer shook her head, looking to Jude, whispering "no" over and over again. Lucas laid a hand on Sawyer's back, looking down to Jude. Lucas swallowed again.

"Jude, are … Are you talking about—"

Lucas stopped, as a doctor stepped through the double doors, looking at the group, seeing Jude doubled over in the chair.

"Are you Lydia Scott's family?"

Time seemed to stop. Owen closed his eyes, running a hand down his face. Davis slid off his knees, sitting on the floor at Jude's feet. Peyton caught Sawyer as her knees buckled, and Brooke stood to help Peyton get Sawyer to a chair. Lucas was frozen in place, never taking his eyes from the doctor. After an eternity of silence, Lucas took a shaky step forward, never realizing Owen moved behind him, just in case. Lucas spoke, his voice low and scratchy.

"What … What did you say?"

"Are you Lydia Scott's family?"

The doctor repeated himself, and Jude let out a sob at the mention of Lydia's name. Peyton found her voice, speaking shakily.

"Yes. Yes, we are."

The doctor nodded, letting out a sigh. Owen spoke up then.

"Doc, what happened?"

"You don't know?"

Owen shook his head, and the doctor sighed again. He looked around the room, then stepped forward.

"It appears that Lydia … attempted suicide by slitting her wrists."

Brooke lifted a shaking hand to cover her mouth as tears began to pour from her eyes. Peyton leaned over, wrapping Sawyer in her arms, closing her eyes as her tears began to fall, soaking into Sawyer's hair. Sawyer was shaking now, crying hard as she gripped her mother's arm. Davis moved to sit on the side of Jude's chair, bringing his knees up, putting his forehead on them as he began to cry. And the tears came harder when Jude's hand came down, gripping Davis' shoulder. Owen had his eyes closed, hands steepled together, covering his mouth. Lucas shook his head.

"No. No, there … There has to be some mistake."

"Mr. …?"

"Scott. Lucas Scott. I'm Lydia's uncle. There … there's got to be some mistake."

Jude shook his head, looking up to Lucas. Lucas looked down, meeting Jude's eyes.

"The blood on your shirt? It … It's Lydia's?"

Jude nodded, and Lucas shook his head.

"No. No, she wouldn't… No."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Scott, but it's true."

Davis scrambled to his knees, looking to the doctor.

"Attempted."

"What?"

"You said she attempted. She's alive?"

Eyes went from Davis to the doctor, who nodded.

"She is. She's in critical condition right now, and if she makes it through these next twenty-four hours, she should be fine."

Brooke shook her head.

"What—what does that mean?"

The doctor looked to Brooke. She held a hand to her chest, then touched Jude's shoulder.

"I'm Lydia's aunt. This is my son. He…"

The doctor nodded.

"Lydia lost a lot of blood. And if it wasn't for your son, she may not have made it."

Brooke shook her head, and the doctor gave her a smile.

"Your son's quick thinking probably saved her life. She had lost a lot of blood already, when he found her. She was in the bathtub, and he pulled her out, tied tourniquets on both of her arms. Her body temperature was fairly low, and we deduced that she had to have been in cold water, which also helped to slow down the bleeding."

Brooke leaned over, putting her cheek on Jude's and running her hand through his hair. The doctor looked back to Lucas.

"Can you get in touch with her parents?"

Lucas swallowed, then shook his head.

"Her—her parents are both ... They're both-"

Lucas breathed out as he put his hands in his hair.

"They both died when she was a baby."

The doctor nodded, and Peyton spoke up.

"We can—we can get in touch with her aunt and uncle. They're her guardians."

The doctor nodded again. He turned to go and Jude spoke.

"Can I … Can I see her?"

The doctor looked to Brooke, then to Jude.

"She's unconscious right now. She may not wake up for a while."

"I just want to sit with her. Please."

The doctor nodded.

"Come with me. I'll show you her room."

Jude stood, and Owen motioned to Brooke before he followed Jude and the doctor down the hall.

Brooke put her face in her hands, then slid them through her hair as she stood up. She walked to Lucas, laying a hand on his arm. Lucas shook his head, wrapping Brooke in a hug. She closed her eyes, hugging him back as he cried.

"How could she …"

Brooke shook her head, letting out a sob. Davis stood up, walking to Peyton and Sawyer, and he took Peyton's place as she stood up. Brooke eased herself from Lucas' arms, and Peyton stepped in, tears coming to her eyes as Lucas cried into her hair.

Brooke let out a shaky sigh as Owen came back down the hall, closing her eyes as he took her in his arms.

"Someone … Someone has to call Clay and Quinn."

Peyton nodded, as Lucas turned away from them, walking over and putting his hands on the wall. Peyton walked over behind him, gently rubbing her hands up and down his back. Brooke cleared her throat.

"I, uh… I'll call. And I'm going to send the Clothes Over Bros chopper for them."

Peyton nodded, and Owen walked with Brooke outside, where they could make the calls.

* * *

 

Brooke closed her eyes, lifting her face to the waning sunlight, glancing over at the fiery colors of the sunset before turning away. Owen walked up behind her, running his hands up and down her arms as she called.

"Yes, this is Brooke Davis. I need to send the chopper to Charlotte. It's a family emergency. … Yes, land it anywhere you can near the arena where the Bobcats are playing tonight. … Thank you."

She hung up, letting out a shaky breath as she dialed Quinn's number. She closed her eyes when she got Quinn's voicemail, and she dialed Clay. Again, only voicemail. She turned around, looking to Owen, and he reached up, gently pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"The game should be starting soon. They're probably in the arena, and there's no cell reception there."

Brooke nodded.

"Should I—"

"Call the arena. Get them to page them."

"And Jamie?"

Her eyes closed as she thought of him, her godson that stole her heart all those years ago. Owen laid a hand on her face.

"They'll pull him off the court, out to the locker room. He needs to be here, too."

She nodded through the fresh sheen of tears, and Owen leaned to kiss her forehead. His voice was low.

"I can call, Brooke."

She shook her head.

"No, I … I need to do this."

She went through her phone one more time, finding Jamie's number and calling him. And, to her shock, he answered.

" _Hello?_ "

"Jamie?"

" _Aunt Brooke! I miss you!_ "

She couldn't stop the sob. Jamie's voice was easy when he spoke again.

" _Hey, you okay? Is something wrong?_ "

"Jamie, I … I'm so sorry to have to call you like this."

" _What is it? Aunt Brooke?_ "

She just breathed for a second, until she could speak again.

"Jamie, the Clothes Over Bros helicopter is on its way to Charlotte."

" _What? Why?_ "

"It's coming to pick you up, and Clay and Quinn, the kids. Bring you back to Tree Hill."

" _Aunt Brooke, why would we need to come home?_ "

Brooke closed her eyes. He didn't need to hear it over the phone.

"I'll tell you when you get here, okay, bud? You just …"

" _Aunt Brooke, come on. You can't just—you can't call like this and not tell me._ "

"I don't want you to hear this over the phone, honey."

She could hear his breathing speed up, and what sounded like him throwing things into a bag.

"Jamie, could you get someone to get Clay and Quinn? I've tried to call them, but they didn't answer."

" _They're here?_ "

"Yes. Can you get them, make sure they get in the chopper, too?"

" _Aunt Brooke, what the hell is going on?_ "

Brooke closed her eyes again, speaking softly.

"Your sister needs you."

The line was silent, and Jamie sounded very much like the little boy Brooke still saw when she pictured him.

" _Is she okay? What happened?_ "

"Jamie."

His breathing was shaky, and Brooke could hear him talking to someone.

" _They're paging Clay and Quinn now. Police are going to escort us to the helipad._ "

"Okay. Okay, we—we're waiting for you."

" _Aunt Brooke. It … It's bad, isn't it?_ "

She couldn't answer, could only say one thing.

"I love you, Jamie."

" _I love you, too. We'll be home soon._ "

Brooke ended the call, letting out a long sigh. Owen stepped up behind her, laying his hands on her shoulders.

"You did great, Brooke."

He caught the phone as she dropped it, sliding it into his pocket as Brooke turned around, falling against him as she began to sob. Owen caught her easily, held her tightly against his chest. He didn't say anything; he just held her while she cried, as her heart broke.

* * *

 

Lucas ran his hands through his hair, glancing at the bed. His wife was sitting beside it, one hand holding the limp hand of his daughter, who had passed out shortly after Brooke had gone to make the calls. Sawyer had gone to stand up, and Lucas watched as her knees buckled. He rushed to her, catching her just before her head hit the floor. A nurse had escorted them into a little room, where Lucas had laid Sawyer on the stretcher. Her blood pressure was a little high, which was completely understandable with the current circumstances. A doctor explained that her body just couldn't deal with everything right at the moment, and just letting her rest was the best thing they could do right then.

"Honey?"

Lucas looked to Peyton, who gave him a small smile. She reached up and he took her hand, bending to press his lips to it. Lucas pulled a chair over and sat down, holding Peyton's hand. He looked to the bed, shaking his head.

"How did we get here?"

Peyton sighed.

"I don't know. I never …"

She shook her head, speaking softer, where only Lucas could hear.

"I never thought we'd be going through this again."

Lucas nodded.

"I should have seen it."

"Stop. Luke, don't."

He sighed, running his other hand through his hair as Peyton tightened her grip on him.

"This is not your fault."

He shook his head, and Peyton leaned to kiss his forehead, then rested hers on his.

"We thought she was doing better. She was going to the treatment center."

Lucas nodded.

"I just … No matter what you or anyone else says, I'm back here with Haley again."

He let go of her hand, standing up and pacing the room. Peyton held a hand over her mouth.

"I feel it again. That helplessness. The heartbreak. Like I should have done something."

"Honey."

He looked over, tears rolling down his cheeks. Peyton gave him a smile through her tears.

"She's not Haley. She's alive, Luke. We … We couldn't help Haley, but we can help Lydia."

"Peyton—"

"I know, Luke. I know."

He came back to her, sitting beside her, leaning over on her. She smiled, running her fingers through his hair.

* * *

 

Owen and Brooke walked down the hall, stopping just outside a room. Owen stepped over, taking Brooke's face in his hands, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. He pulled back, gently running his fingers through her hair.

"Okay. I'll be right here."

Brooke nodded, squeezing his hand, and she pushed open the door. She pushed it closed behind her, then turned forward. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked to the bed.

Lydia was lying there, eyes closed. Her skin was pale, so much more so than usual, and she had bright white bandages covering both of her wrists. She looked so small, so fragile, and Brooke could feel her heart breaking in her chest. She looked beside the bed, a small smile coming to her face.

Jude sat in a chair, his hand on the bed, fingers gently touching Lydia's, almost as if he was afraid to hold her hand. Brooke let out a sigh at that, and Jude looked over to her. She smiled, walking over, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before walking to the other side of the bed.

She pulled up a chair, reaching over and gently running her finger over the back of Lydia's hand, while Jude went back to gently stroking Lydia's hair. After a while, Jude spoke, his quiet voice breaking the silence of the room.

"She called me, while I was in the grocery store. I left my phone in the car."

Jude looked over to his mother, a smile on his face.

"The one time, you know? The one time I leave my phone in the car, she calls."

He shook his head, letting out a breath.

"I got in the car and listened to the voicemail."

He swallowed, looking down at their hands.

"She was crying, I could tell that right off the bat. Started off with 'Hey Jude,' just like she always did. She kept apologizing, telling me how sorry she was. She said she'd been awful to me, and I've been wracking my brain, trying to figure out what the hell she meant. She's never been awful to me. She's everything to me."

He shook his head again, looking up to her face.

"She said that she took advantage of me. Because I was always there for her, and she could always count on me. Throughout her life, the one thing she could always count on … was me."

Tears welled up in his eyes again, but he wouldn't look away from Lydia.

"She said … She said that she hoped this wouldn't hold me back. That I could find someone who'll love me the way that I deserve, not just use me the way she had. She laughed, said she knew it sounded corny, but she said I was beautiful. She wanted me to stay beautiful, for her, and to not let this scar me."

Brooke shut her eyes, letting out a long, shaky breath. Jude sniffled, speaking again, just as quietly.

"She said she loved me. She'd never said it before. And it … It was the last thing she said."

Jude shook his head, laying his face on the bed as he sobbed out loud. Brooke stood up, walking around the bed and taking him in her arms. Jude cried as she held him, gently stroking his hair. He finally pulled back from her, shaking his head.

"That can't be the last thing she ever says, Mom. She didn't even say it to my face. I need to hear her say it to me."

Jude pulled away from Brooke as tears coursed down her cheeks. He looked over at the bed, finally taking Lydia's hand in his. He moved up, close to her face, using his other hand to stroke her hair.

"Do you hear me, Lyd? I need to hear you say it to me. Wake up, baby, and talk to me. Please."

He laid his head down beside hers, his face in the pillow, cheek touching hers. Brooke put her face in her hands, then stood up, gently rubbing Jude's back. She coaxed him back down into the chair, and he held onto Lydia's hand as he scrubbed a hand over his face. After a moment, Brooke walked around the bed, getting her chair and bringing it over to sit beside her son. She gently rubbed his back, and after a while, he spoke again.

"I don't really remember much after I heard her say she loved me. I drove to her house. I know where the spare key is, and I didn't even think about getting it. I, uh … I kicked in the front door."

He gave Brooke a sheepish look.

"I'll pay for it, whatever—"

"Honey, let's not worry about that right now."

Jude smiled, nodding his head. He looked back to the bed.

"I ran up the stairs, into her bedroom. She doesn't have a door on her room anymore. She still had one on the bathroom, though. Kicked that one in, too."

He just shrugged his shoulders, but sat up straighter, looking up at Lydia's face and not taking his eyes from her.

"She was laying in the bathtub. The water was red. I couldn't breathe, and I watched as she slid under the water."

He shook his head.

"I kept screaming her name, and I pulled her out of the water. Mom, it was so cold. The water was freezing, and still running. I shut it off, somehow thought clearly enough to realize that she'd cut her wrists, and I had to stop the bleeding. She had … I don't even know how, but she had one of my shirts on the floor. I ripped it up, fixing up some makeshift tourniquets, and I tied them on her arms. She was breathing, barely. Had a pulse, barely. And I heard someone behind me."

Jude sighed, glancing over at his mother.

"My only guess is that kicking in the door triggered the alarm, which is why Skills was there. He helped me carry her out, gave us a ride here. I carried her in, screaming for help, and they laid her on a stretcher, took her away from me."

He shook his head, breathing out.

"And all I could think … Mom, all I could think was she'd finally said she loved me. The words I've been waiting to hear for so long, and she said them as her last words."

He closed his eyes, picking her hand up and bringing it to his lips.

"She has to wake up so I can say it back."

"She will, honey."

Brooke leaned over, gently squeezing Lydia's leg.

"She has to."

* * *

 

Jenny had been called to the hospital, and she was waiting on the roof when the chopper landed. She brought Clay, Quinn, and Jamie into a room, explaining what had happened.

Quinn hadn't been able to stop crying since then.

She was sitting in a chair in Lydia's room, staring at her niece, as she slept on. She still hadn't woken up, and it had been eight hours since she was first brought in. Jude refused to leave her side, and when his mother and brother basically forced him into going to the hospital's cafeteria, Jude looked as though he was physically in pain.

Quinn sighed, pushing a hand through her hair. Clay stepped in, handing her a cup of coffee. She gave him a small smile, taking a sip. Clay walked over to the bed, gently stroking Lydia's hair. He let out a breath, blinking back tears. Quinn nodded.

"I know."

Clay let out a long breath, walking back over to Quinn and sitting in the chair beside her. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.

"How's Jamie?"

Clay sighed, shaking his head.

"Luke took him for a walk. He was yelling at the nurses, and Riley finally got him to back off. Luke stepped in, got him out of here."

Quinn sipped her coffee again.

"I don't understand why he's acting like this."

Clay shook his head.

"I can't even imagine what he's going through. I can't imagine what we're going through right now."

Quinn leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. Clay swallowed, and Quinn closed her eyes.

"Clay, how did this happen?"

Clay shut his eyes, shaking his head. He felt Quinn's tears on his shoulder.

"Q."

"I can't … Clay."

He set his coffee cup down, moving to take Quinn in his arms, holding her while she cried, closing his eyes at the tears that he couldn't hold back anymore. Jenny came to talk to Clay and Quinn, pulling them out of Lydia's room. Jude sat with her again, refusing to go home, even though it was late. He let out a sigh, reaching over and taking her hand again.

"Hey, beautiful. I'm back, again. I'm sorry, they made me go earlier. I … I didn't want to leave you."

Jude sighed, scrubbing his other hand over his face.

"I don't know what to do here, Lyd. I'm … I don't know if you can hear me. I don't want to just sit here and keep running my mouth, but… It's too quiet. I need you to wake up and talk to me, okay? Please, baby. Please."

Jude let out another breath, bringing their hands up to his mouth, gently kissing her knuckles. He shut his eyes, resting their hands against his forehead. And his eyes flew open when he felt the gentle squeeze.

"Lydia?"

He looked at their hands, feeling the squeeze again. It was weak, but it was there. He swallowed, moving forward, closer to the bed.

"Lyd, can you hear me? Open your eyes."

An eternity passed. Jude just knew it had to be that long. And then suddenly, her eyes opened. She blinked twice, long moments when her eyes were shut, then slowly open again. Jude smiled, leaning forward.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty."

She looked to him, and he let out a quiet laugh. He was crying, and he hadn't even realized it. He moved a shaking hand over, brushing the hair over her temple.

"I love you. I love you so much."

He looked up, the smile faltering when he saw her eyes. The beautiful navy blue he was so used to, the eyes he saw in his dreams, were nothing like they had been. The life was gone from her eyes. The light that used to dance in the blue was gone, snuffed out, leaving a dull emptiness behind. Jude swallowed, and she shut her eyes, turning her head away from him. He let out harsh breaths, shaking his head.

"Don't you dare turn away from me."

She turned back to look at him.

"You can shut out the whole goddamn world, but not me, do you understand? I found you. I pulled you out of that water and held you while you bled all over me. I brought you to this hospital and I watched as they took you away from me, not knowing if I would ever get to see you or hold you or ever kiss you again. So damn it, Lydia, you do not get to shut me out."

She blinked, and he moved forward, catching her lips in a kiss that both of them held their eyes open for, staring at each other. Jude held his lips on hers until he felt hers move beneath his, and he breathed a sigh of relief after he ended the kiss. She blinked at him, tears welling up in her hopeless eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was quiet, rough. Jude let out another sigh, moving even closer to her. A tear slid down her cheek, and he caught it with his thumb.

"It hurts, Jude."

"What does?"

"Everything."

She looked away from him, towards the door, tears rolling down her cheeks. Jude sighed, moving closer to the bed, gently running his hand through her hair as she cried quiet tears.

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know, baby."

"I mean it, Jude. I never … I thought I'd—"

"Shh."

He reached his hand over, cupping her cheek before gently running his hand through her hair again.

"Everyone's here."

She brought her eyes to his, blinking once.

"Everyone?"

He nodded, rubbing his thumb along her forehead.

"Even Jamie?"

Jude nodded again. Lydia looked up to him, that hopelessness in her eyes breaking his already broken heart.

"I don't want to see them. Jude, I don't—"

"Shh. It's okay."

He was hovering over her now, and she was curled up under him, her face nearly in his chest. He just kept touching her.

"You know we won't be able to keep them away."

Lydia closed her eyes, squeezing them shut, and tears leaked down her cheeks anyway. She shook her head, curling closer to Jude, as he leaned further towards her, and she took hold of his shirt, twisting it between her fingers.

"I just want it to stop, Jude."

"What?"

"The hurting. I just want it all to go away."

Jude swallowed, closing his eyes. He moved even closer then, wrapping her up in his arms the best he could. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt, could feel the silent sobs as they trembled through her body. They stayed curled up that way for the longest time, until Jude felt Lydia's grip ease, as he laid her back on the pillow, never moving from her side as she slept.


	26. Chapter 26

Lydia opened her eyes slowly, waking up and looking over, seeing Jude slumped over on her bed, still holding her hand as he slept. Lydia swallowed, her throat incredibly dry, and she made the mistake of looking over as the door opened.

"Lydia?"

Lydia closed her eyes, as Quinn gasped, setting her coffee cup down as she stepped into the room. Lydia tightened her grip on Jude's hand as Quinn went straight to the bed and brushed Lydia's hair back, kissing her forehead.

"I love you, sweetheart."

Lydia wouldn't look at her, didn't say a word. She didn't say a word to anyone that came by her room in the next two days. Not the doctors or the nurses. Not Jenny. Not Brooke, Peyton, or Sawyer. Lucas sat in the chair beside her bed and cried for a straight hour. Lydia cried too, silent tears that continued to course down her cheeks long after Lucas kissed her forehead and left.

But she couldn't stay quiet when Jamie walked in. He wouldn't let her.

He walked in, on the third day she was in the hospital. She'd lost a lot of blood, and it was taking a long time for her body to replenish. The doctors and Jenny thought it would be best for her not to go through withdrawal from the drugs, since she'd already missed so many pills. They gave her another drug to counteract the withdrawal instead.

Lydia had been napping as peacefully as she could when her brother finally walked in. She looked to him, with those lifeless eyes, holding his gaze for a moment before she looked away. Jamie nodded.

"That's it? You have nothing to say?"

She didn't answer him. He didn't expect her to. He nodded again.

"Well, I have something to say. And you're going to listen."

Lydia stared at the wall, and Jamie let out a long breath.

"I am so mad at you right now."

She glanced back at him, and he caught her eyes, refusing to look away.

"This is the stupidest, most selfish thing you have ever done, and I am furious with you."

He could see the confusion on her face, and he didn't stop.

"I don't understand how you could do this. After everything we went through with Mom, you decide this is the best route to go? Come on."

"What do you mean, 'everything we went through?' We? I was a year old when she died, Jamie."

He stopped, taken aback by the harsh tone of her voice. He'd been wanting to hear her voice, wanting his little sister to tell him everything was okay, but this was not what he'd been expecting. This wasn't his little sister's voice.

"I don't even know who you are anymore."

"How could you? You're never around."

Jamie stopped, blinking his eyes.

"I can't help that, Lyd. I have to work."

"All year long, year after year after year, you have to work? No. You saw a chance to get the hell out of this town and you took it, never looking back."

"That is not fair."

"No, it's plenty fair. You left, and you never once thought about me."

He shook his head.

"I did think about you. I think about you all the time! You're all I've got, Lyd."

"Funny, doesn't seem that way to me."

"How can you even say that?!"

He stepped closer to the bed.

"I always think about you!"

"What, when you send that portion of your paycheck?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

She laughed at his question, not an ounce of humor in the sound.

"Don't come in here and act like you've been suffering or that you have even the slightest idea of what's been going on. A call every few weeks before or after a game isn't 'always' thinking of me. You're too busy living your life, like always, to worry about your little sister. So don't come in here acting all heartbroken, all right?"

Jamie's mouth hung open, an incredulous look on his face. He had no idea who he was even talking to. This wasn't his little sister, not the one he remembered.

"Lydia, what happened to you?"

She shut her eyes, looking back to the wall. Jamie stepped forward.

"When did you get to be this angry?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know, maybe when I started doing the cocaine?"

Jamie's eyes widened and Lydia put a smile on her face.

"Oh, did they not tell you about that? How your baby sister was snorting up coke so she could feel something again? Did they tell you how I stopped the coke and started in on some pills instead? Yeah, I had a hard time stomaching the thought of being a coke whore, so I switched over to the pills. And they worked just fine, until Davis decided he couldn't keep his damn mouth shut and ruined my life."

Jamie shook his head, speaking softly.

"Don't blame this on Davis."

"You're right. It's not his fault. It's mine. I'm such a colossal screw-up, destroying everything I touch, that I decided the world would just be a better place if I wasn't in it. But I'll be damned if I can't even do that right."

"You shut the hell up right now!"

She jumped at his yell, and he pushed the chair by her bed back against the wall hard enough to rattle the picture hanging there.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you do not get to say that."

"Guess what, big brother? You don't get to tell me what to do. Maybe you could if I saw you more than three times a year, but not now."

"Don't blame this on me, either."

"I'm not, Jamie. Mr. Self-Sacrificing is doing that all on his own. Baby sister's meltdown is not your fault, James. So head on back to your world of glitz and glamour, and I'll hide away here, like I've been doing for my entire damn life. Maybe every now and then you can think of me. Maybe when you send a check to the mental institute I'm sure has a bed waiting for me. Sound good?"

Jamie just shook his head, his heart breaking.

"I don't even know who you are. But this? This sad, angry little girl? She's not my sister. Not the Lydia that I know."

"Yeah actually, it is. Turns out, I'm just like my mother."

She closed her eyes at that, turning away from him. Jamie lifted a hand to his chest, pressing against the sudden, bone-deep ache there.

"I'll be damned."

Lydia rolled back over, looking at him. Jamie lifted his eyes to hers.

"You are. This is just how Mom acted when Grandma Lydia died. She lashed out at us just like you're doing right now."

Lydia closed her eyes, and Jamie kept talking.

"She even jumped in the pool, when it was freezing outside, but Dad found her and pulled her out."

"Hell of a case of foreshadowing, don't you think?"

"Stop."

The ice in his voice forced her to look back at him.

"You want to be a bitch and bash yourself, that's fine, but you do not talk about my mother like that."

Lydia swallowed, and Jamie stepped up to the bed.

"You need help, and when you get it and you decide to be a human again, I'll be waiting for the call. I can't stick around and watch you like this anymore."

Lydia nodded then, letting out a quiet laugh.

"Now that's more like it. That's the Jamie I know."

"Fuck, Lydia, why can't you just—"

"Because I can't help it!"

She sat up, tears in her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

"Every single day I wake up and I hate it! I hate the way I feel, the way I act. Dear God, you can't even imagine how much I hate myself. Every single day there is this darkness over my head and it never, ever goes away. It never stops, never lets up, and I can't stand it anymore! I can't feel anything. I'm so numb, and I cannot deal with it anymore. I just wanted it to stop. I just want this feeling to go away, and nothing I do, nothing at all can make it stop."

She was crying hard now, looking up at him.

"I didn't have any other choice, Jamie. I couldn't stand one more minute of feeling this way. I knew you'd all be fine without me, because all I do is hold you back. Can't you see how much better your life would be if I wasn't in it?"

Tears were rolling down Jamie's cheeks now. How could she think that? How could she think that his life would be better without her? Didn't she know how badly he'd wanted a baby sister? How happy he'd been when she was born? Did she know how, after they lost their parents, he'd sleep on the floor beside her crib? He was so scared that he'd lose her too, the only thing he had left of his parents, his family, that he clung to her, kept her by his side as long as he could. He protected her, watched out for her for years as she was growing up, and she never even knew it. He shook his head.

"You're wrong. My life … I can't even think of how it would be if you weren't in it. You're breaking my heart, Lydia. This is … This is the one thing I never thought I'd have to go through again. Especially not with you. After Mom…"

He shook his head again, and she spoke up.

"I just found out this year how she died. No one ever told me. You remember, you lived through it, but I was too little."

"You just found out? Then how could you even think of doing this?!"

"I told you. I just wanted it to stop. I still want it to stop."

A chill rolled down his spine as he looked back to her, the stark white bandages on her wrists. He bit the bullet, even though they'd talked about telling her as a family.

"As soon as you're released, we're taking you to a … facility in Columbia. They can help you."

Lydia nodded as she lay back against the pillows.

"They can try."

"You're not going to fight us on it?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't have any other option, do I? I failed on my initial plan, didn't have a backup. Didn't think I'd need one."

Jamie closed his eyes, until the quiet voice broke through the silence that had settled over the room.

"Why don't you just go, Jamie? You don't want to be here. That's obvious. I wouldn't either, if I was in your shoes. Just go on back and don't worry about us."

"Lydia—"

"I'm serious. Just go. See you when I see you."

She rolled over in the bed, pulling the covers up around her shoulders, curling up into a ball. Jamie swallowed.

"I love you, you know?"

He watched her eyes squeeze shut.

"It hurts for me to see you like this."

"Well, I'm sorry you had to see this at all. It wasn't what I'd planned."

"Lydia."

"Jamie, just go."

He let out a shaky breath, and when she heard the door open and close, Lydia let out a sob. She let it happen this time, she didn't try to hide it or be quiet. She just let the tears come. She never noticed the door opening or closing, didn't realize anyone was in the room until two strong arms enveloped her from behind. She let out louder sobs then, unable to hold it in anymore, and she turned in the bed, burying her face in Jude's neck. He rolled over onto his back, holding her, stroking her hair, letting her cry. Neither of them noticed Jenny just outside the door, breathing a sigh of relief.

* * *

 

"They're talking about releasing her tomorrow."

Brooke looked up from the cup of coffee she'd been stirring, across the table to Quinn. She blinked, but Quinn never looked up from her cup. Brooke set her spoon aside and leaned forward.

"What does that mean?"

Quinn smiled, still looking down at her cup.

"We, uh… We're taking her to a treatment center in Columbia."

"As in…?"

"South Carolina, yes. Jenny suggested it. She thought it would be best for us to get Lydia out of the state."

Brooke nodded.

"Jamie went back?"

Quinn sighed and nodded, finally looking up at Brooke.

"He landed in Orlando this morning."

Brooke shook her head.

"He was so angry when he left."

Quinn nodded.

"I tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn't tell me anything. He went to see Lydia, and when he left her room, he came to Clay, told him he couldn't stay here anymore. Lydia wouldn't say a word."

Quinn pushed her hands through her hair.

"She hasn't said a word to me, Brooke."

"Me either. She talks to Jude, though."

"I know."

Quinn shook her head, tears filling her eyes. Brooke reached over, taking Quinn's hand.

"Hey. We're going to get her better. Okay?"

Quinn nodded, reaching up to wipe away the tear that fell down her cheek. She tried to smile, but it didn't work. She let out a sigh, and looked up to Brooke.

"There's … There's something that Clay and I talked about, and we—we need your help with it."

Brooke sat up straighter in her chair.

"What is it?"

* * *

 

Lydia sat on the bed, dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and a pale pink, loose, off-the-shoulder sweatshirt. She kept staring down at her hands, at the stark white bandages on her wrists. Her entire body was trembling.The door to the room opened and she looked up, letting out a long breath as Jude walked in.

She stood up, walking over to him, and he wrapped her in his arms, holding her close to him. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, feeling her trembling against him.

"You're okay, Lyd. You're okay. I'm right here."

He kept murmuring to her, lips moving against her hair, and she continued to shake. She clung to him, and Jude closed his eyes.

"Baby."

"I … I don't—Jude."

Her tears were soaking his shirt, and Jude let out a sigh.

"Lydia, hey."

She shook her head, stepping back from him. He kept a hand on her shoulder, her arm, anywhere but her hands. A day after she woke up, when the medicines had started to wear off, her hands started to tingle. They ached, to the point where Lydia couldn't even make a fist. She'd told Jude about it, and he'd relayed the message to the doctors.

Lydia wouldn't say a word to anyone that walked into her room, unless it was Jude. One time, he walked in with Quinn, watched the way Lydia shut down, how she wouldn't even talk to him, and he couldn't handle that. Now, Jude came alone. And no one else had come since yesterday morning.

"Let's sit on the bed, okay?"

Lydia nodded, climbing back on the bed. Jude sat right beside her, resting his hand on her knee. Lydia let out a sigh, going to run her hands through her hair. She let out a gasp, dropping her hands, whimpering as she looked down at her hands. Jude reached over, sliding his hands palms-up under hers, just letting her hands rest on his.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Lydia let out a sigh, shaking her head.

"It just hurts."

"Can't they give you something?"

She shook her head again.

"No, they … they don't want to give me anything because of the drug addiction. They're afraid that if I take some pain meds or something, I'd relapse. I won't, but …"

She shrugged her shoulders, and Jude sighed.

"So you just suffer?"

She nodded, giving him a small smile.

"This is okay, though."

Jude smiled, leaning over and kissing her. Lydia closed her eyes, soaking in the feel of his lips on hers. Jude gently eased one of her hands to her lap, lifting his hand to push through her hair. After a moment, he moved back, watching as Lydia started to cry again.

"Sweetheart. Hey."

She shook her hand, turning the hand that was still resting on Jude's over, letting out a ragged, painful breath as she gripped his hand. He let go of her hand, instead trapping it between both of his as he just held it. Lydia shook her head, closing her eyes as the tears continued to fall. Jude moved closer to her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her. She leaned into him, laying her head on his shoulder. Jude reached a hand up, gently running it through her hair.

"I love you, Lyd."

She let out a long, shuddering breath as she moved even closer to him, pressing her forehead into his neck. Jude let out a sigh, and finally, Lydia spoke.

"They're letting me go today. In a little while, actually. And … And Clay and Quinn are taking me to a place in Columbia."

"What?"

Lydia nodded, moving to lay her hand on Jude's thigh. He shook his head, his eyes wide and the breath coming faster and faster in and out of his lungs.

"Wait. Wait just a—What are … Lyd."

"I know."

She was quiet, barely whispering the words. Jude shook his head.

"I don't understand."

"There's a treatment center there. Jenny suggested it, so they could get me out of the state. I just …"

Lydia shook her head, fresh tears coming to her eyes. Jude wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't want to go, Jude."

"Lyd…"

"It's so far away. So far. And I just—I can't. I can't do this."

"Easy, baby. Easy."

She was shaking again, almost violently in his arms. Tears were pouring down her cheeks, and she was almost gasping for breath. Jude moved to face her, cupping her cheeks in both his hands.

"Lydia, try and calm down."

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Look at me."

She shook her head again, and Jude gently tightened his grip on her face.

"Baby, come on."

Lydia opened her eyes and let out a sob. She met Jude's eyes, staring into them, and he moved forward, closing his eyes as he pressed his lips to hers. Lydia let out a sigh as she kissed him back, lifting her hand to touch his face, dropping it and pulling back from him to let out a shaky breath. Jude moved to rest his forehead on hers.

"Jude, there's … There's something we could do."

He pulled back to look at her, lifting his hand to touch her face, gently rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone.

"What?"

"We … we could do like my parents did."

Jude's hand stilled as his eyes flew open.

"Lydia."

"Don't freak out on me, please."

Jude shook his head.

"We … Lyd, we couldn't … No."

"Don't you—"

"Don't _you_ even ask me that. You know I would love that more than anything."

She brought her eyes to his, letting out a breath.

"My mom and dad, they … They were our age when they got married."

Jude's mind was racing. Did he want to marry Lydia? Hell yes, he did. More than just about anything, he thought. The thought of Lydia being legally his? To fall asleep with her every night, wake up to her every morning, for the rest of their lives, 'til death would they part? Jude wanted that so incredibly badly. Yet …

This incident had opened his eyes. He knew how badly she needed him, because he needed her just about as badly. But at the same time, he was sixteen years old. She was only sixteen, and in desperate need of help that he couldn't give her. Help that she could only get if she went to this treatment center, even if it meant she would be away from him. Jude sighed as he leaned over, pulling her to him, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Lydia…"

"Jude, we could do this. We could do this, and I could stay here with you. Quinn and Clay wouldn't have a say. You would. I could stay here with you, and I … I'll do better, Jude. I'll be fine, you know? I wouldn't have to go away, and I could be here, be home with you."

He smiled, lifting his hand to run his fingers through her hair, tucking some behind her ear. He let her talk, let her get it out.

"Lydia, I love you so much. I hope you know that. But honey… You've said those words to me one time. And it wasn't even to my face. It was on a voicemail, and you said them as your last words."

She looked down, feeling a blush rise in her cheeks. Jude continued on, in his gentle voice.

"I want to marry you. I do. But Lydia, we'd have to get permission. And there is no possible way Brooke Davis would ever sign off on any paper that would let her sixteen-year-old son get married. I know that, and I know that Clay and Quinn would never let you do it, either."

"They're not my parents."

"They're your guardians, and they are legally responsible for you."

Lydia squeezed her eyes shut again, balling her hands up, not caring how badly it hurt. Jude reached down, using the gentlest, feather-light touches to open her fists, to get her aching hands to relax.

"It's not fair."

"Lyd, it—it's three months, right? Three months and you'll be back here with me."

"Three months of listening to shrinks and therapists and talking about my feelings and my childhood. I cannot do that, Jude. I'll go crazier than I already am."

"Hey."

He forced her to look at him.

"You are not crazy."

"I believe these tell a different story."

She held up her wrists, the clean, bright white bandages covering them. Jude pushed his hand through his hair.

"Promise me something, okay?"

Lydia sighed, but looked to him.

"Go to this treatment center. Do what you've got to do to get well. I will write you letters—and I mean handwritten here—every single day we're apart. And I will come and visit you as much as I can. Before we know it, you'll be back home."

"And I'll be okay again."

"Yes."

Lydia looked over at the wall across from the bed, finally letting her shoulders fall. She was giving in, Jude could tell. Finally. After what seemed like forever, she looked back to him.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

She sighed.

"Okay, I'll … I'll go. It's just three months, right?"

"Right."

"And you'll come see me?"

"Every chance I get."

Lydia nodded, and her eyes suddenly filled with tears again. Jude watched, moving closer to her.

"What?"

She shook her head.

"What if you … What if you get tired of driving all that way?"

"I doubt that will happen."

"What if you meet some other girl?"

"Lydia, get real."

"No, I … I'm serious."

She moved away from him, sliding off the bed and standing beside it.

"You—you deserve so much better than me, Jude. What if I'm gone and she comes along and you finally find her?"

"Lydia."

He stood up, finally realizing.

"You think if you go away we'll just forget about you."

Her eyes widened as she looked up to him. Jude stepped to her, wrapping her up in his arms.

"You don't want to go because you think if you're not here, then no one will care."

She put her face in his chest and he tightened his hold on her. Her voice was quiet when she spoke, after she turned her head to fit her ear over his heart.

"My parents are gone. My brother moved away. I … I don't have a family here. Clay and Quinn have their own family, and I … I'm not really a part of it."

"Lydia."

God, this hurt. Jude shook his head, trying to keep himself from crying.

"This is why you've been fighting it so hard, isn't it? Because you thought that if you were gone—"

"No one would even notice."

He tightened his grip on her.

"I'd notice. My life would be so different."

"So much better."

He shook his head.

"So empty."

He kept her in his arms, leaning back until he could look her in the face.

"You don't even realize it, do you?"

She just stared at him, and he smiled, keeping one arm around her, lifting his other hand to brush through her bangs.

"You're my everything, baby. You make my life better just by being in it. Lydia, when I … When I saw you slide under the water in that bathtub…"

Jude shut his eyes, tightening his hold on her as his mind flashed back. He swallowed, hard.

"When I brought you here and they took you away from me, I couldn't help it. I imagined what my life would be like without you in it, and I …"

He shook his head.

"It was so dark, so horrible, and I couldn't breathe. If you weren't here…"

He sighed, shaking his head again.

"I can't even think of how my life would be."

He kissed her forehead, letting out a sigh.

"Don't do this for yourself. Don't go to this place because Quinn wants you to, or your therapist is making you or whatever. Do it because I'm a selfish bastard and I can't do this without you."

He bent, pressing his lips gently to hers.

"Do it for me, Lydia."

She closed her eyes as he whispered against her lips, and she moved her hands to rest on his waist as he deepened the kiss just a bit.

There was a knock on the door, and Jude turned, keeping Lydia wrapped up in his arms. She went into what she'd been doing since she woke up, damn near shutting down. She leaned into Jude, staring at the floor while her therapist spoke.

"You're getting discharged, Lydia. Quinn's signing your papers now."

Lydia didn't say a word, and Jude let out a sigh.

"And then what happens?"

"Well, as soon as Quinn finishes, we'll pack up Lydia's things and get her into the car. We'll be driving to Columbia this afternoon."

Jude nodded, swallowing hard. He felt her hand press against his stomach, heard her quiet whimper at the movement.

"Everything's going to be fine, Lyd. I promise."

Jude kissed the side of her forehead, and Lydia's eyes fluttered closed. Jude let out a quiet sigh.

"I'm right here, babe."


	27. Chapter 27

Davis sat at the café, at a table by himself, a cup of coffee in his hands. He was staring out the window, watching the few cars that were driving by. Owen stood by the bar, leaning against it, just watching Davis. He smiled when he heard the little footsteps, when a small, soft hand slid into his. Owen gently squeezed, then looked down, and after a moment, Meg looked up at him.

"How you doing, pretty girl?"

Meg smiled, shrugging her shoulders. She looked over, at her brother as he sipped his coffee. Meg stepped in front of Owen, looking up at him.

"I don't understand what's going on."

Owen smiled, bending to pick her up and set her on the counter, leaning over to where they could talk on a more face-to-face level. He sighed.

"I know, kid. I don't really get it myself. It's …"

"Complicated?"

"You can say that again."

Meg sighed, looking over at Davis, then back to Owen.

"Why is he so sad?"

Owen looked behind him, to Davis, then back to Meg. She continued to talk when he didn't answer.

"I've barely seen Jude in four days. We haven't been to school, and Mama cries all the time. And whenever I ask what's wrong, no one will tell me. I know something bad happened, but no one will tell me what it is."

Owen sighed, holding the little girl's gaze.

"Kid, it's … It's a grown-up deal. What happened was bad, but we're fixing it. We're doing the best that we can to make it better again."

"Is it Lydia?"

He stopped, and Meg sighed.

"She's been so sad. And Jude was always with her, and then he wasn't anymore. Now, Jude's gone again, and I haven't seen Lydia or Aunt Quinn or Uncle Clay or Riley or Uncle Lucas or anybody but Davis and Mama and you."

Owen sighed, rubbing a hand across his forehead. He looked into the dark eyes of the pretty little girl in front of him. He didn't want to be the reason to put some darkness into her short life. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Yeah, honey. Lydia … Lydia's sick."

"She is?"

Owen nodded.

"Is … is she going to get better?"

"We, uh … We hope so, but she … She needs to go away so she can get better."

"She has to go away?"

Owen nodded again. God, was he doing okay? Was he ruining this little girl's life? Was he being too "adult" about this? He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"You should talk to your mom about this. She could tell you better than I can."

Meg smiled, leaning over to gently pat his arm.

"You're doing good."

Owen laughed, leaning over to kiss her on the forehead. Meg sighed, swinging her feet off the edge of the counter. She looked over to her brother, then over to Owen.

"Maybe you should go and talk to Davis."

Owen smiled, glancing over his shoulder.

"I think you're right."

Owen lifted Meg off the counter, taken a little by surprise when she wrapped her arms around his legs. He leaned down to gently pat her back, and she was scampering off towards the kitchen.

Owen smiled, reaching a hand up to lay against his chest before he walked over to the table by the window. He pulled a chair out, taking a seat across from Davis. The boy never took his eyes away from staring out the window, and Owen looked down, saw the nearly full cup of now cold coffee. He let out a sigh, reaching across the table and gently laying a hand on Davis' forearm.

"Hey."

Davis shook his head, tears welling in his bright blue eyes. Owen sighed again, speaking just as softly.

"Your sister's worried about you, you know."

Davis nodded.

"I know she is. I just …"

Davis shook his head. His voice was low and hoarse when he spoke. He wouldn't look away from the window, and Owen kept his hand on him. After a moment, Davis swallowed, then finally looked up.

"I don't understand. I can't understand, and I …"

He shook his head, reaching up to rub at his unshaven face. Owen let out a breath.

"Davis, if I …"

He let out a breath, searching for the words. He shook his head, meeting Davis' eyes.

"I don't know what to say to you."

Davis nodded.

"I know. There's nothing to say. Not that you can say, anyway. Lydia's the only one, and she isn't talking to anyone who isn't my brother."

Davis knocked the salt shaker over, watching as tiny grains of salt spilled across the navy blue tabletop. Owen glanced down at the table, then back over to Davis, who had his head in his hands, fists tangled in his hair. Owen heard the sob, leaving his chair and walking around the table, wrapping Davis up in his arms. Davis gripped Owen's arm, resting his forehead against Owen's shoulder as the boy cried.

* * *

 

Sawyer stared out the window, arms crossed over her stomach. There was a knock at the door, but she didn't turn around. She could tell by the perfume that it was her mother. Peyton sat on the bed, picking up the raggedy, falling-apart teddy bear that Sawyer still slept with every night. She ran her fingers over the bear's soft fur, over the place where his ear would be, if it hadn't been for that incident with the scissors when Sawyer was four. Peyton sighed, looking over at the window.

"Honey?"

Sawyer didn't answer, but Peyton honestly hadn't expected her to. Peyton let out another sigh, and Sawyer spoke before she could.

"Lydia tried to kill herself five days ago."

The breath rushed out of Peyton's lungs and she laid a hand against her chest. Sawyer took a breath, letting it out slowly, repeating the words she'd just said. After the third time, Peyton found her voice.

"Sawyer."

"I can't stop. I keep thinking that if I say it enough, it will start being like when you say a word over and over again until it doesn't even sound like a word anymore."

Peyton closed her eyes, opening them again when she heard Sawyer's choked-up voice.

"Because there is no way that this is real. This cannot have happened. My best friend couldn't have slit her wrists in her goddamned bathtub while I was out playing basketball with my boyfriend."

Sawyer turned to face her mother, tears in her big blue eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

"There is no possible way that she was that desperate; that she needed me that much and I wasn't there."

"Sawyer Brooke Scott, don't you dare start blaming yourself."

Sawyer let out a laugh.

"I knew. I knew, Mom, and I didn't do anything."

"Honey."

"She needed me. She needed me, and I … I stopped texting her. I stopped asking her to go places with me, because I had Davis. She needed me, and I—I was too caught up in myself to be there for her."

Sawyer could barely breathe. Tears stung her eyes, made her breath catch painfully in her lungs. Peyton stood up, walking to her and laying her hands on Sawyer's shoulders.

"Breathe, honey."

Sawyer shook her head.

"I can't. Lydia—Mom, Lydia tried to kill herself. How—how do you get to the point of thinking that dying is the best option? I don't understand this. How could she do that? How could this happen? How—how could—"

Sawyer was crying too hard to continue her sentence. Her lungs were burning, and she kept trying to fill them with air. Nothing was working. She couldn't breathe. Her heart was pounding in her chest, almost painfully, and she couldn't breathe. She vaguely heard her mother scream for her father, she thought. And suddenly, Lucas was there.

"Sawyer, listen to me. Breathe out. Now, Sawyer."

She shook her head as she sobbed. She couldn't. She felt Lucas grab her arms, to the point that it was painful, and she gasped.

"Damn it, Sawyer. Breathe for me, baby. Out. Blow it out."

She tried, she wanted to tell him that she was trying, but all she could do was cry. Cry and suck in air. She looked to the door, where Ellie ran in, handing their mother a brown paper sack, like the ones they carried their lunches to school in. Peyton shook the bag out, handing it to Lucas, who fit it over Sawyer's nose and mouth.

"Breathe, Sawyer. Like we did before. Make the bag go in and out."

She did, the bag just barely moving. Lucas nodded his head.

"Again. Do it again."

She did, watching as the bag inflated, then deflated just a little bit more. Sawyer closed her eyes, listening to the rush of blood in her ears, the pounding of her heartbeat, hearing the soft praise from her mother, the insistence from her father gradually grow louder, drowning out her heart. Finally, her lungs stopped burning, air easily going in and out. She let her hand fall, letting out a sigh as she leaned into her father, as he began to gently stroke her curly hair.

"Daddy."

Lucas held onto Sawyer as he knelt down, until they were sitting on the floor, Sawyer in her dad's lap, just like when she was little. Lucas stroked her hair, gently rocking back and forth as Sawyer cried.

"I know, honey."

Lucas just tightened his grip on her, tear-filled eyes locked on his wife, who was still at the door, tears in her own eyes as she held their other daughter.

* * *

 

Lydia was rocking back and forth on the bed, hands resting palms up on her lap. She looked up as Jude walked into the room, and she let out a ragged breath. He walked over to her and took her in his arms, letting out a sigh when Lydia buried her face in his neck.

"Sweetheart, shh. It's okay."

She shook her head, moving as close to him as she could, sighing when he tightened his grip on her. Jude gently stroked her hair, closing his eyes as he felt her warm breath against his skin.

"I, uh … I ran into Quinn out there. They're signing the papers to get you out of here."

Jude felt her tighten her arms around him.

"Lyd, hey."

"I'm not ready. Jude, I—I don't want to go."

Jude sighed as he pulled her closer, moving to kiss her forehead. He heard her ragged breath as he felt her palms press against his back, trying to move him even closer. God, if they were any closer, they'd be in each other's skin.

Jude murmured to her, easy, gentle words that made her loosen her hands, quieting the whimpering sounds he wasn't even sure she knew she was making.

"I love you, Lyd."

She took in another ragged breath, squeezing her eyes shut. Jude's eyes flew open when he heard her speaking, so quietly he had to strain to hear her.

"I want to say it back. I do, Jude. You deserve for me to say it to you. I just … I can't. I don't know why, I just …"

Jude pulled back, keeping his hands on her, moving until he could see her face. Her eyes, so devoid of anything the last few days, were dark and sad.

"You deserve someone who will say it back to you."

She could barely get the sentence out before she was sobbing again. Jude shut his eyes, gathering her back into his arms, harder than he may have meant to, grasping her against him.

"I don't want anyone else, Lydia. Yes, I want to hear the words. But it's not a deal breaker for me. I would love to hear you say it back, and I will wait until you can. Do you hear me?"

Jude pushed her back, keeping his hands on her shoulders. She was looking down, at the hands in her lap, the stark white bandages covering her wrists.

"Goddamn it, Lydia. Look at me."

She lifted her head, bringing her eyes to his, and Jude refused to let her look away.

"I love you. I always have, and that will never change."

Jude put a hand under her chin, moving to rest his palm against her cheek. Lydia's eyes drifted close, and Jude moved close to her, whispering, his lips right above hers.

"No matter what happens, always know that I love you."

Lydia took in a breath a second before Jude pressed his lips to hers. He moved his other hand to her face, gently running his fingertips along her cheekbones before cupping her jaw. When the kiss was over, Lydia just rested her forehead against Jude's, both of them just breathing, their eyes closed.

"Come with me."

Jude smiled, speaking just as softly as Lydia had.

"I wish I could. But you've got to get better for me, Lyd. And you have to do that—"

"On my own."

Jude nodded.

"But you'll write me? And call?"

"Swear. And I'll come visit every time they let me."

Lydia nodded, taking in a breath and letting it out slowly.

There was a knock at the door, and Lydia snapped back, eyes wide, body trembling. Jude shook his head, molding himself to Lydia's side, wrapping an arm around her, resting the other on her leg.

"Hey, hey. Don't do that. It's okay."

Jude reached up, gently brushing Lydia's hair behind her ear.

"Everything's all right. Everything's okay."

"Jude."

She reached for him, letting out a whimper at the sudden pain in her hand. He grasped her hand between both of his, holding as gently as he dared. He pushed a smile on his face, for her.

"I'm right here, baby."

She looked to him, those navy blue eyes wide and quickly filling with tears. Jude kissed her forehead, taking a breath before doing it again, as another knock sounded at the door, as Lydia tensed up again, eyes squeezing shut as her hands loosened from their fists. Jude gently kissed her on the lips before standing up and walking to the door.

Quinn and Jenny stepped inside, and Lydia found a spot on the wall to fix her eyes on. Jude let out a sigh, walking back over and wrapping an arm around Lydia as she leaned into him. After a moment of just holding her, Jude looked up to the women. The hurt in Quinn's eyes was evident, so Jude looked to Jenny, who took in a deep breath.

"All right. All the paperwork is done. We're heading to Columbia now. Lydia, are you ready?"

She didn't move, didn't even blink. Jude shut his eyes for just a moment, then gently squeezed her shoulder.

"Did you hear her, baby? We're ready to go."

Lydia started shaking so fiercely that Jude gasped. He didn't realize it at the time, or even register the way Lydia flinched away harshly whenever Quinn reached for her. Jude gently looped his fingers around Lydia's arms, squeezing until she met his eyes. He put on what he hoped was his softest smile, reaching up to run his fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear as he spoke.

"Everything's okay, Lyd. You're all right. We're just going to drive."

"I don't want to."

"I know. But I'm right here."

Lydia squeezed her eyes shut, beginning to slowly rock back and forth. She opened her eyes when she felt Jude's touch against her hands, heard his soft whisper.

"Don't do that."

She met his gaze, feeling the gentle skate of his fingers across her palms. She looked down at their hands, then back to his face. He smiled, reaching out and laying his palm against her cheek. She let out a long sigh, leaning into his touch, closing her eyes, missing the look Jude exchanged with Jenny and Quinn. Jenny pushed her hands through her hair, looking to Jude and mouthing "five" to him. She gently ushered Quinn out of the room, and Jude whispered to Lydia.

"They're gone."

He watched as the tension seemed to evaporate from her body. She let out a breath, leaning forward as he caught her. Jude felt the tears begin to soak his shirt, and he let out a breath, closing his eyes as he ran his hands up and down Lydia's back.

* * *

 

Owen stood by the car, shaking his head. Brooke stood by him, arms crossed over her chest, looking off. Owen let out another sigh.

"This is a bad idea."

Brooke closed her eyes, letting out a sigh of her own.

"I need you to not tell me that right now."

She looked over, met the dark eyes that were watching her. She blew her breath out again, turning to face him.

"I know, okay? I know it's a bad idea. But it's what they want, and I can't—"

"Say no?"

Brooke gave him a look, glancing off again. Owen tapped his fist against the car, shaking his head. Brooke smiled as softly as she spoke.

"Meg talked to me when I stopped in the café."

"Yeah?"

Brooke nodded, not meeting Owen's eyes.

"She told me that she talked to you, and that she likes talking to you, because you don't treat her like a baby. Apparently, I do."

Owen smiled.

"She's a good kid."

"She is."

"All your kids are good, Brooke. That's why—"

"I know."

She sighed, finally looking back to him.

"I know, but I just … I need you to back me on this."

Owen stepped over to her, taking her hands in his.

"I'm here, aren't I? I'm backing your play, Brooke Davis. I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled, reaching up to cup his face in her hands as he kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in, holding her close to his chest. She took in a deep breath, breathing in nothing but oxygen and Owen, and let the breath out slowly.

"He's going to be so mad."

"Yeah."

"Do you think he'll understand? I mean, when he's not so mad?"

"Maybe not for a while. But eventually, I think so."

Brooke let out another breath, and Owen kissed the top of her head, both of them perfectly content to stay just as wrapped up as they were.

* * *

 

Lucas let out a sigh as he took another sip, then set the water bottle on the counter. He smiled, just the tiniest bit, when he felt the skinny arms wrap around his torso, as he felt the kiss between his shoulder blades.

"You're brooding."

"You blame me?"

"Nah. It's a primary aspect of your personality. I've just grown to ignore it over the years."

Lucas smiled, turning to lean against the counter, facing his wife. Peyton smiled, tilting her head to the side, just waiting. Finally, Lucas blew out a breath.

"I feel like I should be there."

Peyton sighed.

"Luke, we talked about this."

"I know."

"She hasn't said a word to anyone but Jude. You sat with her for an hour, and she barely blinked."

Lucas pushed a hand through his hair.

"I know."

Peyton stepped closer, running her hand up and down his arm.

"Honey, I know you want to be there for her. I know you feel guilty, and I know me saying that it's not your fault won't do a damn bit of good."

Lucas sighed.

"She's my little brother's kid, you know? I was … I was supposed to protect her, and I … I didn't."

"Luke…"

"I know. I should've—I should've been there more. I should've made her come over here, or I could have gone over there more. We could have grabbed some coffee or something every now and then, just me and her, you know?"

"You think that would have worked if we'd done it for Haley?"

Lucas whipped his head around, to see Peyton staring out the little window above the kitchen sink. She had her arms crossed over her chest.

"Peyton."

"I'm serious. If … If we'd gone over there more, maybe made her come and talk to us, do you—do you think she … she might've…"

Peyton let her sentence trail off, and Lucas sighed, letting his head fall back for a moment. He looked back to see her shaking her head, biting her lip.

"Peyt."

She finally looked over to him, tears shining in her eyes. Lucas held out an arm and she walked to him, resting her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. He let out a long sigh, resting his head on top of hers.

"We've got to stop beating ourselves up over it. It's been sixteen years."

Peyton shook her head.

"I promised myself that I'd be there for Jamie and Lydia. I stood over Haley and Nathan's graves and promised them that I'd take care of their babies, and … I—I didn't—"

"Babe, don't."

Lucas wrapped both arms around her as Peyton cried into his chest. Lucas let out a long breath.

"We did the best we could."

"Do not say that."

Peyton pushed on his chest as she stepped away from him, walking to tear a paper towel off the roll. She used it to wipe her eyes and nose as she glared at her husband.

"We knew something was wrong. Sawyer said it earlier. We knew, and we didn't do anything."

"We did do something."

"Yeah, posed an intervention for a sixteen-year-old that actually pushed her towards the drugs."

"That's not fair."

Peyton let out a sigh, gripping the counter before she looked back to Lucas.

"I know. I'm sorry. But Luke … We could have done something else."

"Like what, pray tell? Get her to a therapist? We did. Get her enrolled in a rehab? Did that, too. They took the goddamn door off of her bedroom, Peyton. What else is there?"

Peyton pushed her hands through her curly blonde hair. She shook her head as Lucas let out a sigh.

"Short of hovering over her every second of the day, I don't know what else we could have done. Yeah, I feel guilty. I still feel guilty over Haley, and I don't think that's ever going to go away. It hurts every time I see Jamie, the smile that is pure Haley, the way he walks and looks like Nathan. It hurts every time I see Lydia, with Nate's eyes and Haley's beauty."

Lucas shook his head, and Peyton walked back to him. He turned, putting his back to her, but it didn't stop her. She walked right up to him, the same way she had when she first walked into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around him, resting her cheek between his shoulder blades.

"We hurt because we loved them so much. It hurt so bad when we lost them, and that is something we can never, ever get over. But Luke?"

She pushed his shoulder until he turned to look at her, and Peyton smiled through her tears.

"We have a second chance with Lydia. We almost lost her, but we didn't. When she gets back from rehab, we can do all those things you said earlier."

Lucas nodded, then finally met Peyton's eyes.

"We do, don't we?"

She nodded, and Lucas did the same.

"We get another chance with her."

Peyton nodded again, smiling as Lucas pulled her close to him. They both closed their eyes, standing in the middle of their kitchen, just holding each other for the longest time.

* * *

 

It had taken a lot of coaxing, gentle words and nudges, and many kisses, but Jude finally got Lydia out of her room. It took them forever to walk down the hall, and Lydia never looked up from their feet. She never saw the sympathetic looks on the nurses' faces, the one who began to cry as they walked by. She missed the med student that seemed fascinated with them, but with one cold, deadly stare from Jude, he backed off.

They finally walked through the sliding doors of the hospital's entrance, and Lydia blinked hard at the sudden sunlight bearing down on them. Jude smiled as he reached a hand up, smoothing over her hair, and when she looked at him, he thought he saw a hint of a smile on her face.

But when she looked over and saw the car, Clay, Quinn, and Jenny standing beside it, she lost it. She turned and faced Jude, hands gripping his shirt, crying out in pain at the act as tears poured down her cheeks.

"I don't want to. Jude, please. Don't make me go. Please, don't let them take me!"

He grasped her to him, holding a hand to the back of her head as she sobbed, clinging to him. He let a hand slide down, forcing her to loosen her hands, causing her to whimper in pain as she did. Jude lifted both of her hands to his lips, pressing gentle kisses to her palms. He finally stepped back, smiling at her as she looked from her hands to his face.

"We talked about this, remember?"

"I don't want to go."

"I know, baby. But this is what's best for you, remember?"

Lydia swallowed, shaking her head as more tears slid down her cheeks. Jude reached up, wiping her tears away with his thumb before he moved in, kissing her lips. He brought both hands up to her face, cradling her cheeks in his hands as he continued to kiss her. He finally pulled back, that same, soothing smile on his face.

"I love you. And I want you to get better. That's why you have to go, remember?"

She slowly nodded, looking up and meeting his eyes again.

"I want to be okay, Jude."

"I know you do, baby."

"That's why I have to go?"

He smiled again, nodding at her. Lydia took in a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting it out slowly. She glanced over her shoulder, at the car, at her therapist, her aunt and uncle.

She wanted to collapse right there, to just hit her knees on the concrete and refuse to move. She wanted to scream and cry until she couldn't anymore, until her throat was raw and her voice was gone. She wanted the hurt to stop, she wanted it to go away, and she was scared to death that it never would.

She looked back to Jude, and his hand lifted, resting against her neck, right under her jaw. He smiled, nodding his head, and she let out a ragged breath. She had to at least give this treatment a try, for Jude. She owed him that much, didn't she? As if it was a sign, a lance of pain shot through both of her wrists. She swallowed again, meeting Jude eyes before she moved close to him, and he automatically wrapped her in his arms, pulling her close. She drew in a deep breath, one that was nothing but Jude, and she let it out in a sigh.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I—I'll go. For you."

Jude let out a breath of relief.

"That's my girl."

He kissed her again, running his hands through her hair as he smiled at her. She tried to smile back, and he didn't even mind when she couldn't. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close to his side, whispering to her as they walked to the car. She ignored Quinn's smile, flinched away hard when her aunt reached out for her. Jude gave Quinn a sympathetic look, sidestepping Jenny to open the back door.

Clay and Quinn exchanged a glance as Jude helped Lydia into the car. Clay closed his eyes, turning away and walking around to start the car. Quinn closed her eyes, then looked across the parking lot, closing her eyes. She felt Jenny's gentle hand on her back, giving her a smile and nodding. Quinn let out a shaky breath, laying a hand to her stomach.

In the backseat, Jude took his time helping Lydia get situated on the seat, making sure she was comfortable. He kept sneaking kisses, trying and finally succeeding in making her smile.

"There it is."

"Shut up."

She said it with a smile, as a blush colored her cheeks. Jude felt the relief roll through him, felt something that felt a lot like hope begin to bloom in his chest. He reached for the seatbelt, wrapping it around Lydia and fastening it. She looked from her hands in her lap to Jude.

"It's going to be okay, isn't it, Jude?"

He gave her a smile, reaching up to tuck a strand of chocolate-colored hair behind her ear.

"It is. Probably not right away, but I swear it will be, baby. I swear."

"And you're going to be right here?"

"Right here. Well, right over there, in that seat."

Lydia nodded, letting out a long breath. Jude stood beside her for a minute, then leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers gently, moving a hand to cup her face, running his thumb along her cheekbone. He finally ended the sweet kiss, giving Lydia a smile before he leaned up and kissed her forehead. He moved back, going to shut the door, seeing Lydia's wide eyes and shaking his head.

"I've got to go around to my side. I'll be back beside you in two seconds."

She let out a breath, nodding her head. Jude smiled at her as he shut the door, closing his eyes and letting out a breath before he straightened up and walked around the back of the car.

"Jude!"

He looked back over his shoulder, seeing his mother walking towards him.

"Mom?"

"Honey, come here for a second. I need to talk to you."

Jude looked from the car back to his mother, letting out a breath as he jogged over to Brooke.

"Mom, I told Lydia I'd be right there."

"I know. Jude, I … I'm so sorry."

"What? What are you talking about?"

Jude felt the arms come around him, acting as a restraint before he realized what was happening.

"What are you—no. _No_ , you—you can't do this! _Let me go!_ "

Owen only tightened his grip, nowhere near tight enough to hurt him, but tight enough that he couldn't break through.

"Lydia! Owen, let me go! Mom, make him stop!"

"Honey, stop fighting it."

"Mom! Please! You can't do this!"

"It's for the best, Jude. You know that."

Jude kept twisting, doing his best to break out of Owen's hold, but not being able to. He watched as the car began to roll away, saw Lydia's tear-stained face against the window as she called out for him. Jude felt the tears well up in his eyes.

"No! Lydia! Damn it, Owen, let me go!"

"Stop fighting me, Jude."

" _Let go of me!_ "

He was sobbing now, screaming her name, still doing his best to wrench free of Owen's hold. Jude watched as the car turned the corner, letting out a heartwrenching cry as the car disappeared. Tears were rolling down Brooke's cheeks as Owen finally let go. Jude turned to face him, pushing Owen's chest with everything he had, catching him off-guard with a punch to the jaw.

"Jude!"

"How could you do that?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Brooke knelt beside Owen, helping him sit up. Jude pushed his hands through his hair, breath heaving in and out of his lungs. He made a move for Owen again, and Brooke held up a hand.

"Jude, that's enough."

"No, it's not! God!"

He pushed his hands through his hair again, walking away. Brooke helped Owen to his feet, both of them watching as Jude walked back to Brooke.

"She needed me. I promised her I'd be there, and now—"

He cried out again, and Brooke laid a hand on his shoulder. He jerked out of her touch, whirling around to face her.

"I hate you."

"Jude!"

"She needed me, and you kept me away from her. I'll never forgive you for this."

Fresh tears came to Brooke's eyes, as she felt her heart break. Owen shook his head.

"Don't talk to your mother like that."

"Don't tell me what to do. I hate you, too, you bastard."

Jude started breathing harder, looking towards where the car had been.

"I promised her. I promised her, and now … She'll think I abandoned her, after every—Oh, god."

Jude hit his knees, covering his face with his hands. Owen moved his jaw around with his hand, walking up behind Brooke. Jude sobbed again, and Brooke turned to Owen. He wrapped an arm around her, motioning towards the parking lot, where Davis had just pulled up. They watched Davis see them, realize who they were. And when he saw his brother on his knees with his face in his hands, he sprinted to them. He knelt beside Jude, laying a hand on his back, looking up at Brooke.

"What happened? Jude, are you okay? What happened?"

Brooke opened her mouth, but could only shake her head as she cried. Owen wrapped her up in his arms again, and Davis noticed the rapidly-blooming bruise on his jaw. Davis leaned closer to his brother.

"Jude? Talk to me, man."

Davis felt Jude's iron grip on his arm. He lifted his head, brown eyes full of tears, his face covered with them.

"She's gone. I promised I'd be there, and they kept me from her."

Davis looked to Brooke, disbelief all over his face. She turned her face to Owen's chest, and he laid a hand on the back of her head, holding her to him. Davis shook his head.

"Jude, I—I don't—"

"He held me back. I told her I'd be right back, but he kept me from her. They kept me back, and now she's going to think I abandoned her."

Jude met Davis' eyes, tears coursing down his cheeks.

"I swore I wouldn't, Davis. I swore, because she thought that I would. She thought I'd leave her, and I promised I wouldn't. And now … Now, I—"

He sobbed again, and Davis wrapped his arms around him, and Jude clung to him. Davis blinked the tears back from his own eyes, shaking his head, waiting until he knew his voice wouldn't waver.

"She knows, Jude. She knows you'd never leave her. No matter what her brain tells her right now, she knows in her heart that you'd never turn your back on her. She said it; you're the only thing she can count on. I know she knows that, because I know it. You're the only thing I've ever been able to depend on. She might not can see it right now, but Jude, I promise you, she knows."

Jude cried for the longest time, not ashamed in the least bit, and Davis just held him, letting his brother get it out. Brooke stood behind her sons, crying silently into Owen's arms, praying that she'd done the right thing.

* * *

 

Lydia finally fell asleep half an hour from the hospital. Jenny had finally stopped the bleeding, rewrapping her wrists, assuring Clay and Quinn that the staff at the treatment center would be able to redo the stitches Lydia had ripped out.

Quinn stared out the window, unable to get the sounds of Lydia's screams out of her head. When she'd realized the car was moving and Jude wasn't with her, she'd been almost calm. She said his name, unbuckling her seatbelt, moving to the door. Earlier in the day, Jenny had flipped the childproof lock, causing the door to only be opened from the outside. Lydia had pulled on the door handle, beating on the window, becoming more and more frantic as she called for Jude. Jenny had tried her best to calm her down, but it was like she wasn't even talking at all.

When the car had turned the corner, and Lydia could no longer see Jude being held back by Owen, she'd completely snapped. She screamed her hatred for Jenny, then Clay and Quinn. She'd screamed in pain as she ripped the bandages from her wrists, and Clay had threatened to turn the car around as Lydia screamed while she pulled out her stitches. Quinn had only been able to watch and cry as Jenny slid a needle into Lydia's arm, pushing the medication that calmed her down and put her to sleep. Jenny had assured them that Lydia would sleep at least until they got to the treatment center, if not longer. The drive was long, and mercifully quiet, once Lydia was unconscious.

Once they'd crossed the state border, Clay had reached and taken Quinn's hand, his face tear-stained and his eyes tired. They didn't say anything, the radio was silent, and Jenny had given up on trying to talk shortly after Lydia had passed out. When they pulled into the treatment center, Jenny had realized Lydia was awake.

"We're here, Lydia. They're waiting on you."

She didn't move, didn't say a word. Her eyes were trained out the window, her hands resting palms up on her legs. Jenny had looked her over, doing her best to make some kind of eye contact, but nothing worked. While Quinn and Jenny had gone inside, Clay had parked the car, walking to the back, opening Lydia's door to let her out. When she didn't move, Clay leaned forward.

"Lydia? Hey, Little Scott. We're here. Why don't you come with me and we'll get you settled in?"

She didn't move. Clay wasn't even sure if she blinked. He reached over, laying a hand on her knee, and she never moved. The last few days, every time he tried to touch her, she'd flinch away. He turned as Jenny and Quinn walked back outside, his eyes wide and worried.

"She's not moving. She's not talking or moving. I think she's breathing, but—"

Jenny had gone to Lydia's side, calling out her name, clapping her hands, touching her. Nothing. No response in any sort of way from Lydia. A couple of people walked out of the treatment center, gently ushering Clay and Quinn back as they went to Jenny. Quinn turned to face her husband, taking his arms in her hands, blue eyes wide as she looked up at him.

"What's happening? Clay, what's going on?"

He shook his head, looking to the car, swallowing as someone walked out with a wheelchair. He looked down at his wife, running a hand through her hair.

"I don't know, Q. I—I just don't know."

"This is because of us, isn't it? Because we didn't… Oh, God."

Clay just took Quinn in his arms, closing his eyes as he held her. He felt her trembling, resting his head atop hers.

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans?"

They looked over to see a kind-looking older woman smiling gently at them.

"Why don't you follow me?"

They did, walking into the treatment center, down a hallway, to an office. Dr. Jennifer Blake's office was wide and spacious, with degrees and certificates all over the walls. She motioned to the chairs facing her desk, and Clay and Quinn sat. The doctor sat behind the desk, taking off her glasses and folding her hands together.

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans, my name is Jennifer Blake. I'm going to be taking over Lydia's case while she's here. There are some things we need to go over, so let's get those out of the way, shall we?"

They went through the particulars, names, relationships, why Lydia was at the center to begin with. Dr. Blake constantly made notes on a yellow legal pad she had on her desk, nodding, asking questions every now and then.

When Quinn and Clay had answered all of her questions, a knock sounded at the door. Dr. Blake smiled at them as she stood and walked over, asking them to excuse her for just a moment. When the door closed behind her, Quinn turned in her chair, facing Clay, tears welling up in her blue eyes.

"What is going on?"

Clay shook his head, reaching out and laying his hands on Quinn's shoulders.

"You know, this is just routine when someone comes in."

Quinn shook her head, her body beginning to tremble under Clay's touch.

"No. No, this is … Something's wrong. Where is Lydia? Why wouldn't she get out of the car?"

"Quinn—"

"No. Clay, something's wrong. I can feel it."

Clay let out a sigh, both of them straightening in their chairs as Dr. Blake walked back into the room. She walked to her desk, sitting down, letting out a breath as she removed her glasses.

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans, I'm afraid there is something I need to tell you."

Quinn reached over, grasping Clay's hand. She nodded, and a soft, sad smile came on the doctor's face.

"I am afraid Lydia has slipped into a catatonic state."

"What?"

Clay shook his head, and Quinn looked from him to the doctor.

"What does that mean? I don't understand; what does that mean?"

Dr. Blake looked to Quinn and sighed.

"Basically, it means that Lydia has retreated into herself. I believe that everything she has been through these last few days, the last few months, even, is just too much for her mind to handle. We've started her on medication to try and counteract the effects, and I believe that will do the trick. It seems to be a very mild case."

"Seems to be?"

Dr. Blake looked to Clay and nodded.

"I am fairly certain that with this round of medication and the therapy we'll be starting up, we'll be able to pull Lydia out of this, get her on the road to recovery."

Quinn looked to Clay, who squeezed her hand before he nodded. The doctor discussed a few more things with them, assuring them that Lydia would be in the best possible care. Dr. Blake led them down the hall to Lydia's room, where she was sitting in a rocking chair, looking out the window. Fresh bandages encased both of her wrists, and Jenny, who was standing outside the door, told them that Lydia's stitches had been redone.

Jenny stepped back to talk to Dr. Blake as Clay and Quinn walked in. They walked over to Lydia, Quinn sitting on the little table in front of the rocking chair, Clay kneeling down beside it. Quinn reached out a shaking hand, gently touching Lydia's hair. Her eyes darted to Clay's, then to the doctors at the door when the chair went still. Dr. Blake nodded at her, and Quinn put a smile on her face.

"Hey, sweetheart. We, uh … We're going to head home now. We'll come back and see you as soon as we can, okay?"

Lydia just blinked, continuing to stare out the window. Clay moved forward, laying a hand on Lydia's shoulder.

"You get better for us, okay, Little Scott? We love you."

No response. Clay and Quinn exchanged a glance, and he stood up, stepping close and laying a hand on the back of Lydia's head as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He turned to the door, doing his best to blink away the tears that were in his eyes. Quinn stepped over, kissing Lydia's forehead, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she followed her husband, letting him wrap her up in his arms as they walked out of the room. The doctors followed after them.

No one noticed the single tear that slid down Lydia's cheek.

* * *

 

"We're doing the right thing."

Clay glanced over at Quinn, flipping on his blinker and changing lanes. He turned his eyes back on the road, and Quinn repeated herself.

"We're doing the right thing."

She reached over, taking hold of his arm, causing Clay to glance at her.

"Tell me we're doing the right thing."

Clay sighed, moving his arm out of her grasp, taking her hand.

"We're doing the right thing, Q. She needs this, remember?"

Quinn shook her head as a tear dripped down her cheek.

"She's so much worse now, Clay. You saw her. We did that to her."

"Stop. Quinn, you can't do that."

"Why not? It's the truth."

She was crying harder now, breaking Clay's heart with those big eyes full of tears, looking to him, pleading with him to make it better, the way he had for just about twenty years now. And he was at a loss. Quinn shook her head.

"We took her away from Jude, made her lock herself away, and now …"

Quinn shook her head again, covering her mouth with her hand. Clay pulled the car over to the side of the road, putting his flashers on, leaning over the middle console and taking Quinn in his arms as best he could. She cried into his shoulder for the longest time, as he just held her, closing his eyes against the tears that were threatening to fall from his own eyes. After a while, Clay cleared his throat, picking his head up from Quinn's shoulder, resting his cheek against hers.

"Listen to me. We are doing the right thing. We'll go back there in three months and pick her up, and she'll be just fine. She'll be her old self, and everything will be fine. We haven't broken her, we haven't ruined her. She needs this, and we're getting her the help she needs. Okay?"

Quinn nodded, finally pulling away from him, wiping her eyes and nodding.

"You're right. She needs this, and we'll see. She'll be fine."

Quinn sat back in her seat, as Clay did the same. Quinn buckled her seatbelt, reaching in the console for a napkin, wiping her eyes and resting back against the seat. Clay turned the flashers off, glancing over his shoulder, easing the car back into the traffic. He relaxed, reaching over and taking Quinn's hand in his. He nodded, and Quinn did the same, staring out the windshield.

_We're doing the right thing._

Neither of them said it, but they both felt like that sentence was a lie. Neither of them had a good feeling, as though doing what they thought was the right thing was actually the complete opposite. And the question that lingered on both of their minds began to weigh on them.

_How would they ever be okay again?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have my first OTH story. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it! Next installment in this series will be coming soon!!


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